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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

ds went off to university yesterday

59 replies

ellceeell · 24/09/2005 09:47

ds went off to university yesterday - and I cried myself to sleep! All the organising and packing and "serious talks" about budgeting, studying, making friends - and it's only just hit me that we will never have quite the same relationship again. I am such a wimp!

OP posts:

Original poster

ellceeell · 27/09/2005 10:50

Well, had one phone call from ds - not asking for anything and sounding really positive. So I put the phone down and wanted to start crying again! But I didn't, so I'm obviously coping better. dd2 started nursery yesterday and told her teacher that her brother had gone to a school for grown ups and was never coming back! How do you explain 11 weeks to a 3 year old? I think we'll have to do a simple calender for her and mark off the weeks. dd1 has just started 6th form and dh is changing jobs in 2 weeks time - new starts for everyone except me!
ds is studying history.

OP posts:

tuesdayafternoon · 27/09/2005 11:23

When I went to uni 4 years ago, my youngest brother (who was 8 at the time) wrote in one of his school books "I have one sister and one brother" (he actually has two sisters and one brother.) When questioned about this, he said "Well X doesn't live with us now, she's not my sister any more," so I wouldn't worry about your 3-year-old not understanding the concept! I'm sure he'll get used to DS1 sometimes being there and sometimes not, pretty quickly.

tuesdayafternoon · 27/09/2005 11:24

Oops, that should have been she, of course - must preview!

ThePrisoner · 29/09/2005 21:49

... and, of course, they ring you to ask for your invaluable advice ...

... this evening's question from dd2, who started last weekend at uni, was, "I'm going to a foam party, does it matter what top I wear because I don't want it to stain?"

Eldest dd (recently fully-graduated) advised, "don't worry about staining your top, put a bikini on underneath because everyone takes their tops off!"

Oh yes, dd2 is obviously feeling the strain and is so homesick ... (not)

suedonim · 30/09/2005 00:41

Two phone calls from dd this week, both basically saying "Send more money!" Her big bro is doing a PhD at the same uni so he took her for lunch in the staff restaurant today. Now she can lord it over her fellow students, cos undergrads aren't normally allowed in there.

ThePrisoner · 30/09/2005 19:08

We don't need to send more money, we gave dd a credit card on her dad's account ...

suedonim · 30/09/2005 23:43

There is that option but dd refused a CC as she wasn't sure she could trust herself. In fact, I think she's pretty good with money. She's cut her book list costs down by about half through judicious buying and she has a fantastic eye for a bargain in just about everything. 'Never pay full price' is her motto, I think!

mumeeee · 01/10/2005 17:16

How is everyone now thier children have ben away from home for a week or so. I have heard from my DD and she is having a great time. She hasn't asked for any money although that was one of my worries that she would runout vefore her student loan was paid in. She works on a Saturday and had saved some money. We also put a bit of money into her account to be used for university stuff.
We are able to pay her tuition fees and accomadation this year ( having been saving for a while) so her student loan will only have to cover living and university costs, as well as going. Oh and going out of course! She did not want a credit card as she had ben advised aginst it at a finance meeting at school.
How many of you find setting up your children for university an expensive time? My DH reckons that child benifit should still be paid for that first year as it is the year with the most costs.

Jackal · 01/10/2005 18:17

Well, we're still waiting, DD doesn't move in until next sunday - she's dying to go. She's had calls and letters from her friends who've started already and are absolutely loving it without exception, so she can't wait to go now.
Hope everyone else is doing ok

Janh · 01/10/2005 21:13

DD2 (20) is in a flat of 11 at Manchester, 4 girls and 7 lads. Freshers' week was one long party and she was thrilled; then this week the party was over and she started lectures, so we had her on the phone to DD1 in tears because it wasn't fun any more and the lectures were so over-facing. (She is doing Social Work and there are post-grad/masters students in some of the lectures so they are pitched quite high.)

She left school 2 years ago and has had a variety of jobs since before making up her mind what she wanted to do. DD1 calmed her down and made some constructive suggestions about how to organise herself - more sports and social groups etc.

mumeeee, I agree completely with your DH, how they can justify removing CB just when the family needs the money the most...we are lucky this time, because with Social Work tuition is paid for and she gets a bursary too. We can't afford to give her anything regularly so this is a big help. (We couldn't give DD1 anything either, just bought her a trolleyful of groceries every time she came home )

suedonim · 01/10/2005 22:28

Dd seems to be having a whale of a time and shows no inclination to come home anytime soon! I agree about the CB - it would come in useful because it's expensive setting them up in a flat etc. Fees are deferred in Scotland so we don't have that worry and we have saved up enough to pay this year's accom costs but it is still taking a big whack out of our income.

What annoys me is that when we move abroad to live I shall lose my measly CB for dd2 but we'll still have to pay the Council Tax on our unoccupied house!! And that's not the only injustice; I've now discovered that prisoners are exempt from paying CT, but we, living thoudands of miles away, still have to cough up. Who says crime doesn't pay?

suedonim · 01/10/2005 22:29

Dear me, was so busy ranting I forgot to ask - what's 'over-facing', Jan?

ThePrisoner · 01/10/2005 23:21

(Dds credit card is for emergencies only, not full-blown partying!!)

Today's phone call was just advice needed coz she's not very well ... and we can't do anything about it

Janh · 01/10/2005 23:31

Sorry, suedonim, just seen this - hard to define over-facing, just too much so you need to run away and hide

Hm - have just been googling - it comes up in descriptions of restaurant food and showjumping but can't find a neat definition!

Oh goodness, look here from second page of googling - a mumsnet thread with you and me on it! (Scroll down to c 7pm on Fri 3)

fimac1 · 02/10/2005 10:24

Read a really good article a while ago which likened the experience to a bereavement and suggested you treat it as such, and give yourself the same time and space to deal with the 'loss'

Also another written a while ago by a hardened journalist who's one and only son went to Uni, she was staggered by the emotional roller-coaster she went on from his moving out, I had a good cry over reading it and made me think about ds and dd doing the same one day, [sniffs]

suedonim · 02/10/2005 16:44

Lol, Jan!! I'm still dealing with 'stuff' . But dh cleared loads of his paperwork and filed away tons of stuff recently, plus ds2 has been home this weekend and blitzed his room. I think I may have shifted the log jam!

mumeeee · 02/10/2005 20:41

Well we saw my DD1 today she is having a great time and seems to have been out a lot. She has sighned for some clubs at the freshers fare some sensible ones like canoeing and a daft one Exstream puddle jumping! She has an end of freshers week party tonight. Her lectures start tomorrow at 9am. So she will probably calm down a bit on the going out! She is studying Zoology, what is everyone elses DD's and DS's doing.

Redtartanlass · 04/10/2005 11:03

My DD1 went on Sunday, is accomadation is still not ready so the uni are putting them up in a hotel!!! Can you beleive 14 lads in a hotel.

Don't feel sad, don't feel happy, feel realy weird, waited until last night to phone him . Is already having a ball, has no classes Mon,but on Fri has classes from 9am to 6pm. Tee hee hee.

Thought ds1 was going to make an appearance at the weekend and confuse everything, bt she hng on in there. Maybe that's why I don't miss ds1 yet, as I know he'll be home as soon as ds1 is born (any day now). Actually I should re-phrase that, I'm assuming ds1 wil come home when ds1 is born!!!

It's funny to see people trying to work out our relationship.Heavily pregnant woman with little toddler and big grown up lad!!! Ds1 makes a point of caling me mum very loudly!!

Can you imagine I am going to have a child at home fro 40 years....40 years mst be mad.

Redtartanlass · 04/10/2005 11:04

Sorry some of the ds1s should read dd1!!!!

Jackal · 09/10/2005 18:30

Well that's it. DD1 has finally gone to uni! The long wait is over. I went with DD1 to help settle her in and she gave us the distinct impression that we were surplus to requirments and that she wasn't bothered about unpacking but about socialising with all the newbies on her floor! Don't think I have anything to worry about lol

ThePrisoner · 10/10/2005 00:08

My dd has been away for weeks now, and we are very certainly "surplus to requirements"!! She is quite adamant that we are not welcome to visit (in the nicest possible way). We're all in regular contact through texts, phone calls and MSN - ooh, the wonders of modern technology. I really thought she'd need some clean underwear by now ...

Original poster

ellceeell · 10/10/2005 10:33

I spoke to ds yesterday and asked about how his clothes were lasting. I was amazed to find he'd been to the laundrette twice already! Apparently he washed his "blacks" and "coloureds" separately - he did listen to me sometimes!

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ThePrisoner · 22/10/2005 23:47

Just had text message from dd ... "please ring" ... rang asap thinking terrible thoughts (why would anyone need to ring at 11.30pm??) ...

"Hello mum, we're really hungry ... what's the recipe for making pancakes?"

ThePrisoner · 25/10/2005 23:19

Dd is obviously losing the plot ... tonight's phone call (not as late, only 9.45pm) was a request for my recipe for playdough (she and her housemates are bored!!!)

suedonim · 25/10/2005 23:34

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