Just wondering what you all do about answering back and generally having a shit attitude

[MrsMorgan]

Dd1 is 13 in Nov.

I am having problems with her mouthing off at me when she is having a strop. She does it all the more if there is an audience and I am sick of it.

Last timme she did it at dd2's swimming lesson, so I told her she earntt herself an 8pm bedtime. She carried on and I told her that if she continued, she could go to bed at 8pm for for the next 4 nights. She still carried on and so she did indeed go to bed at 8pm for the next 4 days.

Anyhow, she has just done it again in front of neighbours and so as she was due to go to a friends house tomorrow afternoon, I have told her she can't go. I did warn her beforehand.
She carried on again, telling me how she was going and I can't stop her etc. I again warned her that if she carried on she'd get sent upstairs, but she did and so is now upstairs.

I have no problem carrying through the punishment, but nothing seems to work with her, I just get a mouthful back.

Isn't that typical teenage behaviour?

It's not you, it's the hormones

If dd (13) does it to me in public, I cart her off with a hand round the top of the arm and hiss at her out of earshot that there Will Be Serious Consequences if she carries on. Then I start taking away things like her phone and her internet for increasing lengths of time until she shuts up.

I've found that however horrible the stroppiness, and however much I have to hiss at her it's all forgotten in a minute or two, and if I can drop the anger as quickly as she can drop the strop then things get back to congeniality really very quickly

THe longest she has lost her phone for, btw, it six weeks That was a learning curve for her.

Oh no I know it is normal, just wondered if I am handling it right ?? I feel like it never gets any better.

She does get terrible pmt though, and has recently found out she might have a back problem, so I am trying to bear alll of that in mind, but i'm still not prepared to spoken to like crap.

I hate having to stop her from doing things, as she is such a social butterfly, but it was the only thing I could think of that might make her realise she is being a sod, again lol.

You definitely have to give a warning first before you actually give the punishment. It's not much different to dealing with toddlers, except their bigger

Sounds to me like you're doing all the right things. Just stay consistent and never let her get away with talking to you in a crap way. I don't think a lot of teens even know they're doing it!

their??!!

they're... obviously.

Ok, thank's, as long as I am not being unreasonable then lol.

Ww3 will happen tomorrow when I stick to my guns, but then maybe she will realise I mean business

Does she do the thing where she puts an 'err' on the end of the word when she says something aggressively

i.e. I didn't ASK to be borrrn... err

or

I didn't say THAT... err

lol

Lol, no not yet but I am sure she will soon.

She does massivly cut her nose off to spite her face though, every single time, and you can see her trying to think of a way to get herself out of the corner she has backed herself into, but she ususally then resorts to more shouting.

I have learnt to pick my battles, and so rarely challenge her on her shit hole of a bedroom, or not putting clothes in the wash etc. I just remind her not to expect clothes to magically appear clean and ironed if they weren't in the wash basket.

Ditto. Sometimes it's just not worth the hassle. I just shut her bedroom door and hope there aren't any rats residing in there. I do sometimes grab clothes off the bathroom floor and stick them in the washing machine before they get up and walk across the room by themselves.

Oh I feel your pain.
DD has enormous strops- what I find is effective, is telling her she can't go to weekly singing lesson- AND she will have to phone teacher and explain why. I made her do it once, and she was mortified, as she idolises her.
Oh, and she had to pay the £30 lesson cost
I find the warning helps- but also, I try not to get angry. Keep chanting in my head, "she's a teenager, has hormones and PMT, ands he's kicking off because she knows you love her."
But it is hard.

I used to say 'talk to the hand' in an annoying way and ignore the tirade.

I have developed an ultra short memory and simply can't remember what the strop was 30 minutes before. That helps with their mood swings from awful to chatty and friendly.

I offer more food or simply bring it to the stroppy person. They usually smile and say thankyou!

The person tells me *** and I smile and say 'I love you too' as I leave their room.

It sort of rolls over me, though I hate it if it is in front of anyone else...I go out for a stormy walk round our village if they are being awful and cross my fingers they won't set fire to the house while I'm out. I take the keys so I can't be locked out.

My teenagers (DS17 and DD14) have reduced me to tears several times this summer. I have got to the point that I just don't want them here anymore and wish they'd go and live with their dad and make his life hell.
They are staying with their aunt and uncle for 2 days and I'm due to collect them tomorrow am but am tempted not to.

I hate their mess, their rudeness and attitude in general. They are warned constantly about being on the internet too long (both have laptops) and for the second month in a row I've just received an email from BT ref exceeeding the downloading limit and am going to be charged. They just won't listen to me and I'm starting to hate them.

My son is an arrogant little arse and the last straw is that on Friday night he managed to break the new burglar alarm I've had fitted. He was told not to touch it but of course he didn't listen and fiddled with it and since then I've had it going off (internally thank god so neighbours not angry) every 60 seconds. Every bloody minute since Friday night it has been beeping 4 times really loudly so of course I'd not had much sleep.
Of course he denied it and went off yesterday am to his aunts house but alarm people have just been and said that he had actually phoned Sat am and said his sister had broken it!

I've now had it fixed and have to pay a callout fee of 40 pounds. Where the hell have I gone wrong?

my dd will be 13 in oct...
on many occasions I challenged her behaviour by saying - you wouldn't talk like that to your teachers (she loves her school) ...
(works sometimes)

I will use some of the tips from this thread as Ifeel I am overreacting sometimes myself

I just say excellent, why not leave home now whilst you know it all then ignore them. It's so easy to get in a rage and sucked into a row, which is obv what they want so they can justify their behaviour to themselves!

god its awful isnt it!?

i have dd who is 16 and is generally fine....but if i'm nagging she puts her hand in front of my face and says 'mum,jam!' lol,it does make me laugh....but if her sister ever did it (she's 14) i would go mad....2 different personalities! very different girls.

dd2 is rather mouthy,and yes,taking phone/internet etc does make them think twice.

but if things are quite bad i fail at motherhood and say 'your dad used to treat me like this,and now you? i left him for a reason you know'......i HATE myself for it,but it makes them stop,til next time!

Hi,
Mum of 2 boys ages 13 nearly 14 and 11. They can be lovely but on the other hand really awful.
Pushing boundaries, arguing with each other , fighting, answering us back.
I do think some of it is hormones esp with our 13 year old but also highly influenced by society these days.
Both go to High school and god knows what they see and here from other children there. As parents we have always tried to bring them up to talk to us with worries and concerns and to discuss rather than 'strop' or be moody!! but i suppose in a way we were no different. What i really do struggle with is the 'mouthing off' and the way they talk to me sometimes, big lack of respect!! I try very hard when I feel an arguement brewing to remain calm, strong and open minded to listen and hope through time that as they mature they will learn to do the same!!
Parenting is the hardest job in the world, above any paid job that I have had but also the most wonderful. So even when I wake up in the morning and sometimes enter another day of 'whatevers', 'its not fair blah blahs mum lets him', or 'you never buy me anything'(yeh right), I do try and remind myself that they can be lovely and then try and stear them into that mode!!! xx

DSS1 is 15 and a real pain who seeks out every possible conflict.

I have adopted the strategy of offering him exactly what he wants and I don't. Since he wants to pick a fight more than anything else, he ends up fighting with me to give him the thing he doesn't want and I do .

Any ideas!??
2 boys 13 and 11. School nights...
Bed time we say 8.30pm for 11 yr old and 9pm for the 13 yr old.
This mostly turns in 9pm and 9.30pm as all of a sudden our boys on bed time want to talk to us about anything and everything inc wanting drinks half a dozen times just to draw out time they go up.
Its not as though through the eve we don't give them opportunities to talk and spend one to one but like allot of kids after school there is the homework to get through (which is a battle in it self) then dinners etc and going out with mates etc etc.

What time do others send there's to bed?

Unfortunately have also got into habit of letting them watch a dvd in bed too which sometimes keeps them awake and lets face it at this age when they don't get their quota of sleep they are blinkin awful!!!

I seem to spend most of the time telling DS to speak to me in a 'proper' tone of voice - it drives me mad! DH seems not to notice most of the time, which infuriates me even more. I haven't tried taking his phone away (DS, not DH ), but will try that in future I think.

jujuloz on school nights DS's bed time is supposed to be 9 pm (he's 13 in a couple of days), and of course that stretches out to 9.30 or sometimes even 10. It's always me that's reminding him of the time, but then it's me that has to try and get him up in the morning! DH is up and out to work before any of the morning aggro starts ...

My 13 year old goes to bed between 9.30 and 10pm. Sometimes later at the weekedn but they have to stay upstairs after about 8.30pm. She shares a room with 11 year old which makes things harder. They are asked to tidy their room every week or so and they change their own beds. One is messier than the other which also doesn't help.

As for answering back, with DD1 (13) she can be really rude and selfish and agressive with younger siblings and I usually punish her by stopping her using the internet that day, longer if she is really bad. Sometimes she gets grounded or looses money or gets no phone top ups until behaviours improves. I won't be spoken to like crap and then expected to wait on her hand and foot like nothings happened.

if my kids embarrassed me in public, i would just give them that look...you know...THAT look. then walk away. if they choose to follow, i will remain calm and silent - they too would remain silent until we got to the car. then i would ask for an apology.

if they didn't choose to follow, they can make their own way home. if you live far away from town, you might want to give them bus fare and walk off.

at home it sounds like you are doing exactly the right things.

however if it gets into a constant cycle of shouting and punishments you might want to declare a time out war meeting and just state that you want to just start over cos you love her and you want to have some happy times with her, then suggest some girly time, like a dvd with popcorn or shopping or something.

Oh god, they can drive you mad can't they. DD is just coming through the other side, but DS had his first major strop today. He is 11, but with his mental and physical delays is more like 6, so I thought I would get away with the strops for a while yet, but you can't stop puberty.
If dd was really bad I would just tell her that her behavior was making me very angry and she should get as far away from me as possible, RIGHT NOW - or (dependant on the situation) I will look at her and say, I am suprised that you want to do X as you are a far more mature person than that. disclaimer, about my first statement - I am always in control, what I am saying to dd is our 'code' for you have crossed the line. I think I need a new code, because that sounds awful. I know I will need one for DS, as telling him to go away will scare the crap out of him, and probably give him a massive panic attack.

I am sooo glad to read some of these posts cos my 13 YD is awful...mouthy and rude and always has to have the last word. She doens't treat us with any respect and it's got so other peooe are noticing. I'm no push over but don't know where I've gone wrong with her cos her elder sisters weren't half so bad.