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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Anyone else find it hard to like their teen?

50 replies

asdx2 · 22/03/2011 20:48

Some days I really don't like dd 17 Blush On paper she is a doddle polite, well behaved, doing well in sixth form, no worries about drugs, alcohol or boys.I really should count my blessings I suppose but she has got an attitude that the world owes her and it drives me potty. I find myself giving her a wide berth just because I don't find it easy spending time with her.I'm pretty sure I irritate her too as I sense her heckles rise when our paths cross. Any tips on how to improve things? The close mother/daughter relationship I hoped for isn't there and I have that sort of relationship with her brother 22 instead.

OP posts:
Iloveshoes001 · 22/03/2011 22:58

At risk of sounding nausiatingly cheery... Try sitting down and making a list of all the positive things about her the things you love and then keep focussing on them. Thank you lucky stars every day for those things, and the more you do, the less you'll notice the other stuff (which she WILL grow out of). I speak from experience having lived with a teenage step daughter... If you can somehow wheddle her into doing the same you'll be amazed how much it improves things.

PeterAndreForPM · 22/03/2011 22:59

just wait it out until she is 22 Grin

50000feet · 24/03/2011 08:59

Count your blessings that she only has attitude - you are soooo lucky...... As far as liking her - Do you love her? because thats what counts. Do you do all the usual stuff like give her pocket money and let her budget herself - lay down an allowance for clothes etc and stick to it. But more important do you do the little things that show you love her? A text now and again saying you love her, a note?. In our house we have a notebook beside the kettle anyone can write anything in it. It started out with lots of complaints and worries and even some ranting - but when I put in a love heart and a few kisses and then 'Love you' I started getting that back form her. it made her feel good and it made me feel good try it.

Original poster
asdx2 · 24/03/2011 13:23

Oh yes I love her and treat her really well even if it is somewhat unappreciated. I think she has raging PMT this week and I have other worries that mean I'm not feeling hugely tolerant so it's like two heads butting together here I think.
I've made a huge chocolate cake this morning and ordered her a book from Amazon that I know she wants. I'm going to focus on her positives of which there are many and turn a deaf ear to the attitude and count my blessings I think, although it's done me good to moan on here so thank you.

OP posts:
50000feet · 25/03/2011 10:50

Good luck - If your into reading try 'DIVAs and door slammers' is a great book for you, its all about teens but its light, blunt and to the point - order it on Amazon for yourself!!!!! you'll love it.

NotaMopsa · 26/03/2011 21:39

asd I am with you.... I too do not understand my daughter's 'world owes her a living' attitude which is so far from our family's 'ethos' She is quite blunt and dismissive of my feelings despite all the help i give her

Sorry no words of wisdom - just empathy

Will look at that diva book (clutches at any tiny straw!) Sad

AimingForSerenity · 26/03/2011 21:45

I think all the younger generation have a rather entitled attitude at times which suggests that, as parents, we have all encouraged it in some way.

Much as I love my two (and they are both great young people overall) they can both have moments of this that take my breath away and as for some of my friends' children...........well...........! Shock

NotaMopsa · 26/03/2011 21:47

My daughter said something along the lines of 'what's the point of summer with no foreign holiday' tonight

I was actually dumbfounded

Still am tbh

sharbie · 26/03/2011 21:49

wish i knew the answer op

me and ds have been like 2 peas in a pod since he was born now most of the time he is like a complete stranger to me - no idea really why this has happened i just live in hope he will change back again when his hormones have stopped whirling around

i understand that the dcs have to break away from your apron strings as it were but this is so hard to deal with sometimes

follyfoot · 26/03/2011 21:51

Ooo you sound like me asdx2. DD same age, same issues but no drugs/alcohol/boys problems either.

I tell myself that the best you can hope for at this age is for them to be socially acceptable. They might be monsters at home, but it could be worse. Some days it doesnt feel like it though Grin

All the best, and remember there are lots of us having tin hat and flak jacket days on a regular basis (bet you know exactly what I mean!).

TheSecondComing · 26/03/2011 21:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LaurieFairyCake · 26/03/2011 21:52

That 'entitled' thing is something I liken to an irritating habit I had as a teenager, the thought that I knew better as i was a 'socialist' and my parents were 'facists'.

I don't regret all the demos and the marches and the really exciting political discussion but I do regret the arguing and the dismissiveness I had towards my parents views. I know that I was irritating to them.

I hold a lot of the same but slightly tempered views now but I don't argue or disparage others arguments in the same way. Only maturity taught me that.

I think the entitled thing may go the same way.

NotaMopsa · 26/03/2011 22:16

Laurel -I wish

DD social discourse seems to revolve around 'things'

depressing - I know so much of it is down to being a teenager but you hope your bringing them up and talking about the world,life the universe will mean they are - well nice

NotaMopsa · 26/03/2011 22:22

sorry she has just upset me today

TheSecondComing · 26/03/2011 23:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

follyfoot · 27/03/2011 09:41

Could I have one of your badges too TSC?

TheSecondComing · 27/03/2011 11:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
asdx2 · 27/03/2011 12:17

Well dd is back to more pleasant as the worst of the PMT is over or maybe it's because she'll want a lift to the train station on Tuesday morning

OP posts:
doutzen · 27/03/2011 15:51

Well... erm.
What about a bonding time-spending activity where it's difficult to get out words? Like running up a hill :o
or some other sort of exercise, it's excellent for cramps (if you or her get them) and can really improve your mood, it's been absolutely fab with DD1 - she barely snarks for the whole hour (I do a mental happy dance when an hour passes without a biting comment Blush)

nickschick · 27/03/2011 15:52

My middle son aged 15 makes me so very miserable.Sad.

I love him but dont like him at the moment.

alemci · 27/03/2011 16:08

My ED also 17 upsets me greatly. She is very secretive and won't tell me anything about her bf which i really hate even though they have been together 6 months'and I already know his family. She does nothing around the house whatsover and I feel like Cinderella

Your DD sounds similar to mine and it is not you

I do loads for her and all I seem to get is kicked in the teeth. I have to make myself back of otherwise I get very upset.

I think this generation does have an enourmous sense of entitlement.

I suppose I am grateful that she isn't getting drunk, sleeping around or doing drugs.

I think sometimes we are weighed down with responsibility as parents and I tend to indulge my children too much at times.

TheSecondComing · 27/03/2011 20:43

This reply has been deleted

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NotaMopsa · 27/03/2011 20:53

TSC - i so agree re the LONG LONG LONG summer..... actually dreading it..

I will admit to actually hiding from dd before now

I think my problem is exacerbated by the fact i have younger children too and cannot therefore 'nip' out etc thus avoiding her

my friends advise me to leave her to it and my dp says just ignore her but i can only take so much and try to make things better and clear the air. It tends to be around these times when i have demeaned myself again that i end up feeling really hurt and hopeless

I would never have dared be rude and cutting to my parent s growing up and am astounded at what she dares to say to me

I do blame her friends but i am pretty sure she is as bad

I am quite forthright and strict as well so lord knows what she would be like without this!

TheSecondComing · 27/03/2011 21:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nickschick · 27/03/2011 21:16

ohh link it TSC ....please......