PLEASE help! Antisocial allegations made against my son. (sorry, an essay)

[WorriedWitless]

Help, please, and advice if possible, I am getting myself into a real state.
I got a letter from the anti-social behaviour coordinator about my son. It is an awful letter.
They have received complaints about "nuisance, intimidating behaviour, alcohol fuelled anti-social behavour and other incidents of nuisance and harassment" and tell me that he is "part of the group causing these problems". It then goes on to say that I am repsonsible for the behaviour of my household and the matter is being viewed very seriously. I am informed of an appointment to visit us.
After a day being worried witless I came to my senses and phoned the guy for more information. It turns out it about under-age drinking. So what about this intimidation and harrassment? Just "perceived" as there are a lot of them and they are noisy. So I calmed down a bit as no serious accusations had been made, but now am up to full speed worrying again. He said the meeting was just for a chat and nothing formal, but why send out such a threatening, intimidating letter? And why are residents automatically believed? We are at a complete dispdavantage here as we can't know who has made the complaints and I know for a fact that claims are often exaggerated to ensure the attention of the police. To give the guy credit, he said he was aware of that too.
We are a large village not an inner city, no violence at all and residents should know this. Even if a lager or two is consumed he never, ever comes home showing it. They are a good group of kids, ranging from 14 - 18, polite, friendly, more social skills than the older residents - people should try saying hello instead of demonising them. They have nowhere to meet, they can't settle in any one place for long as someone calls the police. They get hounded out of the market place and forced into the dark corners of the recreation ground. What sort of society does that to their young people? They are mostly in groups of 5 or 6 but sometimes they coalesce into about 20, often when seeing friends off on the bus.
Sorry, this is a real essay. I just don't know how to play the meeting and I get very emotional. And I can't stop him meeting his friends - why should I when they are doing no harm? And why shouldn't they socialise - in Europe you meet your friends n the Piazza, so what is so wrong with meeting in the market place? But if any more complaints are made this could become very serious. And how can I stop him being wrong with just his presence? He is the only one to get a letter so far, which is very odd.
Are there any mums or legal people out there who know about this sort of thing and the procedures that are in play? Am I over-reacting?

with all the public fuss about paedophiles the police were maybe concerned these young boys were being enticed to your home for other reasons and felt they had to check you out.

Most of my friend's teenage sons have lots of homework in the venings so they don't get a lot of opportunity to hang out on playing fields. Therefore if there was a large crowd of boys hanging out near me I would tend to assume they were kids who were more likely to cause trouble.

In a village large enough to have so many teenage boys there must be a hall large enough for a club for them - why aren't the fathers running one? My partner will find himself helping out at our local club when our son is of an age to use it if it's in any danger of folding.

They did say that if we wanted to allow under age drinking in our house it was up to us and there was nothing they could do about it. They were just concerned that they then decanted themselves out onto the streets louder and more boistrous than before.

They also said that in a larger, noisier town it wouldn't matter. It is just that it is a village. I said that in that case it is small enough for residents to know their young people and to know that they are not a bad lot. We are not talking about bad behaviour here just noisy high spirits. The police acknowledge that. Tbh, I think they singled us out because for the first time they had a name and address, some one to talk to. Don't think paedophilia crossed their minds, they aren't young boys - they are 16 and over.

It sounds like they singled you out because they had a name, and they have to prove to whoever is funding these positions that they're doing something!

tatt, they are quite sensible really, it is only at the weekend when they let their hair down, not in the week.

There is already a youth club but by all accounts (adult opinion too) it is useless. There are after school activities in the week, but at the weekend they just want to chill with their friends.

There aren't really that many kids living in the village - they go to school here and travel in from far and wide. Most kids are bussed in on school buses.

The police were also concerned/surprised about the large numbers of people coming into the village from far afield. But if they got their brain into gear it shouldn't take them too long to work it out - the school has a very, very wide rural catchment area. Kids get the bus in to see their friends and the last bus home. Travelling to schol or socialise is a way of life. So of course the village is the centre of many aspects of their life and they don't feel like strangers here.

A few years ago the thing to do was to pile onto the bus to go under-age drinking in the pubs of the local town. That doesn't seem to happen as much now, and my son and his friends never do that for which I am grateful. I am irritated that they may start to do that if things get too bad here.

Just think what could have been done if the resources used to "target" you and your son had instead been directed at working with the boys to work out a solution!

prettybird, they just aren't on the right wave-length to get their heads around that.

I mentioned that once, when they were about 12, they had their names and addreses taken while sitting in the bus shelter at about 5 or 6pm, I don't know why. The pc said, in all seriousness that it was antisicial to sit in bus shelters because that wasn't what they were for and old ladies couldn't sit down and were too scared to ask. Actually, the very old people, interestingly, tend to be on the young peoples side and openly sympathise with them. It is the middle-aged people who seem to want to believe the worst and inject some drama into their lives.

I, of course, am not and never will be middle-aged
I shall grow old disgracefully

LOT if you transfer their arguments to black people - their existence in itself is scary - you can see what crap such an argument is.

Ghastly that it's so acceptable to promote such a hostile view of young people.

Gosh caligula, that's so true. I wish I has thought of that to say when they were here.

When I said that they aren't intinidating they just said they they are as if it was a fact. End of story, nothing more to discuss.

How do they define "intimidating"? What evidence do they provide for using such an emotive term?

I have black and Asian friends who have stopped being "intimidating" because they are now forty (like me!) but in their youth, they always had to be really careful about how they stepped onto a train/ bus/ kerb or walked down the street, because people found them intimidating purely because they were dark-skinned and wore clothes which were the fashion for young men at the time.

Now that they wear middle aged invisible dull bald men's clothes, they don't intimidate. But whose fault is it that they were ever found intimidating to begin with? Theirs? I don't think so.

still not getting this - there is a youth club but its useless - so why doesn't someone make it useful? Shouldn't be too difficult if all they want is a place to hang with their friends, should it. Always easier to wait for someone else to do it!

Broadband just back after being down for nearly 3 days. It came back for half an hour yesterday and I was on the verge of posting this when it went down again. AAArrrrgggghhhh!!! If this continues I shall become ColdTurkey.

Caligula, you have hit the nail on the head and summed up the situation perfectly. And it is very hard to effectively challenge this view. There seems to be nothing but sympathy for those feeling intimidated, no one seems able to tell people to see things in perspective. Any reassurance (and I don't know if there is any), goes unheeded. And from the police's point of view, they are probably trying to show that they are taking complaints seriously and are seen to be doing something about it. This is short-sighted - in their own interest they should be aiming to have young people on their side not antognising them.

tatt, the youth club is a bit of a red herring really. It is a mid-week, early evening activity and would never be able to address the needs of weekend evenings, even if the hall was available, which it isn't. Even if it was the bees knees, it wouldn't solve the problem -it is for ages 12 and up but doesn't have much attraction for 15's and over. There is no shortage of mid-week acivities, after all the school is in the village, but at the weekend they just want so socialise and why not when they are doing no harm?