Please help de-frump me!

[Helpwithdressing]

Can you clever lot help me work out what to wear please?

I have changed shape as I've got older and have no idea what suits me any more. When I was young I was a skinny minny but I have expanded over the last few years and I don't know how to dress myself. I usually pick clothes that would have suited me previously and end up feeling really depressed when they cling in all the wrong places.

I'm mid-50s, 5 foot 5, size 12-14 - and my middle is the biggest issue - I think I would be described as an apple. My arms and legs are ok. I would like to shift some weight but am on tamoxifen and menopausal, and nothing I do seems to be helping so I'd like to refresh my wardrobe and have a few smarter, more stylish options than the current jeans (with stretchy waistband) and baggy tops that I live in.

I am quite pale, with blonde hair and blue eyes, and suit pinks, greens, light blues, cream and brown/burgundy.

My budget is more high street than high end. I like the look of wide leg trousers but I feel they'd make me look enormous.

Please help me get started.

I started a post but then deleted it because I know my attitude to dressing a mature body is considered … singular here.

How much money, exactly, might you consider spending in the next couple of months?

I'm intrigued! I don't mind differing opinions as I really need help.

I am intending to buy some pieces over the next few months. I don't have an exact number but if I find one amazing thing that costs a bit more (like £100 say) I can probably splash out.

I'm mid-50s too. I'm more straight up and down due to exercise, but used to tend towards an apple. Styles that I found worked well (and still do) are tops with draping, cross-over or knots which draw attention away from your waistline or with a shirt tail/curved or asymmetric hem.

I like wide-legged trousers/jeans which you could wear with a slim-fitted (not tight) top more hip length, rather than waist or go for a more flared style trouser which is slimmer on the upper leg.

Ask chat gpt to tell you your kibbe body type put all that information in there and ask it what your kibbe body type is as what your season is and it will tell you some colours and styles that will suit

Hello.

In your position, I think I would firstly get rid of things that really depress me, leaving only things that are passable.

I would then go on Pinterest and look at / save pictures of 'looks'.

And then go shopping!

But throwing out things that make you sigh and feel bad is a great step. You literally will never feel that way about that thing ever again!

Also what about a haircut? And some makeup? God bless dear old makeup eh!

I would go to your local high street and invest some time in the changing rooms at M&S, H&M, Zara (or similar). These will carry the latest trends which will immediately make you feel more current, eg. funnel neck jacket, barrel leg jeans/trousers, if they appeal. Take a friend or family member who will be kind but honest. Try on some stuff you’d never normally consider. If you like something but aren’t sure, ask them to take a video or photo so you can see what you look like from another’s POV. Keep an eye out for people your age and shape in person and online who look good. The right colours will make a big difference. Some seasons I find nothing suits me (eg last year’s oversized blazers) and other times I like a lot of stuff (eg this year’s croppped jackets). I don’t think it’s a one and done, unless you decide to dress classically in shirts and straight jeans/trousers. I do smile wryly at fashion articles promoting ‘timeless pieces’ when women’s fashion trends are constantly changing hemlines, collars, etc etc.

I’m in a similar boat OP and hating it. I’ve started with a hell of a lot of supplements and skin care to get on top of my rapidly sagging face which is going pretty well so far. Plus gradual tan as a bit of a glow makes me feel a bit more polished.

I’m following some mid sized insta accounts which has given me some idea of what styles might work, I’m trying to inject a bit more interest in my clothes so am looking at patterns and styling more. I’ve been dressing like I did in the 90s lately which is comfy but dull. Lots of baggy jeans, hoodies, and trainers. I’ve got some camo combats coming, god knows how they’ll look on me but I’ve seen some good looks with them lately.

Whereas I think it would be sheer cruelty to throw the OP into the wastelands of H&M or Zara (much as I love the latter’s styling). She needs the intervention of clothes she can have confidence in, that do the work of making her look good. Beautiful natural fabrics, generously and cleverly cut, well proportioned clothes that are fashionable without being in the least throwaway.

Cos

really should be the lowest she goes in terms of cost and quality. Really she could get almost everything there, but first, @Helpwithdressing- I suggest you spend a couple of leisurely hours browsing and absorbing a few non-High St shops. (Online, obviously.) Take a look at:

Aime London
Acne Studios
La Fetiche
Lemaire
Loulou de Saison
Margaret Howell
Net-a-Porter
The Outnet
Petar Petrov
Rendezvous Store
Rohe
The Frankie Shop
Toteme
YMC

and really interrogate the style and the quality of what they’re offering. You may then decide there are a few things you don’t want to compromise on and would prefer to pay more for, or look for pre-owned / on sale. And you’ll have a better idea of what you want from cheaper brands.

I am very similar: 5 foot 5, size 12-14, used to be very slim and my middle has expanded more than the rest of me as I got older.

I have changed from high street to boutique which gave me a wider range of brands. I'd suggest try browsing an online shop like Gemini for style ideas - https://www.gemini-woman.co.uk/ . Prices are what I would call mid-range. Quality so not cheap but not high end either. And they have some good sales!

I'm in a similar position to the OP and I'm sorry to say, this approach does not work for me at all. I don't find it helpful to look at pictures of models wearing designer clothes. I find it impossible to imagine what those pieces would look like on my body or how they would fit in (or not) with my existing wardrobe. I can't afford to order a few to try and send back. Most of the styles look too "out there" for me.

People sometimes suggest looking at Vogue or other fashion magazines but I find them similarly unhelpful.

I'm not sure what the solution is but this is not it.

I guess we’re all different, @GreenLemonade? I wouldn’t be suggesting a process unless I had personally found it supremely helpful.

@NorWouldTilly yes, fair point! I'm glad it worked for you.

Thank you everyone for your suggestions so far. I think I might have to take a kind but blunt friend shopping with me and get their feedback. Or maybe try a personal shopper in John Lewis.

Last time I went into M&S I tried on a few things which I thought looked nice eg barrel leg jeans and boxy jackets but they really didn't look nice on me and then I just gave up. I have never found anything in Zara that looked good on me so I don't venture in there any more.

Whenever I've been in Cos everything just looks like sacks so I wouldn't know where to start. I see people recommending it on here all the time so I must be missing something.

I will read all your comments properly and see what I can find.

I thought you said that you hate it when threads mention Cos??

Nope. You’re referring to a different thread but I’m pretty sure I said that I like Cos, but otherwise feel bored when threads revert to mid-range High St.

(And it always happens - no matter how much money an OP has to spend, or how out of her comfort zone she claims to want to go. We always end up back at Hobbs and Mint Velvet.)

But I’m not sure trying to pick holes in an anonymous stranger’s musing on clothes is terribly beneficial,@BargainBinny? There’s no reason why anyone should care what I think.🤷‍♀️😄

Right. I've been to a few shops to have an initial trying on session. I'm limited with options locally so went a bit out of my price range.

I tried Mint Velvet - unfortunately, I looked the size of a house in all the bottoms I tried (jeans, linen trousers, floaty skirt). One or two tops looked ok but not good enough for the £100 price tag.

In the White Company I was surprised to find that almost everything I tried looked ok and felt comfortable, and looked like they fitted me. It's too expensive for me to buy much today but I did get a boxy pink sweatshirt in the sale which suits me. I also tried on some black joggers, navy linen trousers, a light brown boxy jacket and a baggy cream and navy linen striped jumper that all looked pretty good. I've never shopped there before so I was quite surprised. I might have to save up and splash out in a month or two.

I also went to a very friendly local boutique and asked for their advice but nothing really hung right so I gave up.

I'm feeling inspired by the White Company experience to venture out to more expensive high street brands in future and next time I come across a Cos I will have a look! I think I will try a personal shopper when I can get to a John Lewis and see if they can tell me what shapes I should be looking for.

Could you consider reframing the issue? 5’5 size 14-26 are pretty average proportions - I would be surprised if you really, truly need to restrict yourself to specific shapes in order to look presentable. Could you just pick clothes you think are beautiful, and that might work with your wardrobe and life? Then try them on and buy them if they fit and look good in the mirror?

@Helpwithdressing , What sort of clothes did 'skinny minny' you wear?

If you like White Company, you might like Toast, Poetry and Sahara. They're not cheap but look for pre-loved, if you are OK with that.

I think you'd get something from a John Lewis styling session. You'd get a better idea of what suits you now. You might not.

Only take a blunt friend with you if you trust their judgement. Some people will see the nice clothes not you in the clothes that don't suit you.

When I was thinner I used to wear lots of fitted clothes, shift dresses, baggy linen trousers (a bit like ones on the Poetry website) with vest tops, lots of patterns and loads of black. Most of the time I’d live in jeans of various styles with some sort of fitted top.

I’ve looked at the websites you’ve suggested and I do like the look of Poetry. Toast is veering a bit towards the sacklike Cos for my liking. There are some things on Sahara that grab me too. But I don’t really have the budget to buy too much.

I think I need to go and try things on in person - I’m happy with preloved but I don’t have a good track record with buying things on Vinted. Clothes don’t seem to look on like I’d imagine them to. Like looking at the things I tried on today in Mint Velvet I would have thought they would suit me but they really didn’t. And things that didn’t look like much in White Company looked so much better on.

That sounds very simple but I do think I need a bit of help knowing what might look good on!

I will try on whatever I think is beautiful when I get the opportunity and hopefully I’ll find some nice pieces.

What always works for me is Pinterest, insta etc. Save pictures of overall looks I like, and then see what the theme is. Do they all involve a particular trousers shape, or neckline, or accessories...overall styling etc.

From there start to narrow down what the common denominators that I need to recreate the looks are.

At the moment I am pretty much living in Uniqlo, their barrel leg trousers in different colours, a selection of layered tops and knitwear.

Also, Vinted! Once you have a few brands you like, and know what size you are in them, get shopping.

Toast is veering a bit towards the sacklike Cos for my liking. I agree. I'd need to try them on and they're beyond my budget, but what I have had from there has been fine, but that was a long time ago. I don't really 'get' the love for Cos.

Uniqlo can be good.

Not loved on here but Seasalt has decent stuff IMO as does M&S. They're on my local high street so they're convenient.

Me+Em and Baukjen might be worth a try. They're not cheap.

Instead of fitted I'd suggest things that skim your body.

Can you think of anyone in the public eye you think dresses well who is roughly your size and shape?

No. Far too restrictive.

If you are on Facebook search for some style groups. I am on a fab one called style me happy- community. It is ran by a stylist who can analyse your shape and colours ect. WhatvI love is normal people of various shapes and sizes post pictures. It has helped me really expand my style and also help me find new cuts or brands that I like.