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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Dd will not get up in the morning

29 replies

OhWesternWind · 23/05/2012 16:34

and it is causing me huge problems as I am late for work three/four days a week in the probationary period for a new job. We are stuffed if I lose this job as I am a single parent.

I have tried calling her (result: abuse, no getting up), getting her to set her alarm clock (result: I wake up, ds wakes up, neighbours wake up, dd carries on sleeping), taking her covers off (result: she gets up and fetches them and goes back to sleep), taking her covers away (result: she covers up with her pillow and carries on sleeping), talking to her about how important it is that she gets up (result: she ignores me and carries on).

This morning she had to go to school with hair and teeth unbrushed as she was so late, but she doesn't care.

There is no medical reason for her not getting up, apart from she probably is tired as she will not go to sleep at a sensible time. She has a bedtime of 10 pm but is often awake in her room after this reading (no TV/computer in room).

Help! I am at my wits' end with this and really don't know what to do. This is getting serious as it is affecting my job.

OP posts:
Olympia2012 · 23/05/2012 16:39

I feel for you. Have been there. No answers I'm afraid... How old is she?

Groovee · 23/05/2012 16:41

I have a 12 year old like this. Some mornings (usually when I am not working) she is up and downstairs for 6.30am. Other mornings I'm wailing like a banshee at her. I don't have any answers but I make a point of being at the car by 7.50am and if she's not there her loss.

Original poster
OhWesternWind · 23/05/2012 16:41

She is 11 so almost a teen!

OP posts:
Original poster
OhWesternWind · 23/05/2012 16:42

Groovee, do you actually drive off without your dd? Dd could get to school easily/safely by herself if I went without her but I have never actually done this. It would mean her being in the house by herself and locking up which I am not sure about her doing . . .

OP posts:
OnTheBottomWithWomansWeekly · 23/05/2012 16:46

Put her alarm clock in a saucepan under her bed (if it's one of the trad ones with a bell on top this will be extra extra loud).

Can you send in DS to wake her? Follow DS in and remove bedclothes from the room (not just the bed). If you can encourage DS to play with her stuff even better!

My thinking is that the more uncomfortable it is for her to stay in bed, the more likely it is she will get up.

I feel for you - my DD (15) will sleep through 3 different alarms but the minute she hears me get up she is running for the bathroom at the same time as me. I'm just amazed she can hear as I get out of bed barefoot onto a rug!

Olympia2012 · 23/05/2012 17:07

I would be concerned she is shouting abuse at you though?

MoreCatsThanKids · 23/05/2012 18:09

I too feel your pain Hmm

Wouldn't feel comfortable leaving 11 year old to lock up house myself.

How about setting alarm clock even earlier. And earlier. And earlier... explain that you are giving her more time to get ready as you all must be out the house by X o clock. Get her to walk to school (is old enough at age 11 if close enough) or give her lift part of way. If no hair brushed make sure there is one in school bag (and tooth brush /paste if necessary)

I used to allow nearly 2 hours from first alarm (6am) til time for school bus (no other way to get to school) and stand by side of DDs bed til she got out - it annoyed her so much she got message in the end.

Good luck

dexter73 · 23/05/2012 18:12

Have you tried any punishments like no phone/tv/computer, grounding,loss of pocket money?

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 23/05/2012 18:15

You would probably only have to chuck cold water over her once. Grin

Bletchley · 23/05/2012 18:18

Talk to her. Explain what will happen if you lose this job. Show her how much it matters. If that fails, yes, cold water. She's old enough to understand how important this is.

flow4 · 23/05/2012 20:58

Oh Western, I feel for you, and have been there too. Here are a couple of suggestions, tho I don't know if they'll work:

  • Send her to bed earlier and earlier each time she delays you in the morning. By the time she's going to bed straight after school, she shd have got the message! Wink
  • Get her up earlier at the weekend if she doesn't get up during the week.
  • Pretend to set off without her. Hide round the corner til she should have left for school, then go back and lock up... Or even better, if you can get someone to lock up/check the house for you, really go without her! With luck, you'd only need to do it once.
  • Talk to your manager and explain, if you haven't already. I'm a manager, and I'd worry about a new member of staff who was late without explanation, but I'd be very sympathetic if I knew, esp. since I've been in the same situation.
Good luck! :)
Annunziata · 23/05/2012 21:36

I'd focus on getting the job if I were you. Unlike Flow4, I wouldn't take it as an excuse I'm afraid. What are the punishments at school for being late? A couple of detentions or other irritating consequences might make her move. Is there anyone you can ask to make sure the door is locked- friendly neighbour/ relative?

orangeandlemons · 23/05/2012 21:55

I rememebr watching a Macolm in the middle programme, and thinking how awful it would be to be woken up by the mother.

She walked in screaming up up up. Opened curtains, pulled off covers, stripped off bottom sheet, shouting all the time, all done at top speed. If that failed she threw a galss of water at them.

Is it possible to be more aggressive in the waking up. Also think you need to be waking her much much earlier than you are to give yourself more time.

RubyFakeNails · 24/05/2012 00:05

Have had this with DS and DD1, and a friend is currently going through the same thing. When I asked them what I did that finally got them up, they told me it was that I was so so so annoying and they knew after a certain point the water or ice would come.

I used to dry my hair outside their rooms (multitasking) and if removing covers and shouting didnt work I have been known to put an ice cube down their back or dash a bit of water at them.

I just see it as being cruel to be kind. But also I would focus on the job. If your DD is late she will have to face the punishment.

Have you considered insisting she sleeps earlier, so no books etc, will take a while for her body clock to shift but it might help.

flow4 · 24/05/2012 07:02

Just a word of warning about the 'aggressive' approach some people are recommending... I tried this with my son - since asking and shouting and alarms and threats didn't work. In desperation on 2 occasions about 6 months apart, I followed all the 'normal' tactics with removing his playstation, then his duvet, and then tipping water into his bed (first occasion) or (2nd occasion) cigarette butts ( which he should not have had by his bed because he is not allowed to smoke in his room )... And both times, it resulted in my son losing his temper, getting physical with me, and me calling the police because I had been shoved and/or grabbed and/or chased, and felt unsafe.

You have an 11 yo daughter not a 15/16 yo son, so there is probably less risk of things turning violent, but just be careful...

foxinsocks · 24/05/2012 07:10

I have a dh and ds who are heavy and late sleepers (nothing wakes them up - they can have alarms going off right by their ears and they will carry on sleeping) and dd and me who are early walkers and light sleepers.

It's a hard one. Ds actually doesn't like sleeping so deeply and often asks me to wake him up even if he is grumpy when I do so!

I think your attitude depends on hers - is she bothered that she will be late for school? If it was something she really wanted to do would she sleep in like this? Is she in secondary school or primary school?

foxinsocks · 24/05/2012 07:10

Early wakers lol not walkers!

TheHouseOnTheCorner · 24/05/2012 07:14

I was advised on here to get a vibrating alarm clock and it really helped...you put them under the pillow.....oh and remove her duvet. I speak to my DD in a very sweet voice and then pull the duvet off.

fivegomadindorset · 24/05/2012 07:15

I would start by puttinh her to bed earlier, try 9pm instead of 10.

fivegomadindorset · 24/05/2012 07:33

YOu could also try (in conjunction with the school) taking her to schook in her pyjamas if she won't get up ealry enough to get ready, the embarrassment may shock her.

OhNoMyFanjo · 24/05/2012 07:36

If she's staying up late then you need to put a stop to that.

Deedeem · 24/05/2012 08:57

Try saying to her, 'i'm getting more and more worried because i've notice that for a long time now, you're having difficulty getting out of bed in the morning and as a result, i'm late for work all the time which means I could lose my job, and then we'd have no money and I don't want that for the both of us.

So, what do you think might be some good ideas to help you get out of bed, even though you don't particularly want to?

After that, brainstorm together and come up with a plan of action for her to follow. She'll probably need a chance to get used to it but then you'll need to let her know that if she doesn't stick to it, she'll either have to work with you to change it so that she IS able to stick to it OR face a consequence.

It's a matter of continually finding different approaches with consequences if she still doesn't appear to be making any effort.

My son get's up late too but the main problem is his spending too much time in the bathroom so as well as asking for ideas on hear, i'm trying my own approach and tweaking as I go!

jubilucket · 24/05/2012 09:02

Agree with posters who say she's old enough to be told in an adult way the consequences for the whole family if she doesn't pull her finger out. Ask if she thinks the money to buy her clothes, books, holidays etc magically grows on trees!

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 24/05/2012 09:53

Agree with earlier bed time and no TV / Internet / phone until she gets it sorted.

Time for tough love.

reliablemillipede · 24/05/2012 23:51

I read on here a while back that someone bought a remote door bell - they attached the ringy bit to their teenagers room and had the pressy bit ( very technical talk here), in the kitchen, they just kept on pressing it till the teen got up!! great satisfaction I should imagine and no going up and down stairs/shouting !, also what about ringing their mobile phone ?, make sure it's out of reach of the bed - teens can't resist a phone call !! good luck op

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