What does one wear to a small but formal and traditional (Catholic) funeral nowadays?

[Countingthegreyhairs]

Sorry for maudlin topic -

It seems rather frivolous to be posting about this but I want to be as appropriately dressed as poss. Also, what do dc wear?

anyone?

I was wondering if all black was over the top nowadays?

Well if this is any help, I have just been to a formal & traditional funeral (not small & not catholic, though) & I would say everyone was wearing black, grey or navy, most were not in black all over but those who were did not look over the top.

my nan died, funeral last week - catholic - wear black. my children (teens) wore shirts and ties

i would just go with a dark coloured coat for the kids if you can.

Thank you for your replies and sorry to take so long to respond (double shift at office today)

Batgirl - thanks - it's reassuring to hear that all black is still acceptable as that's what I have gone for and I don't have time to go shopping again before the funeral! Also, without going in to details, it's one of those delicate situations where any slight inappropriateness could cause offense - so yr advice is gratefully received!

Custy - I'm so very sorry to hear about your gran - I hope you and your dc are OK.

DD doesn't have a dark coat currently but I will ask around and see if I can borrow one for the occasion.

wearing black won't be out. but i've gone to a funeral where every member of the family wore all white and just a little black ribbon on the left chest.

Thanks LenLen and Mrs Woolf

I'm reassured that black is the way to go

I'm not sure I like the idea of very young dc in black but if I can find a classic navy blue mac for dd I'll be happy (she has a beret she can wear also)

I think "all white" attire + black ribbon is a lovely idea though ..

Thanks again ...

Counting, English/Irish Catholic funerals I've attended everyone wore black,(white shirts allowed) but made a real effort with smart jewellery, nice hat to show respect for departed. I was surprised how glamorous most people looked, but that was for an elderly lady who had always made a real effort with her appearance when alive. But I think the same would hold true for elderly gentlemen - respect by looking smart I mean. Some relatives wore dusty shades of greyish purple in combination with black. Children often wore just sober colours plum, navy, white grey, and slightly sober styles, but they of course cheered everyone up by looking sweet not gloomy. I certainly wouldn't put a dd in a black dress.

Sorry if I'm too late but I've always worn all black or black and grey. YOu really can't offend that way.

Also, when my siblings and I (and cousins) attended funerals when we were younger (grandparents) most of us wore our school uniforms. I guess maybe that was easier than sorting out a formal outfit? Not sure.

All Catholic funerals. Not sure if this helps?

not necessarily all black at Catholic funerals round here (I go to a lot - don't ask ) but if it is quite a traditional Catholic church then black might be expected. I have also found that the less frequently people go to church, the more likely they are to wear black to a funeral (like on Eastenders or something)

I would say "smart".

My children wore navy shorts and navy/white checked shirts to their great grandad's funeral (not Catholic but I am in charge of clothes!). I would wear smart trousers/coat/suit maybe or a dress in the summer.

I always wear black to a funeral unless otherwise told by the family. Catholic or not.

My children have only ever been to the wake, never to the church - I don't dress them in black, I really don't think that dressing children in black is necessary for children, nor is it appropriate IMHO.

I hope it goes ok for you.

I don't actually have any black clothes

Mrsjammi - ypur MIl sounds like a woman after my own heart!

mrsjammi "informed me that formal black wear is not the done thing for funerals anymore and is how they can tell someone is not a regular churchgoer"

Not a nice generalisation for a Christian to make, how horrid!!
My family have always worn black formal to funerals and are regular churchgoers, always have been
It is traditional and we are traditionalists, that is the conclusion I would reach.

I went to my grandfather's funeral in Ireland recently. We all wore black for the funeral mass and burial.
Dark colours for the mass the day before his funeral.
Although I don't attend mass twice a day, I would say I am a regular at Church. What rot!

sorry op, I've just never heard that before. I doubt very much you'll be judged for wearing black.

Dark/formal will be fine if you haven't got black. Just sobre.

Talking of sobre, if it's Irish catholic, the tradition is to also to then get completely rat-arsed at a fabulous wake.

Like most, I just reckon that you can't offend if you wear grey, black or navy and at least below the knee. Hats a very good idea, hadn't thought of that.

Gosh - apologies - I have only just come back to this thread and I really appreciate all your replies.

(No it isn't too late - sad to report that person concerned is in process of dying - an elderly relative of dh's - who doesn't have long . But practicalities must be attended to and I have huge work events happening this week and next so am getting organised now. Sorry again for the sad nature of this but I want to be prepared for when it happens and we don't live in a place where clothes shopping is easy. We have a long journey ahead of us too.)

I've decided to put dd in a navy blue pinafore with a white blouse underneath (not school uniform but close) navy tights and black patent shoes and a friend of mine has a child's navy-blue school mac she can borrow which is a bit big but I think will do. She has a pale grey beret which will do but I might try and find a navy one.

I'm going to wear all black. Dh dark grey wool suit with white shirt and black tie. I just hope it doesn't rain because I don't have a dark mac to wear over my suit (just a grey pashmina type thing) but will take a large black umbrella.

Hadn't intended to wear a hat but will ponder that one as might be good idea ....

We are regular church goers but haven't been to any RC funerals in the past decade so wanted to get this right! People were wearing a huge mix of things at the last C of E one we went to, from fairly casual to very formal.

Sigh ...I think this sort of thing was so much easier when the rules were clear cut ...

Thanks again everyone!

Forgive digression [Actually, thinking about it, that's not true about not having attended a RC funeral in past decade but was unusual set of circs so usually dress codes did not apply]

Hey ho ...there's something very sad about dying in spring I think

Dying in Spring is sad, my nan died on Easter Sunday (a long time ago).

With any formal occasion I think it is worse to be under dressed than over dressed - at least if you look noticeably smarter than everyone else it is because you have gone to some effort, whereas if you go more casual you might look right or you might look like you can't be bothered.

What you have decided on sounds perfect.

I don't know about Mrs jammi's nan's advice but I have never seen anyone at a crematorium funeral, a Church funeral or any kind of funeral, not smartly dressed in dark colours, unless the family had made specific requests otherwise. Perhaps she was referring to the "trend" to request bright colours instead of black, which is getting more common.

Dark colours black if poss. Very smart and formal.

I have been to plenty of catholic funerals in my time. The last few I've worn my very dark navy long woollen coat with navy shoes etc but only cos its the smartest thing I've got - I would wear black if I had a winter coat.

When dps gran died last year bils gf though black nail varnish was more suited to a funeral than her usual pink.

sorry forgot to put the after the bit about the black nail varnish.