Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Addiction support

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Original poster

No idea! Husband has had a 10 year addiction

55 replies

goodnightgrumble · 29/12/2024 21:38

He has been taking 1200 mgs of codeine a day!! I only found it as we have a courtesy car and I found them in the glove compartment by accident.
He is so sorry and promised never again. He is going cold turkey with advice from the Dr and is a complete mess. I will support him through this but I am not sure I can forgive him. I feel like it is 10 years wasted and been a complete lie.
I don't even know where to start. I am supposed to start a new job on the 13th but that won't be happening.

Any advice anyone? I feel broken. He has been getting them from a dodgy guy who he met outside a pharmacy. On the outside he has a good job etc and it is such a shock. There have been no signs!! Where and how do I start to process this?

OP posts:
ParsonBrown · 29/12/2024 21:49

It's hard but don't make any rash decisions.

Take a few days to let this sink in and allow yourself time to process.

Don't try to be the only support for him, make sure he gets outside help.

Talk to him.

FriendsDrinkBook · 29/12/2024 21:53

What's the context op? Was he given them for pain at one point?

As a pp has said , please don't be his only support if you can help it. Codeine withdrawal isn't easy to deal with. I've heard people have been advised to gradually cut down rather than stop completely immediately. I have a little experience in this regarding a family member.

Good luck.

CC222 · 29/12/2024 21:56

Don't let this stop you from starting your new job. This shouldn't ruin your new opportunities, although I'm sure it will be difficult to start a new role while you're preoccupied with this but you can get through it...
He has an addiction but it didn't happen overnight. Might be worthwhile him seeking therapy to address how he's got to this point, and also maybe therapy together to work on being open and vulnerable with each other about the issues this has naturally caused between you, and work on building the trust again.
I know you're in huge shock over this, but I'm sure he hasn't done this as an intentional betrayal to you, he's probably kept it so hidden because of shame.
If he's a good partner outside of this, then try support him wholeheartedly. But also take some time to just get your head around things. You can get through this together, if you're both open to working on things and moving forward as a team, without judgment..
I hope it works out for you both x

Original poster
goodnightgrumble · 29/12/2024 22:04

Thankyou so much. I did not have a clue. 10 years!! I can't talk to him at the moment as he is withdrawing and wants to rip his own skin off. He is shaking crying and a mess. I am so angry but I can't show it yet. Apparently it has got really bad over the past six months as he has been able to get hold of as much as he wants. It also ties on with recent arsehole behaviour which I posted about earlier.
I know it's an addiction and it changes his behaviour but I am struggling as I want to rip his head off and then feel sorry for him. We have two young children. I think it started after he had pain meds for a knee op and he liked the high it gave him. Just didn't expect him to keep chasing it for ten fucking years.

OP posts:
tribpot · 29/12/2024 22:12

Is he getting help from Narcotics Anonymous or a drug addiction service? Whatever he decides to do, you should look for support from the organisations for families of addicts - Nar Anon or Ad Fam.

Definitely don't turn down your new job. Don't make the mistake of thinking if you pour all of your energy into his sobriety it will make the difference. It has to come from him. Remember the three C's:

  • you didn't cause it
  • you can't cure it
  • you can't control it
lleeggoo · 29/12/2024 22:13

I feel like it is 10 years wasted

How is it wasted?

CC222 · 29/12/2024 22:14

Despite what's happening, his current withdrawal is very serious and you or someone needs to keep a close eye on him to make sure it doesn't get to the point where he needs to be taken to a&e. Cold turkey drug withdrawal is highly dangerous.
Is there any family/friends of either of you that you can call to help over these next few days? If it gets unmanageable for you, please call an ambulance. He may well need medical assistance with this withdrawal.
Deal with this first, take time to process what's happening, then decide how is best to move forward. Therapy is probably crucial in this situation.
Please don't be afraid to ask for help x

DreamCatchingSpiders · 29/12/2024 22:16

Ffs don't watch him cold turkey from that much codeine. He's going to be really unwell, and it's barbaric.

He needs to see a drug service and do it with supervision. He has lied and been dishonest, but this isn't the answer to the problem.

healthybychristmas · 29/12/2024 22:19

Please don't even think of not going to that new job. You've got to put yourself first now.

FriendsDrinkBook · 29/12/2024 22:20

@DreamCatchingSpiders indeed. The advice to just stop taking it doesn't sound right to me.

OytheBumbler · 29/12/2024 22:21

It sounds like he wants to stop if he's visited the dr and is having withdrawal symptoms. Is he getting support to wean himself off them?

I don't understand how it's 10 years wasted if you didn't know it was happening?

alpenguin · 29/12/2024 22:21

In the past ten years has he been a bad or difficult husband in any way? Has he not been working or contributing to the house/family? Other than your recent discovery has everything else been more or less ok (within the realms of normal relationship difficulties)?

addiction to opioids is a really difficult one because they’re usually prescribed legitimately at first and very easy to get used to. If you had no idea prior to finding the medication then It sounds like he’s been a functioning addict. That’s not really anyone’s fault. Addiction is an illness and he needs the appropriate professional support to enter recovery. Cold turkey won’t work & can be dangerous.

He doesn’t need moral judgement, he knows what he’s been doing and how it looks.

LisaJohnsonsFacebookMole · 29/12/2024 22:24

Cold turkey sounds like a knee jerk reaction and a bad idea. It's a really uneducated decision.

Mischance · 29/12/2024 22:26

He will be feeling utterly grim as he goes cold turkey from this morphine derivative. It is incredibly addictive. I was given it many years ago and stopped it after a few tablets as I could tell I was so high and would find it hard to stop it.

I hope you can find the right support for him and for you.

cryinglaughing · 29/12/2024 22:26

I know others have asked but is he going this alone?
It will be brutal for him ☹️
Do you have support.

Do still start your job!

hamsandyams · 29/12/2024 22:30

I know a medical professional who was prescribed them. She ended up flushing them down the toilet as she became obsessed about thinking about taking them knowing they were in the house. She knew the risks of addiction and had to ask her husband to flush them for her. Just to give you some context, it probably wasn’t about him taking them because he liked the high, it was that they changed his body chemistry so he thought and felt like he needed them to feel normal.

Paradisegained · 29/12/2024 22:32

Right this is grim for both of you. 1200 mg of codeine per day cold turkey - the GP is nuts totally nuts. And it’s too dangerous.

240 mg a day is the maximum. I got addicted quickly - given them for back pain but I was addicted to about 200 mg a day and my GP just kept giving them to me. It got to the point I couldn’t manage without them and I realised O was addicted. It took me about 6 weeks to tailor off 240 mg and I had been on them for over a year. I will not touch them now.

Poor man must be terribly ill right now. I had headaches, the shakes and I couldn’t sleep and that was long term 200 mg a day use and coming off them.

Can you get emergency support from a drug counsel service. Phone the GP in the morning and get an emergency appointment - cold turkey off 1200 mgs is nuts.

Notcopingbutstillstanding · 29/12/2024 22:33

You've every right to be shocked and furious at a hidden addiction.
It makes you question everything about your H's honesty and behaviour.
I know, because I've experienced the same, though not a drug addiction in my case.
In the short term, he needs urgent medical guidance. As in today. Because going cold turkey is potentially very dangerous and you could have a disastrous situation on your hands here.
But you are completely reasonable to reconsider the whole relationship, given he is capable of keeping a massive secret from you. I know addiction can creep up on a person and they didn't set out to become an addict.
Nevertheless, I will never trust my H again.
Perhaps individual therapy for your own sake should be the priority here before you decide how to tackle this and make permanent decisions.
I really feel for you. It makes you doubt everything when you've been kept totally in the dark by your life partner and you didn't suspect a thing.

HappyDartsmas · 29/12/2024 22:41

Why is he not tapering? I'm surprised a gp has told him to go cold turkey with no support or substitute? Did you see the gp with him? Is it possible he didn't actually see one?

I haven't tapered painkillers but have steroids and it took for ever, hopefully it is just codeine he's been taking and not mixed with paracetamol?

LadyWiddiothethird · 29/12/2024 22:45

Not possible to go cold Turkey on that amount of Codeine,it is an Opiate.Dehydration is particularly dangerous with Codeine withdrawal.

Likewhatever · 29/12/2024 22:53

Cold turkey is not quick, and it gets much worse. He should be tapering his medication slowly, not stopping completely, and it should be done under medical supervision. Understandably you’re shocked and angry, but right now he needs your support. Resolve the issues that led to a ten year addiction later.

StrongandNorthern · 29/12/2024 22:55

Get some support to taper down asap. GP, 111 or even A & E.
Cold turkey is insane from that amount.

SmellyNelliey · 29/12/2024 22:57

Addiction is hard op, no gp would advice to go cold turkey,he needs a drug councilor and this to be addressed properly.
Talk to frank is a 24 hour 7 day a week drug help line give them a ring and get advice.

TheJackalsJackal · 29/12/2024 23:19

Thinking of you OP

Sunshine1500 · 29/12/2024 23:21

you both need advice from addiction specialists, he can’t do cold Turkey on a 10 year addiction at this level.
this will take time and management with support.