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Addiction support

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Original poster

£500 a month on cocaine?

53 replies

namechange101321 · 10/09/2018 20:32

Can someone tell me if this is a lot in terms of recreational cocaine usage?

I've just discovered H is spending this much on cocaine a month. He says he's fine and it's part and parcel of working in banking in London and it's just recreational but I feel like it sounds like a lot?! More than recreational/occasional usage and moving in to addiction territory...?!

He is tee-total, faithful, likes to exercise.. so this is his only 'vice' but I don't want it getting out of control.

I'm a complete novice and know nothing about cocaine so if someone could provide some insight I'd be grateful!

Have name changed for this, obviously.

OP posts:

Usernumbers1234 · 11/09/2018 14:30

Asleep - it’s a month, not a week.

Personally that’s not quite addiction level. At that volume he can’t be taking it in the daytime and he’s only really got enough for one night out a week. Not much different to a binge drinker who gets hammered every Saturday.

Doesn’t mean it’s not a problem, but that doesn’t sound like a major addiction as yet

ExileOnMNStreet · 11/09/2018 14:32

Addiction support, FFS AnyFucker and mammy. Do you think people are going to continue asking for support (especially in this topic) with twatty replies like that? (and where did OP say she took anything herself? And it's £500 a month not 2k?)

OP I hope you get some better help and people just here to judge fuck off to AIBU

Personally I think in banking etc coke use is rife, and I can also see how £500 doesn't seem like a huge amount to people (it is enormous to me btw!) so in this sector your DH's probably would be seen as recreational and very much normalised. (I'm also sure lots of people in high income brackets spend this amount a week on wine at home or going out).

It's up to you to set your own bar however, and it's fine for this bar to be zero usage. My worry would be that it is a large sum of money (even if it's a small proportion of your income) and it is addictive and terrible for your health, mental and physical.

The problem is you may get loads of knee jerk reactions on MN (like saying your DC should be taken off you) but I hope you do get some more helpful replies to support you decide where to set your bar.

Matilda1981 · 11/09/2018 14:35

Obviously £500 is quite a bit of money but in terms of cocaine use I’d say this was prob equate to a once a week habit - £100 ish is the sort of money that could easily be spent on one night out a week. Alternatively he could be having a line of cocaine a day BUT I wouldn’t think this would be the case as most people don’t tend to stop at one line!

Original poster

namechange101321 · 11/09/2018 14:36

@mammy0f0ne no where in this thread have I said I take drugs. What I did say is I don't mind people who occasional dabble with drugs. For me personally, I have no interest.

@glintandglide You're right, the money isn't an issue for us, he is a very high earner. I just didn't know whether that kind of money buys a lot of cocaine or a little.
He says he takes it when he's doing long hours at the bank and needs a kick which we both know is ridiculous. He got sober with AA many many years ago so alcohol is no longer part of his life and he can socialise without drinking. I wonder if he's stressed and tired and this is his new "crutch"?

I'll see how we go over the next month. He says he can stop at any time and now I'll be able to see any cash withdrawals he's making or dodgy transactions.

(@AsleepAllDay £500 a month, not a week)

OP posts:

Enb76 · 11/09/2018 14:39

The doing it during the day at work would worry me - also, the fact that he's already been an addict ring alarm bells. Even if he doesn't currently have a problem, her might be the sort of person who very quickly does have a problem especially if he's taking it as a "pick me up" rather than as an adjunct to a night out on the town.

ExileOnMNStreet · 11/09/2018 14:40

If he got sober with AA, my bar on coke would be set to zero, definitely, as I would fear the start of a very slippery slope.

This is going to sound like a cliche I know, but does he do any exercise (I know he works long hours). It's a much healthier way of channeling energy and staving off boredom, which can be a issue with enforced sobriety. Running or (the MN favourite outing hobby ) cycling can also provide that "distraction" and switching off feeling he may be looking for?

Original poster

namechange101321 · 11/09/2018 14:51

Thank you all for the helpful replies. Feeling slightly reassured he's not already is major addiction territory but certainly need to stop it now before it does so yes @ExileOnMNStreet it will have to be a zero tolerance bar I guess. Yes H likes to exercise and runs a lot. He has run many marathons in the past but I've noticed over the last few months when work has been stressful and busy he has been running less so I guess he feels the need to get a quick fix from a line of coke? He knows he's being stupid but he genuinely doesn't think he has a problem but maybe enrolling him in a half marathon or something will motivate him to get his running back up

OP posts:

ExileOnMNStreet · 11/09/2018 14:57

That sounds like a good plan.

Zoe2411 · 11/09/2018 15:03

I agree with @Enb76 . It doesn't sound a lot . Even in Birmingham a gram is £50 which is next to nothing when you actually get it ( this was a few years back when I dabbled with friends from time to time ) but that would only allow for a night a week really at £500 a month so I wouldn't say he's excessively using at all x

porky1000 · 11/09/2018 15:13

When is he taking it? If you are at home with two DC, is he out a lot with others, taking it at home (worrying) or when he is at work (more worrying)?

MissConductUS · 11/09/2018 16:13

He got sober with AA many many years ago so alcohol is no longer part of his life and he can socialise without drinking.

That's great, but one of the things you learn in AA is that you need to avoid any recreational drugs that are habit forming or addictive. Alcoholics tend to have addictive personalities. I'm in long term recovery myself and I have to be very, very careful with any medication that has the potential for abuse. Recreational drug use is completely off the table for me. And if he's regularly doing coke, he's not really sober, strictly speaking.

starkid · 11/09/2018 16:29

How about drinking coffee if he needs a pick-me-up?! Or is that not the done thing when you're a London-banker?

user764329056 · 11/09/2018 21:18

Some people really get off on sticking the boot in, sad fuckers. OP it’s fairly common for addicts to move from one substance to another so if he has come off alcohol that’s really commendable, but so risky to move to coke which is a very moreish drug. It’s well known that coke is used widely in pressured finance jobs and seems particularly prevalent in banking. The amount he’s using could be put in the category of recreation, but as someone with an addictive personality (have managed to beat alcohol and coke thankfully, for now) I know how seductive any mind-altering substance can be and know I would be playing with fire if I started using again, I see my addiction as a sleeping tiger and if I feed it even just a few crumbs it will wake up and engulf me. Good luck with everything and I hope he swerves the misery of full-blown addiction which, as I am sure you know, is a soul-destroying place, hope it all works out OK for you both

keyboardkate · 11/09/2018 21:25

If he can afford it without you and family suffering, or it doesn't affect him personally it is probably not excessive.

But the issue really is, will the expenditure creep up exponentially. I dunno.

I wonder if expenditure on alcohol for some people equals 500 quid a month. I bet it does, often.

AsleepAllDay · 11/09/2018 22:10

Sorry everyone! £500 a month, not a week

What's worrying is his language around it, it's of minimising how much he wants and needs it

AsleepAllDay · 11/09/2018 22:13

And it's not just about the money, it's also the effect prolonged use will have on his heart, his nose (the most oblivious one) and body. I know that recreational users don't like thinking too hard about it but coke is one of those drugs that shows its traces on the body if you use it enough. If you want your husband to live a long life and be the picture of health, regular coke use is something that will take a cumulative toll

chemicalworld · 12/09/2018 13:22

It's pretty much what I was taking, and yes, it is quite a lot, its recreational use but verging on addiction.

hobblesma · 12/09/2018 13:25

I don't want it getting out of control.

Eh? £500 a month. It's already out of control!

I wouldn't tolerate a partner who takes drugs at all, especially with children involved, but if you are ok with drugs then that's up to you.

chemicalworld · 12/09/2018 13:31

I can tell you that I knew I was getting a big problem with it. apart from not being able to afford it, it was causing me problems.

Little by little my brain changed it's reward course, so that I took it more and more. This is how addiction starts and the amount he is taking means that his brain will also soon, if it hasn't already, rewire itself in that way.

Personally, I had to admit that it was a problem, and acknowledge this brain change. It is extremely hard to break a habit when surrounded by others who are doing it. I have had to remove all my contacts associated with it and a month on am doing well.

He needs to admit he has an issue though. If he went to AA then yes, i'd say this is a new crutch for him, and hopefully he will realise that.

YeTalkShiteHen · 12/09/2018 13:35

£500 is a huge amount of money, I’d definitely be concerned about that.

From my (admittedly limited) knowledge, it depends of the purity and also the area. So it may be fair to say that London is more expensive, it may be less grams if it’s a higher purity.

Cocaine is a horrid drug, and it takes a grip. Really bloody fast sometimes.

for you OP, it can’t be easy for you.

MissConductUS · 12/09/2018 14:15

This study explains why cocaine is so addictive and also discusses the medium term changes to brain chemistry and long term changes to brain structure it induces:

The Neurobiology of Cocaine Addiction

This is not a harmless recreational drug. It has long term systemic effects.

SoftlyCatchyMonkey1 · 12/09/2018 14:53

Want to point out that he may be minimising the amount he's spending on it - £500 a month may mean £800 in reality.

YeTalkShiteHen · 12/09/2018 14:56

Sadly I agree with Softly it could well be more, especially if he’s an addict rather than a currently recreational user (although addiction does take hold quicker than you’d expect).

user764329056 · 12/09/2018 20:43

As he had success with AA do you think he might consider CA or NA? I know he’s minimising the addiction part, but he definitely has enough self-awareness to know he’s tempting fate by using

Xiaoxiong · 12/09/2018 21:08

for you OP. I just wanted to chip in to say this is definitely NOT part and parcel of working in banking in London. There are always a few who do it like in any job and in my experience they get fired as soon as it's discovered (have known this happen twice and heard about others at other firms). The regulatory environment these days is not forgiving and with Brexit looming everyone is concerned about their jobs - I have colleagues who won't have more than one drink at a work function any more. (All the "10 years since Lehman" articles aren't helping either!)

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