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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

14 year old daughter using her mobile on the internet on a school nite til all hours

28 replies

mumandtwo · 16/05/2012 17:23

Hello all! new to mumsnet... I take my daughter's laptop off her on school nights at 10pm, but just discovered she is using her mobile to go on facebook and tumblr til late at night which makes her so tired and grumpy in the morning. Is it going too far to take her mobile off her too at 10pm do you think? Or just take out her sim so she can still listen to music, but no internet maybe? Would appreciate your views, my ex says I would be making her a prisoner if I take her mobile off her.

OP posts:
AgentProvocateur · 16/05/2012 17:25

I turn the wifi off when I go to bed (DSs ipods don't have 3g). I would take her mobile off her at night if it's affecting her in the morning.

QueenOfF1amingEverything · 16/05/2012 17:26

take it off her

no question

your ex is a twat (who i bet does very little of the dirty work?)

McPhee · 16/05/2012 17:26

Well if she can't be trusted, then take it away.

Easy really.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 16/05/2012 17:27

I would also take it off her at 10pm. Prisoner, pah! What a ridiculous notion!

Get0rfMoiLand · 16/05/2012 17:27

I had this with dd - I used to make her charge the phone overnight in my room. Otherwise she sould be on it all night.

She self regulates now she is older but when she was 14 we did this. It was fine. Of course it won't be making her a prisoner!

Get0rfMoiLand · 16/05/2012 17:27

I had this with dd - I used to make her charge the phone overnight in my room. Otherwise she sould be on it all night.

She self regulates now she is older but when she was 14 we did this. It was fine. Of course it won't be making her a prisoner!

bronze · 16/05/2012 17:29

Was he a prisoner at 14 then?

Another who says take it off her and don't feel bad

Get0rfMoiLand · 16/05/2012 17:29

Just ignore what your ex says. I preume he doesn't have to get her up In the morning.

I think you will find a lot of your dd's friends parents do similar things, no matter what your dd tells you.

Welcome to mumsnet btw Smile

Get0rfMoiLand · 16/05/2012 17:29

Just ignore what your ex says. I preume he doesn't have to get her up In the morning.

I think you will find a lot of your dd's friends parents do similar things, no matter what your dd tells you.

Welcome to mumsnet btw Smile

grammar · 16/05/2012 17:31

No screens after 10pm. Also, does she have parental controls on her phone? I would be worried about what she or anyone else could be doing, she's only 14...

AMumInScotland · 16/05/2012 17:33

Were we all prisoners in our teens then? Funny it didn't seem that way at the time...

Take it off her at 10pm - if you want, make it just for a week and ask if she is ready to be sensible at that stage. If she does it again, the curfew becomes a permanent thing.

Or just make it permanent anyway - you're the gorwnup and you are the one sensible enough to see her schoolwork will suffer, since she's not mature enough to make that choice for herself.

pumpkinsweetie · 16/05/2012 17:33

I would take it of her as she could be doing anything online for example chatting to wierdos.

ABatInBunkFive · 16/05/2012 17:34

Hi and i agree, take it, your ex sounds like a bit of a twat.

Givingupmyjob · 16/05/2012 17:34

Since the vast majority of us never even dreamed of having our own phone when we were teenagers (and if we did we would be v posh and it would be the size of a brick) does that mean we were all prisoners Hmm. Ridiculous. Take it off her.

Hulababy · 16/05/2012 17:38

I would insist it stays downstairs at bedtime.
You're the parent in the house, you set the rules for your house.
Your ex is being daft - I bet none of us had mobiles at 14y (or few os us anyway), we weren't prisoners.

BIWItheBold · 16/05/2012 17:38

Erm - you are the parent here. If she's doing this against your express wishes and instructions, and you have warned her of the consequences, then remove the phone from her.

If you haven't told her you don't want to use her phone in this way, then you need to tell her now - and also that you will remove her phone if she doesn't comply.

If she's still doing it, the phone goes. I would also be registering a longer-term threat to remove funding for the phone.

And your ex is a twat, as everyone else has said.

And welcome to Mumsnet!

Original poster
mumandtwo · 16/05/2012 18:01

Wow!! thanks everyone for such a fast response! I really appreciate what you've all said, I just needed to check it out that I wasn't being too heavy handed as my ex (yes, the twat!) is saying. He is constantly undermining my parenting and I'm finding it increasingly difficult to put any boundaries in place. There are so many other issues going on, I will definately be seeking all your advice again!! I am going to talk to her after tea and be taking the phone off her later. Unfortunately I know that it might end up with my daughter phoning her dad and him coming to "rescue" her from me again. I am quite despairing of it all to be honest.....

OP posts:
motn · 16/05/2012 21:03

difficult for you - especially with your ex sabotaging everything you do.

Take everyone's advice. Take it away. 14 year olds think they can manage their lives. They can't. She needs you to make some decisions. So make them.

I wish I had been a bit more heavy handed with my dd last year at 14, her school grades have been horrific, and only now with a serious threat of not getting into 6th form, she is working like never before, and I have turned into a witch.

so, if this makes you feel any better: if she doesn't say she hates you in the next year - you're not doing your job!

Catsmamma · 16/05/2012 21:07

i crack down on phone like a madcrackdown woman if they go off at mealtimes, never mind using them into the night!

Phones are not allowed in bedrooms, for ds2 (14) and dd (16)

YourFanjoIsNotAHandbag · 16/05/2012 21:13

Phones not allowed in the bedroom here either 13&14 yo dd and ds1

No iPod either. And I turn off the wifi just in case they think they can sneak past me, and I change the wifi password if they need to punished?!?

I am a wicked mother/prison officer.

Gymbob · 16/05/2012 22:13

OMG, get the phone off her!!

My two DD's ages 12 and 13 aren't allowed to have their phones in their bedrooms. They also don't have a TV in their rooms, or a computer/lap top, or a playstation etc. They have a bookcase and a bed. Bedrooms are for sleeping in, and reading in bed if they want. If you can't give your kids much at least give them a good nights sleep, it's free.

I'm a wicked old fashioned bitch of a mother Smile

bunjies · 17/05/2012 09:36

Yup agree with all the responses. No phone in room. I actually think staring at any screen til 10pm is too late as well. I insist that ds has no laptop/phone time at all after 9pm. Came about because I noticed he was developing horrible dark shadows under his eyes.

Mrsjay · 17/05/2012 11:39

Turn the Wifi off failing that dont let her take her phone to bed . I used to make dd1 leave her phone in the livingroom , and with dd2 i turn the wifi off she hasnt got enough credit to go on without WIfi , but its important they sleep and no phone is going to help that,

cookiecrumbs · 17/05/2012 11:52

Sometimes they need a bit of tough love :D

IAmSherlocked · 17/05/2012 11:57

Tell your ex that if he thinks having no phone overnight is what makes you a prisoner, he'd better never do anything he might get sent to actual prison for because he's in for a hell of a shock!

Turn the Wi-Fi off, take her phone off her - tell her it'll be that way until she proves she is mature enough to exercise some self-control.

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