Partner gambling heavily and refusing to talk about his addiction

[Goingmad321]

My partner is a gambling addict. I looked at his bank account and he is gambling 500 pounds a day. I tried to talk to him but he has totally shut me down, angry that I looked at his phone. He is constantly moody.. step father to my kids and they love him dearly but he is so secretive and weird as a person. E

Absolutely get rid! £500 a day? Where’s he getting that amount of money?! Also he’s “weird and secretive”?! Nah you don’t need him!

He needs to save himself for himself not because you give him an ultimatum. Get out before he ruins you. Hope you aren't financially connected in anyway!?

Split up with him. Why do you allow him in your children's lives? He's not going to change and thankfully you're not married.

How is he financing this habit?

Separate. This won't get any better in fact it will only get worse.

Do you live with this idiot? Get rid before he destroys your life.

£3.5k a week?! I’d get legal advice tbh

I found out because I looked at his banking app.. he is totally nonchalant about the issue just angry at me for snooping.. I had to because his moods are awful.. he spends money wildly on the kids and I which makes it impossible to confront him without feeling like a ungrateful b@tch.. ! He said he will do something about it.. he is telling me we cant afford things while he is putting huge bets all day every day. I was a single mum when we met and very poor.. ooh what to do? What a mess.

Is he any good at it - I mean is he making money out of it?

No just burning through savings. Wins sometimes and gives me money to ease the guilt? Loses and is angry and snappy.. it's a really strange way to live.

Again, this will only escalate. You need to disentangle yourself from him.

This is like any addiction. There'll be highs and great, fun times while they get their fix (in this case winning or even placing bets and waiting for the results) and crashing, mood altering lows in between.

You cannot fix it or control it. You can only decide if you want to live with it which I wouldn't, especially with kids.

I grew up on a household with a parent who had an addiction and you're constantly walking on eggshells not knowing which version of them you're going to see. Don't do that to yourself or kids.

This is coming from a gambling addict herself currently just coming out of a relapse.. he will not stop until he wants too and will not admit it until he hits absolute rock bottom. Don't let that rock bottom include you losing everything you have and own!

Make sure you remove as much access to money as you possibly can. Hide any and all valuable. Get your ducks in a row to protect yourself and your children.

You need to separate your finances very quickly. Don’t allow him to take loans in joint names. While he doesn’t see it as a problem, he has no interest in changing. You need to end the relationship.

Ex- partner surely.

I'm assuming there's been some kind of escalation in his addiction or he wouldn't have £3.5k in the first place to be setting on fire every week.

In some ways, gambling is the worst addiction, you'd struggle to spend £500 a day on booze or drugs and if you did you'd not be alive for long.

I think the high is worse as well, there and gone in an instant. And so easily to keep your supply going with a phone in your hand.

It sounds like you are with him to escape poverty, that's going to backfire at some point, he will keep going beyond burning through his savings and starting getting into debt to try to recover his losses and maintain the dopamine supply.

You need to end it and work out a plan to earn your own money, become financially independent so you are not relying on unsuitable men.

Dump him. Lifetime of misery ahead.

Get him to look at the gambling aware website, he signs up to it and it suspends all his accounts with betting wesbites You can chose the length of time, a month to a year to lifetime etc. Maybe encourage him to try it just for a month? And once the month is up he can extend it or just log into his betting accounts as normal. But also agree with previous posters, seperate as much finances as you can.

Sorry op , leave. You can't help him. You can only help yourself. Make a plan and leave x

You do not need this in your life.

How do you get rid of it?

Its an addiction, same as drugs, alcohol etc and every bit as damaging.
He needs professional help and you OP, need to decide ASAP if you can support him if he gets the help. If he isnt willing to engage then he needs to go

What makes you think this is an appropriate person to have around your children?

Dump him

@FateAmenableToChange
Probably because he ‘spends money wildly’ on them. Which is probably also why the op says they love him.
They’re well on their way to being fucked up for life.

Online gambling is a scourge on our society

thats £15k a month adding to the profits of the gaming company’s. It’s tragic