explain to me about 'grooming'

[bodsmum]

I am so not one of those mums who always looks beautifully dressed without a hair out of placebut after reading(v closely!)the recent thread on looking haggard,it's dawned on me that actually in my 40s i should be spending a bit more time on personal presentation rather than less as it's getting harder to smooth over those cracks(literally!)I used to think it was nice not to look perfect 24/7 and then feel special for a night out etc but now that the nights out are 3 times a year rather than 3 times a week i wonder if i am 'letting myself go'...so i'm asking how you eternally fragrant ladies fit in a 'grooming routine' and what it entails exactly..i'm too embarrassed to admit to how sparse mine is[vague mutterings about how i haven't seen my hairbrush for a few years]i'd like to excuse my scruffiness by saying i have a toddler and am heavily pregnant but plenty of the mum-of-3s at my DDs preschool manage to look stunning every morning..the occasional time i've got my act together everyone has asked me if i'm working that day(i'm actually a SAHM)as it's so unusual..i guess i'm looking to kickstart increased efforts for NY though probably a bit insane as baby almost due..just can't face another 2 years of feeling dowdy.
Also do you have a beauty product 'secret'?and a go-to-outfit that looks good but not overdressed for soft play centres/parks etc?

no, but will keep keen eye on this thread!

tidy hair - regular cuts

eyebrows are the key - do them yourself or get to the brow bar regularly

don't wear brown EVER

or fleece

or jogging bottoms outside the home

shoulders back and chin up - attitooood and what's inside you shine through

interesting..but that bit about brown? IMHO, depends completely on yr colouring. Many British women suit brown if dark hair/eyes..no good wearing girly pastel colours, looks awful!

Agree about haircut and brows.

If you get into a routine you can slap a bit of light foundation/tinted moisturiser on in seconds, ditto eyeliner/eyeshadow/mascara - whatever you feel you need ( I have very fair lashes so look slightly naked without any eye makeup!) A bit of lipgloss will stop your lips getting chapped if nothing else...

I think it's actually easier in winter clothes-wise.... a reasonably smart coat or jacket with a nice scarf will ensure you look good regardless of what you are wearing underneath.

no

Brown says I am blending in, ignore me, I am in camouflage, I am boring, don't bother with me etc etc

Just my opinion obv

yy to tinting eyelashes

I saw a home kit in boots the other day

Grooming is about taking care of the details.

You need to start off with your body - you need some kind of routine for getting your hair done at the hairdressers, ensuring it is always clean and properly dried/brushed, taking care of your facial skin, your body skin, hands/feet, nails, teeth etc. Basically everything needs to be clean and polished all the time!

And then you need to take care of your clothes, shoes and accessories, such that you always have an outfit that is clean and appropriate for the activity of the day/weather hanging ready-to-wear in your wardrobe. So regular shopping, decluttering, laundy, ironing, mending (no missing buttons or loose hems) etc.

It's lots of work, even once you have acquired the skills!!!

I second the good haircut and tidy eyebrows...and a decent covering of makeup can be applied in less than 10 mins.

I've historically been slack about grooming, although I have always looked after my skin, something I'm very grateful for now I'm heading into my mid-thirties!

My trick for looking presentable is to have a basic makeup routine that you can do in no more than 2/3 mins so you never need to skip it even when you're in a huuuge hurry.
Mine is foundation, liquid blusher, eyebrow brush and pencil, mascara, lip gloss.

Wear more dresses - takes less than half the time to get dressed in the morning as you don't have to decide what goes with what.

BALD I disagree about brown, for myself anyway. It really suits my skin and hair, I frequently get compliments when I wear it

One more thing that I'm trying to get into the habit of, is to wash and blow dry my hair before I go to bed.

yy to wearing dresses more often

I wear brown as it really suits me and I am most certainly not trying to be ignored or blending in! I wear brown with bright colours and it looks really good.
Try wearing make-up every day - just mascara and blusher if that is all you can manage.

Agree with good haircut and tidy brows but love brown!

Hmmm - I am by no means perfect (generally out-shone by a significant proportion of the mums at school, 90% of whom have advantage of being rather younger....) but I TRY to do eyebrows, etc, get hair done every 8-10 weeks, put on veneer of slap and generally make sure that handbag/shoes/boots are not disgraceful (not expensive by any means, but not falling apart). I'm sure I ought to wear more dresses but I'm afraid I'm usually found in jeans (to me putting on tights/shoes still means 'work' or 'evening'), although I try to have a decent jacket (failing at the moment as only one is warm enough!). Wearing gloves is not only essential in this weather but also looks groomed. Don't entirely agree on 'brown' - brown suede looks a lot better than say black leather on the over 40s. One thing - don't try TOO hard. A few of the mums can look a little bit OTT for the school run - it's not a fashion parade.

I really like the idea of doing a wash and blow dry at the end of the day AliBell...DD gets up fairly early and even if i get up an hour earlier there is never any guarantee that she won't get up even earlier and interrupt my attempts to groom whereas once she's in bed my time is my own(ish..bar tidyup/cook etc)I think it's probably my hair thats letting me down the most as it's a good cut and always clean but i do just tend to tie it back without any extra attention.
BALD..I haven't worn brown for a while but last time a friend told me I was the only person she knew who looked good in it so i do think it's about colouring..black on the other hand washes me out however chic it looks on everyone else.I never wear joggers outside as I'd just feel like i'm in pajamas so one style sin i've evaded so far though i might be tempted when baby arrives but then i can always use DHs tip about smart outerclothing..I did treat myself to some bright cashmere gloves which do give me a lovely lift.
The makeup thing i guess i need to persist with until it's an ingrained habit..i do know that for me some mac face and body combined with nars blush makes me look as if i actually have a pregnancy bloom(when actually my skin is verging on tiredgrey underneath)
What are good day dresses..sack cut dresses do nothing for me but how do i avoid looking overtailored and on my way to a high powered business meeting?

Have just flipped through the guardian magazine and noticed 'dont be down,go brown' all ages fashion spread..have to say it's almost enough to put me off brown..don't see the brown thing really working for any of these ladies even though the stylist has kept the brown away from the face and used other colours to brighten ..and they are gorgeous models!

depends what your style is re. dresses, but you can always have a look at Boden, White Stuff, etc etc.

Agree about make up- no one can get away being make up free after 35 ish IMO.

It's all about making the most of what you've got .

Am 42 and wear a bit of make up every day.
Light foundation,I like Bobbi Brown,Estee Lauder double wear light or similar.
blusher/bronzer,lipgloss,mascara.Takes me 5 mins to do.
Recently i had my below shoulder length dark hair cut into shoulder length bob,and I instantly feel more groomed.
I like long hair but am hopeless at looking good if it is ties up,so it was lookinfg a bit unkempt unless just washes and straightened/curled.
My daytime 'uniform' in winter tends to be leggings or wool tights from Autograph with boots if cold,clarks patent shoes if not,,white Stuff/Fat Face/Boden tunic,long necklace.Sometimes I wear dark jeans,vest/tee,and cardigan,usually from Kew,White Stuff or Boden plus chunky necklace.
Atm am lounging in Marks' velour pajamas and Asda fake uggs!

Keep up to date with body maintenance ie

Set aside time to floss

Paint nails with clear varnish and keep shortish and very clean

Have handcream tubes on every sink and basin (and a pot by the sofa) and cream up regularly

Take care of your neck - shows age very badly

Develop a make up routine which takes minutes and covers the basics. For me, tinted moisturiser, blusher, eyebrow pencil, mascara and lipgloss is a 5 min job

Clean your shoes - babywipes good for a quick buff but need a proper polish once a week at least

Keep the right weight and dress for your weight. If you are larger than you would like, buy the right size clothes and diet, then ebay the bigger ones. Nothing looks less groomed than pouring oneself into a size 12 shirt and having the buttons straining to hold your norks in. Ditto muffin top.

Am currently struggling with the last one, festive excesses and all that.

I'm forty, have never worn make-up and don't know how to do it - would be quite interested to know how people see me (as in, do they think I look completely haggard and aged all the time). The problem about being English is that people are usually too polite to tell you what they really think.
I have friends who must wear make-up all the time, because when I do see them without it I have almost asked if they were okay, they look so ill.

Will watch thread for tips.

Dresses, definitely. They look like you've made more effort, even though they're just as easy to put on as jeans.

If you wear jeans, make sure you have some good-quality well-fitting ones.

GW..i think going a little shorter with the hair would only be a Good Thing for me..always a little nervous that my (lovely,v youthful) stylist will take too much off my length and i will end up with one of those short haircuts that takes even more maintenance than long,coarse,wavy hair..though i'm sure all the hairtying i do at the mo will cause me some serious hairthinning..
i had to smile when i saw your boden..my considerably younger sister-in-law got a hobbs suit for xmas from her mother and was aghast as she has barely aware of the store's existence and obviously didnt want to be whereas i was v pleased with the dress with the dress i was wearing that i bought there last year..though i did hang on till i was 39!
i haven't looked at the white stuff before so i will check that out(as i am slobbing around in my giant fluffy sainsbury robe..not quite like Kirsten from the OC's cashmere jobs with matching pretty cami and bedsocks ensemble)

Hir would be a great start I think bodsmum.
mine is layered but blunt cut in bob style to shoulder length.I have to say I instantly felt 'tidier'.
I know White Stuff,Boden etxc have a distinctly 'forties mum' thing on here but I am one so i don't care!
I do wear Topshop tees/vests though!

IMO Boden is good for dresses that aren't too workish. The plainer knitted and jersey ones I find really good to wear day to day with boots.

'Grown up' shops happen to us all...eventually..i never imagined a time when i wouldnt be buying a new item from topshop every week(this probably went till i was far too long in the tooth to carry it off as i didnt have a child till 37)..every time i go in to TS for 'the basics' now i feel incredibly ancient and try to give the air of someone buying for a teenage daughter at homerather than myself!I have bought more items in the last year from m and s than all the previous years put together(unless you count prawn mayonnaise sandwiches!)and i remember clearly looking at my mum and dad's m and s 'slacks' back in the 70s and thinking i would never be old enough to shop there!
are the boden dresses cut for tall girls..i am a bit on the short side

rofl at baldys use of the term "brow bar"

where on EARTH do you live?