15yo DS wants to visit DD at Uni by himself

[WhiteRose26]

Hi, I'd welcome some thoughts from other MNers on this dilemma.

Our DD is in her first year at University, 200 miles from home. She has asked our 15yo DS if he would like to go and stay with her by himself during his half term. We visited her in the autumn half term and let him stay one night in her room with her (we stayed in a hotel). Her friends seem quite sensible and she wouldn't let him drink alcohol - they all stayed up late playing drinking games and computer games but she insisted he drank coke.

I am concerned about the journey - DS says she will meet him at the station if we make sure he gets on the right train and vice versa. But, he has never been on a mainline train before so this is completely unfamilier to him (we have never needed to). He is used to the tube but has never negotiated central London tubes by himself (again, he has never needed to). Although he is a sensible lad, he does not look his age and I feel this makes him vulnerable. I dread that he might get lost somewhere and have no idea where he is.

Am I being paranoid? Or reasonable? I want to say no this time but that I will let him go when he is 16. What do others think?

DS (12) went to London on a direct train to stay with his older brother at Uni, older brother said 'Why do I need to meet him at Euston? He can do the tube on his own can't he??' and he could actually, he was used to it.

But since he was arriving at 9pm I did insist he was met by his brother, they both had a great 3 days and yes, there was lots of staying up late and playing computer games but it is v good for both of them to start building a more adult relationship on territory away from home.

absolutely let him go - in three years time it'll be him who's off on his own living goodness knows where or backpacking round the world or whatever... eurorailing might be a bit daunting if you don't let him use a train before then

It's lovely that your children have a close relationship and that they want to see each other. I'd say let him go - sounds like it makes them both happy.

People younger than 15 have used public transport before and survived. As long as you give him clear instructions and make sure he keeps his phone on, I'm sure he'll be fine.

My DD has been going to London on the train by herself since she was 15. There is always someone to meet her at the other end. The frist time I thought I would have a heart attack, I was so worried, she was fine.

Just make sure his phone is charged up so you can stalk him with texts contact him

Absolutely time to do this. You need to give your DCs wings. Lovely your DCs are so close and a good opportunity for him to learn a life skill.

My 15 yo DS travelled successfully from Whitby in Yorkshire to Dorset by train one day this summer - 5 or 6 connections and across London as well - I was sure he would miss something and get stuck in London (even had someone lined up to give him a bed for the night) but he did it fine and was very proud of himself.

Even if something goes wrong, they need to learn to cope!

Thanks all for all the convincing reasons to let him go. He is very used to public transport locally - he has been using it to and from school since he was 11, and as I said is used to the tube in the suburbs.

The subject hasn't come up again since DD returned following her Christmas break but I feel a bit happier about allowing this - we need to plan carefully and talk about what to do if things go wrong, and of course he has a mobile and can ring us or DD if there's a problem. And we can ring him if he keeps his phone on.

Sure it wil be OK - think DS2 (14) also wants to go see his brother at Uni too. When we dropped off DS1 for start of term people asked DS2 what course he was doing as he looks so much older than he is and quite tall too. Mobiles make it much easier these days too.

Up-date: He went to see her on Friday. We put him on the train in London and his sister met him at the other end. They returned together on Sunday, having had a great weekend together.

He was nervous about making the journey by himself but wanted to do it. He texted at various points during the journey (but NOT when he arrived, which I had specifically asked him to do).

Thanks for the support, all.

How lovely that she wants him to visit - I'd be beyond thrilled if my eldest invited her younger sister to visit her at uni.

Definitely let him go. Independent travel is really important - he'll enjoy the responsibility and it will boost his confidence when everything works out fine.

My daughters have both been leaping on and off trains since they were 14. They've had to deal with cancellations and diversions and had to keep their cool and it's always all worked out fine. So far my kids are completely unfazed by travel arrangements and have shown themselves to be perfectly capable to dealing with planes/ trains/ buses. This is an important life skill.

Write down the exact journey with him, including timings:

9.57 Train departs Birmingham New Street
1 hr 43 minutes...
12. 00 Get off at London Paddington
Central Line tube - eastward - five stops - get off at Waterloo
14.00 Train departs Waterloo for ...

etc etc.

He can set the alarm on his phone for ten minutes before he arrives somewhere to alert him to keep his wits about him and get his stuff together, ready to get off.

I've always told mine to sit near women/ women with children and avoid eye contact with men and to text em updates on how they're doing.

Can you organise it so that he travels in daylight? Trains and railway stations always seem more benign in the sunshine and slightly more edgy after dark. Or maybe that's just me.

Another option would be to take a mate? My eldest went with her friend to visit the friend's sister who's at Leeds. They had a ball.