Any groups of parents delaying smartphones together?

[SamianaJones]

Has anyone tried connecting with other parents locally to delay smartphones together? The idea is to stop kids without smartphones from being left out.

We don't want our kids, 7 and 9, to have smartphones until they are older, maybe about 14. We feel its too much responsibility with too many risks like inappropriate content, cyber-bullying, social anxiety, app addiction, profiling, data rights, grooming, you name it. So, they have a basic phone with no wifi and with a calls and texts only SIM for safety if they go out. But we are worried as more of their friends get smartphones and social media they will be left out.

I'm sure we aren't alone. There must be other parents in our community whose kids will be joining ours in secondary school. If we could get connected then we could delay smartphones together and know that our children wont be the only ones without them. But how can I reach them? I asked the schools and the Parent Council/PTA if they could send an email to other parents about it but they couldn't help. This seems to have worked in America. Has anyone here tried to do this?
Any ideas for how parents can get in touch with other parents locally who want to delay smartphones together? Do you think its a good idea?

Hi, we got a basic phone for our 9yo son who is starting to get a little more independent, which I encourage. Our 7yo is too young. But we live in a safe rural area and I see no reason why kids shouldn't be out playing independently outdoors like I did from the age of about 7. I don't think the 'real world' is any more dangerous than it was. I know attitudes have changed but I'm honestly more concerned about what might happen online, even via another child's phone, than I am about them being outside.

We're having the same issue. I had a discussion with my child's friends parents and we all agreed no independent phones or tablets until Yr 7.

3 out of 5 of us gave in over the summer. They're year 4 kids. They have their own phones and/or tablets. Mine is devastated, I have clearly ruined everything by not giving in.

DC do have access to the PlayStation, laptop, tablets and Alexa. But, all under very close supervision and for very limited amounts of time. We don't have a problem with dc learning how to use the devices, the Internet or doing school work/apps on them. I don't feel they are behind in regards to this but I don't see the necessity of them going on YouTube, tiktok and other platforms. They are currently not allowed to go on to YouTube etc. Screen time is limited very strictly. It does mean we have to engage more with our children and encourage independent play when needed.

It's the instant and constant stimulation and dopamine hit that comes with engaging in social media platforms that I'm against. It isn't healthy and not to mention the blatant consumerism and the never ending need to consume more and more media driven shit. To buy, to have, to look like the new hotness.

We've dug in and until it becomes a need such as traveling to school independently etc

Thanks OneMoreCookieMonster, that's interesting to hear you tried to do this with other parents on board too. Even though it didn't entirely work out as planned. But great to hear that other people are also giving this a go.

You aren't allowed to advertise on the Boards like this without MN permission

You are advertising your campaign. I've reported it anyways, to give Mumsnet the choice of whether it's allowed or not.

Hi @SamianaJones , in principle, I agree with you and do believe that collectively taking action would make a difference.

As others have said, our phones are everything. There aren't magazines, gameboys or mp3s anymore, there are phones. Apps for schoolwork, banking, calendars etcetera mean addressing this at levels we can't touch.

Ultimately, it's addicting, 5 minutes swiping and scrolling becomes 45, in a flash.

To disallow this app, or that app, to confiscate their device, or impose alternative measures, can serve to radicalise them, i.e. they will use a friend's phone, get another themselves, hide/lock apps from view and use whatever means of deception they need at the time. They will give themselves permission to do this, from feeling unreasonably dealt with.

But what of banning cigarette sales around schools and calming the biggest killer of teens, road traffic?

Thank you @Norah Norah. You make some very good points.

I think what you say about phones being used for everything is important for adults and older teenagers but younger children don't need those functions. You mention game boys and mp3 players. Some are still available but not many. We have recently seen the demise of these devices but this is only in response to the market impact of parents giving children phones. For the sake of young children we should strive to find alternatives.

As you say, managing a smartphone for a child to use is challenging and problematic. Therefore, parents wishing to give their child a quality phone that they can enjoy, be proud to own and can use safely and positively should be able to buy phones designed for children.

There is a campaign for safe phones at change.org by Kids For Now.

We managed 13 but it will be 14 for our youngest as he has ASD. The eldest also with ASD got her phone at 13 and sim the following year so she could only use it with WiFi i.e. at home. We didn’t join any groups though for it because it wasn’t really a big deal with ours.

@SamianaJones

i have started this discussion among year 6 parents at our school.

like you most of them stay together in year 7.

i have found I am pushing at an open door.

half the parents in the year are planning to start their children with a Nokia for year 7 and together we will see how long we can hold the line.

having researched there are some phones that are limited smart phones eg only support WhatsApp

we might move to that for year 8.

PM me if you want to talk more

I am trying to find out about the national campaign that was mentioned recently in media about this but can't seem to link to it...anyone familiar with it? I think it came out of the Brianna Ghey murder case.

When my DS11 was younger I was adamant that I was going to take the same stance as you OP, but when it came down to it, I didn’t want to ostracise him from his peers but also wanted to keep him safe. So he does have a smartphone, but it is HEAVILY locked down with parental controls; absolutely no social media, no Snapchat, no WhatsApp, and the safari app is blocked completely for now. If he wants to download a game, I get a notification and have to approve it on my phone. Also, the phone wasn’t given to him as a gift, it was made very clear that it is my phone that I allow him to use and if he chooses to not do that responsibly, then I will take it back. So far, so good, he can call, text, and FaceTime his friends, the games keep him occupied on the school bus, and as he gets older, I can start to add in WhatsApp or Facebook or whatever.

Yes we went to a meeting it’s called smartphone free childhood. We’re not getting them one till earliest 14. Studies show this is when they’ll be better equipped to handle it, 16 is better. There’s loads of local groups you can join. I’m not having my kids manipulated by these apps and being left open to the world. There’s several of us in our school doing it and they say when 25% of people start to take action that’s a tipping point and more follow. I don’t think most parents want their kids to have one but do because everyone is. They worry they’ll be left out but I’d rather mine were left out of cyber bullying, porn, nude photos…

Yes we have a big movement in my city. I'm really excited about it but
1.) parents are also ridiculously addicted (myself included) so we also need to look at our own behaviour. The group do 'social free Sunday' but as a single parent, this is my child free day and so it's just not possible to do this on this day.
2.) we are still very small a group in comparison to a whole secondary school year group.
3.) it's child dependent. I would let my son have a smart phone as he has no urge to share, use Instagram or twitter, although this is hard to know if it's age related, whilst my daughter could be completely drawn into it. She checks on the otter she sponsors and wants to look at other things such as people dancing on TikTok. I don't let her but I can tell that she would spend hours on it if I let her. Very vulnerable too due to autism. She overshares, trusts anyone and really craves connection.

@Feralgremlin I think that's a good approach. How did you block all of that? What phone is it?

It’s an iPhone and all the parental controls I mentioned were done via the screentime settings in family sharing. There are so many step-by-step guides online and YouTube which can walk you through how to do it.

Do you have "buy-in" from the children, @Cloudburstings @Feralgremlin @Iona40 @WonderBananas ?

Are the cliches true @WonderBananas regrading boys and girls usage? Seems boys will stream untill their data runs out, yet girls are more on the chatty/messaging social media apps.

I don't know any 7 and 9 years old who have a phone at all, even a basic one, so I'd say your introducing technology way earlier than necessary. Also why are they going out on their own at such a young age?

This sounds positive. What models are the limited smartphones you mentioned. Im interested in safe phones for kids. Thanks.

Did you find it yet? @Iona40 its Smartphone Free Childhood https://smartphonefreechildhood.co.uk
and the whatsapp group is at
https://linktr.ee/smartphonefreechildhood

That's fair enough. I just worry its then opens the door and is a slippery slope to more apps and games. Managing navigating where to draw the line and getting locked in a constant battle over what's allowed on the phone, them wanting to keep up with what their friends have etc. plus if the other kids have smartphones with controls and they are all set up differently and different kids have different permissions its impossible to know if they are safe. Just seems far simpler to have a device which they all know isn't even capable, isn't even designed for the internet. ...Then I've also heard that there are ways kids can dodge the controls. There are YouTube videos made by kids showing how to do it. ...so, up to you but id personally be cautious of that approach as i don't really see a benefit. Depends on the child but it might be good in some cases for them to not go along with the rest. But i think that's a very personal matter. Each child is very different of course.

Where i live lots of kids get phones between age 7 and 9. It starts around 7. But very few of them are going out to play on the streets at that age so that's not the reason they get them. I was out playing with friends every day at that age in the 1980s and i wish wish wish it was like that today for my own kids and it makes me so sad there are no other kids out there for them to meet up with. By the age of 10 most have phones. Although we kid ourselves its for safety i think the real reasons are to keep up with the Joneses and to keep the kids quiet and entertained (or sedated) so that we can play Crossy Road or whatever in peace ourselves.

To add... You're suggesting parents have their kids inside with them without a phone, or else supervise them when outside at all times. This just isn't even possible for working parents. How can you keep your kids entertained while working. Otherwise its constant childcare which is unaffordable for many. No wonder so many kids have phones or are addicted to gaming.

Try toys, talking about very young children here, under 10. If you are working put them in childcare. My dc played out from 6 without phones, this was only 15 years ago