Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

15yo DS wants to visit DD at Uni by himself

35 replies

WhiteRose26 · 01/02/2011 13:38

Hi, I'd welcome some thoughts from other MNers on this dilemma.

Our DD is in her first year at University, 200 miles from home. She has asked our 15yo DS if he would like to go and stay with her by himself during his half term. We visited her in the autumn half term and let him stay one night in her room with her (we stayed in a hotel). Her friends seem quite sensible and she wouldn't let him drink alcohol - they all stayed up late playing drinking games and computer games but she insisted he drank coke.

I am concerned about the journey - DS says she will meet him at the station if we make sure he gets on the right train and vice versa. But, he has never been on a mainline train before so this is completely unfamilier to him (we have never needed to). He is used to the tube but has never negotiated central London tubes by himself (again, he has never needed to). Although he is a sensible lad, he does not look his age and I feel this makes him vulnerable. I dread that he might get lost somewhere and have no idea where he is.

Am I being paranoid? Or reasonable? I want to say no this time but that I will let him go when he is 16. What do others think?

OP posts:

seeker · 01/02/2011 13:42

If he wants to go let him go. He'll be fine.

You could take him and put him on the train if you're worried about the tube journey. Once he's on the right mainline train nothing can go wrong - so long as he gets off at the right station!

seeker · 01/02/2011 13:43

Oh, and be delighted and proud of yourself that they have such a good relationship.

iskra · 01/02/2011 13:43

Um, I think you are being a wee bit paranoid. If he's never been on a train before now is a brilliant time to start. Get the sister to meet him at the station so he doesn't have to do the tubes himself (is she in London, or is it a change of trains in London?)I think it's nice that the siblings want to spend the time together!

MoonUnitAlpha · 01/02/2011 13:45

I'd let him go - he's 15 not 5! You put him on the train, DD can meet him at the other end. If he gets lost he can ask a train guard or phone you.

GetOrfMoiLand · 01/02/2011 13:48

I would let him go. It is lovely that they are so close.

I don't see any point in waiting until he is 16 - it is not as if a magic wand of sense is waved on his birthdays!

FWIW I am a mother of a 15 year old who regularly gets the train all over, she is fine and was delighted when I first let her do this as she felt grown up. As long as you sit down and plan it and give him enough time to change platforms etc, he will be OK.

NicolaMarlow · 01/02/2011 13:49

DH's brother came to visit him at university when brother was 15 and DH in his first year. Brother was fine on the train (and had a good time visiting :))

Original poster

WhiteRose26 · 01/02/2011 13:50

I would certainly take him to the train - his timekeeping is rubbish and he would probably miss it if he went on his own.

Yes, they generally have a good relationship and missed each other when she first went.

OP posts:

NicolaMarlow · 01/02/2011 13:50

I can't remember if we plied him with alcohol or not though.

TrillianAstra · 01/02/2011 13:50

Definitely let him go.

I once had to escort a 17 yr old ocousin on the tube to get to her main train (including a train journey to get to London in the first place!) so that her mum would feel that she was safe.

Said cousin then said 'it's not hard at all'. Because it's not. You just have to use your eyes and keep calm. The tube is even colour-coded.

TrillianAstra · 01/02/2011 13:51

The train will possibly be cheaper if he is 15 not 16 as well...

SixtyFootDoll · 01/02/2011 13:51

When I was in my 1st yr at Uni my 15 yr old brother came to stay with me for the weekend, we had a great time and it got him started on his lifetime love of surfing!

wilbur · 01/02/2011 13:52

I think it would be a good trip for him. I used to go an visit my sister, who had left home (not at Uni but in a flat share with friends) when I was 14 and I loved it. It wasn't 200 miles from home, but I had to take trains into London. Was a good part of growing up.

Scrumpet · 01/02/2011 13:52

Definitely let him go!

Not only is it lovely that they want to spend time together, it will also give him a snapshot of university life (properly, without parents breathing down his neck ) and hopefully spur him on to get the grades he needs to do it himself.

I visited my brother at uni when I was 15, went on the train over 300 miles, went drinking, had a ball!

ChessyEvans · 01/02/2011 13:53

Hi, my little sis came to stay with me in uni when she was 16/17 ish and it was a 6 hour train journey (although a direct train). I looked after her and she had a whale of a time.

You sound confident that both your DD and DS will be sensible and responsible so I think there is nothing to lose in letting him go and it will be a great experience for him.

Bucharest · 01/02/2011 13:54

Pleased to hear there are still some unmollycoddled young whippersnappers around.

Definitely let him go. Train and all.

NicolaMarlow · 01/02/2011 13:56

I'd love it if DD wanted to go and visit DS at university when they are both older.

belgo · 01/02/2011 13:57

How lovely that she wants him to visit.

If you plan the journey step by step I'm sure he'll be fine.

MackerelOfFact · 01/02/2011 14:03

Definitely let him go, there is nothing so complicated about the trains or tubes that would mean someone studying for their GCSEs would be unable to comprehend it! It really is simple, just follow the signs and look at the maps. If he gets lost, he just needs to ask someone how to get to X.

Looking younger is neither here nor there really. If he has the freedom and confidence to do things independently, he will begin to look and act more mature anyway, IMO.

Original poster

WhiteRose26 · 01/02/2011 14:05

Thanks all, for your comments, all very helpful. There are some direct trains, so I'll investigate the timings and costs before the conversation comes up again.

I could make it a reward for doing his homework , or not getting any more detentions

OP posts:

ivykaty44 · 01/02/2011 14:45

let him go- at 14 I was going to London on my own to visit my gran and starting from the Midlands and getting to Peckham on my own ok, staying overnight for a couple of nights and traveling around london see and doing what I wanted to do.

he will be fine, I thought it was what teens did at this age- visit other relatives aroudn the country and have a bit of fun

Lamorna · 01/02/2011 19:16

I would leave it up to him, if he is happy go for it. (a few months will make no difference)

DilysPrice · 01/02/2011 19:20

DB visited me at university at roughly this age, I'd say go for it as long as the older sib is fairly responsible.

maryz · 01/02/2011 23:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cat64 · 01/02/2011 23:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

bodenrefuser · 01/02/2011 23:25

I cant think of any reason not to let him go. other than the fact that you will worry.

Flip

1 2