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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

13 yo sexting and sending naked pictures to 23 yo

36 replies

Lilypad90 · 05/05/2012 15:27

Hi,
Truth be told i am not a mum, or over 18, i am 13. I have been best friends with a girl for 10 years and she has had 'things' with guys for years (she is 13) She is very secrative about her phone and one day she left it while she went to the toilet and my friends looked at her phone. I was not a part of this at all and i was angry at them for invading her privacy but they found loads of sexts and naked pictures that a guy about 10 years older than her, he had kept on asking her to take them and Evntually she caved in, she sent him about 10 pictures and he sent her one. i dont know what to do because he is a total creep but i dont want to do the wrong thing and get her into trouble. I dont want him to send them around our school because eventhough he left ages ago he still knows a lot of people. Please help! I decided to post this on mn as i want to hear an adults opinion on what to because i am stuck.
Thank you

OP posts:
Littlefish · 05/05/2012 15:32

Can you speak to your mum about it? Alternatively, is there a counsellor or pastoral adviser at your school? The situation she is in is very serious and needs go be stopped. She is being abused and groomed.

I know that you want to be loyal to your friend, but in this situation, acting in her best interests means talking to someone else about this.

LadySilver · 05/05/2012 15:32

Hi,

the reality of this is that he is not just a creep but a peadafile and things will probably go from bad to worse. I think you need to tell your parents and get them to go with you to inform head of your school and the police tbh. I know this is scarey but this guy is breaking the law and taking advantage of your friend.

Hope I helped and good luck

LadySilver
-x-

Littlefish · 05/05/2012 15:37

Sorry - just spotted loads of typos in my first message.

I've been thinking about this since I first posted. I agree with LadySilver that going with your mum, dad or other trusted adult to the police would be a good idea.

Your friend is not going to get into trouble.

mumofjust1 · 05/05/2012 15:39

This guy had groomed your friend and what he has done is a form of sexual abuse.

Your friend is in a serious situation and you need the help of an adult.

The police have to be informed - what's to say that he hasn't done this before? And if he's done it to your friend he will probably do it again to someone else.

Please speak to an adult - any adult you feel comfortable with and ask them to approach the police with you.

They will take it seriously and your friend will NOT be in any trouble.

You sound like a lovely, lovely friend :)

I have some experience of a very similar issue so feel free to private message me if you would like to.

Well done and good luck getting help for your friend x

Original poster
Lilypad90 · 05/05/2012 15:43

Is there a way for me to report him without naming her? Her mum has threatened to send her away to Scotland because she found out about other things that happened in the past. She is very close to me. I confronted her a few weeks ago and she said she had stopped when he begged her for sex as she realised things had gone too far. Should i let it go and trust that nothing more will happen?

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 05/05/2012 15:45

I agree with the others - speak to an adult you trust and get them to come with you to the police and/or school.

Your friend won't get into trouble, and this man does not have to know it was you - anybody could have seen those photos on her phone, a teacher if her phone was confiscated, or her parents or any of her friends.

If you try to deal with this yourselves, you might end up in danger with him threatening to send the pictures around or do other things to threaten you. If you tell a trusted adult before it goes any further who will inform the police, they will be able to stop him before he can do anything.

BertieBotts · 05/05/2012 15:47

You could report him to the police if you know his name and any other details about him as he will likely have the images on his phone and it will be obvious she is under age. He might have images of other girls, too.

I don't know whether they would have to inform her parents, I would guess not, if you refuse to give her name.

Littlefish · 05/05/2012 15:49

You can't let it go, I'm afraid. This man is very dangerous, and will continue to both pester your friend, and groom others.

Original poster
Lilypad90 · 05/05/2012 15:51

Would my friend know it was me?

OP posts:
Littlefish · 05/05/2012 15:56

You could ring the NSPCC or Childline and ask their advice. As far as I know, you can ask to remain anonymous but you would have to check with them.

catsareevil · 05/05/2012 15:56

Your friend wont know it is you, because you have said that a few people know about this. Any of them could have done this.
The right thing to do is to tell someone.

Littlefish · 05/05/2012 15:57

You are being very brave, and a lovely friend.

Littlefish · 05/05/2012 15:57

Good point catsareevil.

Original poster
Lilypad90 · 05/05/2012 15:58

Thank you all so much for answering:) I was in two minds about this and you have helped me so much :)

OP posts:
VivaLeBeaver · 05/05/2012 15:59

I don't think your friend would know it was you. If you went to the police they would not say who had reported it. If there is someone at school you trust you can ask them not to tell anyone it was you and I would like to think they would do this.

Your other option would be to send an anonymous note to a teacher/advisor at school. There is the risk there that they might not take an anon note seriously.....but I think because it is a child safeguarding issue they should still act even on a note.

Good luck.

puds11 · 05/05/2012 15:59

Hey lilypad, i know you are worried about upsetting your friend, but you would be protecting her, and many other young girls if you reported this man. If you don't want to do it, talk to your mum and ask her to do it.
He is most definitely a peadophile
Sorry Sad

BlueRinse · 05/05/2012 16:07

Wow your posting style and concern for your friend tells me what a lovely person you are!

I agree with telling an adult you trust as your friend is in danger, could you tell a relative today?

BlueRinse · 05/05/2012 16:11

Lily I have sent you a private message, scroll to the top of the page and your inbox will have a red dot for you to click on Smile

Original poster
Lilypad90 · 05/05/2012 16:23

I dont think i could, my mum is very good friends with her mum and she would tell her immeadiately

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 05/05/2012 16:33

Sounds like you have lots of options and idea here :) An anonymous note, call to childline, or talking to an adult you trust. You wouldn't have to give any names, I don't think. If she's sent the photos to him via a phone there will be a record of it on his phone service account.

BertieBotts · 05/05/2012 16:34

You would need to give any details you know about him, as much as you can, and say that you know the images have been sent via a phone, you can say this without saying your friend's name.

BertieBotts · 05/05/2012 16:35

Maybe a teacher at school? They wouldn't tell your parents.

HandMadeTail · 05/05/2012 16:40

Lilypad, you are a lovely friend.

It's really important that you report this - I think the NSPCC would be the way to go. But it may not just be your friend who is at risk from this man. There could be other girls without such caring friends as you are.

BrianButterfield · 05/05/2012 16:45

I am a teacher and if you told me this I would have to pass it on to someone as it is a child protection issue. I would have to tell that person how I found out - but I would also tell them not to say it was you and I know the issue would be treated very discreetly. Another good person to tell would be a head of house/ house tutor/ learning mentor if you have someone like that in your school. They have more experience and time to deal with situations like this. They will not be shocked or think badly of your friend, believe me.

flow4 · 05/05/2012 19:25

Lilypad, I agree you should tell someone. You are being a really good friend by doing this :)

If you have his mobile number, I think you can report him online here:
www.ceop.police.uk/Ceop-Report/

This page gives you some other info that might be useful:
www.childline.org.uk/Explore/OnlineSafety/Pages/Sexting.aspx