Gambling Help

[Gamblingproblems]

I am addicted to gambling and I’m at the point where I know I need help - or at least some tough love.
But it’s hard to know where to start when I can’t tell anyone close to me or use some of the ‘tools’

I have gambled on and off for around 20 years, some times more intensely than others and I have had breaks of 1/2 years during that time when I felt it was becoming too much or had a loss that ‘scared me’ - last one was when I spent my mortgage money and had to default a month.

Recently, I have been particularly anxious, which I know is a trigger, and have been gambling daily for a couple of months.
the problem is - I kept winning, like big wins, which meant that even though I put it all back in, I was never ‘down’ so didn’t have to take accountability.

Well over the last week or so, my luck ran out, but the addiction ramped up chasing the wins.

Ive sunk 5-6K in the last couple of weeks and am now in a serious mess.

I’ve wiped out any money I had, borrowed from family, overdrafts, money transfer, anywhere I could get from. Luckily haven’t done any payday loans.

But I know I’ve screwed up and desperately want to stop.

i can’t tell anyone close to me, me and my partner occasionally go to the casino / use bandits while out - but he has no idea of my addiction, and im very good at hiding the ‘urge’ feelings when we are in a casino. We also have bi-yearly vegas trips where obviously we gamble.
please do not tell me I need to tell him, I can’t.
my gambling does not affect his finances as such, we live separately officially and do not split finances, but it does affect our future plans together and means he has to pick up the slack for money for holidays / days out etc when I’m skint.

This is why I struggle to know what to do - I don’t want to self exclude or do bank restrictions as he would then know when we went to casino etc.
Just to be clear, casinos in this country & vegas are not where I lose money or go overboard, we take an amount of cash / decide a budget before hand and stick to it - it is online slots that are my problem, but I’m also not naive enough to think that casinos may not be a trigger for me to start again.
But as I said, I can’t tell him so please don’t advise me to, but I know I need to start suggesting alternatives to casino trips.

bit of background:
I grew up around addiction that devastated my family and have always been so conscious of not becoming addicted to alcohol or drugs - I even manage to never get addicted to smoking, but somehow I have still become a different type of addict and I know I will ruin my life if it continues :(

I think counselling would be the way forward for me - but does anyone have any idea where I’d even start to find a counsellor for this?

Sorry for such a long post, but it has helped keep my thumbs busy for the last 10 mins at least!

And today I have not gambled yet.
but I did yesterday, and lost £1.4K, and spent money that was for next months bills - hence my determination to fix this today.

Any help or advise greatly received.

I don’t want to self exclude or do bank restrictions as he would then know when we went to casino etc

Why not try GAMSTOP?

Specifically for online gambling. He wouldn't know when you went to a casino if it isn't online. It sounds like it's very much out of control already.

I would contact Gamstop today to at least talk to an expert/counsellor ASAP.

I didn’t realise GameStop was just for online - thank you. I just presumed self excluding anywhere would Mean your blacklisted and blocked from any casinos etc too.

I will contact them and see what they can advise. Thank you.

I don't think you can give up gambling but continue to use casinos and go to Vegas. You may feel in control during those visits but its still part of you addiction. I'd go cold turkey and tell your boyfriend you've decided to start saving more, so no longer want to go to casinos etc.

@Stichintime I completely agree.
As I said, I’ve never gone over my limits etc at a casino / bandit / in vegas, but I do worry that if I manage to quit that these could be a trigger and give me that ‘buzz’ if I got a win, which could then mean me going back online to chase it again.

I want to change going casinos as being our ‘thing’, as much as I love those nights together I need to think of something else for us to do. The saving money thing won’t really work as he tends to pay whenever we go out anyway, but I need to think of something where I can say - let’s start trying this!
I have messaged him to see how he feels about joining a gym together and start going - after seeing online about replacing dopamine hits so 🤞🏼 he goes for that!

Regarding vegas, we already have the trip booked & paid for next year, and rather than being excited I am begining to feel anxious about it after the last couple of weeks. I’m hoping I will be ‘clean’ by then and maybe just say while we’re there that I’ve just gone off casinos and suggest using the money to do a couple of ‘posh’ meals instead - but I also don’t feel I can push this too much as he also really enjoys casino hopping in the middle of the night and seeing where we end up.

After next year I may suggest we book somewhere else though!

Hi OP, it's GamStop, not "Game Stop" here is the link, it takes a matter of minutes to complete. It's for online only. Come back and tell us when you have filled the form in:

https://www.gamstop.co.uk/

Next time your partner suggests going out to a casino, say no, you're bored of them and would rather see a show/have a meal.

Thank you so much @ConstitutionHill and thank you for making me accountable by telling me to come back and confirm once it’s been done!

Just a quick question before I do - does anyone know if this shows up on credit score / credit check etc that I’ve self excluded? Just as my mortgage is up for renewal this year so I’m worried that may flag up if I have an agreement like that in place?
May be a stupid question I know 🙈 and definitely not a delay tactic 🤣 just don’t want to end up in more of a mess if they refuse my mortgage renewal because of it?

Hey! I've been on and off online for years.. including as recent as last week. I was spending 100s and felt sick when I kept depositing, trying to win something back.. but then if I did win it back, I would go 'ah on a roll I'll spend another 50.. and another once that's gone until it was all gone. It isn't spoken about amongst women as it should be. Even went mad on FB raffle pages for 6 months. But now? I am one week on from not playing either.. it was hard for the first couple of evenings but I have hardly thought of doing it since finding a series to watch. I totally applaud you for owning up to this! I definitely advise to sign up to gamstop, it didnt ever show on my credit reports xx good luck xx

GamStop will not show up on a credit score. I tell you what will affect a mortgage application though, dozens of transactions in and out of online gambling companies. Doesn't matter if the name is not obvious at first, a quick google search will tell. The sooner you stop depositing money into online casinos, the sooner those transactions will drop off your last 90 days bank statements.

It won’t affect your credit score at all. It’s only within the gambling industry world. Each company has its own but I’m sure it’s got bigger now and you self exclude from a few places at once. Although it won’t show up on your credit score it will show on your bank statements and they will consider that when you’re getting a mortgage. Good luck op. I’ve watching gambling destroy families and it’s not pleasant. Let us know how you get on xx

It’s not what you want to hear but you do need to talk about it - trying to keep it under wraps is a symptom of your addiction as it is.

If you don’t want to tell your partner, then you need to at least find a support group near you. Addiction has a genetic and environmental component and it is probably playing a part in your situation.

I come at this from the POV of the wife of a compulsive gambler or gambling addict however you want to phrase it. You owe your partner the truth. Being lied to is the worst part about being with a gambling addict. It has destroyed me mentally over the years. Also you can’t separate some forms of gambling over others. It’s all the same and if you want to quit you need to quit it ALL. It’s like an alcoholic saying they’re only addicted to spirits but can have wine. It just doesn’t work that way. You need to stop the vegas trips and the casino dates if you truly want to recover. Go to a Gamblers Anonymous meeting. Tell your partner the truth and that you need to stop all gambling. I can’t guarantee they will stay and you can’t make them. They deserve the right to make their own choices. But if they choose to stay but say they won’t stop the vegas and casino trips to try help you then they’re not a good partner for you to have anyway. Also tell your friends and family the truth cause they need to stop enabling you by lending you money. I honestly hope you manage to get the help and to beat this cause gambling addictions destroy lives. You have the chance to beat it but it has to come from you and you have to really really want to stop and to realise what that means.

This isn't true. GamStop will exclude you from ALL UKGC licensed online casinos. Yes you can self-exclude on a brand -by -brand basis, but what is the point when you can just go and sign up at a different one of the 100's available, minutes later?

OP, get your self onto GamStop now, what's holding you back?

You think tonight might just be the night that you have a big win and this will all go away right? If you GamStop, you'll never have the chance to win all your losses back, right?

Wrong, what's gone is gone, you will just plunge further into the pit. I've seen it all before.

I assume when you say you cant tell your partner it’s because you think you lose the relationship? Sorry , but you have no real relationship if you are hiding such a huge thing.He will be very upset/angry but if you dont face up to it you have no chance of beating this.

Gambling addiction in my family - so sorry you’re going through this.

gamstop is good and effective. Please do it now before you come up with some reason not to.

https://www.gamcare.org.uk Are available to talk to anytime for free. 0808 8020 133. They should be able to refer you on to a local specialist councillor as well - usually also free. They might be able to help you sign up to gamstop too, although I don’t know.

I guess everyone is different in terms of their triggers are and what can be tolerated or managed, but until you start working on the deeper causes of your dependency it will be difficult to truly stop, so please do try for counselling with a specialist. And yes, at some point, when you’re ready you will have to tell the people in your life so they can support your recovery and stop enabling through loans and covering your share of things etc.

Definitely stop completely, you will kid yourself that it's under control but it won't be. Use free service like GamCare and Gamble aware to talk to someone, and maybe plan how you tell people in your life, and how you stay out of casinos. The NHS also offer support too and signpost places to get help and support. Go to gamstop immediately.
You've aired this now and that's a great first step but you do need to keep going for your sake and the people in your life.
You've got this.

Please look at contacting bank and betting sites through responsible gambling laws. You have got yourself in quite a mess over 2 days alone and now you need to get yourself out it.

Your partner doesn’t need to know at the moment but if you intend on having a future with them are you not better being honest with them now before this does blow up in your face down the line?

This will affect your credit so the possibility of mortgages down the line is high. (EDIT to clarify….self excluding wont cause issue with credit but all the borrowing will.)

Please don’t think this is coming across as judgy. I am just putting things into perspective got you!!

First stop is to get yourself blocked from these sites. If you go to the casino use cash only, walk away once you have won. He won’t know,

I’m the same. I’m addicted to gambling. I must of lost about 30k over the last 2 years. I used GameStop now. It’s on all my devices. It’s hard I still get the urge to gamble and I feel sick and guilty when I think of how much I have lost. It’s something I will have to live with for the rest of my life.

This was me three months ago.
Hit rock bottom and signed up with Gamstop for five years with automatic renewal.
It took me ages to get to this point and I really missed it for a while, but now I'm in a much better place and don't have the horrible feelings that go with the addiction.
I got myself into a lot of debt and could not see a way out, but things are so much better now.

On my banking app under cards there is a 'Gambling Restrictions' option that you can toggle on - it works immediately but takes 48 hours to come off so maybe see if you have that option until you sort everything else, good luck x

Thank you all so much - I’m feeling rather overwhelmed and teary.

Sorry it’s took me so long to come back and reply - but I have just got in bed and reading through each and every one of your responses has really helped me - more than you realise ❤️

I know how mumsnet usually reponds to gambling addictions - as it is normally from a stance of a woman finding out her husband has got them in to debt through it - so I was expecting much more of a beating, but you have all been so lovely and helpful.

For those of you who have also been or are going through this addiction, I’m sending you as much love and strength as I can, I never ever thought I would be someone who got caught in an addiction like this and it really is such a difficult ugly thing to overcome :(

So I didn’t do GamStop earlier as was worried re the impact on my mortgage renewal, BUT I did put the gambling restrictions on my bank accounts to stop me
being able to make any deposits today, but will go sign up for GamStop now 💪🏼

I asked my partner if I could go to his this evening and watch a film, I left my phone at home and told him I just wanted a couple of hours away from the world, and just putting that physical barrier away from the temptation was weirdly freeing.

The fact it is now 8:40 and I haven’t gambled today is a huge milestone, I can’t remember the last day I didn’t gamble at all, and now I’ve got so close to finishing the day without doing it I feel a push of ‘come on - you can do it!’ I know deep down if I wanted to I could transfer money to different accounts etc to do it but I feel like I just can’t be bothered, I think I have got to the point where I am just completely drained and exhausted by the addiction and I just want to be free from it.

Just as a side note - I know what people are saying about talking about it and I know you are all right, but it’s just so difficult. Honestly, I know my partner would be super supportive, he is an amazing man, but it’s the shame that stops me.
The thought of seeming weak.
Im the type of person who tries not to show any weakness, or lack of self control, I know this is something I need to work on but it really is too hard an ask, maybe when I am better I hopefully will be able to speak to him about it as I can come from a place of ‘look how strong I was, beating my addiction’.

Again, thank you all so much, even just for another 10 mins of keeping my fingers busy typing this out!

@baloobs @ilovepixie @WilboWagins

Sorry to hear you have also struggled / are struggling and thank you for coming forward so I don’t feel so alone.

You are right, it’s not spoken about with women at all, it’s always seen as men who have gambling addictions and with women it’s almost joked about ‘Oh yeah, she’s always on those bingo sites’ and people take it as it’s a funny little hobby - but you say a man is always on the slot machines and it’s taken more seriously - maybe women are just better at hiding things? Or maybe people just don’t expect women to fall in to addictions? I don’t know but it does feel like a very ‘un-womanly’ thing to do losing all your money on online casinos.

Im going to try and post on here every single day to say I’ve not gambled, as a way of keeping myself accountable - you’re all welcome to do the same 💪🏼

I really hope you all get through this, I honestly wouldn’t wish it on anyone and it just makes me realise even more how unlucky I was to have parents who were addicts, they weren’t bad people, just ill.

Just dropping in a quick update as I plan to keep myself accountable through here - hope none of you mind 🤗

i woke up this morning and first thoughts were to gamble, thinking where I could get money from, which bank accounts I could use that aren’t restricted, could I use new details to get around the GamStop blocks etc then pulled myself up and gave myself a firm no, got out of bed and distracted myself.

Made a conscious effort to stay off my phone as much as possible today to remove temptation.

My anxiety has suddenly descended this evening as I tried to start making a plan of sorting my money, replacing what I’ve borrowed etc and it just feels monumental at the moment, the guilt and anxiety is battering me :(

But I will say, this time feels different, I can’t put my finger on why, the urge is still there and a voice screaming in my head to gamble, but I think I’m kinda angry at gambling sites? Not sure if I’m pinpointing my emotion correctly but I know I do feel like I hate the thought of doing it again rather than feeling like I want to do it to get a buzz,

I dunno, I just hope the will to get better keeps outweighing the urge to gamble 🤞🏼

Well done for getting on GamStop OP

Well done 👏🏻 distraction will be such a good thing for you at the moment so might be worth looking into a new hobby

My mum was a gambling addict (well still is and I believe always will be) she almost destroyed my family growing up so many times and risked the roof over our heads so many times. A huge chunk of my childhood memories is stood at a counter in a shop whilst she scratched away hundreds of pounds several times a day on scratch cards. It is awful. You owe your partner the truth. Also you can’t stop online gambling and then go to Vegas and splurge in a casino. Gambling is gambling no matter what form it’s done in and will only end badly if you’re exposed to it.