Very particular 16year old daughter needs wedding guest outfit please help

[alpenguin]

My red-headed autistic (it is relevant as she’s stubborn af) 16 year old is struggling to find a dress for an upcoming extended family wedding.

The dress code is smart but not formal. All the dresses she’s sending me to look at are floor length bodycon very fitted and more suited to a Hollywood ball / evening event for a 6ft escort rather than a wedding.

she’s 5’2” and a size 12 with wide shoulders and an hourglass figure so will struggle with the strapless fitted long dresses she likes

She refuses a trouser suit, nothing above the knee or just below, must be maxi.

Can someone with better taste than I point out appropriate dresses I could send her because everything I send is ugly or middle
aged apparently and everything she sends me looks like a high class hooker.

Op wasn’t being horrible she was being honest

it needs to be “suitable” and not what an escort would wear - what is horrible about that? It would be worst to let her wear something completely unsuitable!

The consequences are hers if she looks silly. I know you are trying to spare her that, but honestly there is only so much you can do and looking foolish at a family wedding is quite a safe learning environment

Mmm I disagree. It isn’t just about her looking silly - it could make the bride and groom feel uncomfortable and affect their day if she turns up in something very revealing and unsuitable and others are looking or commenting on her outfit.

https://www.asos.com/vesper-petite/vesper-petite-bengaline-sweetheart-neckline-ruched-front-midaxi-dress-in-forest-green/prd/209422654#ctaref-more%20colours%20swatches&featureref1-more%20colours%20swatches

https://www.asos.com/vero-moda-petite/vero-moda-petite-one-shoulder-satin-maxi-dress-in-burgundy/prd/209350797#colourWayId-209350798

https://www.asos.com/forever-new/forever-new-petite-double-layered-mesh-midaxi-dress-in-colbalt-blue/prd/209677489#ctaref-more%20colours%20swatches&featureref1-more%20colours%20swatches

https://www.asos.com/hope-ivy-petite/hope-ivy-petite-satin-cami-maxi-dress-in-blue-floral/prd/209863401#colourWayId-209863402

https://www.newlook.com/uk/womens/clothing/dresses/petite-light-green-satin-slip-midi-dress/p/951374831

https://www.debenhams.com/product/lily-and-lionel-roxy-spaghetti-strap-maxi-dress-in-blue_p-571cfea5-3100-4f51-9aa7-3c3c7843aa34

https://www.next.co.uk/style/su923185/y97234

https://shop.mango.com/gb/en/p/teen/dresses-and-jumpsuits/basics/cross-back-flowing-dress_27037152

https://www.superdry.com/womens/dresses/printed-maxi-slip-dress-275644.html

https://www.asos.com/asos-design/asos-design-sleeveless-maxi-dress-in-blue-and-brown-stripe/prd/210930200#colourWayId-210930202

https://www.urbanoutfitters.com/en-gb/shop/kiss-the-sky-uo-exclusive-ingrid-corset-maxi-dress

https://www.urbanoutfitters.com/en-gb/shop/uo-devore-mesh-maxi-dress

https://www.urbanoutfitters.com/en-gb/shop/feners-balita-caracola-maxi-dress

https://www.urbanoutfitters.com/en-gb/shop/tyler-mcgillivary-collectors-dress

https://www.urbanoutfitters.com/en-gb/shop/motel-alnaka-paisley-maxi-dress

https://www.urbanoutfitters.com/en-gb/shop/kiss-the-sky-floral-backless-halter-dress

We don’t know what the supposed “escort” dresses actually look like though. They might be perfectly fine .

Just had a look at PLT, they’re selling Coast and Karen Millen now…

Personally I’d let her go in what she wants within reason as well. And if she has a decent strapless bra, why shouldn’t she wear this sort of thing?

https://www.prettylittlething.com/product/petite-scarf-detail-frill-lace-maxi-dress_plt08554?colour=lemon

I agree that we need to see an example of what the dresses she likes look like.

I can really see both sides here - on the one hand, it can be really mortifying at any age (but especially for a teenager) if you go to an event not realising that what you thought was appropriate is actually making people stare at you. And part of being a good mum is trying to make sure your child doesn't feel awful, so I get that urge.

OTOH some people do have real issues with their daughters turning out to have adult women's bodies. I well remember my mother trying to make me wear size 14-16 clothes from M&S when I was about a size 8, on the grounds that anything smaller made me look 'too grown up' or 'too exposed'. In retrospect she just had huge issues, but at the time the message I got was that I must be, or look, much fatter than I thought, and I also felt weirdly ashamed, as if I'd chosen hyper-sexual styles when, in fact, I was just picking out ordinary teenager clothes.

OP, you describe your daughter as a size 12 hourglass figure - I can't see why that would mean she couldn't look lovely in a long fitted dress? Lots of people would love to have that body shape.

If you are genuinely worried she'll turn up and then spend the whole evening frantically tugging at her dress and feeling exposed, could you buy her a beautiful wrap that fits into her bag? She won't have to wear it if she's happy, but if she does go and then feels awkward, she's got a back-up.

https://www.debenhams.com/product/satin-tie-front-maxi-dress_plt07465

https://www.debenhams.com/product/in-the-style-satin-bardot-ruched-maxi-dress_p-154e01dd-fbe5-4880-abcc-a851876521b3

https://www.debenhams.com/product/warehouse-floral-printed-racer-neck-seam-detail-bias-maxi-dress_bww09406

https://www.debenhams.com/product/satin-halterneck-puffball-maxi-dress_plt07550

https://www.debenhams.com/product/satin-asymmetric-bardot-twist-maxi-dress_plt09443

https://www.debenhams.com/product/satin-draped-frill-back-detail-maxi-dress_plt12225

https://www.debenhams.com/product/mesh-racer-satin-skirt-maxi-dress_plt04682

https://www.debenhams.com/product/misspap-satin-cowl-halter-neck-jumpsuit_bpp06654

I agree about the hooker/escort comments. Really unnecessary.

Also this: she’s 5’2” and a size 12 with wide shoulders and an hourglass figure so will struggle with the strapless fitted long dresses she likes.

What does that mean? Why should she struggle with that?

Teens can need some guidance to wear something that feels right to them on the day, but your current stand-off sounds quite a lot to do with your own perception of what women 'should' wear.

Hopefully you'll both start listening to each other without this amount of unpleasant judgement on her choices.

I think that jumpsuit is really cute & suitable - & will look fabulous with her hair! She could give (not stupidly high) heels a go with it. It's the best option IMO.

If she wants a long/maxi dress, slip dresses are easier to wear & move in than tight fitted dresses. You've not provided a budget @alpenguin , but there are some really lovely ones if you spend a little bit more than the cheaper brands.

I'm guessing that this is her first proper "grown-up" dress? I vividly remember mine, as a very shy & under-confident teenager, & how special I felt in it - & it would be lovely if she felt great wearing this too. Mine was pulled out for special occasions for several years after that, so it wasn't a one-hit wonder. It wasn't stupidly expensive, but it wasn't really cheap either.

I also think that a dress that celebrates her hair colour is a must - but that's partly because I hated the gingery tones of my hair as a teen, & bleached it!! I eventually saw sense & reverted to my own strawberry blonde ... so greens/black & white/inky deep blues - or even some reds.

Not sure if she's strawberry blonde or more intense auburn - but I'd suggest something like these. The good thing about bias cuts is that they're not fitted as such, so if it's calf length on a model, it'll simply be longer on her (which is what she wants). No costly adjustments needed!

https://www.anthropologie.com/en-gb/shop/by-anthropologie-olive-lace-trim-satin-slip-dress

https://shop.mango.com/gb/en/p/women/dresses-and-jumpsuits/dresses/satin-camisole-dress_27007168

https://www.marksandspencer.com/satin-ruffle-maxi-slip-dress/p/clp61215660?intid=mobile_app_pdp_share

I disagree. Part of good parenting is teaching that different clothes are needed for different occasions. That is one of the advantages of school uniform and why independent schools enforce it. It’s part of good manners and the social contract. Those that don’t understand this and fail to develop good taste lose out.

On the poster’s request, French Connection sometimes have things suitable for this age group and River Island can be surprisingly good. A PP linked to Mango teen and although many of the dresses there are more casual beachwear in style there were one or two potential options - one in a light purple mauve was lovely. However, at her height, it seems to me that some tailoring will be required so bear in mind the need for hemming when choosing the fabric.

Matching (or mixing) separates that look like a dress, but can be worn separately & more casually afterwards? (The orange & pink suggestion is if she has intense red hair - I love a strong clash!)

https://www.nobodyschild.com/products/mila-midi-skirt-2613575008
https://www.nobodyschild.com/products/mila-midi-skirt-2613575007

https://www.anthropologie.com/en-gb/shop/bl-nk-cinzia-laced-satin-midi-skirt2

https://www.newlook.com/uk/womens/clothing/skirts/cream-satin-lace-hem-midi-skirt/p/953151213
https://www.newlook.com/uk/womens/clothing/tops/black-polka-dot-square-neck-vest-top/p/946693209

This brand has a lot of form-fitting silky midi dresses, OP - all around the £100 mark. Made from recycled polyester with a good company ethos. Lots of colours & shapes. Stronger colour examples here - depending on her own colouring intensity, they may work. Their maxis are properly floor-length - midis will work better for her.

https://www.omnes.com/collections/midi-dresses

Also Omnes dresses (& one set of separates) in more neutral/softer colours.

Leely.co.uk has some lovely long dresses that my 16-year-old and her friends chose for prom

My dd is looking to get her U6 prom dress from baby boo. I’ve linked strapless maxis. They are a good option for an hour glass figure. But not petite, so would need shortening and possibly too long in the waist. They only offer store credit for returns. I honestly think PLT would be a good option and just steer her towards something not too racy. https://www.babyboofashion.com/en-gb/collections/shop?q=strapless+maxi

First dress in your links is truly awful but the third one is ok I think? The second one could be ok with a cardigan or something like that

https://www.neverfullydressed.com/search?q=Tilly&page=3

This style is very on trend lots of colours

They are very revealing aren't they. The Black one would be alright for a wedding, if it stays up!

The full length, tight dress look is definitely what's 'in' as they are all over New Look teens.

I think I would let her order some & see how she feels in them? Try sitting down etc, see if she's comfortable? Would that work with your daughter? Also is she the type to laugh it off if she gets her outfit 'wrong' on the day, or will she be upset? (I know that I would have been devastated at that age)

@XelaM I was just going to agree but then I think the stripes are see through (you can see the models ass). Something like the third one in a non transparent fabric would be fine though.

i do get it - I always struggled to be appropriately dressed and my mum used to despair a bit. In my case it was because I was plump and no one else in my family was so I used to either hide in hugely baggy stuff or wear stuff that was patently unflattering. My mum would gently try and steer me to the stuff that looked better but possibly went a bit too far. This was the 90s though so different times.

I also own 2 16 year olds, one of whom never lets the sun set on showing a bit of arse cheek and one who is likely autistic and is a nightmare when buying clothes.

Mango and Zara is where we found prom dresses. Neither of mine wanted some of the big frocks some of their friends have so they both have more fitted dresses. The mango one was body con ish but not awful.

we did look at omnes as well but at the time they had bad trust pilot reviews. I think they sell via next now though so maybe worth a look?

I think a lot of teenage girls struggle with formal wear. They’ve grown up in a world in which everything is leisure wear. It’s almost like they’re blind to it. Those dresses are more clubbing in Ibiza than wedding. It’s great you’re helping her and tbh there isn’t that much choice out there as brands probably know it doesn’t sell much as they will take the most casual route they can and don’t connect what they wear with respecting other people’s events. We had simiar sitch recently and found a plain floor length maroon dress on asos for our red head daughter. Colour was stunning on her if she’s fed up of green all the time which is default for gingers. Navy/ brown/ cobalt blue are beautiful too.

https://www.asos.com/asos-design/asos-design-printed-mesh-strappy-midi-dress-in-paisley-print/prd/210606746#colourWayId-210606749
Something like this with a cardigan over it maybe?

this maybe (someone may have already posted

Vila satin cowl neck maxi dress in navy blue
https://www.asos.com/vila/vila-satin-cowl-neck-maxi-dress-in-navy-blue/prd/203899865#ctaref-product_share_native

given she’s on the shorter side, length may be good and loads of different colours

I’d let her wear the ball gown she likes 🤷‍♀️ my DDs similar and it’s not worth the battle ime, let her chose her dress and try it on. If she likes it keep your opinions to yourself, smile and say she looks beautiful.