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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

my daughter has started her periods today

42 replies

triplets · 08/01/2012 15:12

Hi, I feel so strange about this............she was quite shocked and cried bless her. She is 14 at the end of the month. She came and told me immediately which is lovely, because when I started mine I never ever told my mum, I had 4 brothers and they all laughed at such things. It was a horrible time in my life and I was determined that if ever I had a daughter she would not have to go through what I did. My periods stopped in June 98 at he ripe old age of 46, 6 months after my triplets were born.I am not sure as to whether or not I should tell her brothers? I dont want them making fun so I think I wont for now. Any advice would be welcome as its a long time ago I went through this myself. At what stage did you let your dd use tampons? She is already worrying about swimming etc. Thank you.

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Earlybird · 08/01/2012 15:18

It is a real milestone - and one I feel apprehensive about for dd (who is almost 11). presumably many of her friends have started already, so good that she is not one of the first (I always feel sorry for the girls who start at 10 or so - that must REALLY be a shock).

Only tell her brothers if your dd is OK with it. It is private information and she is probably getting used to the idea herself.

How lucky she is to have started on a day when she was at home - rather than at school.

I'd let her use tampons whenever she wants to. Maybe get her some so she has them, and can experiment when she feels ready.

Good luck to your dd, and to you.

RockStockAndTwoOpenBottles · 08/01/2012 15:18

My two (older) DDs used tampons straight away. They were 12 and 13 when they started their periods, although IIRC DD1 chose to skip swimming for the first couple or three months. I was about the same age as my DDs and have 3 brothers and definitely made sure they weren't aware otherwise I would have ended up punching them .

saladcreamwitheverything · 08/01/2012 15:19

At least she was at home, mine started in a science class at school !

I wouldn't tell the brothers unless they mention it tbh, not any of their concern really.

As for tampons I think she could start using them as soon as she feels comfortable with the idea of inserting them, buy a few brands/absorbencies to try, personally I didn't really like them at that age, but essential for swimming I suppose!

Bless her! A young lady now!

PastGrace · 08/01/2012 15:21

I used tampons within a few months of starting my period (I was just 13, I think). We were on holiday and I was upset about not being able to swim and my mum just sat me down and effectively said "do what you want, but if you want to be able to go swimming/snorkeling/sunbathe in a swimming costume without worrying then you are going to have to use tampons".

Obviously, I picked tampons. I've never looked back to be honest, I hate sanitary towels. If she wants to use them, I don't think there's a problem. There was a girl I was at (boarding) school with who just couldn't use them - she was terrified - but she was a really good dancer and we got so fed up with her sulking about missing dancing lessons/sports classes that it ended up with her in a loo and about six of us outside talking her through it and encouraging her. Don't rush her, just explain what her options are.

It's up to her if her brothers know, I think.

sleepymammary · 08/01/2012 15:24

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn as this poster has privacy concerns.

Original poster

triplets · 08/01/2012 15:36

Thank you everyone..............it is a big day isnt it? Really good advice from you all, I will buy some tampons and explain to her her options, she will probably talk to her best friend at school tomorrow. I dont know why I feel so strange about it, though I am having a sort of sad day as my dh is clearing our loft and I am the one having to go through everything to sort it out. So many memories stored up there, my first child died in 94, Matthew was 14, a sudden death syndrome. That how I came to have my trio, 3 attempts at ivf .............I could write a book.............

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Original poster

triplets · 08/01/2012 15:37

Sorry, they are triplets sleepmammery, 14 on the 27th, two boys and a girl!

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sleepymammary · 08/01/2012 15:44

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn as this poster has privacy concerns.

Naoko · 08/01/2012 19:08

Aw, you sound lovely and I'm sure she'll be fine. If she wants to use tampons let her, there's no harm as long as she knows to change them regularly after all.

The thing that my mum did that I'm thankful for was take me to the doctor when it turned out my periods, even though I was only just 10 when I started, were extremely long, heavy and painful. I was miserable and in so much pain, and she didn't tell me any of that rubbish about it being part of being a woman or just toughing it out, she took me to the doctor who gave me medication to make it hurt less. If your DD is unlucky enough to have that kind of periods, please don't let her suffer :(

BendyBob · 08/01/2012 19:47

Triplets, the best thing you can have at that age is a wonderful, mum on your side who you can talk to and trust. You def seem to fit the bill.

I am also wondering about this. Dd1 is 14 in Oct and I also have a fast maturing 10 yr old dd2 not far behind so this is in the post for us too. Dd1 carries a discreet emergency kit in her schoolbag in case she starts at school. We are prepared and yet...not, iykwim I'm not sure she'd be ready for tampons just yet, but I'll certainly let her try if she wants to.

I too am at the other end of the spectrum on this as mine just vanished two yrs ago at 45, so am facing up to the fact that I've reached my own milestone. It was some relief though as mine were always horribly heavy and I'm so hoping it won't be the same for my dds.

So strange; they are such little girls and yet at the same time so exquisitely grown up too. How can they be the two things at once? It's one milestone after another with children isn't it? All very bittersweet at times. So sorry about your first son

Original poster

triplets · 08/01/2012 22:12

Thank you all again.............yes life is full of milestones, hurdles, sadness and joy. She has coped really well today once she got over the shock! I really feel for her as her brothers can be quite unkind at time! As she was born first though she always claims that against them! This is a year I have been dreading though as they enter their 14th year, and Matthew died in his 14th year. Sometimes I can`t get my head around it all. Why he died, why against the odds I give birth to triplets 2 months before my 46th b/day!! Then just as life is once more happy my dh is diagnosed with cancer, 4 years now of endless treatment.......................but......he is still here, so on we go!

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shabbapinkfrog · 08/01/2012 22:19

Oh Trips - I was only 10 and a half when I started mine. I remember being on holiday and my Mum put me a sanitary towel on as though she was changing a babies nappy she was really kind and washed me and everything....through my sobbing!!! It was so scary - the one piece of advice she gave me was....'Now you must keep away from boys' PMSL - well it was 1966 but that thought stayed with me for ages.

You are a fantastic Mum and you, and your family, have been through so much heart ache and sadness BUT - one foot in front of the other and dont forget to breath' is the best advice I can give.

Other than that - after 4 sons and one grand son I haven't got the first clue what 'to do with girls.' Thinking of you my friend xxxx

Original poster

triplets · 08/01/2012 22:22

Aww Shabs............it is a strange feeling.You were so young, I was turned 15, flat chested, thought I would never catch up! I just want to make it natural and ok for her, not like my mum was with me. Do you feel like Em is a daughter to you?

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shabbapinkfrog · 08/01/2012 22:26

Yes my DIL (soon to be DIL in August) is like a daughter sometimes. I am so scared of girls they 'know their own mind' unlike boys who are just barking mad Just keep talking to her my friend - or maybe write her a letter and leave it in her room. Tell her how it was for you and how you want to make it better for her.

I went to bed when I was almost 11 and woke up the next day looking like Dolly Parton!!!! OMG I hated it so much. It improved a lot when I discovered boys though. Have noticed tonight that DS4 (14 years old) has a rather sporty looking hairy top lip LOL....its 'almost' better than mine!!!!

Original poster

triplets · 08/01/2012 22:28

My James is the same Shabs, he is changing much more than Thomas, so strange when they are the same age!

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Theas18 · 09/01/2012 08:58

Have a hug.

Why shouldn't her brothers know? I found out DD2 (just 11) had started her periods via a text from her brother (we were all on a music course on a biggish campus) which said "umm Rose started period DD1 sorting her out" LOL (DS was 14 and DD1 16 at the time). How about that for teamwork!

THe girls fill the bathroom bind without any embarrassment andeven ask their dad to get supplies- DD1 usually runs out- but at least now borrows from organised DD2 LOL. Still to get DS to buy towels though he will at least queue with me when they're in the trolley!

mrsjay · 09/01/2012 10:41

This is a girl thing TBH i wouldnt tell her brothers intentionally why make a hooha of it . and they might tease her about it , some things dont need to be shared , periods arnt shameful but sometimes boys dont need to know ,

CiderwithBuda · 09/01/2012 10:52

Oh bless her. I started at 14 too. Was desperate to start but then when I did I cried too. And then tried to ignore it all. Which meant I ended up a bit of a mess!

My mum was totally anti tampons. Irish catholic who was convinced you could only use them if you were married! I sent away for a sample of
Lilets and eventually progressed to Tampax.

Of course the Lilets arrived one morning when.my dad was there and he wanted to know what was in the package! I was .

A friends DD was a serious swimmer and she started at 11. I remember my friend telling me about how they had a session in the loo showing the DD how to use tampons and ended up in fits of giggles. It sounded like a lovely memory to have.

soda1234 · 09/01/2012 11:28

My dd started at 12.5. She used towels for the first few months, although I also bought her some mini tampons, which she tried but didn't like using.

She got a period when we were on holiday last year, so it was time for another go with the tampons! I highly recommend buying some KY jelly or other lubricant as this seemed to do the trick for dd.

DancesWithWolves · 09/01/2012 11:35

I never told my mum either when I started my periods as we were on holiday with friends and I just knew she would tell them and I would have died of embarrassment. Then it never seemed the right time to tell her after that. I so do not want the same thing to happen with my DD, but when I have tried to talk to her about such stuff I just get the 'Muuuum'! Will wait and see what happens.

I wouldn't tell her brothers personally.

Original poster

triplets · 09/01/2012 14:59

No, I am not going to tell them, they will find out eventually and she just knows they def will take the mickey, they never leave her alone as it is. I am glad she has such good close friends, they all started ages ago, they will I am sure re-assure her. I cant stop thinking about her, seemed strange popping some pads into her school bag, another stage.......... I just find it all scary, being such an older mum, having had a teenager who sadly never got to this stage in his life. Just y/day we found in our loft a toilet bag that was given to Matthew. The year before he died we flew first class to San Franciso, an unexpected fabulous upgrade! They gave us all gifts and Matthew and his Dad got a mens toiletry bag containing smellies and a foldable razor. He was so chuffed and said "it wont be long until I need this". :(

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CiderwithBuda · 09/01/2012 16:59

Oh triplets.

I have a Matthew too. He is 10.

ThePopsicleKat · 09/01/2012 17:41

triplets :( I am so so sorry.

It's understandable that this must be a bittersweet occasion for you. I'm sure your DD will be fine. She is lucky to have such a lovely mum.

bigTillyMint · 09/01/2012 17:52

triplets

DD started a couple of months ago, luckily at home (and a night when one of her BF's was sleeping over - she had already started so was able to talk with DD). I took her for a treat the next day - cake in a local cafe, but she didn't want me to mention too much about it

Original poster

triplets · 09/01/2012 22:53

Hi..............feeling very proud of my girl, she has coped today really well, I was worried when she went off to school, quite expected a call to collect her. She wanted a shower tonight and was worried what would happen! I tucked her up in bed with a hot water bottle as she siad she was aching, two boys shout from their room," why does she get a hot water bottle, can we have one" .Grrrrrrrr boys!!

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