Funeral and wake - colour encouraged.

[Ladymuffins]

Hi, I have a funeral and wake (at a pub) coming up and the family are encouraging guests to wear colour to celebrate life. I believe there will be flowers aplenty too, so perhaps something that could be considered for prints etc.? It's my first funeral in England so bit lost.

I'm a size 8/10, 5'4", hourglass shape. Thank you for your suggestions!.

I find it strange that people would have special requests as to what someone should wear to attend a funeral. Surely have people attending to pay their respects is enough without dictating what they should wear.

It could easily be worded as "black not necessary", that way someone could come in head to toe colour or wear the usual more formal dark colours.

If it was my funeral, I wouldn't care what people wore, just being to come would be absolutely perfect.

The last thre funerals I have been to have asked for colours, one was blue, another bright and the third favourite sport team colours. A few people turned up in black but none of them were particularly close to the person.

One thing you need to be aware of is that the clothes may become "tainted" I love the dress I wore to my mother-in-law's funeral but I've not been able to bring myself to wear it since.

Do you have any navy or grey bottom halves you add a colourful top half to?

I went to wore a funeral recently and wore a black dress with tiny white polkadots on and wish I’d hadn’t worn a print as know one else did.

I’ve only been to one don’t wear black funeral and that was because the lovely lady who died had said ‘I don’t want everyone turning up wearing black, it’s such a depressing colour’. So everybody honoured her wishes.

I have loads of black in my wardrobe! Finding a bit of colour that is soft (not flattering for me) is being a bit of a challenge here 😅

Good point on the clothes being tainted.

The "wear bright" requests I've seen were because the family wanted it to be a celebration of their loved one's life. One in particular was a bubbly, larger than life character who was always dressed in bright, bold colours. It would have been hugely disrespectful to turn up in black or grey.

Aside, I find the "tainted" view really quite odd. Death comes to all of us. I don't think there's anything particularly tragic about the funeral of an elderly person who had a good life.

We went to a family funeral recently with the instructions “wear colour, not formal, bring instruments”. I wore This blouse and navy trousers. It was just right. Out funeral may have been less formal than yours.

My default for funerals is always black and I wear it a lot anyway. A few years ago we were asked to wear bright colours for my aunts funeral, which was in the Spring, and that was easy. More recently my MIL asked for no black at my FIL's funeral, she put 'wear what you are comfortable in' in the pre funeral info. So there was a mixture. I bought a long dark grey dress with big soft mustard flowers on it as it worked best with black boots I own. Many people wore soft colours, like camel, beige, dark greeen etc and some came in black and navy.

I think the Hobbs dress is perfect OP.

At my dad's funeral there was no request of what colours to wear or not to wear. There was a selection of people wearing black or dark colours but also some were in less formal clothing, different colours and patterns. All the men wore dark colours. I don't think many men have much of a choice of colours to wear to a funeral, they all own dark trousers/suits but bright colours might mean having to buy something new.

That was absolutely fine, my dad would not have cared in the slightest what people wore, just that they were there would have been enough.

Myblueclematis
At my Dads funeral, Mum, my sister and I all wore Navy… the other mourners dressed in Navy and darker colours too!

The dresses you’ve shown are fine, OP.

I’ve never been to a funeral where there was any specific request about what to wear; at none of them did everyone wear all black. They were about celebrating the persons life not about clothes.

A funeral is not an occasion in the way a wedding is where you really want to look your best. You wear something smart that you’ve already got and if it’s too dark, add a bright scarf. But do not go and buy an outfit that just seems wrong somehow.

I went to a funeral where the request was 'wear something pink'. The request was made by the deceased herself, she had cancer and planned her own funeral.

Everyone made an effort to follow the request, it didn't mean dressing head to toe in pink, a shirt, cardigan, scarf, headband or whatever was fine. I wore grey linen trousers and a pink top.

Does it need to be a soft colour?

That happened to me once. I'd driven almost 400 miles return journey in one day and was embarrassed not to have got that memo. Fortunately my black suit had a splash of green and it was an unseasonably hot day so could leave my coat in the car.
One 'wear colours' funeral I went to, I wore a cream suit with a bit of pink embroidery on a summer day and another winter one, I put a pink coat over a navy and pink dress.
I once went a funeral in sleep wear, as per request. I wore a hoodie over a sweat shirt and trackie bottoms, in January.

My clothes are mostly black, grey, or blue, and are outdoor gear. That means that I end up being most comfortable in those colours because if I put something bright on, I don’t look like me.

I’m just not that interested in clothes (used to be- in my youth).

At funerals, I just don’t get dress codes. The people there are grieving and don’t need to be worrying about what they’re wearing, other than being presentable.

I don't think we have to understand the motivation behind the dress code other than that it's a request from the bereaved family, so presumably it means something to them.

Sometimes it's also a final request by the deceased. I've known a few people with terminal illness who planned their funeral quite carefully and I think that, if they can find the head space to give it some thought, then so can I.

Op, I think both dresses are fine - maybe with a colourful accessory of some kind for the navy spotted dress. I don't think you need to buy anything especially for the occasion, unless you want to.

I have been to a funeral where one of the adult children wanted colour and one thought it was disrespectful and wanted black. So I wore a navy dress with small white flowers on it and carried a fuschia pashmina in my bag in order to try and get an idea of what everyone else was wearing and that i could adapt.

It was quite a taut and strained affair sadly as they were at loggerheads about everything.

I agree with this - similar happened to me at a colleague's funeral. A message went round at work to say that the family had requested bright colours and a "happy" vibe. I got there and everyone was in black apart from a few of us from work who looked like absolute tools. I like the suggestion from a PP of something that could go in either direction (eg a mid- tone coat and take two scarves, one bright and one dark, in your bag and deploy the right one once you get there and see the lie of the land).

I usually go for black trousers and just find a top in the requested colour for things like this. The last one was purples so I found a lilac blouse that looked smart with my trousers.

My Grandmother requested i not wear all black to my grandfather's funeral so I teamed a black dress with a red cardi and red shoes. My Grandmother was really into florals so I wore a black dress with multicoloured flowers on it. For my aunts funeral I went blue i had a navy dress with a various shades of blue striped jumper. My husband uncles funeral I wore a black and white dress. I think the best way to incorporate colour in a funeral outfit is accessories.

If asked to wear bright colours, then I tend to wear a black dress with a vintage velvet teal blazer. A bit like this one. My DM tends to wear a cerise pink top with navy trousers and jacket. I tend towards solid colours, no patterns but I don't know why.

I've just clicked on your links, and I think the green spotty dress that you already own is ideal.

Wear the green dress. You already have it. Green as a celebration of life makes perfect sense. You’ll wear it again because it’s not something you bought for a funeral so the funeral will just be one memory of many while wearing it rather than the reason you own the dress.

You really don’t need to buy something new. Just wear something smartish that you’re comfortable in and if that’s dark add a bright scarf.
Your being there to support the bereaved is what’s really important.