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Original poster

How do you 'introduce' new clothes to DH so he doesn't notice they are new (and expensive)?

30 replies

MrsSeanBean · 01/12/2009 20:29

I've had another little shopping spree at the Mulberry factory outlet shop - not bags this time...
I got a silk shift dress for Christmas (drool), a fabulous knitted dress, peplum jacket, Julie Verhoeven wool scarf, plus a silk shawl. I'm longing to wear them but DH will kill me. I used my own money but I know he'll say I've got too much as he's meaner more responsible then me.

OP posts:
Ewe · 01/12/2009 20:32

Just stick them in the wardrobe and pretend you've had it for ages, just lost a couple of pounds and they fit again.

Or say a friend grew out of them and passed them on? Charity shop bargain?

FabIsVeryLucky · 01/12/2009 20:34

I tell him I have been shopping and hang the new stuff up on the wardrobe so he can see them when he gets in. He never asks how much anything in.

FabIsVeryLucky · 01/12/2009 20:35

in is.

heartofgold · 01/12/2009 20:36

i don't understand the need to justify them if you're not spending money you (as a family) can't afford.

HellBent · 01/12/2009 20:37

Tell him you got them in Primark? I may or may not have done this with a Coast top everyone else new I was lying but DP was none the wiser

flibertygibet · 01/12/2009 20:40

Tell him you got it all on Ebay for around, oh, a tenner?

I bought myself a beautiful Antik Batik dress and told him I got it for a fiver in the charity shop!

It's not that he would mind me spending the money..I just don't want to have a discussion justifying it. But that's just me.

thisisyesterday · 01/12/2009 20:41

i suaully just wear them and dp doesn't notice

NickeeS · 01/12/2009 20:50

Just tell him you bought it ages ago and it's been hanging in the wardrobes for ages, you just forgot you had it )

tiredfeet · 01/12/2009 21:27

would love to know the answer to this dilemma, dh is too observant to let things slip past. He's fine about me spending my money on clothes, but sometimes I just don't feel like the conversation!

seeker · 01/12/2009 21:37

If it's not money that should have been spent on something else, then why shouldn't you spend it it on some lovely clothes?

MadameDuBain · 01/12/2009 21:44

Oh MrsBean I am liking the sound of your haul!

DP always notices if I have new clothes, but is clueless about how much clothes can cost so I never tell him. If I've bought several things at once I might spread out the "first wears" a bit so it doesn't look like I've gone mad.

But I also spend my own money - and he spends his on expensive tech, so I don't feel too bad. It is a bit of a standing joke that I don't ask how much his new Mac gadget or poncey phone cost, and I expect the same courtesy back!

Original poster
MrsSeanBean · 01/12/2009 21:50

Yes true about the gadgets! I never complain when he gets iphones etc, he even bought a weird ironing machine once (£275) on a whim which was used once . I think I have been reasonably restrained in comparison!

OP posts:
lissielouskissingsantaclaus · 01/12/2009 21:50

i usually just introduce it after about a week, but leve it hanging on wardrobe door for a few days beforehand. if he asks if its new i usually say something along the lines of "ive worn this loads of times, you never notice anything! I dont know why i bother making an effort..."

jemart · 01/12/2009 21:54

Best tactic is to say nothing at all. If he does notice enough to comment, graciously receive compliments but refrain from volunteering any information.
If he knows you often buy things from charity shops or ebay then you could imply this is where your new things are from. Or perhaps sale rail of local department store?

Original poster
MrsSeanBean · 01/12/2009 21:54

DH is far too observant not to notice, it's like he has an inbuilt new clothes sensor. I just get so fed up with all the questions 'why do you need it?' 'How much?' etc etc.

OP posts:
inchhighprivateeye · 01/12/2009 22:02

Bloody hell, is this a thread from the 1950s? If my DP questioned how I'd spent my own money I would fix him with THE LOOK and tell him to mind his own beeswax.

tulpe · 01/12/2009 22:05

Hi Mrs SB (tis me, Mrs JohnSimm in new guise ). I don't understand why you would need to justify expenditure when presumably it has come from your own pocket and is not money otherwise earmarked for alternative uses?

I am an SAHM and haven't had my own income for almost 10 years now (OMG that sounds really sad now I have put that in writing.....). The first couple of years I bought all my own clothes and paid for hair/beauty treatments from savings. When my money ran out (and it was more beneficial for DCs and us for me to be SAHM), DH was fully behind the "my income, our money" stance. However, I felt awkward about spending anything on myself - I felt obliged to justify every penny (to a very bewildered and bemused DH). SO, I decided to ask DH for an annual allowance. We calculated cost of hair/beauty maintenance and then I calculated an amount of money I felt was fair for me to spend on clothes.........which DH laughed at hysterically and immediately doubled

Works very well for us. But, as I say, if it were my hard-earned dosh, I wouldn't feel any need to justify so long as I was paying my way in all other respects.

Am v of your Mulberry purchase.......am feeling the pull of Bicester as I type......

MadameDuBain · 01/12/2009 22:11

Well there is the issue of are you being sensible with your money. DP and I have privacy with our own money (and pay into a joint account for joint expenses) but if you're shacked up with/married to someone and have DC with them, it kind of is your business if they get into serious debt or something. So I can understand a small degree of nosiness / keeping an eye on your partner's spending habits.

tulpe · 01/12/2009 22:15

Agree, MadameDuBain..... and actually hadn't considered it from that perspective but you are absolutely right. Of course, day to day expenditure of one's own money is one's own concern but yes, if you have a mountain of debt then your partner does have a right to know.

MarshaBrady · 01/12/2009 22:15

I don't need to introduce by stealth but can show them off- even, or especially, if it is expensive stuff.

Plus where I hesitate dh usually is the one to say go for it. Not sure how I got lucky there, possibly by making him feel part of decision or something.

Sounds hard work with the comments, but if you can afford it I don't see the problem.

Ronaldinhio · 01/12/2009 22:16

i just spend the money, i make it, I spend it

but dh wouldn't notice anyway ver jealous of your haul

tulpe · 01/12/2009 22:18

Marsha - my DH is the same. He would rather I bought less but good quality/high end brands than shedloads of cheap stuff. I also think there is a connection between the "glow" I get when treating myself to something gorgeously, sumptuously expensive and DH's reaction

Original poster
MrsSeanBean · 01/12/2009 22:20

Hi Mrs JS / Tulpe, thought I hadn't seen you (as Mrs JS) for a while.

I'm so glad I can enthuse with MNers anyway.

privateeye - although thread may not be from the 50s, DH is - maybe that's where the problem lies!

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsSeanBean · 01/12/2009 22:24

I do worry sometimes that because I prefer to buy good quality stuff, but less of it, that I am just fooling myself into thinking that it's better value but really I'm getting ripped off and 'need' to spend more for self esteem reasons.

I don't know if that makes sense, but I think I would feel cheated if I bought loads of cheaper stuff - as long as the net expenditure is "x", it doesn't really matter whether I buy 10 cheaper things or 5 better ones.... does it?

OP posts:
MarshaBrady · 01/12/2009 22:25

Yes we both do it, he gets incredibly excited by some piece of design or Swedish somesuch (so do I really) and I by the odd trip to my fave store on Regents st.

The happiness is contagious, some sort of rush buying beautiful things I suspect.