Does having nice things make you happy personally?

[TheOGCCL]

I”m in a period of reflection about my spending habits with clothes (let’s leave aside all the beauty products). I’ve long been on the no/low buy threads, I started one year’s.

Modern wisdom seems to say that, after a certain point to make sure you are warm and covered, buying new stuff doesn’t make you any happier. That we are all victims of the capitalist hedonistic treadmill just wanting more acquisition. That this week’s new top has an enjoyable novelty but that fades fast. This board is fully of people decluttering things they probably shouldn’t have bought.

But when I do spend money on the right things I think it does make a difference to the way I feel about myself and how easy it is to get dressed. Do I need to do some work on myself or do I just like having nice things? How do you reconcile spending on clothes knowing it’s mostly discretionary? How do you give yourself permission? How do you know when to stop? (Obviously finances are one big lever but I’m more interested in others).

Interesting. I absolutely love fashion - it's been a passion of mine since being a child and I love that clothes are an outer expression of your personality. So yes, buying clothes that reflect who I am does bring me huge pleasure.

However, I have observed that there is a distinct difference between pleasure and joy or contentment. Pleasure is fabulous but it's fleeting and not really fulfilling long term. Joy on the other hand is less flashy but more long lasting. For example, if I hated my job or my relationship was on the rocks, buying new clothes wouldn't really cut it in erasing those things, I might get a momentary high but it would be gone within minutes. So, for me, clothes bring me pleasure and a dopamine hit but they arent a long term securer of my personal happiness.

There's also stuff for the time of your life. 15 Years ago I walked past a shop and saw this beautiful bag. It wasn't incredibly expensive but more than was sensible but I bought it. It was me then and me now.
It's totally unsuitable for raising children, the school run, dog walking and carrying a laptop. I've never taken it to a wedding or a restaurant.
It's sat, in a tableau, decorating my house it's whole life but I just love it and I enjoy seeing it.

My life has changed and this year will be the year of that bag. It will travel by car, it will attend with me various events and people will comment and admire and it will hold my stuff for an afternoon not for work or a family.

I love my bag.

I think people say I bought it on vinted or jist this or that to downplay it so they don’t feel like they are boasting, as many are aware others can’t afford things.

But that is a negative justification rather than a joyous one. It also leads to excess, binge shopping.
You could compare it to eating. After my main meal which provided all my calories I felt like a dessert. You could have a slice of Vienetta at home or fresh, expensive patisserie and that's different budgets but we all get that you enjoyed wrapping up your meal with a sweet note, the cost is not the story.
Of course if you then eat the whole Vienetta or entire box of donuts there's something wrong and your emotions are playing out in strange ways.

The multiple Vinted purchases are almost always justified on cost never on it will all go together so well or it makes an entire outfit for this event from one seller.

It's reaching for the joy rather than the worry or judgement.

I suppose a lot of it is around the concept of justification. Justifying is maybe the wrong mindset. Either you like it and will wear/use it (and you can afford it) or you don’t/won’t/can’t.

Great thread topic.

I've definitely always been drawn to minimalism/one perfect quality item but ultimately it is just an illusion/ideal.

Especially when modern life means we have to be flexible...

In my 20s I used to follow minimalist blogs where some lithe writer said she only wears a "perfect" pair of jeans before going for coffee in a cafe with outdoor seating and reading something intellectual. Then returning to her "aesthetic" flat.

There was this idea that there was an aesthetically optimal life.

Of course, its all just fantasy....those writers are just as flawed as me and optimising life at all stages isn't really practical if you have other priorities (and obviously the question of who pays for this kind of lifestyle...).

I do find quality items increase my quality of life, but its been more a flexible/incremental process. I'd say the three "pillars" are...

Comfort

Aesthetic

Enabling/functional for main lifestyle (work, keeping household clean, climate, commute, money, dating or relationships).

Its hard to work out what actually works without some "trial and error" though. And my needs and preferences adjust frequently.

Ultimately, I've achieved/am on my way to achieving the main things I want to do in life. So I'll forgive myself for sometimes spending too much on random wrong stuff.

Nice things give me a good feeling about myself. It’s a reflection on how much I like, take care of, respect myself. I can see why it can be perceived as frivolous, superficial, ‘it’s what’s on the inside that matters’ etc, but tell you what, my Cartier stack looks and feels bloody fabulous peering from under an oversized cashmere and silk jumper sleeve. Makes me smile. Doesn’t make me less wholesome. To my DD, it makes me mum. The way my jewellery clinks, the way my jumpers feel and my perfume, to her that says ‘mum’ and she’s subconsciously doing the same, to recreate the familiarity.

Honestly- no. I used to be happy when I got new things, but it doesn’t bother me anymore, as long as the clothes fit their purpose.

I’ve spent time getting together the things I need for spending a lot of time outdoors, so that I’m always comfortable.

YES!! Agree with this. I've spent a lot on vitamins and new facecreams, bit of botox etc and it makes me so happy!

No, you cant turn back time, but seeing and feeling the difference in my hair/skin is amazing and makes me soooo happy!

I used to be a lodger with a guy who was a miser - never went out, never bought food that wasn't extremely cheap/yellow stickererd (put me off going to Lidl for years), slept on a mattress on the floor so that the rooms that could fit a double bed could be rented out, rode a bike that was falling apart, wouldn't get necessary work done on the house etc. Never bought new clothes, the only real indulgence he has was a large TV and buying discounted DVDs online. However, there were plenty of things around the house that suggested that at one point he had been a huge spender - premium editions of comic books, Liberty tablemats, and hideously dated but clearly expensive at the time furniture, including the dining table that never got used as anything other than a receptacle for all his payslips/bank statements. The mortgage for his now quite valuable house was quickly paid off, he told us, so I guess that's what the money went on. So maybe it was one extreme to the other there?

Occasionally he would reminsce about the time he spent working abroad and I'd say 'you should go back for a visit' and he'd say 'well, there's an idea...'. It made me sad, not because he was broke but because he clearly didn't want to spend the money, and I'd wonder what the point of having it in the first place was if all you did was stay in in your decades-old clothes to watch TV.

This really resonates with me. If you buy things in the expectation that they will make you happy, it probably will have the opposite effect. As happened with a very expensive purchase with me last summer. If you buy a great pair of shoes because they are a great pair of shoes and are exactly what you needed, they probably will make you feel a little bit happier every time you wear them.

I also think nice things can be armour, professionally. If you are dressed in great quality clothes that fit you perfectly, you look successful and you feel more confident. That is why a Birkin bag sells so well with professional women, it is a way of advertising how successful you are. I have a Tom Ford dress, I call my 'big gun' dress. I feel a foot taller when I wear it and if I have a meeting with new clients that I want to land, that's the dress that comes out of the wardrobe. I know I am driven by my insecurities as much as a love of fashion when I make certain purchases, but fuck it - I know that about myself and I can deal with it and it doesn't hurt anyone else. Plenty of people have good luck charms, mine just happens to be a Tom Ford dress!

As someone who’s let her wardrobe go, putting it mildly, no replacements for years, putting on a bit of weight but keeping what I had pretty much, it’s about the ability to feel like you’re comfortable, look good and actually have a choice, I used to nearly cry when people said they couldn’t find anything to wear because I was pretty sure that didn’t mean they were going to put on an ugly oversized top they’d been given by someone who was going to throw it out, a too small pair of black trousers and a fifteen year old pair of scruffy shoes. People can say about saving money etc but there is a line, everyone should get to do a bit of shopping to feel good about themselves!

Individual great items make me happy - especially if I've bought them at 90% off, almost for pennies. Or if I have something so beautifully made, so flattering, and so obviously wearable for ever. That's why I gravitate to classics, not trends.
But apart from that, I'm lucky in enjoying things that don't lose their value - like art and antique jewelry.
I don't quite understand that it's easier to get dressed if you own too much. To me, it's just wasteful.
And you know when to stop when you have everything - and more. I have enough lined wool winter pants, for instance.
The only things I buy in excess are things I'll put away for whenever I need them. I go to sample sales for beautiful socks, scoop them up, and toss them in a box for when my current ones wear out. Same with denim jeans. I won't spend much money on them, and I have very specific tastes, so if I find something, I snap them up. And when mine fray to death, I know I have one or two spares folded away.

This might help, @TheOGCCL - the original paper on enclothed cognition:

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0022103112000200

And a more frivolous take on the phenomenon:

Mob wife or trad wife? How what we wear changes how we feel

https://www.thetimes.com/article/5d0da928-acf3-427e-a84a-0fd07b4e5e93?shareToken=8523d63384c5066c7f35cca1d3e061d8

I used to love clothes and buying things for me. But now I just feel a combination of guilt because that money could be going to dc (will my new jeans be the cause of them not getting on the housing ladder in 20 years?) and just feeling shit in everything. I also don't really like being noticed so when I did feel nice in an outfit a few weeks ago and got people commenting I still am cringing about it and won't wear it again.

I look like a potato gone wrong in anything other than leggings so for me clothes are not a joy, but fine jewellery is. I love curating my jewellery collection, pieces from family members, antiques, one off pieces or bits from independent jewellers. I get a lot of joy in selecting what pieces to wear each day. I do have to step back each time I want to buy something new and teach myself to browse and be happy with my current collection, if I keep thinking about a new piece I’ll give it a few months and see if that “I want it” feeing goes away, usually it does. Need to be careful not to look like Pat Butcher 😂

Yes I like buying nice and expensive things. And they do make me feel long term happiness. I have two expensive bags that I view as life-long pieces that bring me such joy to use. I have a few items of expensive jewellery that when I wear I just feel great in them all day. I have a pricey piece of artwork that genuinely brings me joy each day to sit and gaze at.

I never overspend and have no debt beyond the mortgage, and have never used credit to buy anything. I think having heaps of stuff is quite different to ‘nice things making you happy’. Half the joy in my nice things is that I know they will last forever/for decades, because they are classic and built to last. I look at cheaper things that I know will only last a few years or much less (I used to buy cheap shoes and they would last 8 months) and feel uncomfortable with the waste, and think ‘well what’s the point in this?’.

Don’t get me wrong. I know the majority of people can’t afford to spend in that way. People need shoes and clothes and furniture and couldn’t ever spend £500-£1000 apiece. It’s just my own experience of ‘buying nice things’.

I love my wardrobe. It is a mix of new and secondhand, mainly stuff I've had for a while, but with the odd newer thing in there. I go to my wardrobe and I have multiple things I want to wear. I never have a "nothing to wear" moment. It does make me happy to look at my nice, organised (somewhat overstuffed), wardrobe and looking forward to when I might wear x, y or z. Or looking forward to wearing a different top with different jeans or whatever.

I love pyjamas too.

I don't wear a lot of heavy make up or a lot of beauty treatments, but I do enjoy fake tan and also eyeliner, (my username sort of inspired by that as Claudia W and I share a love of both)! And I really love clothes.

Doesn’t everyone like nice things though and it makes them happier. It will be subjective what the nice thing is, it maybe a gardening fork, a mug, a new top, an antique, or a new compost bin, things make people happy.

ive no debt fortunately and the mortgage is paid off, I have savings and I earn, so i can spend on things I like, yes its discretionary, I don’t give myself permission, and I don’t need some lever to stop me, as I’ve some common sense and am not out of control. I understand how much I’m willing to spend, at a high level and stay within that.

i like wearing nice clothes, a friends husband is all about wearing old done in stuff, and thinks anyone wearing expensive clothing is up their own arse ie me, we often good naturally argue about it. I simply tell him there is no cool dude awards for looking like you are a tramp either.

My joy comes from having the ‘right’ things to wear in my wardrobe for any occasion, things that which fit me well, in ‘my’ colour and style and appropriate for the occasion.

It’s taken a bit of effort to get here, and I now operate a one in one out system do that anything I buy has to be ‘even better than’ something I already have.

My approach was strongly influenced by Project333 and Obama’s reported decision to buy lots of identical blue suits for his presidency, so that getting dressed each day when the eyes of the world were on him would take absolutely no decision making capability at all. He had plenty of other important decisions to make each day, getting dressed deserved no bandwidth.

My wardrobe essentially contains many examples of ‘my outfit’. The same basic shape in waterproof fabrics for outdoor walking, in luxury materials for evening wear and daytime versions too.

Id gives me joy to not need to think about what to wear and still look presentable even well turned out. Unusual I know but it works for me.

Having nice things make me feel happy too. Although I like what a poster said that it's not about the thing but how it makes you feel (i.e. confidence).
Although having too much of things overwhelms me which is why me choosing to buy less but more quality products seems to fit me best overall.

I agree with this. I think human beings are kind of hard wired to take pleasure from beauty and to seek it out, but how we define beauty varies enormously.
I too have friends aren't the least interested in clothes but who go wild over a plant sale. Others spend eye watering sums on industrial strength waterproof clothing and/or a camper van so they can drive off every weekend in search of a view. They think I'm slightly nuts and I think the same about them but we rub along quite happily.

@Hellokitty1986 I don't know if you're still on the thread but I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how that must feel.

It's a great question! I'm enjoying the replies.

I can remember certain garments & accessories I had almost 60 years ago, then again throughout the years. They made me feel good and a little special; people whose opinion I valued liked the way I looked in them. Same with some items of makeup and a few haircuts. I also remember some of the absolute worst haircuts!

I don't know when acquiring the thing that it will take a special place. I have one dress at the moment that I love to wear. It makes me smile and always gets a compliment. I've got loads of other things I liked just as much when I chose them, but have turned out to be "It'll do" or "May as well get rid of that".

There's no singular feature to distinguish the successes from the rest, otherwise I could be a blissful dresser with the small, perfect wardrobe. The trial and error's part of the fun, I guess!