Fabulous parents evening, followed by a row about options and a lets slag mum off session

[TheOriginalNutcracker]

Just been to dd1's yr 9 paents evening. She is doing great in everything and all of her teachers love her. All were also confused as to why such an able student is aiming so low in life.

Her curent plan for when she leaves school is to be a holiday rep, and then well, whatever ARGH

She just cannot see that she is worth so much more then a low paid job doing whatever.

Her current choice for options is..

Btec Dance
Travel and Tourism
Geography

She has to pick one more, but said she's not really bothered.

Her language teachers are gobsmacked that she isn't thinking of doing a language, as she is in top set for german and french and very able. Plus obviously, if she wants to work in travel then it would be useful.

I know she doesn't really know what she wants to do and i know what that feels like, but i never had her brains and I just don't want her to waste it.

I would like her to do

Btec dance
Geography
French or German
Triple science

I know it's not my choice but fgs. I really feel like shaking her.

Oh but aparently I am not allowed an opinion because I don't even have a job, let alone a career. I just sit on my fat arse all day.

If she were older ( so say 16 and choosing A Level options you didn't like) I would tend more towards saying that she has to be able to chose subjects she likes and will enjoy doing on the basis that you do better and work harder at subjects you like, but not at 13! At 13 I wanted to be an air hostess because I liked French and German and I also thought I could leave school at 16 and go to college because it sounded more fun than staying at my all girls selective grammar school. Fortunately my DM, whilst being no academic herself,having left school in the 50s to work in a cake shop, decided she didn't want that for me and unbeknown to me rang the school and asked to speak to my favourite teacher who gave me a "supportive pep talk" about how brilliant I was, told me not to narrow my options etc etc End result- I got 4 A Levels and a Law Degree from a top uni and am a qualified solicitor. Wouldn't listen to anything my Mum said but when favourite teacher said it.........I still exchange letters with him 25 years later!!!

I would also speak to the school - we had to for DD2 - they will do their best to steer your DD to where you and they think she should be.

Having said that, I think at 13 the theory of doing what you enjoy still works - DD2 is doing History (because she enjoys it), Geography (because she enjoys it) and Theology & Philosophy (because she enjoys it) - none of them are career prospects at the moment, she simply enjoys the subjects and with our DD2 that's important, as she is a classic 'If I don't like it I won't bother' teen. If we had forced her to do other subjects she would simply have crashed out in them. She also does study support as her 4th choice as the school felt she needed the extra support.

The only thing the school backed her into a corner on was her choice of language (she has to do at least one language as she is at an accredited language school) as she chose Japanese but the school wouldn't allow her as she hadn't put enough effort into her previous languages and it's a very limited class.

I certainly wouldn't allow her to narrow her options like that at 13, if she is academically able. I would TELL her she'll be doing x, y and z. She can choose the option slots left over, and which language etc.

Easier said than done though!!

notjustme, the difference between doing History "just because you enjoy it" and Travel and Tourism "just because you enjoy it" is that the one opens up all sort of pathways and the other narrows them down. Noone is going to be turned away from travel and tourism job for having a GCSE in History but the opposite may well happen if she decides she wants to go to university with only soft options in her GCSEs.

OP, I think you need to sit down and work out a compromise. Be very calm and avoid overreacting at all costs. Point out that the Travel and tourism GCSE isn't really one that opens up many roads even within the leisure industry, but that another language definitely does. If she wants to be a holiday rep it could be essential. Unless she is very keen on science I would be inclined to let her do double science and encourage her to do both her languages.

Does she realise that almost all travel reps are graduates these days ?

Watching with interest.
DD is due to pick options,and is struggling with choices.
She really isn't sure about future career. She's gone from Fashion Design to Journalism/Foreign Aid,but hates languages,which I think are vital for her maybe career choice. She is good at languages,as she is in 'duel language set',French and Spanish,and her language teacher reckons she could take it through to A level,but she refuses.
I await the GCSE meeting at school.

I wanted to be a travel rep.

My parents were horrified and my teachers agreed I could do so much "better" than that.

So instead I did something I wasn't terribly interested in, never really got anywhere in it, drifted out of that industry and into another, never really did anything worth doing.

Looking back, of course they were right and I would have hated being a travel rep. It was entirely the wrong path for me. But the point is that it should have been MY mistake to make. I think it would have been good for me to make my own decision, to learn from my own mistakes and to feel that people had a little faith in me.

I do not blame them for my lack of direction or success of course. I do wish I had the courage of my convictions at the time though.

What people choose to do at GCSE really pays little difference at University - it's what you do at A Level that matters the most and it's therefore getting into college that matters. Providing that she pulls at least a good enough grade in Maths, Science and English, then the rest of the subjects are simply 'grades' - many people do subjects at college that are irrelevant to the choices they made at GCSE and to lay such importance on a choice at the age of 13 is misguided, IMO. How many people exactly are doing the career they thought they wanted to do at 13, now they are 30? I would hazard a guess that the answer to that is not many.

In truth, it's all about the grades at this stage, and to be frank I would rather my daughter was studying the subjects she enjoyed, to get a good grade, than studying the back of her hand/eyeballs/phone/iPod because I'd forced her to do a subject she didn't like. Any college around here would look more highly upon an A garnered in a subject like Travel & Tourism, than a D in History.

I really don't think it's about careers at this stage,other than being aware of sciences if likely to go down science route.It is about getting a good general certificate of secondary educationone that gives you a good spread showing that you can cope with a variety of disciplines.

So English,at least double science and a language (for the academically able)a humanity and one subject to add colour,in ds case this was drama.

If there is even a remote chance that she will want to go to university this is the minimum

Actually ds is in the process of applying to university this year and it has been made very clear that GCSE choice does matter,they do look at the subjects,one travel and tourism type subject is fine more than that and you are starting to make life hard for yourself.The message was loud and clear stick to a good spread of academic subjects and you can't go wrong

A good spread of academic subjects is not wrecked by one choice being taken up by Travel & Tourism - if the OP's teen was wanting to do Travel & Tourism, PSHE and some other vocational option then I'd be agreeing, but she's not, in fact, aside from the travel & tourism, if the OP can get her DD to agree to her 4th option being a language, then the only difference is that she is taking T&T and not Triple Science (which, as an aside, I think is only wise for those who are science minded). Surely that is the compromise?

Yes exactly one choice is fine my point is that more than that and of course she is not ruling out some universities but she is making it more difficult,it sounds like she will have a good spread and certainly try to get her to do a language

FWIW I would back off for a bit,you may find when the heat goes out of the situation she will come around on her own whereas backed into a corner she will become a bit entrenched .As her friends start to choose she will probably change her mind a bit anyway

She may well find that BOTH Grography AND Travel and Tourism are not permitted as there is an overlap. I know my DD1's school does not allow BOTH.

Geography with a language woudl be more sensible optio. Both for what she is currently interested in, and for Ebacc if the Uni's go that way on entry requiremnets.

As for the parents infulencing - we went through it last year. Although DD made sensible option choices which fitted her ability, interests and the ebacc (French Geography & Music), she did waiver a bit on wanting to drop triple science in favout of Drama or Catering. A quick chat with the careers advisor put her straight on keeping her options open.

Your DD does not seem to have many option choices. As well as triple science + 3 (or double science + 4) DD also had a compulsory basic ICT, as well as choice between BTEC Sport or Dance.

But allhailtheaubergine, the OP isn't saying her daughter can't be a travel rep. It's about keeping her options open in case she changes her mind. She can still be a travel rep with solid GCSEs, and if she doesn't like it, do something else more easily.

Sorry for the lack of replies. Just going to read through and will then comment.

I have absolutly no problem with dd being a travel rep for a couple of years. She'd be good at it, and i'd like her to be able to tavel and ean some money at the same time. I just want her to think past that.

Their options list is HUGE, infact too big imo. They have to do english, maths, double science and preparing for work (or similar).

They then have a list of BTEC course they can choose from and a list of other courses, geography, history etc.

I have agreed to BTEC dance as dd is a fab dancer and would love to pursue it as a career. This may not be an option though because she has scoliosis and will require surgery in the near future. Because of this she needs a 2nd career option.

I suggested Business studies so that she could perhaps do something along the lines of running a dance school, but she has said no to that so far.

I am struggling to tread the fine line between telling her what to do, and letting her choose what she wants to do.

The school do allow them to do geog and travel and tourism, but I said to dd, why not just do geog at this stage and then if she really wanted to do tavel later on she could do it at college.

We tried going through the list and discounting courses she knew she didn't want to do, but she got daft and crossed nearly all of them out.

I think I will end up speaking to the school about it, as she does tend to listen to them more than me.

She has done a couple of taster sessions btw. She did law and childcare. I really would have liked her to do law and science as she has a real interest in forensic science, but she is now saying she hates it, and the law taster was boring. She also found the childcare taster boring, which is far enough.

Her french teacher did say that by the time she gets to applying for uni, if she wanted to go, that most will be asking for a language in her opinion, as one has already done so, and the others will likely follow.

I just don't want her to waste her talents.

ARGH toddlers were far easier lol

I would advise her and get her to talk to the school. But then just let her decide what she wants to do. I wouldn't tell a 13 year old you are doing x y and z. She might end up hating those subjects and not working as much as she would on subjects she enjoys and has chosen herself.

I wouldn't recommend Business Studies - I did BS at GCSE and I'd consider it about as wasted as you consider T&T to be.

If your DD is able, she shouldn't be thinking of careers when choosing her GCSE options but in terms of achieving a full hand of academic subjects. Only when she gets to A-level choices does she need to think about university entrance requirements and subjects for different career options.

Yes i think i will ask her to speak to school. Or i will email school and ask them to speak to her.

I know one of her friends parents has made her dd pick certain things, and it's not gone down well at all. I can't decide if the mum is in the right or wrong.

Would i be totally out of order ordering some uni prospectuses ( i know that is spelt wrong just so she can browse and see if anything sparks her interest >???

I'd agree with you. Stress to her that she will be far more employable and have more choices long term in whichever career - dance, tourism or something else - she ultimately chooses if she has at least one mfl. Realistically a career in dance is very competitive and tough physically and her medical issue may well limit her ambitions. If she is academically capable a school is the ideal environment to put the foundations down and make vocational choices later. Sadly the employment market is only going to get harder for young people and she needs to be able to stand out and be prepared to look further afield. Do you have anyone she can talk to in the family or a teacher she respects who can reinforce this without the same emotion ?

I was a Holiday Rep. Best thing I ever did. However I had NO qualifications (as you well know!!).

You wouldn't need travel type quals to be a rep- they just want people who are outgoing, confident etc.

She needs relevant qualifications to get some decent employment when she decides that she has had enough of repping (and that will happen) No-one does it forever- average is about 4-5 years.

Any job in the travel industry is really poorly paid- something she might want to think about long term. If I was still working as a travel agent I don't know how we would manage financially.

Hmmm i don't think there is anyone i know that could speak to her. Her fave teacher is her geography teacher so maybe I could try her.

I might get emma to lecture her, ok emma ?

I did use you as an example actually emma lol. Not in a bad way.

education doesn't end here - i know its hard, and teenagers are a pita - but i just wanted to throw that in - she can pick up a french gcse in a year if she needs it

I'm sure you know all about ops for scoliosis but I just wanted to say that we have a friend whose daughter had hers operated on 2-3 years ago and she's fine now so I wouldn't see any reason why a career in dance might not be an option - although as someone else said, it would be tough to succeed anyway.

Re the other options, like several other people I think a language would be a really good choice, but good luck to her whatever she decides.