12 year old son and weed

[BettySuarez]

A few weeks ago I found some messages on my sons facebook account from a friend asking him how much 'weed' he wanted :(

Son was replying back and forth saying 'yeah', how much etc

We confronted him about it and he denied ever having taken any drugs but seemed vague as to whether he intended to get weed from this older boy (our son is 12.5 and other boy approx 15)

We warned him of the dangers of drugs (at length) and have been keeping a close eye on him since.

I have just managed to get access to his Facebook account again and this other boy keeps pestering him wanting to know when he will have the money ready etc. Approx 6 or 7 messages to chace etc.

My son has not been replying (which is at least something I suppose) but nor has he said an out and out no to him or made attempts to block him.

I'm not sure what to do next

Access to my sons FB account is rare and can't ever be guaranteed (he uses my iPhone to Facebook his friends and I only get to 'check up on him' when he forgets to log out)

So I have no guaranteed way of keeping an eye on things iyswim

I have however managed to make a note of this boys name and his email address plus have written down the name of a man who I think may be his Dad.

Should I try to send a message to his dad and arrange to meet up and chat this through? Or should I send a warning email to the son telling him to back off.

Calling the police may also be an option????

Right now I am freaking out so would appreciate some calm sensible advice from some sensible mumsnetters :)

Cannabis does not damage growing brains, Nor does it cause schizophrenia look here chuzzlewit. That is besides the point really. It is harmless substance, the only real danger being risking ruin via a criminal record or smoking tobacco with it.

No, not a permanent ban, I don't think that is feasible. But a lengthy one, which will hurt (until after christmas for maximum inconvenience value) is best imo.

You must be gutted, and so worried.

It is not a harmful substance, viva, the standard pot which people have used for years may be OK, but the latest strong grades of weed are certainly very dangerous. The study you link to predates the availability of this stroing weed.

And frankly there are people on this thread, me included, who have close family members who HAVE been affected by the stuff. For you to pooh-pooh that is hugely offensive.

Hash is actually stronger than most weed you know, The whole process of making it makes sure of that. Cannabis strains aren't getting stronger either. You are reading too much into the reefer madness propaganda touted by the government and the BBC. Id be concerned about where it came from or if it was sprayed if it was for me.

I'm sorry you are offended. The only bad way people are affected is through gaining a criminal record, being poisoned through contaminated stuff ie prohibition. Cannabis does not cause any mental illness whatsoever, If it does then how is it legal in US 18 states for medicinal use and parts of Europe also? Its even used for people with mental illnesses. food for thought

Im ignorant? Just because I disagree with you? How very rude and narrow minded. Well hopefully you may read my links and educate yourself a little. You sound like you need a spliff yourself.

I don't care one hoot whether smoking weed was dangerous or not (I am under the impression that it is very dangerous however) I would still never envisage it's use.

And far beyond the health concerns lie deeper concerns associated with poor lifestyle choices which also terrify me.

I'm sorry to hear about your experiences and really appreciate your support x

Agree betty - you could argue back and forth about the effects of the stuff on teenagers, but the fact remains that to YOU this is not at all desirable, and you don't want your son to be involved with people for whom regular pot smoking is normal, that is perfectly understandable. I hope that he listens to you. It must be very worrying.

That was to GetOrf - bloody iPhone and tiny buttons

I think that the problem with cannabis is that for most people it is fine, but for some people (in particular as I understand it young men) it seems to be a trigger factor for serious mental health problems. Now whether people with a disposition towards mental health problems are drawn to weed (as a form of self medication) or if it is an 'out of the blue' type trigger is I think less understood. We did have a friend with a serious addiction who ended up being sectioned but he was one out of many who were totally unaffected.

Regardless it's not something a 12 year old should be messing around with. It sounds as if the OP's ds is being pushed to grow up rather too fast. My ds is 12 and I'd be as concerned if he was being encouraged to drink, or smoke (cigarettes or weed), because all of these would at this point have the potential to seriously screw up his life.

I don't really understand the rules for him though, it sounds as if physically his access is very restricted (not allowed out after dark) but online not at all (no fb oversight). This seems strange to me because our rules are the other way around, but then we live in a pretty safe area and kids here go to high school at 13 so at his age my ds doesn't have very many older friends.

At this stage, as far as you know OP, your son has done nothing wrong. Why not ask him if he has ever bought or tried weed or any other drug. You could take away his phone or fb account and ground him but what, exactly, are you punishing him for?

Nooka - we do have rules regarding computer usage?

We have parental controls in place on all computers and the timing is set so that daily usage time is limited and Internet automatically disconnects in the evening to prevent access after we have gone to bed.

Same with xbox

Mobile phones left in kitchen to charge rather then in bedrooms

We insist on being friends with all our kids on FB - otherwise rule is no Facebook!

We talk openly with the children about their experiences online and in real life.

The only thing I don't have is his FB password - but then if I did - his weed conversation would not have taken place via private messaging - he would have chosen a totally different time and place instead and I would be sitting here now watching x factor blissfully unaware of what he was apparently planning to do.

As a parent i don't feel it should be a case of 'out of site out of mind'

I want to know what my kids are really getting up to, not just the bits they choose to let me see.

God, it seems my Year 11 students are better informed about the dangers of cannabis than Viva. Good job they're too smart to buy into that kind of 'cannabis is harmless' crap peddled by the ill-informed.

Festive - according to him he hasn't tried anything (yet) but if we hadn't seen the message then who knows?

I am fairly confident that he has been sufficiently warned off for now but it's shocking to think that this was even on his radar

I am also treading quite carefully with him as the main priority is that lines of communication are kept open.

His older brother went through puberty when he was a few years older and it all played out relatively smoothly

With Ds2 though it has been a totally different experience. In the space of 6 months he has almost totally transformed. The physical changes have been bad enough but are nothing compared to the emotional ones with absolutely huge mood swings. In addition he has been somewhat alienated by a lot of his friends at school (mainly because he now towers above them, developed a voice overnight like Barry White and has started shaving) it's a lot for a 12.5 year old to take on board who this time last year kept go to bed earlier and earlier to make Christmas come mire quickly

He's far from perfect and can be a little sod at times but he's my little sod and I love him so much.

I just thought I should mention all that to try and explain in part why we are refraining from coming down on him 'like a ton of bricks'

He needs us more then ever at the moment - besides which he us taller then me now and I'm five foot eight

Bless him

My brother also went through puberty at a rate of knots at a young age - he grew a foot in a year, has raging hormones, terrible acne (and then roaccutane for the acne which made him very miserable). He had a tough time with friendship groups and being naughty at school, until he turned a corner in his GCSE year. It can be bloody tough being a teen before you even think about the whole drugs/boozing/sex stuff.

I hope you get through this (am sure you will) and it must have been such a shock.

Maryz I am very sorry to hear that

It's what I fear the most (the loosing them potentially forever)

How is your DS now?

I would also appreciate your thoughts on whether I should try to contact the other boys parents. I am personally willing to take the risk. He just a kid himself and I don't want to simply assume that he comes from a crap family.

Sorry to ask

Did he say why he got into a conversation about it in the first place. I think you need to come clean and say he left his fb on and you saw his messages. That way you can talk openly together.

I agree there is no point in 'coming down hard on him'. He needs to know that he can turn to you for help if he needs to. Frightening him off will make him hide things from you and possibly get himself into a mess. He has done nothing wrong, don't punish him!