I'm fat, frumpy and 40 and I'm very fed up...please help

[snackattack]

I'm a mess. I used to be fit, healthy and and looked pretty good I think. Well, it's all gone horribly wrong. I'm not making excuses, but I did have 2 years being bedridden with ME and then when I recovered I had two children in quick succession. This coincided with a bout of PND... so all in all, I let myself go - COMPLETELY. I lost all self esteem and concentrated all my energies on to the children. They wear all the latest trends, have regular hair cuts, eat healthy food and I adore them. On the other hand, I clearly hate myself. I don't eat healthily and obviously I have eaten tooo much and haven't taken enough exercise so I'm very overweight - at least a size 20. I have long blond highlighted hair (my one concession) but I think it's too young for my age now and I don't have the nerve to cut it. I do it myself (!). I don't EVER buy new clothes - my clothes and shoes are literally ancient and outdated - I wear stretchy trousers, baggy shirts and sandals or trainers all the time. I wear glasses which I detest (very old) but they are so expensive I just can't change them. I wear a tiny bit of make up (just so I can pass a mirror) and I do shower and wash my hair every day so I'm not a complete slut. However, I just know that whatever I wear, or whatever I do to myself I will just look as crap as usual so I can't justify buying anything or spending money on myself. I was thinking about what I actually do for myself and really it's nothing. I think my hands are quite nice but who gives a toss about nice hands when the rest of me is so crap so I don't bother although I suppose I'd like a manicure. I have the worst feet in the world - hideous in-growing toenail and they just look awful so I can't face going into a shoe shop - I'm desperate for some new shoes but nothing looks good on me and nothing is comfortable. I'd love to wear something more trendy but I think people would laugh at me as I'd just make it look rubbish. I really don't know WHAT to wear (or where to buy it!!)... my kids go to a private school - and all the mums look gorgeous but I look like a fat frump.
Sorry for the rant, but I just don't know where to begin - I'm sick of being like this. My dh is supportive in as much as he never comments on my appearance - but the one time I did try and dress up to go out for dinner, he didn't comment then either so I guess he thought I looked as rubbish as usual. I have no ideas about style, make up, etc - my eyebrows.....eekk....they are a disgrace - I so I decided to SHAVE THEM a bit (OH MY GOD, I know this is wrong but I just didn't have a clue about plucking)... and now they are all stubbly and looking even worse. I am in a real state and I need HELP.... where on earth do I start?? And is it worth it?? Thanks for reading this far.

Hi Snackattack, actually feeling more inspired because of this thread. I wore make up today (not much but some basics) for the first time in months. Of course DH did not notice but it made me feel better. Didn't make it to the hairdresser.

snackattack and malfoy, hello ladies! Well, I actually went shopping yesterday I bought a few bits which I felt great about at the time, but they are all still in their bags and I am not feeling so confident about my purchases today. I have makeup on and hair done, eyebrows plucked and legs shaved!
Have not ben too bad on food front but probably too much wine this weekend.
As suggested on this thread, I am going to get a notebook and write in it what I am eating and drinking each day AND something I have done for myself (nails, feet, fake tan ha ha!, etc) every day.

ok Mrs L. May go the notebook idea although have never been great at that sort of thing. No make up today and DD peed all over me whilst out so not a good look in any case.

Ok, you clearly have a bit of money if your kids are privately educated, so to start with you need to chuck some money at your problems. First top, chiropodist. They see far more hideous feet than yours every day and will sort you out. Second stop, book yourself a personal trainer at your local gym. Getting back into exercise after such a long break is a nightmare. Personal trainers who work locally are very used to people with health problem and who are overweight. You can wear baggy sweatpants and t-shirts and your PT (pick a nice friendly one - you local gym can help) will chat to you and keep you motivated. Most can also help with food and eating. YOu might consider weightwatchers as well, to help you understand healthy food and portion size better. There will be bigger people than you there.
Then to give yourself a short term boost, book a bit of time at a salon. Wait until the stubble has grown back (few days, week max) and book for a facial, manicure and eyebrow shape. All you have to say is 'I want my eyebrows to have a nice shape, not too thin (or whatever) and just make my nails look nice'. beauticians know what they are doing, or they wouldn't be hired!
As for clothes, I would go to somewhere relatively inexpensive such as a House of Fraser and have some time with a personal shopper. You don't pay for this service, and of course they see people with all sorts of bodies. Say you want some nice clothes for the school run and an outfit to go out with your dh and give your budget and they will sort you out and be very nice to you indeed.
HOnestly, you aren't old, and you can get out of this rut. Maybe you won't ever be skinny. You don't have to be skinny to be pretty, stylish and confident. And don't worry about your hair. It sounds lovely.

Ok, things have moved on since I saw your OP! Glad you feel better. I do think the gym thing will help you too.

here's some clothing ideas:
www.evans.co.uk/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?beginIndex=0&viewAllFlag=&catalogId=20554&s toreId=12553&categoryId=69608&parentcategoryrn=&productId=745435&langId=-1 with www.marksandspencer.com/gp/product/B001F71RTA/sr=1-3/qid=1221999539/ref=sr_1_3/026-6059178-3318835?i e=UTF8&node=43098030&m=A2BO0OYVBKIQJM&keywords=&mnSBrand=core&size=9&rh=&page= with one of these www.marksandspencer.com/gp/product/B0012J413U/sr=1-9/qid=1221999967/ref=sr_1_9/026-6059178-3318835?i e=UTF8&node=&m=A2BO0OYVBKIQJM&keywords=&mnSBrand=core&size=9&rh=n%3A73433031%2Cp94%3AV-Neck&page=1 under the coat? Once you've got the basics you can add pretty boots www.evans.co.uk/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/CategoryDisplay?catalogId=20554&storeId=12553&categoryId=1 38421&parentcategory_rn=69588&langId=-1&top=Y and a couple of pretty a line skirts like this: www.monsoon.co.uk/invt/31203596 or this: www.debenhams.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/product_10001_10001_17642_689902_-1

Snackattack, have you found a chiropodist? nag, nag.

Yes! I'm going on Tuesday next week... this guy has been highly recommended by a friend. Am dreading it to be honest but I do need to do something!
Naomi - thanks for the links to the clothes.. I'm going to look at the Evans website generally I think as I'm just desperate for something new to wear.
Just spend 2 hours ironing my kids clothes and my dh's shirts for work and realised that I had hardly anything worth ironing in the whole pile! Decided I really must invest in some better underwear - VERY old bras (not very supportive) and hideous ENORMOUS pants that would fit an elephant - but are typically comfortable.

mrslurkalot - well done on making some positive changes already... let's keep at it ladies!!

Snackattack, rooting for you here! Hope you are NOT going on a "diet" tough.. Everyone knows they do not work and you just put the weight back on again...

One thing that does work though and is good practice anyway is increasing your fibre intake. Have a high fibre filling breakfast along with fruit and juice, avoid anything other than healthy snacks and if you must have that cake/packet of crisps, eat more high fibre food first. Then you´re just too full to eat the whole cake/packet of biscuits/family size crisps etc. I find this really helps shift weight and encourage healthier eating...

Good luck

thank you nopain - I am trying to be sensible re. the food - I realise it's a long term strategy for me. I appreciate your advice. Thanks again.

well done re chiropodist. remember it's his job and he will have seen worse.

I have the same sort of underwear. still no make up today but have booked eye brow shape for next saturday.

malfoy - let me know how the eye brow thing goes.. I'm worried about having that done actually. Mine are still growing back!!

Will let you know re eyebrows. I have no idea what I want. I am going to leave it to the beautician.

I am also pledging to buy some new underwear -a couple of matching bra/ knicker sets that look nice. Nothing fancy just M&S. I really need to go to Rigby and Peller for a proper fitting but that involves an expedition into central London so will leave that for now.

Yes, I'm going to do M&S as well. Are you near London? I'm near Twickenham. Keep saying I must take a trip up to London but can't face it!

M&S Marble arch is where you need to go

Have just read this thread, you ladies are doing great .

My top tip is to use facial tanning moisturiser every other day instead of normal moisturiser. Leaves a healthy glow and cuts down on make up time!!

Thanks scatty - that's a great idea.
Malfoy - have had my feet seen to! Well, I have to go back (probably several times) but she was lovely and I kept saying "I hate my feet" and she kept saying "no-one should hate their feet, just think what a great job they do for you"... anyway, it really was fine and they do look and feel much better... another appointment in a couple of weeks or so. However, she's recommended new shoes (another incentive to buy some) so I really do have to do some serious shopping... M&S Marble Arch is actually really close to my dh's office so just maybe I'll make a trip up town one day!!

I am so glad you made it to the chiropodist. When your feet have been sorted you should treat yourself to a pedicure.

How are you doing? and Mrslurkalot? I am being kinder to myself (in theory) but have not done much about it. I have decided to bin all "substandard" clothes. So many of them have holes and are really old. It's like I am not worthy of good clothes. Does that make sense?

I'm near Wimbledon BTW so also see central london as an "expedition".

I was going to type something else but mind has gone blank.

malfoy - I must say I understand where you are coming from re. clothes. I have about 5 tops that I alternate - and to be honest, they've all seen better days. Every time I go to buy something else, I either can't find something I'm comfortable in or I feel it's just not me... whatever that is! I have no inspiration for clothes shopping unfortunately. I LOVE shopping for my kids because they look gorgeous in whatever I buy.. crazy eh? We must look after ourselves more - but it's hard eh?

Hi ladies! I have also decided to chuck everything that has seen better days (that's most of it!), and that I won't buy anything new that I don't LOVE - have been guilty of buying things because they fit or they are comfy. I have makeup on and hair dried!

Well done on getting those feet sorted snackattack!

hello! good on you Mrs L.

not doing so great at the moment.

Why? What's up? Hope you're ok..