I am addicted to gambling and I’m at the point where I know I need help - or at least some tough love.
But it’s hard to know where to start when I can’t tell anyone close to me or use some of the ‘tools’
I have gambled on and off for around 20 years, some times more intensely than others and I have had breaks of 1/2 years during that time when I felt it was becoming too much or had a loss that ‘scared me’ - last one was when I spent my mortgage money and had to default a month.
Recently, I have been particularly anxious, which I know is a trigger, and have been gambling daily for a couple of months.
the problem is - I kept winning, like big wins, which meant that even though I put it all back in, I was never ‘down’ so didn’t have to take accountability.
Well over the last week or so, my luck ran out, but the addiction ramped up chasing the wins.
Ive sunk 5-6K in the last couple of weeks and am now in a serious mess.
I’ve wiped out any money I had, borrowed from family, overdrafts, money transfer, anywhere I could get from. Luckily haven’t done any payday loans.
But I know I’ve screwed up and desperately want to stop.
i can’t tell anyone close to me, me and my partner occasionally go to the casino / use bandits while out - but he has no idea of my addiction, and im very good at hiding the ‘urge’ feelings when we are in a casino. We also have bi-yearly vegas trips where obviously we gamble.
please do not tell me I need to tell him, I can’t.
my gambling does not affect his finances as such, we live separately officially and do not split finances, but it does affect our future plans together and means he has to pick up the slack for money for holidays / days out etc when I’m skint.
This is why I struggle to know what to do - I don’t want to self exclude or do bank restrictions as he would then know when we went to casino etc.
Just to be clear, casinos in this country & vegas are not where I lose money or go overboard, we take an amount of cash / decide a budget before hand and stick to it - it is online slots that are my problem, but I’m also not naive enough to think that casinos may not be a trigger for me to start again.
But as I said, I can’t tell him so please don’t advise me to, but I know I need to start suggesting alternatives to casino trips.
bit of background:
I grew up around addiction that devastated my family and have always been so conscious of not becoming addicted to alcohol or drugs - I even manage to never get addicted to smoking, but somehow I have still become a different type of addict and I know I will ruin my life if it continues :(
I think counselling would be the way forward for me - but does anyone have any idea where I’d even start to find a counsellor for this?
Sorry for such a long post, but it has helped keep my thumbs busy for the last 10 mins at least!
And today I have not gambled yet.
but I did yesterday, and lost £1.4K, and spent money that was for next months bills - hence my determination to fix this today.
Any help or advise greatly received.