Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Fabulous parents evening, followed by a row about options and a lets slag mum off session

64 replies

TheOriginalNutcracker · 16/11/2011 20:45

Just been to dd1's yr 9 paents evening. She is doing great in everything and all of her teachers love her. All were also confused as to why such an able student is aiming so low in life.

Her curent plan for when she leaves school is to be a holiday rep, and then well, whatever ARGH

She just cannot see that she is worth so much more then a low paid job doing whatever.

Her current choice for options is..

Btec Dance
Travel and Tourism
Geography

She has to pick one more, but said she's not really bothered.

Her language teachers are gobsmacked that she isn't thinking of doing a language, as she is in top set for german and french and very able. Plus obviously, if she wants to work in travel then it would be useful.

I know she doesn't really know what she wants to do and i know what that feels like, but i never had her brains and I just don't want her to waste it.

I would like her to do

Btec dance
Geography
French or German
Triple science

I know it's not my choice but fgs. I really feel like shaking her.

Oh but aparently I am not allowed an opinion because I don't even have a job, let alone a career. I just sit on my fat arse all day.

OP posts:
cat64 · 18/11/2011 00:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Charbon · 18/11/2011 01:15

Isn't your school going to be measured on the English Baccalaureate?

This means that the most able students aren't given that many options. They must do English, Core Science and Maths, plus one MFL and one Humanities subject (History or Geography) - leaving only 2 free-choice options for students on the 'EBAC' pathway at our school. It would be worth speaking to the school about this.

SecretSquirrels · 18/11/2011 15:06

I wouldn't allow her to do any BTECs or Travel and Tourism. Those are for the pupils who aren't academic. I suspect she knows they are easy.
Choosing a language and Geography will keep far more doors open for her and she can dance in her spare time.

When DS1 was choosing his options I let him do BTEC engineering and a GCSE in sport because he also chose a string of academic subjects. He bitterly regrets both of those choices. He's bored to tears in the BTEC it's so slow and undemanding and he hates the sport for similar reasons.
He has said that he wishes I had not let him choose.

ImperialBlether · 19/11/2011 15:48

I teach in a sixth form and just wanted to say your daughter should be very careful of taking too many BTECs. They're no preparation for A levels and the students really struggle. It's not uncommon to find a bright girl come in for interview and find she's taken BTEC Dance, BTEC Travel & Tourism and BTEC Sport - she tells us they're worth 4 GCSEs each. In another world they might be but unless she had Distinctions, we're not interested in them and even then wouldn't count them as 4. The last girl I interviewed had 2 GCSEs (Maths, English) and the rest were BTECs. This does mean she's restricted to taking BTECs at Sixth Form.

I am horrified at the way schools manipulate the children into taking BTECs so that their figures look OK. These children struggle to have an academic future because of the choices of self-interested schools.

mrsjay · 20/11/2011 15:19

Hiya ive an 18 yr old who was all set to do bio physics at uni i kid you not the girl had it all going on and was far cleverer than i ever was at school , Her science teachers were very supportive of her . she got to 16 and changed her mind and is now doing sound engineering course i thought music was her hobby , shes really happy she was stressing about going to uni and it really made her secretly unhappy although we never pressured her , shes like a different girl . we do want whats best for our children and they can pull the rug from under us sometimes , I think OP if your dd wants to be a holiday rep then support her she can do it for the summer get some money then perhaps suggest her Holiday job would set her up for her travel and tourism course ?

mrsjay · 20/11/2011 15:22

ooops i read on i didnt realise she was quite as young im in scotland so ignorant to the years classes we dont have that up here , if she wants to do the holiday rep job then do encourage her to take the subjects she needs at 13 they are so flakey ,

Original poster
TheOriginalNutcracker · 20/11/2011 22:54

Ahhh I didn't realise any of that about the BTECS. I know one mum last year actually moved her dd to another school, because the school insist that they take at least one BTEC.

I've not heard of the English Baccalaureate thing. Going to look into that.

I am certainly going to give her the info on here about the btecs. She does think that they are worth so many gcse's and I should imagine she has got that info from school.

I am actually quite annoyed now that i know that. The choices they have been given are mainly btecs.

OP posts:
cat64 · 20/11/2011 23:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

cazboldy · 20/11/2011 23:50

at ds1's school (he is in yr10) when he took his options last year we were told about the E Bacc and advised that although it isn't concrete at the moment, they would strongly advise going down this route, because if nothing else, as an earlier poster said, universities tend to like a wide spread of subjects.....(assuming he can afford to go to uni! Hmm)

Luckily he was very sensible Shock and went along with this, with no more than a couple of hints dropped.

juuule · 21/11/2011 07:40

"I think people appreciated their honesty, "

Not very honest to the other 3/5 though:(
Doesn't really inspire confidence in advice from schools.

Original poster
TheOriginalNutcracker · 21/11/2011 11:01

I spoke to dd again this morning over breakfast and explained what some of you had said.

She just seems utterly confused tbh and still no nearer choosing.

She is still going to do Btec dance which i have agreed to, and I think she may do German, but then she has two more to pick and no idea what she wants.

I broached the tavel and tourism choice with her again and she said that tbh she probbaly wouldn't want to do anything in travel after being a rep. The rep idea is just a temp thing. In that case there is no need to do T&T imo.

She is pondering Art, because she is good at it, and her Art teacher has approached her about taking it.

OP posts:
mrsjay · 21/11/2011 11:42

Options are a pain my dd is in her options year and they are quite young to choose imo for the whole of their life , hope she manages to make her choices without to much stress for you both , in scotland btecs arnt offered yet they have been done away with last year before they could choose a college subject but it didnt work at all ,

Original poster
TheOriginalNutcracker · 21/11/2011 16:28

Well she has finally decided and the form has been filled in. She has chosen, BTEC Dance, GCSE Geography, GCSE German and GCSE Art. She has put T&T and Media Studies as reserves.

I am quite happy with what she has chosen, especially now that there is a language in there.

Apparently we get to discuss the choices with her form tutor on the day the form is handed in.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheOriginalNutcracker · 21/11/2011 16:30

I am slightly dissapointed that she didn't pick Law, as I thought it looked really interesting. I did say, you pick it and i'll do the work Wink but she said no lol.

OP posts:
mrsjay · 21/11/2011 16:40

Least shes done it looks like some really decent choices , One of my dds has a leanring difficulty and she wasnt allowed to do a language as they didnt think she would cope , i do think they need a second language these days ,and she isnt really signing her life away shes only 13 ,

Charbon · 21/11/2011 19:31

It's really important that she keeps German and Geography, because if she gets A*- C in those, along with English, Maths and Core Science, she will be awarded the EBAC. I'm astonished your school hasn't given you information about that - it has been used as a measurement of school performance since earlier this year and is now firmly established.

cat64 · 21/11/2011 19:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

mumslife · 21/11/2011 20:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LIZS · 22/11/2011 08:07

Sounds like you reached a good compromise. Do reserve the right to reevaluate it if she needs to go to a second choice. Otherwise she may by default end up with too many non-academic subjects which a future employer may not rate, especially if she already has decided she does n't want a long term job in travel and tourism.

swallowedAfly · 22/11/2011 08:10

hi haven't read the whole thread but wondered what her friends ability levels are like? is she picking the options that will keep her with her friend/s?

MoreBeta · 22/11/2011 08:37

If she is really interested in Travel & Tourism she can do it as a degree course if she is still keen. Far better to get the basic academic GCSEs under her belt now.

One suggestion I would make is to try and open her eyes to the possibilities of the types of careers there are out there and show her what qualifications she will need to do them. Even getting her to look around at Uni prospectus websites at all the types of degree courses on offer and the kinds of A levels she wil need to go on those courses will open her eyes. I guess the problem is that at age 15 working in a business seems very boring and not as glamorous as travelling the world as a dancer or tour rep. It is a common problem with the current 'X Factor Generation' who often think they are going to be rich, famous and have a glamorous life by being a pop star, dancer, actor, footballer, etc and see no need for academic GCSE subjects or even doing A levels.

Of course, if she is not academically able then the BTEC/vocational route may be the right one - many people do very well going down that route. However, keeping your options as wide as possible now and getting grades A - C in a academic GCSEs means you can delay your final career decision.

Nothing stopping her doing dance as a BTEC if she really enjoys it but it won't get her into a University or even a top ballet school for that matter.

mumslife · 22/11/2011 08:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

exoticfruits · 22/11/2011 09:11

if she is academically able. I would TELL her she'll be doing x, y and z. She can choose the option slots left over, and which language etc.

The problem with that is that you can force a horse to water but you can't make it drink..........

However it sounds as if she has made a sensible compromise. She wants to keep her options wide open. Most travel rep jobs are being taken by graduates who can't get jobs. Lots of them have ski season jobs to fill in.

mumslife · 22/11/2011 09:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

juuule · 22/11/2011 09:23

Cat64
I agree that the academic route doesn't suit all and that this shouldn't be something that is hidden away. I think that is why I was a bit at your earlier post as it seemed to be saying that it was an extra assembly for the top 2/5 and gave the impression it was a bit cloak and dagger-ish "and that they were trusting these pupils to not say much, ". If it's out in the open and for advice then I've no issue with it providing the other 3/5 still have the option to go for more GCSEs if they wanted to. Although not being included in the top assembly might discourage some from trying for the GCSE.
I agree it's a difficult one and hopefully each student would be advised by their subject tutor regardless of assemblies/parent's evenings.