Please tell me about your secondary school dc's after school routine - really struggling with ds and homework/tv time etc

[bunjies]

We're having a hard time with ds at the moment when it comes to balancing leisure/screen based activities after school with doing homework/non screen based stuff.

He's 13 and in Y8 and gets roughly 4-5 individual pieces of homework to do a week (this seems quite low to me especially as sometimes it just involves looking up the meaning of words like he had for science this week). The school says he should be spending about 40 mins on each bit but sometimes it works out more and sometimes less.

He usually gets home from school at 3.45/4pm depending on whether he hangs around with his mates for a bit after. He has footy training once a week on a Tuesday between 6.45-8pm and trampolining on a Friday between 6-7.30pm. His favourite activity atm though is watching and making YouTube videos

Would really appreciate hearing about others' after school routines, especially from those with screen addicted teens as we could do with some alternatives.

TIA

DS's is - in, snack and drink, homework.

Anything other than that leads to "I'll do it in a minute" and general procrastination.

I would be less worried about the screen time if he is actually making videos as well as watching them. At least he is doing something creative (unless they are really terrible!). He is doing some physical activity in his week as well.

I have two 14 yo DC's. Their routine is homework first and then leisure time. But they have done this since junior school so know the routine, and appreciate 'getting homework out of the way' so they can relax.

It would be more difficult, I think, to impose that routine now.

I have a 13YO DD who does her hwk when she gets in, usually with the sitting room tv on in the background. After supper if she is still working she either works in her room if she needs quiet or she sits on the sofa working and talking to us at the same time.

She usually does about two hours work a night but is doing more atm as the end of year exams are coming up soon.

Once hwk is done she potters about on her laptop or watches a film until bedtime.

Thanks for the replies.

Do you find that when they do hw first it leads to a rush job as they're trying to get to the more interesting things quickly? One of the issues we've had when we've done it this way round is that he'll scribble something down for 5 mins and say he's finished just so he can do other things. Do you do any form of quality control on their hw before allowing them to finish?

How much screen based activity do they do? Are they doing other things too?

webwiz - he does enjoy making the videos and we're happy to encourage him in this but he usually only makes them when he's got someone to hold the camera for him . When he's on his own he'll watch them mainly. They're not bad considering....

Anyway, any more experiences? How much time do your dc's spend on hw for eg?

Watching with interest.
Massive row here last night over this issue. (Ds2 also in yr 8 with v similar lifetsyle!)
It used to be snack, then homework before any screen time allowed. Ds resisted a lot. He says he needs a break and wants to do homework after supper ( we eat about 7pm) but I suspect the main motive is friends are online playing the game they're all addicted to (Minecraft).
I think this late homework leads to tired ds, rubbish, rushed homework and no family time together.
World War 3 last night about revision (or not) for his science test on Thursday. Apparently I am weird and ridiculous suggesting he revise for a mid term test because nobody ever revises for these and he knows it all anyway and it's not important anyway and it's nothing to do with me.

I think if DS had only spent 5 minutes on something I would ask what he'd done and I might do this face

DS is in year 10 so his homework/revision (he has various GCSE papers this summer) takes up quite a lot of time. He has a music activity after school, play rehearsals, karate and guitar lessons as well of more ad hoc Duke of Edinburgh things. He write scripts and makes films as well so I tend to let him set his own screen time.

I don't think he got a huge amount of homework in year 8 but as he was my third to go through the school I knew it would hot up in later years so I wasn't too concerned.

My ds (14 this month) does his homework as soon as he gets home from school. He gets home at 4.30, school finishes at 3.30, so I figure he's had an hour 'off' in town with his mates whilst they wait for their bus.

Sometimes it takes him a couple of hours, sometimes much less. He usually does some on a Sunday too.

I had to be really bossy with him over homework in y7 and 8 but now he is in Y9 he is much better about knuckling down.

Bunjies - I have a real issue with ds's rushed -crap--homework. He probably spends less than 10 minutes on any piece of homework (usually only 3 to 5 minutes) and produces RUBBISH.
He is managing to get away with producing the very barest minimum acceptable but because it is acceptable -just- and he hands it in he's all glowing reports from the school .

His screen time is massively more than acceptable. No thanks to ipods and laptop, he is now headphoned and 'on screen' probably 90% of the time he is at awake at home. I am ashamed of this.

My DS (yr 7) gets in from school around 4pm. He has a snack, watches a bit of TV, messes about on PC, kicks a football around for a bit. He generally doesn't do his homework till 630-7, so after tea. We both prefer it that way, the 2 younger DC are in bed/bath so he sets up in the dining room and I might have a look over his shoulder every now and then or answer any questions he has. On the 2 nights he has football he does no homework, he knows that a condition of him going to football is that he has no outstanding homework so he generally gets it done. (he doesn't get homework that has to be in the next day).

My 12yo yr7's routine, according to me, is to come in from school (3.15), have a snack, sit down and do her homework, then her flute practice. And then she can watch tv etc.

But actually what happens most days as DP and I tend to be out at that time at work, is that she comes home, watches tv, til I come home sometime later, turn the tv off and send her off to do her homework. She has evening clubs or activities several times a week which adds to the time pressure. And if she gets behind with the homework I ban TV for a few days.

I do wish she were capable of just doing it herself without my helicoptering. But she isn't, not yet.

Akso lurking with interest.

My dd (yr8) sometimes often gets snappy if I mention homework and I haven't imposed a routine as such so far as it ends up in arguing and me nagging.

She certainly turns in some good work but there's much huffing and puffing and woe is me and 'I'll do it later' goes on.

I'm trying the 'leave her to slip up and take the consequence' approach now. However she never has missed a deadline so far and gets good marks, so until she does I can't say too much really. I just wish she'd stick to a time for it then she could enjoy her free time more without the homework hanging over her; although she agrees it doesn't seem to happen in practice.

I worry about yr9 onwards though. I'm guessing she's going to have to have a more set routine then. I wonder if she's able to coast now because she's managing it pretty well but it's bound to get harder.

'Akso'? I meant 'also' of course Need to do my spellings homework I think

I have two boys, yr8 and yr6. They are both high achievers.

I would say yr8 is a "light" year before they really need to work again in yrs 9 and 10. Yr7 is hard because it is a transition year.

DS1 has a bus journey home from school and doesn't get it until 5. Routine is drink, snack (what is it with teenage boys and food?), tv for half an hour, dinner, then homework straight afterwards. No screens until after homework and music practice done. If he has homework that needs concentration, or exam revision, I get him to turn his phone off.

DS2 has no homework ATM because it is SATs week. But when he had lots, it was always done straight after dinner. Screens go off at 8 and they generally go upstairs around then, though lights out isn't until 9.30.

Phones downstairs in school bags at bedtime.

We don't have a 'routine' as such. And I feel as if I want my DS to start taking responsibility for his own planning (he's 14). Therefore I keep an eye on his planner (I have to sign it every week anyway, so when I do I have a look at his homework for the week and talk to him about when he's planning on doing what bits, etc), and also get him to show me work when he's done it (I'm a proof-reader, so it's to his advantage to get me to have a look anyway).

We did try the 'no tv until homework is done' thing in the past but it didn't work - he would just rush things, particularly if he'd planned to 'meet' his friends online that evening. We then had a stint of 'either tv & games before tea or after, but not both - and homework or reading for the rest of the time'. That worked better.

But recently (the last six months or so) he seems to have got more into the swing of getting his work done on his own, without me having to nag. Therefore we've loosened up the rules a bit. I think deciding his 'options' for year 10 has helped motivate him.

'I would say yr8 is a "light" year before they really need to work again in yrs 9 and 10'

You have confirmed what I suspected there Bletchley.

Part of our problem here is anyone finding a quiet space to concentrate on anything. Dd currently shares a small room with her sister so no peace in there. I'm hoping when we move soon there will be more space available for study.

Agreed that doing homework first can mean it is rushed, but I do feel that at least they are doing it and I've not had any complaints from school.

If I really felt it was an issue I would say no tv/computer/xbox etc until after dinner.

Interestingly, I also found that the amount of homework given in Y8 was pathetic, and my DC's and friends even referred to Y8 as a 'doss year'. Now they are Y9 and things are definitely gearing up!!

Slambang, my ds is also a Minecraft addict, and I can't help thinking it's one of the most boring games ever!! Nothing seems to happen, they just go around digging - for hours!!!

How do you impose "no screens" if there are other people in the house? I would literally have to close the curtains to the lounge, confiscate laptops+phones+DSs (off of everyone, including me+DH!), and ban my y7 from entering the lounge (guard the door, actually) to keep him away from screens the other DC were watching.

My y5 child completely organises her own HW, but y7 kid does nothing if he can get away with it.

Yes, helicopter parenting - that's what we're doing and I'm sick to death of listening to the sound of my own voice nag, nag, nagging him to get on with it.

I want to back off and let him get on with it and sort himself out but know this will lead to him doing the bare minimum but maybe this won't be such a bad thing if this year isn't so crucial. But then again, what happens if he gets into a bad habit with this and can't get his head around the workload next year? We're especially concerned as up until last year we lived in France so the majority of his education has been based on the French system where they don't encourage independent thought at all and the work is very prescriptive (but that's a whole other thread ).

Our current strategy is that he can do what he wants until dinner time (5.30pm Mon-Thurs) then has to do hw after dinner, except on a footy day where he needs to do it before dinner. On Fri/Sat he doesn't have to do any at all and on Sunday he has to do it before any screen time. To 'earn' this time he also has to wash up the breakfast things in the morning before he goes to school (we only live 5 mins from school) and he has to do various chores at the weekend. I actually think this is quite reasonable but he still manages to make a massive issue of it .

That all sounds perfectly reasonable bunjies If he is making a fuss I would ask him how he wants to organise his evening if he comes up with something sensible then I would go along with it for a while and see how it works. If its nonsense then you'll have to keep nagging

I think it helps that mine have been in this routine since year three. We even have a catch-all phrase "after dinner things" to describe it - as in "what are your after dinner things tonight?"! It used to be reading and times tables, that seems a long time ago now.

Yes, ask him what he suggests. Quite often (on other topics - no one has questioned this one) mine will suggest things that I am quite happy to go along with, which I always think is a win-win situation.

No screens?

I only have two children and I don't watch tv myself until after 9pm, if at all. Sometimes I use the iPad while they aren't looking

So how much time do your dcs spend on hw/screen stuff/other activities on school nights?

DS1 - probably an hour on homework, plus music practice, an hour watching tv or (rarely) xbox

DS2 - very little homework at the moment, at least two hours pissing about on YouTube or similar computer nonsense. But this will change in September so I am letting it lie for now. He is my screen addict, he needs to find himself a hobby. When I turn the screens off he either reads or makes origami models. (I don't let him on screens for an hour or so after dinner, even when he has no homework, but he is on the computer as we speak I think playing Zoo Tycoon)

We have a problem with the "no screens" idea as dd2, in yr6, is very good at doing her homework on time, etc, and argues (with some reason) that she spends a lot of time doing other activities (youth group, judo, pottery club, gardening club, all sorts) as well as working well at school, so why should she be penalised for her older sister's lack of organisation by not being able to watch a bit of TV after school. I am quite strict about limiting screen time in general but dd2 argues that she meets all my rules for getting essential things done before screen time. Which is true.
And dd1 just slinks in when I'm not policing it.

But actually I have read the riot act to dd1 on this subject again this week and she is currently coming home from school and doing her homework in a room away from the TV, without my being there. Some small progress...