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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

How do you get a teenager to clean his/her bedroom?

82 replies

CrosswordAddict · 07/03/2011 12:59

Is there a painless way to get a teenager to tidy up and/or even clean her bedroom? If so, can other Mumsnetters put me in the picture?

OP posts:

chopchopbusybusy · 07/03/2011 18:28

I opt for keeping the door closed. If I really want them to tidy I encourage them to invite a friend for a sleepover. That usually shames them into action.

Maryz · 07/03/2011 23:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Magicmayhem · 07/03/2011 23:59

I have 2 teenagers, and we have monday nights as a tidy up night, they tidy their rooms and I do the rest of the house... yes they moan, but it helps if all their dirty washing is out, cereal dishes are removed, wet towels are replaced with dry ones, and their sheets are changed, (although this is more like once a fortnight if I'm honest)

Before we had this rule routine it was a nightmare, my DD used to pinch my pants as hers were all pissy dirty under her bed, dirty clothed piled up behind their bedroom doors and dishes piled up, (yes we have a no food upstairs rule) and I drew the line when I had to eat my cereal off a plate wet towels festered...

they know what to expect, I don't think its too much to ask them to keep their rooms tidy, after all I'm their mother not their maid!

Original poster

CrosswordAddict · 08/03/2011 10:48

Thanks for the ideas. I suppose it's a compromise really, because mums always seem to want room tidier than teenagers are keen on so there must be a meeting point in the middle somewhere. I do agree that they should be able to pick the time when they will tidy it so I might say "Which night do you want to tidy your room this week?" and see if that gets better results. I'm not a housework freak but I'd like the floor cleared so I can hoover it and get to the bed to change the bedding. If they bring down their dirty stuff I'll do the rest.

OP posts:

onadifferentplanettoday · 08/03/2011 10:59

I must be really lucky as I my two teenagers never have a messy room. Apart from an ocasional drink or snack while doing homework thy are not allowed food in their room , dirty clothes go in the laundry basket and any rubbish in the bin. As long as they do these things I am happy to make the beds. On Sunday mornings they strip their beds and one hoovers and the other polishes and they hang up or put in drawers their clean stuff from the airing cupboard We have done this since they were quite young and as yet (eldest is 15)they have not rebelled maybe that is yet to come!

waffleanddaub · 08/03/2011 18:35

Are you sure your teenagers are human? ( reference to your name, onadifferentplanettoday )

waxlyrical · 08/03/2011 18:47

are you a teenager seeker? these sound like my DD's replies!!

Nell799 · 08/03/2011 18:51

My stepsons are expected to make their beds and have clothes in the wash each morning , and on Sunday mornings , they do their rooms and their bathroom while I do the rest off the house and cook them a nice dinner. Internet is off until the tasks are complete .

I believe it is important to teach children to respect their items and other peoples property , and be able to follow house rules . It may well be their room in their home , but they still need to respect it and us . We have provided them with nice furniture , decorated to their specifications , and they have nice possessions , and they pretty much seem to understand this.

saggarmakersbottomknocker · 08/03/2011 18:55

I'm with seeker on this. Not worth getting in a tizz about TBH. They will get to grips with putting washing in the basket when they have no clean clothes. They will strip the bed when it's minging.

Pick your battles; this doesn't need to be one of them.

herbietea · 08/03/2011 18:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

strawberrycake · 08/03/2011 19:04

I never get these threads. My house, my rules, end of here. I do think many non-british families have this attitude.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 08/03/2011 19:08

TOld my DD I had seen a mouse running round in her room... she cleaned it pretty sharpish after tha.

PlentyOfPrimroses · 08/03/2011 19:10

Bribery works for DS. He gets his allowance on Sundays when his room is tidied and hoovered, all his crocks are downstairs, laundry in the basket and bed changed. DD seems to survive quite happily on her EMA so I can't bribe her - I just shut the door on it. She's 18 now, so fair enough I suppose.

alemci · 08/03/2011 19:13

my dd's rooms are a mess. I do try and get them to clean up but it is such a battle and i too shut the door.

ED does clean up if her boyfriend is coming over as he criticises her room but it is about the only time.

I don't like their rooms being messy but I think you have to let them get on with it.

get annoyed when they make mess in other parts of the house.

exoticfruits · 08/03/2011 19:15

I don't get 'my house, my rules' -surely it is their house too?!! Why does it matter-shut the door!

seeker · 08/03/2011 19:22

waffleanddaub - no not a teenager! Actually, I think the second oldesrt person on mumsnet, so I've been round the block a few times!

I can't bear "my house, my rules"! It's ^everyone's house. That's why everyone works together to keep the shared bits nice, and generally co operates on keepingt eh household going. And that's why their rooms are their own to do with as they like.

saggarmakersbottomknocker · 08/03/2011 19:27

Yes, seeker is the resident pensioner. Aren't you seeker?

seeker · 08/03/2011 19:28

I remember when it was all fields round here......

exoticfruits · 08/03/2011 19:29

Old enough to know that it isn't important-pick your battles- and someone's personal space isn't one of them.

TheOriginalNutcracker · 08/03/2011 19:33

Dd1 (13) lives in a complete and utter pigstye, but I have given up trying to get her to tidy it.

My only rule is that if she wants a friend to stay over, then she has to tidy it before they come, else I cancel the sleepover. This works most times, although the room is normally a tip again by the time the friend goes home.

Dd's room needs decorating but I have told her that until she looks after it properly and keeps it slightly less than bombsite like, then I won't do it.

usualsuspect · 08/03/2011 19:42

I hate my house my rules its an awful attitude to have towards your own children

unitarian · 08/03/2011 19:45

I could never understand how my DD managed to study at all in such a mess. Nothing was ever put away and when I tried piling it on the bed so I could hoover she ignored it and just got into bed!

I laugh when Sandi Toksvig comments on her daughter being a medical student and can barely find her own shoes. Mine's the same.

Now DD's away at university and I gather her personal tutor has given her some advice on being better organised in order to study more effectively. It has worked wonders by all accounts but she would never listen when I said it.......

strawberrycake · 08/03/2011 21:12

I don't understand how growing up with rules laid down by parents is 'an awful attitude'. My children are not deprived nor are they bothered that they don't have permission to live in filth. They don't seem to desire to collect mugs under the bed or wear crumpled clothing. I am their parent, part of that role is guidance and rules. I don't make pointless rules but I do think it does them a favour in life to know how to clean and tidy and is less of a shock to the system when they move out if they learn to organise themselves throughout childhood gradually. Other rules concern being generally civil such as no music after 10pm or being on top of school work and being able to find it.

It's a really British attitude this 'my room' thing, that one hides in part of the house where others are excluded. Our culture is more about shared living than avoiding the rest of the family and shutting yourself away in part of the house that has its own set of rules. Their rooms are part of our house and thus subject to the same rules. I don't poke through their things nor pick them up and throw them around or threaten to bin them as they're been brought up to keep their possessions considerately and well. All the house are 'shared bits', there are no double standards they are free to nap in my bed, store things in my wardrobe (it's longer than theirs) or use the computer in my room. MY kids have been known to swap rooms/ beds (only one as a TV they vary in avoiding it or wanting it).

It's also rather British it seems to allow children to dictate their upbringing to a large degree. Parents set rules, children can discuss changes to the rules but not ignore them.

strawberrycake · 08/03/2011 21:16

I'l just add the disclaimer, my house is no show home so don't get that impression. Two teenagers and a baby with us in a 2 bed flat and old furnishings. I just expect hygiene/ cleanliness and things to go back in place after use. The sitting room is also a bedroom so tidiness is important if we don't want to drown in bedding etc.

Bonsoir · 08/03/2011 21:16

There are mice in our building. That normally frightens the DSSs into tidying their room sufficiently well for it to be cleaned to sparkling...

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