Mother passed out drunk on Christmas Day

[AmpleOlive]

Just a rant as today is tipping me over the edge.

I have my mum over at mine, as has been the case for the past few years. It’s just me and her today, the rest of the family are doing their own thing with their OHs and kids.

Mum has been a functioning alcoholic for as long as I’ve been alive. Like others in her position she has had good and bad days, but lately it’s been getting far worse. And last night she cracked open a bottle of gin and downed half of it. She has been passed out on the sofa since early this morning, waking up briefly at 11am before falling back asleep 30 minutes later. I cooked us a Christmas dinner as we had planned, but I’m the only one eating it.

Merry Christmas 😥

that’s sad op.

maybe next year you go to hers for an hour or two to
exchange gifts - and leave.

that way you are taking control back of your own life instead of being in the middle of her living hell. it’s a bastard of an illness. doesn’t mean your life needs ruined too though.

I’m sorry to hear that OP.
Is your Mum still with you? If so, can you pour all the drink away tonight so this doesnt turn into a repeat performance tomorrow?

Do you have anything nice planned for tomorrow?

I get what you were trying to say MyRoseRaven, and I think it was a useful and helpful thing to say.

You can't help and alcoholic, they can only help themselves. And being around them can damage you, so you have to save yourself.

OP, I'm sorry you had a shit christmas. I hope next year your Christmas is better, and you do something nice for yourself. You are a good daughter and you didn't deserve to be treated this way today. Hope you are watching crap TV now and enjoying the evening

Sorry to hear that OP, it's a crappy situation for all involved. Just know you aren't alone there and there will be lots dealing with similar family issues today.

That must be so hard. I'm so sorry. You are a good and brave person for trying to give her a christmas day anyway. I hope lots of joy comes your way in life. You certainly deserve it after having to deal with this.

Well, you made a couple of "I'm sorry if you..." non-apologies.

I think your comment would have been OK (if harsh) if you had explained your situation at the same time. That is surely necessary for radical honesty?

OP, NACOA are really helpful, for adults as well as children:

nacoa.org.uk/

stop inviting her to your house for a start. I have a functioning alcoholic for a father and he's not allowed anywhere near my house at Xmas. Not a chance would i allow him to ruin Xmas for my child. No one stepped in for me when I was little but I will do my upmost to make sure it doesn't pass on to the next generation!

I’m sorry, OP.

This describes my childhood- dad would go out to the pub as soon as it opened, mum would drink herself into a stupor by 11am and I’d be left all alone (from the age of, like, the age of 7 onwards).

I have no advice but know it is shit and you have my sympathy.

Thank you all for your kind words. I just wanted to let it all out as it’s a shitty situation. @MyRoseRaven no offence taken from your words, but I get what you mean. I know I don’t have to put up with it, but right now I either beat the situation or let it beat me.

At least I had full control of the remote and enjoyed my own festive treats, so it hasn’t been all bad. Already thinking of a different Christmas next year.

Hope you all had a lovely day however you spent it 🎄

You have to set boundaries if you want to have a relationship. I recommend short visits in places where drinking is not the norm. If I do invite my family member over for a meal, even on a special occasion, I just don’t serve alcohol.

I’m so very sorry, @AmpleOlive
You didn’t do anything wrong or bad to deserve an alcoholic parent.
I’m saying that on the off-chance you might think that you did.
You were just dealt a shitty hand of cards.
There are probably a couple of organizations related to the families of alcoholics near you. I’ve heard they can help - if nothing else, they can help you not feel so alone.
If I was there I’d be your friend. We could laugh and talk about, well, we could talk about anything we wanted. And we could tell each other jokes.
Smiling and laughing are great salves.
Sending love from California ❤️