Any MNers with Afro hair - I tried this in Chat but go no replies!

[Nezzi]

I've had enough!!!

The time, effort, expense, it's all too much. I have my hair relaxed and in a short style but keeping myself looking human is becoming impossible. I used to do my own hair in between salon visits but since having DS 7 months ago I no longer have the time. It's quicker for me to go to the hairdresser and back rather than do it myself. I'd have no chance trying to do it at home. As you can imagine, paying for a wash & blow-dry every week is too expensive so I just end up looking & feeling crap half the time.

Tell me ladies, what do you do?

Could you get someone to babysit your ds for an afternoon a week so you can do your hair yourself? Or can you go longer than a week without washing?

I only wash my hair once a week (less sometimes) simply because I don't have the time to dry, straighten etc.

My hairs not afro just really curly.

Can you just straighten your hair with straighteners or does it need relaxed every week.

Sometimes i'll wash my hair at night and let it dry itself (usually go to bed with wet hair!) if I know i'll have time in the morning to spend straightening it.

The only time this backfired was when was woken up at 3am as car had been set alight, was mightly embarrassed by my hair with lots of cute firemen running around

Thank you for replying Lila.
Sorry if I mislead you, I don't relax my hair every week, just once every 6 wks. Its the weekly (or less) washing, drying & straightening that I can't keep up with, it takes me ages, I see you can relate to this! How long does it take you Lila?
If my mum does come around to give me some time off I don't like spending it washing my hair, it's such a drag and seems like a waste of good time. Sigh!
Oh for a hair transplant...

Hi! I have really curly hair. I never straighten it, (well, I did once & no one recognised me)but I use a cocktail of products to stop it going frizzy. Even then, I pretty much have to wash it every day & it depends a lot on the weather.

I try to steer clear of silicon, which is in most serums, so tend to use Lush & Body Shop shampoos, conditioners & gunk.

It's really not recommended to wash afro hair everyday, it makes it really brittle & fragile.
Why do you avoid silicone?

DD is mixed race & DHI still struggle with her hair - we wash it once a week & we use that Aussie stuff plus a leave-in to keep it nice during the week

I like it out like an afro but here dad doesn't

We don't straighten it yet - but she has been asking about it

Mind you none of this helps you at all - however it is nice to read about other people's problems & hopefully I will learn from it

Nezzi I used to straighten my hair and now have been natch for almost 10 years. It's taken me about half that time to decide to finally take the plunge and get locs! A friend is going to help me do it. If I didn't have a child I wouldn't have made this decision - like you I want easy hair.

At the moment I co-wash (i.e. wash with conditioner, not shampoo as it's too drying) and then twist (using loc and twist gel to set it). That usually lasts about 3 weeks and then I undo the twists and leave it in a curly style for about 1 more week. I'll then co-wash and start again.

Twisting probably takes about 4 hours as I'm not a pro, but once it's done that's that. I don't know how long it would last on straightened hair, though.

Why do you have to blow-dry it every week? I never did this when I had straight hair.

KatyMac (your daughter is beautiful!) from what you've said I'm assuming that you're white and your DD's father is black? If so have you sought advice on caring for her hair? FWIW I wouldn't assume that a black man knows how to care for afro hair in girls as they usually just cut their own hair short. They have no idea of the stresses we black chicks endure!

In your photo your daughter's hair looks beautiful so I feel that can say this to you frankly - I've seen a lot of multi-ethnic kids with white mums who, bless them, have no idea how to look after afro hair (no surprise - it's taken me years to learn and am still learning ). You can usually tell this because (unlike your DD) their kids' hair looks a bloody mess. So I tend to assume that these mums have not sought advice from black friends or hairdressers. Either that, or I'd have to assume that they have low standards .

Since you've said that you struggle with your DD's hair, why don't you seek advice as well? Having said that I might be able to help a little - I'm black and my DH is white. Our DS's hair is European in texture, but very curly. If you want any tips give me a shout .

Nezzi - another suggestion: comb gel (e.g. loc and twist gel) through your wet, combed hair, then air-dry and it should set curly. Wash and wear hair for black women!! My God, just the idea is enough to get me slapping the no-lye cream back on my follicles!

Always after advise - my SIL just want me to straighten DD's hair (first mentioned before she started school)

We used to use a hair moisturising lotion but we can't get it in norfolk

I went to the local only afro hairdresser in Norwich - who charged me £20 to tell me to use a moisturising shampoo/conditioner & leave in

DH is very good with her hair & used to spend ages talking to 'Aunties' at family parties to get advise.

Her hair is OKish atm but finding suitable leave in is difficult in Nofolk

Haven't watched this all (the girl's accent is driving me nuts) but it might be useful: wash and go relaxed hair

MrsMerry - any tips you have would be gratefully received by me!
My dds are mied race,dd1's hair is very like her dad's and it is a real struggle tolook after.Sadly i am 1 of those mum's whose child's hair often looks a mess but not because I have low standards.
Her gran use to plait it, but hasn't for ages. Dd hates having anything done at all to her hair. It's not long enough to pull into 1 bunch or anything simple. I despair!

Sorry Nezzi - didn't mean to hijack

Katymac - our Boots now stock products like Dark and Lovely lotions etc.Might be worth a try in Norwich?

Are 'Dark & Lovely' a good brand? I've not met anyone who used/recommended them

Thank you Mrs Henry!
I've never tried loc & twist gel but I'll prob give it a go when I grow my relaxer out (this is my current plan)
At the moment it's short with a fair bit of re-growth so if I leave it more than a week without a blow-dry it looks really shabby, I can stretch to 2 weeks but by then it's pityful (in my opinion anyway).
I used to have twists (using afro kinky extensions) and my own hair grew long enough to do it without the extensions, I then texturised it for a bit more versatility but then it was left on a little too long once and my curls desappeared so I just relaxed it again! Huge sigh!
Can you imagine how rich we could be if we could invent a wash & go system for black women

Personally i don't like Dark & Lovely products but I guess it depends on your DDs hair. They've probably improved a lot since I last used them to be honest.
I use a brand called Olive Oil (I think that's what it's called) and a few of my friends use it too.
I def wouldn't straighten yr DDs hair, most decent hairdressers wouldn't advise it either, not while they are so young.
Katy, your daughter is lovely & her hair looks fine to me, I'd be tempted to leave it well alone; for a good while anyway.

Having had both straightened and natural hair I would always advise that you work with your hair rather than against it (though having seen the results on that youtube vid I posted above I'm now of that girl's relaxed hair!

Splishsplosh - hope you don't feel insulted by my statement above! I once had this convo with another black MNer, that we'd love to suggest to women in your position that they could do xyz but you can't just approach a stranger and tell them how to look after their kids!

I'm not an expert I can tell you what I do with DS's hair, which seems to work.

1. Trim regularly - the ends will tangle very easily on curly hair. Trim every 6-8 weeks and combing will be much easier.
2. Never comb wet hair - it will break easily and also it's harder to comb.
3. DAILY CARE: To wet the hair for combing, I make a solution from water (well, I use rosewater - cheap as chips in Asian food stores but also not too pricey in supermarkets, and smells divine), olive oil and a wee bit of lavender essential oil. I haven't yet worked out the right quantities yet, but I'd say you should use about 1/20th of oil to water, then add a few drops of lavender oil (say, 5 drops in 250ml of liquid). The oil helps moisturise the hair and also makes combing easier. It will also help to lightly 'set' the curl pattern once the hair dries.
4. Shake vigoriously and then spray the solution into the hair until it's thoroughly wet, then comb with a fine-ish toothed comb (depending on texture of your child's hair) or use a Denman brush (these are great for pure afro hair, too - even super-thick afros like mine ).
5. Make sure you start combing the ends first, then keep working through until you've combed/ brushed it all. Leave to air dry (depending on your child's hair texture - if it's very 'afro' you may prefer to style it after this.
6. Air dry (though DS has short hair - you mums of girls will know better than me whether you can air dry your girls' longer hair all year round.

Also I co-wash my DS's hair (as described above) - shampoo is too drying, bad for your hair and scalp and just not necessary unless your hair is really filthy.

One last thing - Anita Grant (google her website) does lovely products for curly hair - there's a lavender buttery hair thing which I used to buy before my budget bit me. It smells heavenly and is great for combing and moisturising my DS's hair - you just need a little. I've now replaced it with my mixture above, until I start earning again.

Hope this helps as a starter!

Nezzi - please forgive this mega-hijack!

Nezzi - having seen that vid of wash and go I'm now wondering about texturising my own hair to make it easier, as I prefer her look to locs. I like neat, curly locs on other women (like Cassandra Wilson, if you know her - fabulous voice ), but can't quite picture it suiting my personality.

How are you growing your hair out - are you going to have extensions again? I prefer plaits as Kinky Afro twists messed up my beautiful, natural hair. I think if texturising doesn't work for me I'll chop it all off and get extensions - if my virgin hair's only an inch or so long it'll take no time at the hairdressers and I can have bouncy Beyonce curls .

Another wash n go vid

No problem re hijack, I'm interested too.
The rosewater / olive oil combination isn't something I've heard of before.
I do know that a lot of the American haircare products sold for afro hair are crap so your solution should be worth a try. At least I would know what I was putting on my hair.
Never thought about about co-washing either.

denman brush? like this? or another sort?

I'm doing some stuff right:
Always airdry
Cut each school holiday & twice (start & end) of summer
Start at ends & work back
DH does comb her wet hair but with a very widetoothed comb - I'll have a chat

He likes the idea of your oil/water mix - oil was too heavy & water too drying - so we may have a play

There's loads on the web about co-washing, just google it m'dearie.

I know what you mean about American products. How full is your bathroom cabinet? I used to have so many jars of stuff which I'd tried twice and found to be useless. My rosewater combo - I've fiddled about with aromatherapy for years so just made it up and it seems to work. Not for my hair, though. Damn.

Also you should look at www.motowngirl.com. I learned loads here about caring for and styling my hair, and she also has home recipes. There are tons of websites devoted to going natural (also look on youtube) so you'll probably find better advice on the web than I can give you.

That's the one, KatyMac - I bought the biggest one I could find, to get through my mighty mane.

Well done on doing stuff right - the airdrying thing is partly laziness on my part (well, actually I'm too busy to blowdry) but mainly because heat is so damaging.

Anita Grant website looks fab, will have a good look tomorrow.
I'm trying to watch the youtube thing but she's annoying me. And how many products is she using?! My texturised hair was similar to hers but waaay more hair than her, I couldn't get a comb through it unless it was drenched in conditioner.
I considered locs too but they're really not me either.
I loved my twists though and it was SO easy to maintain. I didn't have to worry about anything. Ideal now I have a baby.

I second the denman brush, best thing I bought when my hair was natural.

As for American crap in my cupboards, I must have spent a fortune over the years and it's mostly a waste of money.
There was a thread on here recently about Michelle Obama, apparently she uses some products by Frederick Fekhai (made that up but it's something similar) and she doesn't relax it either, just blow dries it straight. How did she cope with that Chicago weather, she must have had to run from the slightest hint of rain

Thanks ladies - this is lots of use to me

It's hard to get 'good' advice so I really appreciate it