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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Girlfriends/Boyfriends staying over......

36 replies

bubblesbabe · 28/04/2011 13:22

My son is 16 and has asked me if his girlfriend can stay at our house, overnight,IN HIS ROOM!
I have said No, the rule in the house is 18. He has younger siblings etc etc.
I have said she is welcome to stay but in the spare room which is obviously not good enough!
AIBU?
He is furious with me and says I am the only parent with this rule. His girlfriend's parents allow it. I know that I am not alone as I have asked a few friends what they would say.
Opinion anyone?

OP posts:
notremotelyintofootie · 28/04/2011 13:52

Your house your rules!!!

AMumInScotland · 28/04/2011 14:36

YANBU - one of the challenges of parenting teens is the "but everybody else does it" line which they come out with! If you are not happy with it (and I wouldn't have been either) then stand firm.

sue52 · 28/04/2011 14:37

You are not the only parent who says this. Stick to the over 18 rule if that is what feels right for you. I would not allow DD's boyfriend to stay over in the spare room let alone her room and his parents feel the same. If you back down over this it opens the door to other things such as under age drinking, smoking and the like. You do need to stick to your guns where teenagers are concerned.

sowhatshallido · 28/04/2011 14:39

i agree with your stance!

Guildenstern · 28/04/2011 14:39

Why wouldn't you let a boyfriend stay in the spare room?

Hassled · 28/04/2011 14:41

After 16 I did let my older DCs have boyfriends/girlfriends stay in their room. With both DCs though, they were in quite longterm relationships - it wasn't that they were having lots of brief flings/one night stands etc. I'd got to know the BF/GF, IYSWIM.

They're above the age of consent and I'd rather they were at it somewhere safe than in a car park or a back alley. But yes, your house so your rules.

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 28/04/2011 14:42

Your house, your rules! Tell him if he's unhappy with the rules he's welcome to go and live with Mr & Mrs EveryoneElse.

There's no way a 16 year old would be doing that in my house either - you are not alone!

I asked if my boyfriend could stay over one Easter when I was 16 - I was chuffed when they said yes (and very suprised!!!) I was less chuffed when they showed him to the spare room on a different floor of the house and my Dad reminded him about how the hallway floor creaks a lot and wakes him up! I never asked again [cgrin]

Sue - why would allowing something legal open the door to illegal activities Hmm

sue52 · 28/04/2011 14:49

I think (though I might be wrong) that showing you think your children are old enough for a physical relationship sends the message that it is fine to experiment with other things as well. 16 might be legal but it is still very young in my opinion.

MrsMoppet · 28/04/2011 14:49

Why would she need to stay over unless she lives a long way away?

Let's face it, he wants her to stay over so he can have sex with her. If she stays in the spare room, they will still be sneaking around after everyone has gone to bed, because they want to have sex with each other. If it wasn't about sex, they wouldn't be asking for the sleepover in the first place.

They are 16. They are not adults. Stick to your guns. I wouldn't allow her to stay over either.

(Although I do wonder where / when teenagers have sex if they are not allowed to do it in their parents' houses - actually no, I don't want to know - but that's a whole other thread).

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 28/04/2011 14:58

MrsMoppet - I wanted my bf to stay over because I wanted to wake up with him and I wanted him to be there for breakfast and be part of the family not just be visiting (though I was barking completely up the wrong tree as my parents just didn't like him so it really wasn't going to help). It had nothing to do with sex, because we were doing that everywhere but my parents place (when they were home at least!) - though I'm not sure that is the reason this DS wants her to stay over - I think it is probably more the sex! LOL We both drove (I lived in NZ - DL at 15) and he lived about 6 miles away :)

Car/friends house/parents house when they aren't in/car/beach/car/school(after hours)/car/scenic spot - did I mention the car? [cgrin]

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 28/04/2011 14:59

Sue - fair enough, not sure I agree, but I see your point. Mine would be under no illusion that I thought they were too young at 16 (bloody hypocrite I know!! LOL).

MrsMoppet · 28/04/2011 16:25

Grin at ChippingIn - boooaaaakkk - I am dreading my kids becoming teenagers. I don't know how you mothers of teens cope, I really don't.

Despite what I posted earlier, I can see why some parents do allow the gf/bf to stay over - at least they know where the teens are shagging , i.e. that they are safe and warm and not doing it in a car park ...

My parents removed themselves from this dilemma by deliberately being so prudish that I would never have dared to ask them if a bf could sleep over in case they spontaneously combusted from embarrassment - the crafty beggars Wink

crystalglasses · 28/04/2011 16:29

I would ask for the girl's parent's phone number and ring them to find out whether they approve.

usualsuspect · 28/04/2011 16:29

My DS had his girlfriend stay overnight in his room at 17 Shock

alemci · 28/04/2011 16:41

My DD is 17 and her boyfriend has stayed over the odd time but on the sofa. I would not be keen.

TheSecondComing · 28/04/2011 16:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

usualsuspect · 28/04/2011 16:49

And I hate the expression 'your house your rules'

Its my DCs house too

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 28/04/2011 16:52

Usual - do you It is not my DC's house, it's their home. When they're old enough to pay rent/mortgage they can make the rules in their house, until then they live by my rules in my house

usualsuspect · 28/04/2011 16:54

My dad had that attitude....I couldn't wait to leave home

Want2bSupermum · 28/04/2011 17:03

There is no way I would let a 16yr old stay over. Half of the fun is having to think of places to do it. My father was super strict and I was not even thinking of sex until I was much older than 16. My fathers rule is that none of his children are allowed to sleep in the same room unless engaged or married. I do feel bad for my sister. She is 32 and her boyfriend is dragging his feet!

mummytime · 28/04/2011 17:55

Sorry it is our house our rules. It is mine and my DH's name on the title deeds, and someday I expect my DCs to leave. It is there home while they choose to live here, but they have to obey the house rules.

They will discover when they leave home there are rules in shared houses, student accommodation or just rented flats (actually even if you are buying your own house there are limits on what you can do, covenants and mortgage rules).

usualsuspect · 28/04/2011 23:16

Are your children just lodgers then Confused

nailak · 28/04/2011 23:25

what do her parents think?

mummytime · 29/04/2011 09:11

Usualsuspect, no they are family, but society including family works by rules. We have lots of rules: no computers in bedrooms, no candles in bedrooms, no digging holes in the lawn, no lighting fires in the back garden. A rule about who can sleep in the house and where, is just another one.

Do you have no rules in your house?

clovehitch · 29/04/2011 22:13

Its important to talk it through with the kids. They need to know why these rules are in place.

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