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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

is my 13-yr-old son the only one never to have had a girlfriend?

42 replies

GodRestYeEllieMentalmen · 28/12/2010 16:48

I find it hard to believe. But his so-called mates are giving him such a hard time about it.
How do I reassure him without adding to the ''pressure''?

FWIW, I'm not making assumptions about his sexuality - I'm fairly convinced he's not gay, he is just not interested.

OP posts:
Cyb · 28/12/2010 16:50

tell him to ignore them. My dd is 15 and nevr been out with anyone- they are too young

cornsilkcornedbeefhash · 28/12/2010 16:50

13? Blimey.

KerryMumblesBahHumBug · 28/12/2010 16:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

atah · 28/12/2010 16:52

So-called is right, these are not mates at all, I know a few 13 year old boys and none have had girlfriends or seem to think that particularly "cool". Perhaps he wlould fit better with a different friends who have interest similar to him

Ormirian · 28/12/2010 16:54

His mates are twats!.

DS#1 is 13 and (apart from a few months in Yr6 when he was an accessory for a girl who wanted to be like her best mate Grin) he has never had a gf. He is also (I am told) the epitome of cool.

SpringHeeledJack · 28/12/2010 16:54

mine definitely doesn't/hasn't. He's more interested in being annoying Other Stuff

I know some of his friends do/have, but by no means all- or even most

don't worry, OP. I find that some of them are in a big hurry to grow up (booze, fags and the like) but others- like ds and his cousins- are still kids, really

Cyb · 28/12/2010 16:54

This pressure to have a girlfiend/boyfriend is so sad

Girls at my dd's school have given blow jobs fgs (and taken pics to prove it)

it's all messed up

cornsilkcornedbeefhash · 28/12/2010 16:55

cyb that is vile - do their parents know?

Cyb · 28/12/2010 16:57

Well one 15 yr old just had contraceptive implant in her arm-which I presume she would need parental permission for?

cornsilkcornedbeefhash · 28/12/2010 16:58
Shock
Cyb · 28/12/2010 16:59

I know-its one of the 'top' schools in the area too. Just goes to show you , eh?

scouserabroad · 28/12/2010 16:59

I remember when I was 13 there was huge pressure to have a boyfriend, it was horrible! Nobody had "relationships" as such, most of them didn't even talk directly to their "boyfriend" all communication was through friends Grin

Maybe encourage him to find different friends and meet new people somehow, so he can see less of his "mates"?

Miggsie · 28/12/2010 17:02

Oh, a top boys school?

Competitive willy waving is all this is. My friend's boy is at a private boys and he says the "my dad has a bigger car than you" starts very very early and never lets up.

Half of them will be talking shite and the other half will be talking utter shite. Best to tell them that they are sad inadequates with no lives of their own if the only thing they can talk about is what other people are doing.

Original poster
GodRestYeEllieMentalmen · 28/12/2010 17:04

It seriously seems - according to his facebook (which I have access to ) - that they are all at it (as it were...)

It makes me so sad too. That there is this pressure. I mean, in many respects he is very mature - but he still has a favourite teddy. He still loves lego etc.

his best mate, whom he has been friends with since pre-school, even asked me ''is it true X has never pulled a girl?'' Shock

OP posts:
jollyoldstnickschick · 28/12/2010 17:05

My eldest ds is 17 - hes got lots of girls as friends but no proper GF as yet ds2 who is 15 has had lots of disreputable gfs and calls his brother gay.

I call him clever Xmas Smile he studies hard enjoys girls company with no ties.

Original poster
GodRestYeEllieMentalmen · 28/12/2010 17:06

yy Cyb - one girl in his year asked her mother (who is an acquaintance of mine) if she could be allowed to shave ''down there'' as she had heard boys prefer it. :(

Makes our fretting over him not having a girlfriend pale into insignificance, doesn't it?

OP posts:
exexpat · 28/12/2010 17:10

I think what happens on facebook is not actually real life - DS (now 12) apparently had a 'girlfriend' for a few weeks last year, but I didn't hear about it until afterwards (from reading his facebook pages - he didn't say anything).

I was a bit Hmm as I had never met her or heard her name in real life, she didn't come round here, he certainly never went out anywhere with her, or anything like that, and they are not even at school together - I think it was a purely facebook/texting-based 'relationship', if it was anything at all - possibly just something cooked up to make both of them look cool. There were a few texting frenzies at one stage though.

Most of his friends are now 13, and I don't think any of them have 'real' girlfriends, no matter what some of their facebook statuses might say.

jollyoldstnickschick · 28/12/2010 17:13

I hope on facebook it is all over imagined ........ive read some shocking stuff on ds gorlfriends profile (yes i looked,yes im nosey)

RumourOfAHurricane · 28/12/2010 17:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

pagwatch · 28/12/2010 17:26

ds didn't have a girlfriend until he was 15.
he is at a 'top boys school'. his friends didn't give a shit.I have never seen any competetive willy waving as it goes - boys who brag tend to be dismissed as wankers. Bragging is deemed deperate and wanky.
i think it depends on the school and the friends and millions of other things.

My DNs both have facebook pages at age 17 and 15 and they look awful - full of tit shots and stradding beds. they are quite demure in real life. The desire to be seen as at it is weird but commonplace

SproutsMakeTortoiseFart · 28/12/2010 17:29

Sounds like my Ds1 13. Not at all interested in having a girlfriend, he also still loves playing with his lego.

One of his friends have their status as engaged on FB!

MrsDmitriTippensKrushnic · 28/12/2010 17:37

DS1 is 13 in February, never had a girlfriend, isn't really interested in girls beyond being actual friends atm. I hope he doesn't feel pressured, most of his friends are the geeky types and more interested in consoles and Warhammer Smile

I didn't have a boyfriend until I was 16 (although kissed a fair few boys at parties from maybe 14) I was at an all girls school though.

inthesticks · 28/12/2010 17:39

Boys mature at very different speeds.
DS1 started going out with his girlfriend at 13 (now nearly 15).
DS2 is not quite 13 but way, way behind his brother in the growing up stakes. Still thinks girls are yucky Wink.

When DS1 had a problem with similar teasing he invented a girlfriend who was a friend of his cousin and went to a different school. None of his friends were that interested and it took the heat off.

fluschmoo · 28/12/2010 17:39

My dd is 17 and has never had a boyfriend. She is very discerning and won't settle for just anyone. Thank God!!

CardyMow · 28/12/2010 17:51

My DD is 13 in March, hasn't had a boyfriend yet, still thinks boys stink. TBH she is only just into the 'posters on the wall' stage, she thinks one of the blokes from the twilight movies is 'hot' but that's about as far as it goes! (Thankfully, having seen the fb pages of a lot of her peers).

I think my DD is quite 'young' for her age though, compared to others, and I think it helps that in her group of friends, one is from a muslim bakground and wouldn't be allowed a boyfriend, her best friends are twins that are VERY young for the yr group (30th August birthday), and the other few are also late July/ August birthdays.

I don't think there's anything wrong with your ds for not having had a girlfriend yet, my Dbro is almost 20 and hasn't had a gf yet - he says he wants to concentrate on Uni first, as he'll have plenty of time for that sort of thing later!