What do people wear to funerals?

[Judystilldreamsofhorses]

Can anyone please help? I’ll have a funeral to go to shortly - I wasn’t close to the person who died but do want to attend to support those who were. I work in a creative environment (so have no formal clothing really) and don’t like wearing black next to my face, so am a bit stuck. I’ve cobbled together an outfit which is wine/burgundy wide trousers from ASOS, a black crew neck cardigan from Cos (I’d usually wear this open over a white tee, but it buttons neatly as a nice jumper), and black (flat) boots - will this do? I have a very long black smart wool coat which will cover most of me. The trousers are dark but definitely won’t pass as black even at a distance.

I do have two black dresses but they are summery - one is a pleated midi dress from Cos and the other is a totally unsuitable slightly milk-maid-esque midi dress from New Look. The Cos one might be okay with a cardigan over it but i think would look weird with tights - I usually wear it with Birkenstock clogs or trainers and bare legs.

I don’t really want to buy something, not because I can’t afford to but because I will forever associate it with death!

Yes the trousers and the cardi sound absolutely fine

It sounds fine to me.

Your outfit is absolutely fine. I've been to about 30 funerals. Never worn all black, hardly anyone does. Plenty of dark reds, greens, blues etc.

Last couple I've been to I wore a Mountain Warehouse green dress with floral pattern.

Sounds fine. You’re a good friend.

I'm very particular about wearing all black to a funeral and I like to see everyone else in black too, but what you're suggesting sounds fine, op, it's so nearly there!!!

That sounds fine. I worked myself up into a real state worrying about what to wear to a family funeral recently but when I got there it really didn’t matter at all. The important thing is to be there and no one bothers about what others are wearing.

Your outfit sounds fine. Tbh it's rare for people to dress all in black for funerals these days, especially younger people. Some families request that you don't, but wear colourful clothes instead. If this hasn't been requested something smart is fine.
Over the last 10 years or so, Ive seen people attend funerals wearing jeans, t shirts, hoodies and fleeces. Im old enough to find that a bit disrespectful though.

I wore a dark blue suit to the last one that I went to. The only people wearing black had obviously put their party frocks on, which was a bit odd!

My friend wore a short black dress and fuchsia pink tights to my DH’s funeral - she looked fab. The last funeral I went to the husband of the dead woman said ‘no black’. I actually have a daily uniform of black base layer and more colourful shirt/cardi/jacket over so was a bit stumped. I wore navy trousers, off white shell and kimono style navy and off white jacket.
I think anything smart will do. Your outfit sounds fine.

It's very tricky isn't it, what you've put together sounds perfect.
You either end up looking like an 80s art teacher like I did a few years ago, I had a flowy dress thing.
Alternative was a black blazer and trousers but then I looked like a short dumpy bouncer.

Your outfit sounds fine. I do wear black to funerals but sometimes white next to the face which I agree is less draining.

People now dont have the money tosp lash out on special outfits for funerals. Many just wear their normal clothes, avoiding anything flashy or "look at me". I think its quite acceptable for young people to wear jeans, hoodies etc to a funeral as they have less occasion to buy and wear formal clothes. If there is a dress code of "no black" and you only have a dark outfit you can add a bright colourful scarf or top.

Black trousers or skirt and a black or navy modest top or a modest black long sleeved dress I actually keep just for funerals. I bought it for a funeral then wore it to a second one now think of it as a funeral dress so I don't like to wear it for anything else.

Thanks all, that's really helpful. It's an elderly person so I expect it will be a traditional funeral. I've ordered some black trousers but if they aren't something I will wear beyond this I will return them and just wear the wine ones.

I went to a funeral last week, when it was really cold and people were wearing all sorts of clothing just to keep warm. There’s always quite a lot of waiting to go into the crematorium and then waiting to go to the wake, while looking at the flowers.
It’s far more important that you’re there to support the bereaved, than worrying about what you’re wearing. Darkish colours will be fine (as I’ve got older I look terrible in black).

I do think you are best to keep it traditional unless told specifically to wear bright colours, which does often happen these days

I wore a dark green Seasalt dress and a black cardie to a funeral last week, and my winter coat is dark purple - I can't afford to buy another coat for a funeral.
Most people there were in muted colours, fairly formal, but certainly not wall to wall black.

@Judystilldreamsofhorses , when people have made the effort to come to the funeral of one of my loved ones I have always been so very grateful. It really has meant so much to me. The clothes you describe sound fairly restrained and somber in any case.
At my mother’s funeral I wore a multicolour dress she had particularly liked me in and I asked my daughter in law to wear a bright orange dress that my mother had admired on her; also orange was my mother’s favourite colour. When that daughter in law lost her Nan, her mother and aunt both went to her funeral dressed to the nines in brightly coloured clothing. Honestly I don’t think there are particular rules anymore. I think you should stop worrying and be your thoughtful, creative self.

I can't find the article but I read once that absent, Royal and state funerals and being in the immediate family going in deepest black is a bit "look at me"

Especially if, as @ChocolateCinderToffee pointed out, it ends up being black party dresses.

Sadly I've been to loads of funerals and very few people wear black now.

Sure, but that doesn't mean all black or any black at all is required. Any darkish colour is fine.

Yes, I didn't mean black, I meant sombre.

Thanks again everyone, I did have a wander round and look at the shops at lunchtime, but it’s such a weird time of year with spring-y clothes it’s too cold for! I’m hoping my long black coat will hide the bulk of my outfit anyway, and I’m sure no-one will be looking at me. The trousers are a very muted colour, almost a brown-y-wine shade (what you might describe as “autumnal”) so they are definitely not giving stand-out vibes.

I’ve been to two funerals recently and hardly anyone was there wearing all black. Wear something dark and comfortable.

I recently wore a long asymmetric brown skirt that usually I would dress with little blouses for evenings out but paired it with long boots and a collared chocolate jumper.
Some people in all black, some people with some neutral darker pieces. You do not stand out for not wearing all black in my experience.

The one before that I wore a lemon floral dress because the vibe was specifically not black.