Please tell me about your secondary school dc's after school routine - really struggling with ds and homework/tv time etc

[bunjies]

We're having a hard time with ds at the moment when it comes to balancing leisure/screen based activities after school with doing homework/non screen based stuff.

He's 13 and in Y8 and gets roughly 4-5 individual pieces of homework to do a week (this seems quite low to me especially as sometimes it just involves looking up the meaning of words like he had for science this week). The school says he should be spending about 40 mins on each bit but sometimes it works out more and sometimes less.

He usually gets home from school at 3.45/4pm depending on whether he hangs around with his mates for a bit after. He has footy training once a week on a Tuesday between 6.45-8pm and trampolining on a Friday between 6-7.30pm. His favourite activity atm though is watching and making YouTube videos

Would really appreciate hearing about others' after school routines, especially from those with screen addicted teens as we could do with some alternatives.

TIA

Agree year 8 is the easiest year by far and both my boys coasted a bit.
DS2 is 14 and in Year9.
His routine is 4pm home, snack then Minecraft for an hour.
5pm homework - the amount can vary a lot from half an hour to 1.5 hours.
7pm dinner then more computer You tube or Minecraft.
8pm tv or reading
He does sport twice a week and is out from 4.30 to 6.30.
Yes far too much screen time.

DS1 is 16 and in middle of GCSEs so not normal routine at the moment.
Early evening it's xbox or sport.
He tends to do his homework much later in the evening , starts about 9pm and then does a couple of hours (along with music via Youtube usually).

They both get A* grades so I feel they must be getting the work done but I would like DS2 to get more exercise.

I am thinking about tying pocket money to homework. Nuisance, will lead to howling from y7 DC, but might be only way forward. I do not have it in me to helicopter.

Same age DS in snack homework whatever, if the homework isn't done well he does it again & again, except after the first time he does it decently. We don't limit screen time as he self moderates he's very active and out a couple of times a week anyway. He knows though if he doesn't play by the rules that he loses the things he likes ie time on the pc.

I've tied pocket money to chores (and screen time to homework and music practice) but to no avail. Sweet dreamy 12yo is not bothered by money or earthly belongings. Sigh.

I never thought I had it in me to helicopter either. I always imagined that secondary school age children would have some nous about them, and that they'd learn the hard way if they didn't get down to homework. Dd's school has detentions for non-homework-production but she manages her sweet dreamy act very well and the teachers just pat her on the head and tell her to remember to do it next time.

I have 1 in yr 8, and 1 in year 9
Their routine is pick up ds2 from ASC
Get home 4:10
Change, snack.
Mobile phones OFF and put away, iPods OFF also
Homework from 4:30-5:30-6 depending on what they have to do.

Pack school bag for the next day, do jobs in house, sort out or kit etc.
They cook 1 night per week. If not cooking clean up after dinner.

Then they get the phone, iPod, laptop, tv, whatever til they go to bed.

They are so used to this now, we don't need to tell them, by the time me and DH get home from work, they are usually nearly finished.

Wow. Just wow.

Fanjo, would you like to come and organise me my dozy boys?

I don't think we have a routine. We have a permanent state of teetering on the brink of chaos, during which whoever is around remembers to feed whoever/whatever else sentient is around at the same time, some homework happens, and most weeks people get to the right after-school activities.

Some weeks they even have the right kit for it.

DD does homework on the day she gets it, and music practice before shcool in the morning. I'm not sure she's a blood relation.

I am so of all of you with dcs who sort themselves out.

We have 2 rules that we insist on in order for ds to be allowed to watch tv. One is producing decent quality homework (or at least demonstrating that he's put in a good amount of effort) and the other is not giving us any attitude. Since yesterday evening he is on a screen ban for giving us attitude when we pointed out that his hw wasn't acceptable, so a double whammy. He ignored the more important English hw and decided to do Art (colour in a row of 6 boxes in deepening shades of grey ) and Citizenship in which he was supposed to create a leaflet on how to keep yourself safe outdoors. He managed to draw a title page and that's it. So this is what he achieved in the 1.5 hrs he was supposed to spend on the 2 tasks!

Does anyone else quality control the hw? If you know what level your dc is at for a subject do you insist they produce hw that reflects this?

DD generally comes in from school about 4ish, has a drink and snack and then goes up to her room to do homework whilst FBing/You-tubeing/texting. I don't do any supervision and wonder how signing her planner proves that I know she has done the work! Anyhow she seems to be doing fine on her own.
They test them every half term and she tells us her levels, we occasionally (twice a year?) get a report and then there's Parents Evening.

I will insist on DS doing homework before TV/xbox, etc when he starts in September, and I imagine it will involve quite a bit of supervision at least to start with. I like your rules bunjies - I think I may be borrowing them!
And I think we may be in closed email contact with his teachers re attainment/progress

Ds yr 8 comes home at 3.15 and has a snack, then goes and does his homework.
He gets about 40 mins a night.
He does football training/nets , plus cricket at the weekend.

I'm lucky he gets on with it, I never check what he's doing and I know he would hate to be told off at school for not doing homework.

Yes, I quality control the homework. Dd is like your ds, Bunjies, she will spend an hour on the project which has a 6 week deadline and forget/ignore the urgent homework due in that week. Or she'll spend ages on the artwork which is a peripheral part of the homework, and forget to do the content.

I found with ds he did more homework at home in years 8 and 9 than he ever has since (now year 13). He was very conscientious back then but has yielded to the lure of the screen since. I do worry he spends too much time on the computer to be honest, but he won a programming competition recently and his school work hasn't been adversely affected by it and he still does a fair bit of sport and music so I can't complain too much - it's not always a bad thing.

Home, snack, homework, dinner, studying.

I don't quality control the homework. But I suspect I would if he were at a different secondary school; this one gives me effort grades every half term so I'd soon know if they thought he was slacking!

Slambang - I think our dses must have been separated at birth as yours sounds identical to mine.

If there's a tv on anywhere ds will find a sneaky way to watch it. We've taken to password protecting the computer as we can't trust him not to use it when we're not keeping an eye on him.

I don't know whether to be reassured or frustrated that this appears to be a common issue with no solution. The biggest cause of angst is the lack of effort he puts in to his hw which in turn leads to us having to make him do it again.

In a way I'm looking forward to Y9 as maybe this will force him to work harder. Anyway, it's been really interesting to hear about others' experiences.

Hahahahaha to working harder in year 9.

DS1 discovered work in yr 11, thank god.

DS2 discovered girls and drama, and better still, that girls at drama group voluntarily come and hug you even if you are small, ginger and speccy. He loves school for all the wrong reasons at the moment.

Please don't burst my bubble lancelottie . It will get better next year, it will.

You've got me worried now, ds does drama on a sat am. Forgot about that one .

lancelottie aww how sweet. (I'm sure he hates being called sweet though. My DS2 does).
bunjies Does your son actually have a problem I wonder? You think his HW is a bit sketchy but do you get feed back from school? We get reports every term and each subject is marked according to effort in class, effort in homework, achievement t against target levels.
I have sometimes been a little surprised when a subject teacher gives A+ for homework but it suggests he does what he is expected to do.

I don't check HW. Haven't done since year 7.
I believe the teacher needs to get a true picture of the child's ability and understanding without parental interference.
If asked I will read a piece of work through and give an opinion, and if they are stuck I will try to help by explaining rather than giving answers.

Well when my DDs were at high school they always had about an hours wind down time after school before they did any homework. DD3 particularly would not have coped with homework straight away.

The school don't think there is a problem and we also get those reports where they rate effort/behaviour/achievement. He mainly gets 1s & 2s but has also had a 3 for effort on a couple of subjects, strangely for Maths which he is good at and PE which he also enjoys .

I know what you mean though SecretSquirrels about the school needing to see the true picture and so we never do the work for him. What we do is advise him on where we think he could be doing a better job. for example, his English hw this week was to describe his primary school using the descriptive devices they'd been learning about at school but what he actually produced was very factual. So we explained what was being asked and how he might achieve it.

Something that is always at the back of my mind is what my dad (an ex teacher) told me when ds started at this school. It doesn't have a great OFSTED and has recently been downgraded from a 2 to a 3 but he told me it doesn't matter if the school isn't fantastic, as long as the parents provide support to the child they will still achieve their potential. I suppose that's the crux of it for me. I just want to ensure ds gets all the support I can give him. Bloody hard work though, especially when you have 2 other primary dcs who also need your time.

I think your dad was spot on there. A bright child with parental support will do well at any school.
My sons' school was in special measures until last year. Ironically this has meant that the school sharpened up it's act considerably.
Although I don't interfere much with homework both DH and I have always "educated" the boys at home on wider issues, covering a broader picture than the school curriculum. Also one of the boys has a private tutor for his weakest subject.

That's really interesting Secret about the private tutor. Do you find this is making a noticeable difference? How does your ds feel about it?

He has done well on the controlled assessments and could just get A* if the exam goes his way.
Without the tutor I doubt he would have done better than a B to be honest, which I know is not important in the great scheme of things but he is predicted mostly A*s in other subjects.
He was very keen on the idea because he is motivated and ambitious and recognises both his own and the school's shortcomings.
This is my elder son by the way who is 16 and in midst of GCSEs , not the 14 year old.

My 13 is meant to come in have a snack and do homework. But i don't get home till half five so normally find him in mine raft instead.
I gave guven up nagging and chosen to try and let him learn the hard way. He is currently still at school in detention for not producing homework.

He does a paper round 2 nights a week and these nights hw is meant to be done after dinner, which does happen, and so thinking maybe after dinner eveynight would suit him better.

Think i need spelling lessons

Yr 7 12yo ds always informs me he has no hw, but strangly still writes in his planner, so i just produce that, he grunts and does some scrawl that apparently the teachers allow to pass for writing!