Codeine Withdrawal. Day three.

[PippaPoppy]

I am addicted to codeine. I am currently on day three of withdrawal and just wanted to write this all down. No one IRL knows. Not even my DH who is my world and has been for the last 17 years. I am just so ashamed that I can’t tell anyone.

My daughter was born 19 months ago a few months into the pandemic when there was just no support available. After a difficult pregnancy she was born 5 weeks early. I developed post natal anxiety and it was horrendous. I begged my GP for help but my referral to the specialist clinic was rejected. I have never felt so much emotional pain or fear in all my life. I was convinced my baby was dying, I was convinced there was something horribly wrong with her. I can’t really describe the feeling, it was like nothing I’d ever experienced before.

I remembered reading something about codeine and how good it makes you feel. I think it was something on Mumsnet actually. I decided to try it. It was wonderful. It eased everything and it helped me sleep. Before long, I couldn’t be without it. The rest is history.

My drug of choice was Nurofen Plus. In the space of 18 months I went from 2, 3 times a day to 12, 3 times a day. 36 a day. 450mg of codeine and 7200mg of ibuprofen.

For the last few months I’ve been feeling so ill. My stomach is a mess, my hair and nails are brittle and broken, I am so tired all the time. Every time I went to take my dose I would gag and have to force them down. It was as if my body was screaming at me to stop.

I looked at my baby girl a few days ago and broke down. How could I do this to her? I’m killing myself. She deserves so much more. I want to be around for her and watch her grow.

I made the decision to stop. I took my last dose at lunchtime on Monday, I’ve just entered day three of withdrawal. It’s hell. Everything hurts. My legs are so restless. I’ve been taking Imodium and anti-sickness pills to stop the gastro side effects. It’s helping. I just wish I could stop thinking about it, the mental battle is immense. I have no one to talk to about this. I will not use again. I’m excited for who I am going to be when this is over. I keep looking at my baby girl and telling her ‘I’m so sorry baby, I’m going to be better, I’m going to be better for you.’ I know she can’t understand me but I swear it’s like she knows, every time I say it to her she runs over to me for a cuddle.

I’ve got this. The pain is my retribution and I am embracing it. I have no one but myself to blame.

Oh gosh op, I have to collect my kids now but couldn’t read and run. You’re doing so well, so brave. I know nothing about this, but is it worth talking to the dr - is there anything you can take to make withdrawal easier?

This sounds so so incredibly hard. I don't know anything about addiction withdrawal but wanted to offer some support and say well done for trying to get better. I would say that you might want to speak to a professional eg your GP for support in coming off the painkillers. I'm sure there are people on here more knowledgable than me who will come along with some helpful advice.

I’m not sure going cold Turkey is a good idea. Please contact your GP for advice. 💐

I'm so sorry to hear this OP. I battled with this a long time ago. I have to say day 3 is when it got worse for me. I detoxed twice: once cold turkey and once with tapering and I have to say the tapering worked better for me, but you have to be able to trust yourself that you won't up the dose again. The first time I was sick for two weeks and my mental health was shot - but I was fine afterwards. I stupidly relapsed a few weeks later and then detoxed again but slower - went from 32 a day to 16 to 8 to 4, over about ten days. I still had some gastro effects but the restless legs and the body aches were much less pronounced and I started feeling better much quicker. But if you've already done three days then keep going!! If you want support you could try a Narcotics Anon meeting on zoom but hopefully you get support here too. Don't blame yourself, you did what you had to to survive and now you're doing what you need to do to live and be the best person and mum you can be. Lots of love 💕

Oh OP you have nothing to be ashamed about, honestly. I think it would be much better if you tapered off with the support of your GP though rather than just going cold turkey. You deserve support OP and not to have to try to do this alone.

You don’t deserve retribution, you deserve help. Just looking on here you’ll see others who’ve become dependent on codeine, you won’t be the first to ask your GP for help. Or you may well be able to refer yourself to your local drug and alcohol support service.

Why are you doing this alone without any support? It’s ok to ask for help.

Well done for tackling this. That stuff is so addictive!!! Do speak to your GP though, they’ve heard it all before and will be able to help. Just search codeine on here, you’re not alone but you can beat this. No one will judge you, it is not your fault. Sending strength.

I understand op. I've been addicted for years. Three weeks ago I bit the bullet and went to my gp for help. She was amazing and is helping me cut down gradually. I will post a longer reply later as am picking up ds from school at moment x

Thank you all for being so incredibly kind. The pain and restlessness in my legs is easing off. Your replies have eased my anxiety. I think I can do this but if it gets too much I will call my GP. I’ve decided to tell my dad. He has been through this before. He had to go to rehab after he became addicted to prescription pain meds after a hip replacement. It was a bit different for him because he did it under supervision at a medical facility but still, I think talking to him will help. Just knowing I can come here to talk is helpful so please keep talking to me.

@PippaPoppy magnesium and hot baths really help with restless legs - keep us posted and well done on telling your dad - sharing really helps with the shame and secrecy around addiction. Nurofen plus should be prescription only, it's so addictive and dangerous.

I don't really have anything constructive to add OP but just wanted to offer a handhold & say you're doing brilliantly. I can hear the determination in your words. You & your baby girl will have a bright future when you are past this. Stay strong. There's always someone here for you on Mumsnet, night & day

(I agree with others though, do just check whether this is medically sensible 👍🏻)

Hi again OP. I just wanted to add a bit more to my post from yesterday. Basically my story matches yours almost exactly. I started taking nurofen plus for the same reason...and like you, when my ds was a small baby. Over the 4 years I have tried and failed many times to give up by going cold turkey but my withdrawal symptoms were so bad that I wasn't able to look after ds (am a single parent) and so would start taking again. I was terrified of asking for help from gp as was certain would be deemed an unfit mum and ss would become involved and take ds away. For me, the turning point came just before Christmas when I had had enough of being controlled by the tablets. I made an appointment with my gp and saw her 3 weeks ago and as I said before, she was lovely. She has started weaning me off them slowly. I'm due to see her again tomorrow so if you wish, I can let you know how that appointment goes? I'm still really scared that she may contact ss although she didn't mention it at all during my initial appointment. Anyway, back to you. How are you this morning? How are your symptoms?

I think you are doing well, op. You'll be twitchy for a while but the pain will go and you will be like a new woman before long.

Keep it up.

@Catrice thank you so much for sharing that with me. You’re doing so well! You should be so proud. Yes, please do come back and let me know how your appointment went. How funny (but also really not funny!) that our stories are almost exactly the same. Everyone talks about PND but until I experienced it, I had never heard of post natal anxiety. I honestly thought I wasn’t going to survive it.

Today is hard. The worst day yet. The restlessness in my legs is unbearable. The anxiety is crushing me. I just can’t get warm. I have the heating on 25° (crazy for me!) I’m wearing multiple layers and I’m under the duvet in bed while my baby naps. I’m absolutely freezing, covered in goosebumps. It’s a chill right down to my bones. Mentally I feel quite strong though, I have no desire to use. I actually hate the stuff and the thought of using makes me feel sick. I’m feeling positive about the days ahead, knowing that this is probably the worst of it. I’ve started taking magnesium supplements and I’ve been soaking in the bath twice a day.

Please update me on your progress. Thinking of you! 💐

Please go and see your GP, get some support. I was going to recommend magnesium but I see your doing that however I would recommend the spray that goes straight on your skin. Good luck op and good for you for making the change.

I've done codeine withdrawal before, went cold turkey as cutting down doesn't work for me - GP just said cut down, no other help given.
The worst of the pain was over in a few days when it leaves your system but yes it's a horrible experience, keep at it. You are very nearly over the worst.
I managed my emotional pain, I took codeine for that, by going onto escitalopram and that has stopped me going back onto the codeine.
Do inform your GP, you may find that an antidepressant for a short time improves your mood enough that you will not lapse like this again.

I was on a lot more codeine that you as well.

My thoughts are with you. I totally understand the horrendous withdrawal symptoms that you're experiencing...I think I managed to get to day 5 a couple of times before giving in and buying more tablets. I'm full of admiration for you for being so determined despite how you're feeling physically.
Have you managed to speak with your dad yet about it? Any support you can get will help immensely. Nobody knows about my addiction and there was/is noone I could speak to about it regarding friends/family. I'm so glad you posted, partly for selfish reasons (your post has made me feel less alone) but also because it gives you the chance to get advice and support from others who have been through it and come out the other side. Please carry on posting when things get tough as you'll get lots of support from others. I'd hate to think of you struggling alone x

Op I recommend you go to an NA meeting - either online or face to face.
You will find help and support there from people who’ve been through the same thing.

like wise, definitely try NA for support. please try to stop beating yourself up, you are having a hard enough time as it is! much love peace and strength

How are you OP? Codeine withdrawal is by far the worst thing I’ve ever experienced.

Hi OP. I know it's been nearly a year since you posted this but I just wanted to see how you are doing and if you managed to stay away from the codeine. I've just passed the 72 hour mark and feeling it, but hopefully will start to feel better slowly x

I too have struggled with a secret codeine addiction I took 24 kpac 15/300 in 12 hours and couldn't get out of bed for 2 days that was my wake up call keep going every day will get better xx

Anyone got any updates on how they are doing?