Hi everyone, I appreciate no one has posted in a while, just wanted to Chuck my two cents in as like myself, people will come across this thread and it will still be of use to others.
A lot of the people on here sound like they want to quit and that’s a really important step. A lot of people are quite happy with their substance use and never see the negative sides so an initial desire to quit is great. A lot of you sound like you want to reduce but just don’t really know where to look for support and also as it is quite socially acceptable you are not neccisarily being challenged and some of you have had friends/partners, even give you the cannabis.
I’m an ex smoker. Smoked cannabis for 15 years, every single day. I got a degree, was a retail manager, functioned well but weed was the centre of my world. I would wake and bake and just keep smoking all day, smoking 7+ spliffs on a normal day. I’m not talking a little sprinkle of weed but heavy amount of skunk in each one. I felt I was functioning well, that I was successful, attractive, sociable etc. But I always had this feeling like I wasn’t happy with what I was doing, the money I was wasting (£100+ a week) the dependence on it where I’d wake up and feel so scared of my own thoughts and anxieties I’d have to have one. I got to the point where I was rolling one whilst still smoking one. I couldn’t even pass the spliff anymore I had to smoke one and roll another for a friend because I’d get twitchy while waiting for them to pass back. I earned £1,200 a month and my outgoings were like £500 but I’d never have any money left, no food in the cupboards, my clothes were shit, id had the same stuff for years because weed was my priority, it was like weed was my best friend. I felt depressed and anxious and lonely all the time, got social anxiety and felt couldn’t go out without being high all the time. Started spending time with a lot of drug dealers just for company. I’d buy weed off them, they’d smoke all my weed then I’d have to buy more as I’d run out again. I ended up getting pregnant from one of these guys because I was just stoned all the time didn’t give a shit or have any self esteem. I quit smoking immediately when I found out I was pregnant but then I relapsed after three months because he got his friends to beat me up and I was scared. Yes I was smoking in pregnancy and this further made me feel like a terrible worthless person. Finally I asked for help and got in touch with my local drugs services. I reluctantly went to a session with them only because social services forced me to and I was in danger of losing my child. The drugs workers never told me to quit, we didn’t even talk about weed, they just talked to me about stuff, anything I wanted to talk about. Suddenly all this stuff was coming out I never knew was on my mind, like my mum dying, domestic violence, self esteem issues etc, it all came out. If I had a bad day I would ring them, they would be there for me, they helped with housing, with anything I needed help with. They were like friends and then they because like family. I finally got the courage to stop and even though at the time I didn’t want to quit I did. I stopped smoking cannabis and for the last 18 months I haven’t smoked cannabis or even a drag of a fag. Of course I’m tempted, especially in the first few weeks, I thought I would go crazy, but it’s just psychological. After a few weeks/months it gets easier. Honestly it probably took me a full year till I finally felt it was all out of my system and I had a “clear head” I started to see that my friends at the time had been using me and that I didn’t care about myself. I started to love myself more, to realise that I am a role model for my daughter, that I could do so much more with that money, that I was so much healthier. I look at photos of then and I look like I was on crack, I didn’t even spend money on food at that time. Now I love to buy my daughter clothes and know that that £20 would of gone on weed before but this feels so much better. Of course I will always miss weed and think about it often but I won’t go back there. I can honestly promise all of you that I know exactly how you feel but you all deserve to feel the way I do now.
I know how we justify it in our minds but really it’s not good to be smoking weed even if your kids are in bed. Imagine something happens to your child and the police tested you and your had cannabis in your system? What if they told a teacher about it? What if a neighbour smelled it? Honestly I would not do anything to risk losing my daughter ever again. Being a parent means making sacrifices and trust me I know what it’s like to feel the need to just relax and have “me time” I’m a single mother with no family in my city and virtually no support but there are honestly other ways to relax. I can also say that my mental health is 100% better now and I no longer have anxiety, the weed definitely made it worse even though at the time you don’t think it is. I have achieved so much since I quit even with a tiny baby. I won a pregnancy discrimination case, I got a non molestation order against my daughters dad, I am training to become a recovery ambassador and getting qualifications to work with addicts in recovery, I got a new home, a better job. I really want all of you to give yourselves credit for wanting to change and hope you can give it a go. It’s the best thing you’ll ever do. You can find drugs services in your area if you google it. You don’t have to pay for the counselling btw so even if you are just wanting someone to talk to and not sure if you are ready to quit it is worth doing. You have to wait 6+ months to get a counsellor on nhs, you will get one straight away at a recovery centre.
Good luck everyone and I really believe you can all do it.