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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

what are the chances of getting some money off dd1's "friends"?

35 replies

lollipopshoes · 02/11/2010 10:09

she skived off college yesterday and spent all of her college travel money on cider and beer.

Apparently she bought two 3ltr bottles of cider and 24 cans of carlsberg which were then drunk by her, her friend and her friend's boyfriend.

They said that they would pay her back when they next see her.

I have absolutely NO intention of giving her any money and she now does not have enough to get to college on Thursday when she's next due in.

Any advice on how to get some of this money back for her would be much appreciated.

(am very, very cross so perhaps not thinking straight on this one)

OP posts:
TrinityTheTwattyRhino · 02/11/2010 10:11

she needs to get the money back from them and if she doesn't she needs to find a different way into college (other than you giving her money)

if she cant she faces the consequences of not going to college and possibly rethinks her 'friends'

you could also punish her for skiving and missing college through her own stupidity

she will learn from this

Hassled · 02/11/2010 10:12

Get her to call them to say as they now won't be seeing her on Thursday, could they drop the money round? Or could you go and collect? If they said they'd pay it back I think you should give them the benefit of the doubt for a few days, at least. Then get on to their parents.

Poor you - not surprised you're cross. Is DD apologetic?

ConnorTraceptive · 02/11/2010 10:13

I wouldn't do a thing TBH it will be one of those life lessons on not to be a mug. She's at college now and is old enough to deal with it herself

Original poster
lollipopshoes · 02/11/2010 10:14

am torn between telling her I want her to have no contact with these friends (looooong back story, she gets into trouble every time she sees them) and giving her her phone back [which I confiscated] to ring and ask for some money.

These kids don't work or go to college, they just hang around the town centre all day looking threatening so I don't think they actually have any money to repay her.

They must have seen her coming a mile off!

OP posts:
Sarsaparilllla · 02/11/2010 10:22

Give her the phone back, get her to ring them, ask for the money and arrange to meet them before Thu to get it back, it really doesn't need to be any more complicated than that!!!

Don't get involved in you asking them or anything, if she's at college she's old enough to sort it out herself, plus it'll just be embarrassing.

Surely you don't want her to miss another day of college?

DinahRod · 02/11/2010 10:24

She won't be getting the money back.

AnyFuleKno · 02/11/2010 10:28

They're not going to give her any money

thisisyesterday · 02/11/2010 10:38

she skived off college and spent her money on booze???
and you are worried about getting her money back???

tough luck I say. she shouldn't have been skiving and she shouldn't have been buying loads of alcohol which they then all drank... during the day?

i mean ffs

if she is old enough to decide whether or not to attend college, old enough to buy alcohol and sit and drink it thn she is old enough to figure out how to get to college on thursday by herself

Original poster
lollipopshoes · 02/11/2010 11:08

thisisyesterday - I totally agree with you, and yes, she made her own decisions and I am very cross that she made the wrong ones.

But... she seems to think that this girl is a real friend and will pay her back as promised.

Have given her her phone to ring and ask her (with me next to her) and the girl said that she will try to get a lift to our house today and bring her the money.

I suspect that that is the last we will hear of her.

Does anyone think that there's anything to be gained from ringing this girl's parents and telling them what happened yesterday?

They are both 16 btw

And no, I deffo don't want her to miss another day's college, but unless she either gets the money back or I give her some she quite simply cannot get there (it's about 15 miles away and there are two buses involved)

OP posts:
MaudOHara · 02/11/2010 11:12

Well if she doesn't get the money back (and its looking unlikely) then maybe you could let her earn the money so that you're not giving in and just handing it over?

Tough lesson but good for her to learn

Original poster
lollipopshoes · 02/11/2010 11:13

maud - she's already doing a million jobs around the house to pay me back for bailing her out of other stuff (ridiculously high phone bill which was tied into my account so I had to pay it or have dp's and my phones cut off)

I'm not sure that giving her more jobs to do, then giving her more money would teach her anything...

OP posts:
2shoes · 02/11/2010 11:20

sorry but she won't get the money back, she has to learn to always get money up front.

2shoes · 02/11/2010 11:20

oh and I would give her the bus fare as missing college is not on, but would make her pay it back.

Original poster
lollipopshoes · 02/11/2010 11:23

don't think I'm going to have much choice, am I? I'll have to give her the money...

OP posts:
2shoes · 02/11/2010 11:28

has she got anything she could sell, xbox games or something
(or an item of clothing you have your eye on)

Original poster
lollipopshoes · 02/11/2010 11:31

nah, not really. Just her phone Grin

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 02/11/2010 11:34

excellent. take her phone into a phone shop and sell it. voila money!

Original poster
lollipopshoes · 02/11/2010 11:40

have looked on ebay and it looks like we could get about £25 for her phone.

I shall tell her that this is her only option unless she gets the money back herself.

OP posts:
2shoes · 02/11/2010 11:54

trouble is she needs her phone. a teen without a phone.......is well bad

haven't you got s lawn to mow, car to wash, floor to scrub?

EvilEyeButterPie · 02/11/2010 11:54

Give her bus fare this time, and in future just give her a weekly or monthly bus pass and a packed lunch. If she wants to behave like a school child, she can get what a school child gets. Maybe give her 20p for the tuck shop :)

thisisyesterday · 02/11/2010 12:02

why does she need it?
i managed just fine as a teen without a phone!

Original poster
lollipopshoes · 02/11/2010 12:04

I think losing her phone will be a big shock to her so not bad as a punishment.

But... it is handy for her to have her phone so I know where and when I need to pick her up (ie whether she's managed to get the bus that will bring her home or if she's on the later bus which means she has no way of doing the last 8 miles of the journey)

and it's also handy for me to be able to ring her and find out where she is (if she tells the truth of course!)

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 02/11/2010 12:05

ok i would maybe do this:

confiscate phone until the weekend. you LEND her the money to get to college on thursday and if she hasn't managed to raise any money by the weekend then the phone gets sold

Original poster
lollipopshoes · 02/11/2010 12:09

I like that as a plan.

But... if she didn't go to college yesterday, she won't get her EMA this week so she won't actually have any money to pay me back or get her to college next week either.

She doesn't have a job - I understand that it's difficult for her as we really do live in the middle of nowhere but I do feel that she could have tried harder (and we will always give her lifts to and from work)

OP posts:
Original poster
lollipopshoes · 02/11/2010 12:10

Is it fair to tell her she HAS to get a job or she won't be able to go to college?

I do believe that college is the best place for her, but only if she's actually going to go. Perhaps she would be better off looking for a full time job instead?

OP posts:
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