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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

When you can't 'make it all better' for them...:(

34 replies

MedusaIsHavingABadHairDay · 18/01/2012 23:23

Today sucked. Royally.

DD2 had a resit for her AS biology. She did badly last summer as she had 4 months of rotten Glandular fever. But she caught up last term.. worked her ass off and got A grade in the mocks. Then today she had the exam and it was awful.. all the stuff they have learned and gone over.. NOT in it. SHe could do the past papers with her eyes shut but everyone came out of the exam today shellshocked. She is devastated and sobbing...and has another exam tomorrow which she is not as well prepared for as she has spent so much time on bio.

Then DD1 rang.. she's at Med school... flown through so far (2nd year) but battling eating disorder and life is hard. She fell apart in a competency today (practical exam) and failed. She gets one more shot at it..if she fails she will be OUT . Devastated and sobbing...

It just hurts so much when I can't fix it.. I can't make it better. They work so hard, both bright able girls and yet the last year they have suffered so much from stuff beyond their control..severe illness, anorexia, bulimia:(

I just want DD1 home from Uni..and well..and DD2 happy and less stressed. We have never put any pressure on them at all (DS1 is happily working in the local shop and never worries!)

It just hurts and sucks:(

OP posts:
Nyx · 18/01/2012 23:32

Oh, I'm sorry - that sounds awful. I would be exactly the same, in your position. All you can do is listen and soothe. But you are helping them, to some extent, by doing that - really, they will feel better, even a bit, after sobbing to you about it.

The exam - very, very bad luck. Perhaps an appeal? I appealed my higher geography, all those years ago, and got a better grade - it is worth a try. As for the Med school exam, hopefully your DD1 will do better when she has another try; she has been doing well up to now - I will keep my fingers crossed!

AnyFucker · 18/01/2012 23:47

I know how you feel

My dd is in her gcse year and the whole family is having a very rough time

It hurts, and it sucks x

mumblechum1 · 19/01/2012 09:03

Sympathies. Same thing happened last week on the AS Chemistry module; ds did tons of work, but barely any of the stuff they'd covered came up in the exam, lots of things which they hadn't covered did.

He just winged it, and said they all came out of the exam with WTAF? faces on.

It makes me wonder what the school are doing, they don't seem to have a clue what work the exams are supposed to cover.

BrokenRing · 19/01/2012 09:06

It's rubbish, isn't it?
My daughter did her AS biology re-sit yesterday too. Due to various cock-ups last year (school taking much of the blame) she got a very disappointing result last summer which knocked her career choices for six. She still needs a good result this summer though. She did say that it went okay yesterday - but then she said that last June.... yesterday there was apparently a weird question out of nowhere about parrots which threw her.

A2 exam for biology in 12 days as well.

It is worth when results come through (and universities are being consulted and negotiated with) that her illness in the AS year is mentioned.

Your first daughter - she sounds like she is generally getting on really well with her course, and this was just a really bad exam for her. Hopefully she will do well with her second go at it. All the best for this.

We've had a lot of stress re exams but in the end, listening and supporting and giving non-judgemental advice is the main thing you can do. If there are possibilities left unexplored with the school for extra support or tuition or revision sessions (or private tutoring), then it's reasonable as a parent to help your daughter gain access to these. Sometimes the parent needs to do the negotiating with the school to gain the support needed.

SecretSquirrels · 19/01/2012 18:28

Not exams related but DS1 has a broken heart after his GF dumped him and I so wish I could mend it.

mumblechum1 · 19/01/2012 18:48

Sad Secret. It must be so hard for him. DS hasn't had a girlfriend yet but it's only a matter of time till he does and then is dumped

barbarianoftheuniverse · 19/01/2012 18:59

It's the hardest part of having teens I think, not being able to do anything to help. It's happening here too. At the moment I cannot think of one thing I can do to help DS.
You all have my sympathy.

cory · 19/01/2012 23:37

Really sorry to hear this Medusa.

It is harder when they are teens because they are developing a different sense of time and life: they can see how much is being taken away from her.

Dd has had the same pain disorder for the last 8 years but it is now, at 15, that the implications have really hit her. She started Prozac this morning. Sad

Tranquilidade · 19/01/2012 23:52

Don't think it's just teens we all feel like this about! I worry about DS and DD (both early 20s), it was so much easier when it was just grazed knees, lost toys etc. Now it's broken hearts, car accidents and is so much harder as I can't put it right for them.

My mum is worried about DB who is getting divorced, she's in her 80s and he's in his 40s so I guess we all have a lot of worry ahead of us!!!

mrsjay · 21/01/2012 13:40

you can only be the best mum you can which you seem to be life is tough and all we can do is be there and listen offer hugs and support , My own dd failed 2 exams last year she was gutted and so upset as she had done well in her prelims an A in one of them , but she got no mentions in the exams , it sucks I hope things pick up for your girls soon , can your oldest daughter take a year out to sort her ED out and go back , ?

girlwhousedtobeme · 21/01/2012 16:58

my daughter took that biology exam and also came home in tears :-( !!!

Apparently it went against all previous papers and included a lot of maths, which isn't usually involved. If it helps at all then it sounds like everyone was equally shocked so we're just keeping fingers crossed this will mean that the grade boundaries will be low so maybe, just maybe, they won't have done as badly as they first thought (well that's our line and we're sticking to it!)

We just keep reminding DD1 that all is not lost, and she'll end up where she's meant to be.

coolcalm · 21/01/2012 17:24

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weetabixforeva · 29/01/2012 15:44

My DD messed up her physics A level a couple of years ago and her world fell apart (for a while). However this prompted a rethink - she changed subjects and career aspirations and is now at uni doing a degree she wouldn't have even considered if she hadn't failed her exam. She's really happy; everything turned out for the best. But its so hard for all concerned at the time.

jasminerice · 29/01/2012 15:52

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Kbear · 29/01/2012 15:55

I'm shocked that you would post such a vicious message jasminerice.

jasminerice · 29/01/2012 16:00

It's a valid question. I certainly wouldn't let my DD go to med school if she had an eating disorder. It's setting her up for failure which a responsible parent would know. The eating disorder needs to be tackled before something as demanding, mentally and physically as med school is even contemplated.

webwiz · 29/01/2012 17:27

Shock at jaminerice. As far as I remember the OPs DD developed the eating disorder AT medical school and the OP has done everything possible to support her. You can't make them leave if they don't want to Hmm. Also the OPs DD2 had glandular fever not an eating disorder so as a family they have had a lot to deal with and I'm sure your message was as upsetting as you intended.

alemci · 29/01/2012 17:44

yes it is a very stressful time in our house too with exams and dd bf being a pain. very hard.

jasminerice · 29/01/2012 18:03

The OP does not say that her DD developed an eating disorder whilst at med school.

OP : would appreciate some clarification on that.

Knittedslippers · 29/01/2012 18:15

Being the mum of a teen often brings me the greatest joy but also sadly brings me the greatest pain. I hate seeing my dd struggle with teen stresses such as exams, relationship problems with friends and bf. OP you sound like a great mum and all you can do is keep supporting and being there for your dds.

Original poster
MedusaIsHavingABadHairDay · 29/01/2012 19:14

Jasminerice....

DD1 developed her ED AT university during the course of her first year. She left home to go to Uni a healthy, fit, happy young woman because like most NORMAL PARENTS I wouldn't have contemplated letting her go had she not been fully fit. She developed anorexia as a direct result of vicious and persistant bullying by house mates... a bunch of women that frankly you might identify with judging by your wonderfully supportive attitude.

Luckily DD1 has had, with our assistance, a great deal of excellent support. She is on the road to recovery. However recovery is a slow business even with decent support, and understandably she does not wish to withdraw at this stage having survived last year.

Everyone else thank YOU for your support....

OP posts:
Meow75isknittinglikemad · 29/01/2012 19:22

Don't want to thread jack, but to a PP, what can the teachers DO exactly?!?!

We get told off for teaching to the test, now we get told off by a disgruntled parent for apparently NOT teaching directly to the test. What EXACTLY are we to do?

I know that all parents don't feel this, but while some do that make these comments openly, it doesn't exactly make us feel supported by parents OR the Government.

jasminerice · 29/01/2012 19:30

I don't think it was out of order to ask my question. I don't know you apart from your OP. How do I know that you are a normal, responsible, caring parent? Not all parents are. You can't come on MN and expect 100% unquestioning support. It doesn't work like that on here.

And resorting to personal insults towards me tells me more about you than anything it reveals about me seeing as you don't know me.

Knittedslippers · 29/01/2012 20:10

It is obvious from the op that medusa is a caring,supportive mum, and she has given us no reason to think anything different. I think she deserves nothing but support and can't really see how anyone can question her parenting. Hope everything works out for both dds, they sound hardworking and lovely young ladies that deserve a bit of good luck.

cory · 29/01/2012 20:32

Am I missing something or how would it have been a sign of an irresponsible parent if an 18/19yo had made an unwise decision about her health?

Or are they accepting underage children into medical school these days? Hmm

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