What is this board for?

[powotsits]

I clicked on a thread yesterday that came up in the main section of the site.

I’ve not been on this board before and wasn’t aware of it.

What’s it for?

Without looking I would have imagined it was a space for anyone involved in (in any capacity) or considering surrogacy to find support and information.

Instead it seems to function as a bait for people who have exhausted ivf and are looking into other options, who arrive at a board patrolled almost exclusively by people who are vehemently opposed to surrogacy as a general concept and regularly check the board for new posters to badger, having no actual interest in surrogacy themselves. It functions as an anti-surrogacy board, but is not signposted as such to unwitting posters.

Am I missing something? Why is this board here? It is a very dark corner of the site.

If I wanted advice about surrogacy, the last place I'd ask is Mumsnet. You would never get helpful advice or discussion.

I saw that thread it was horrible 😞

OP you aren’t wrong. I feel for people after advice and some of these responses. It’s the same as a woman potentially looking at abortion and just getting pro life responses. Just because someone has an opinion doesn’t mean it should be shared with the world. Some thoughts are inside thoughts.

I know some boards ate hidden from Active. Perhaps this one needs to be.

The ethical discussion can take place in Feminism.

I wondered the same.

It can be very unkind yes of course there are risks and obviously in some places women are basically forced into surrogacy but you do also get instances where the woman is making an informed choice and wants to help a couple and to be against that is against the reproductive rights of the woman wanting to be a surrogate. Her body, Her choice - whatever that choice may be in relation to surely?

I am vehemently opposed to commercial surrogacy. I believe it is exploitative of vulnerable women who put their health and lives at risk to satisfy the desires of individuals who want a baby. I also think that unnecessarily removing a baby from the mother it knows through voice and smell is cruel and that the commodification of babies in this way is morally reprehensible.

I don't haunt this board looking for posts to post my views on. However, this post and others on this board appear in Active threads. I generally have no idea what board the post is in. If a post appears in Active, it is perfectly reasonable to respond. Obviously, the response should be measured and shouldn't attack the OP. However, MNHQ will delete any that are reported and that contravene talk guidelines.

It might be good if MN put a note at the top of the board pointing out that it’s a place for discussing the practicalities of surrogacy etc and directing people to Feminism or Philosophy/Religion to discuss the ethics.

There are very few women who act as surrogates for altruistic reasons. For the vast majority, they see it as their only option to provide for their families. It's very similar to prostitution. Very few end up as prostitutes because they want to. It is a hard choice due to very difficult circumstances.

Until we see middle class/rich women acting as surrogates for people they don't know, it's completely disingenuous to claim it's simply a woman's choice.

I think commercial surrogacy is awful as well.
If a post about it comes up in active then I am well within my rights to express an opinion on it as long as I stick to Talk Guidelines.

Just glanced at the thread from yesterday and it actually already does say this – it’s clearly stated what the board is intended for

And those of us who object to surrogacy are discussing well-being and types of surrogacy. It's just our focus is on the well-being of the surrogate and the baby rather than the commissioning parents.

Yes, it was unpleasant

Yeah seems sensible. I didn’t even know it existed till yesterday.

The only reason for anti-surrogacy posters to post is to create a hostile environment for the people looking to ‘connect with others in similar situations’ (the stated purpose of the board by mumsnet)

I’ve never been on the surrogacy topics on here, but I’m really not surprised there are people commenting on there that are opposed.

Commercial surrogacy is abhorrent. The more people taking a stand, the better.

No, that's not the intent. It's in the hope that those considering it will recognise that it is exploitative of vulnerable women and will reconsider.

There is a reason it is banned in so many countries.

I think it's a bit naive to suggest that the surrogacy forum should be restricted to people discussing the practicalities of doing it. Maybe they have bought the industry blurb about how wonderful it is and haven't realised the ethical issues. It may be helpful to people interested in surrogacy or being a surrogate to have these explained to them.

You’re right it IS a dark corner of the site.

Mumsnet shouldn’t have a human trafficking board.

Have you considered contacting mumsnet about that? And in fact the authorities, if that’s what you believe is going on here?

Join to connect with others in similar situations and discuss legal processes, costs, well-being, and types of surrogacy. it says this

Yes it does. And it is vitally important that the well-being of the mother and the child she gives birth to are discussed. In most accounts I have read by commissioning parents, the woman who carries the baby for 9 months and who gives birth to it is rarely mentioned other than to say they are grateful to her. The dramatically increased risks associated with an IVF pregnancy are never mentioned nor is the fact the baby recognises their mother's smell and voice long before birth and that this recognition is part of the natural bonding process for the baby.

I agree, if it were up to me (it isn't) I would remove it entirely

That's not reasonable. Imagine a board related to human trafficking and saying people could only post about how to successfully traffic people and anyone who wants to discuss the ethics has to do so on the feminism board - see the issue? I don't patrol the surrogacy board, literally only think about it when threads pop up in active but I won't be told not to raise an ethical issue with a thread subject just because of where it's posted. If my comment aids someone to reflect on the harms of surrogacy and contributes towards a decision not to do it it would be worth it for me. Why would I keep my views corraled in the feminism board?

Mumsnet knows how many of us feel about the surrogacy board. It's their choice to have it but they can't police how people use it.

Surrogacy is human trafficking that is shamefully legal at the moment.

That thread was awful. I felt so sorry for the OP.