Does having nice things make you happy personally?

[TheOGCCL]

I”m in a period of reflection about my spending habits with clothes (let’s leave aside all the beauty products). I’ve long been on the no/low buy threads, I started one year’s.

Modern wisdom seems to say that, after a certain point to make sure you are warm and covered, buying new stuff doesn’t make you any happier. That we are all victims of the capitalist hedonistic treadmill just wanting more acquisition. That this week’s new top has an enjoyable novelty but that fades fast. This board is fully of people decluttering things they probably shouldn’t have bought.

But when I do spend money on the right things I think it does make a difference to the way I feel about myself and how easy it is to get dressed. Do I need to do some work on myself or do I just like having nice things? How do you reconcile spending on clothes knowing it’s mostly discretionary? How do you give yourself permission? How do you know when to stop? (Obviously finances are one big lever but I’m more interested in others).

For me, yes definitely. I'm a perfectionist in lots of ways and get a lot of pleasure from things being 'just so'. I would rather go without than suffer something cheap and nasty.

I find that having top quality stuff usually makes your life infinitely easier to navigate & much more convenient too because you buy exactly what you need rather than just make do.

For example I've finally found a stylist who cuts my hair perfectly. I had to go on his waiting list for 6 months and then travel 25 miles to his salon and he's not cheap. But I'm now enjoying the fact that every day is a good hair day.

Similarly, I now sleep on very expensive pillows and have Slip silk pillowcases so I no longer wake up with fuzzy hair and sleep creases on my face.

Also, I was thrilled when I discovered the Freya 'Icon' bra. It's my Holy Grail, every day bra. So I bought 8 of them in various colours, purely so I never have to think about bras again, until they need replacing. Same reason why I used to buy several Bobbi Brown Extreme Lip Tint Balms at a time, so always had one on my dressing table, one in my handbag and one in my car. So I always had one to hand. Just easier.

Also, as I get older, I’m conscious of wanting to ensure I have a solid store of lovely things for a time when I may be less able to shop for myself. No one is putting me in Damart …

This resonates. I have one eye on retirement and whilst I'll be okay financially, I know there will come a time when I won't have as much money to burn so it almost feels like I'm "stocking up" for the future.

I wore a new outfit to work today and got so many compliments, I felt a foot taller. So yes, clothes make me happy.

I never ever buy clothes when I'm fecked off . Otherwise that item will remind me of the time I was annoyed or angry or skint .

I bought clothes for a funeral but they weren't something I'd never wear again, they were for a celebration of a life , not just a death. So when I do I will think of them and be comforted .

I buy something if I like it , I might not buy it straight away though .
This week I have worn two new tops , one I bought last year , just waiting for the right opportunity .

I do like Rituals Sakura , that does make me happy .

Yes and no. Sometimes some things I've bought keep me feeling happy whenever I use/wear them (my hot chocolate maker, a leather jacket I still love, a bean to cup coffee maker), also some things that are getting really tatty and negatively impacting me, when they're replaced that makes me happy (currently pans, with the non stick coating fully intact whereas i was scrubbing the old ones clean plus i was worried i was giving us all cancer because the coating was flaking off everywhere). Equally, I've loads of stuff I've gone off, or that hasn't really improved my life at all, or that I just put on and don't think much about it.
I'm not particularly good at working out what those things are going to be, annoyingly! I'm trying to only buy clothes off vinted or charity this year, and I thought that'd be depressing but actually I'm really enjoying some hidden gems turning up

Great question OP!

Over the last few years I've built a lovely wardrobe of workwear, summer/holiday clothes and everyday clothes. My previous style was 'bag lady' chic, but this has changed over the years. I've decluttered loads and now have less clothes but better quality.

I decided some time ago that because I work hard and the mortgage is paid (monthly) and the bills are paid and I save every month and I pay into a pension and DC activities, days out, treats etc are all covered, I am 'allowed' to buy new clothes if I see something that I like. So, for example, last week when I bought a new pair of heels, I did it without any guilt or too much thought, because I've already 'justified' the spend in my own mind (and they cost £14.95!).

I don't have many high end designer items, because I can't justify that. If I bought lots of lovely bags, I'd have to save less and/or go on less holidays - savings and holidays, for me, are more important (sadly) than the gorgeous bags. Some people won't have to make that choice as they have enough savings or they don't like going on holiday or they have enough money that they can do all the things!

When I was a teen, my Mum sat me and my DSis down and said that she'd decided that she was no longer going to save anything 'for best' as she had decades worth of things that she'd been saving for best. So now she was going to wear the fabulous jewellery, spray the expensive perfume etc and we could do the same with our stuff. She had about 10 years of doing just that before falling ill. I think this has made me feel much less guilty about treating myself. And I sometimes think, if not now, when? I won't be here forever and life is for living.

Fuck, yes! I grew up poor and didn't have nice clothes, jewellery or accessories. Starting life as a journalist in a capital city meant not a lot was left over for nice things. I used to buy Vogue and dream of being able to afford Karen Millen! Then I had a mortgage and kids so no spare cash in my thirties. I am finally of an age where I can indulge in my love of beautiful things and I am having a great time! I buy second hand because a) I am still tight with my money, b) I get an almost sexual thrill when I bag a bargain and c) my taste is expensive so I can only afford things second hand. But thank God the internet puts so much vintage and second hand clothes in my reach from my desk and I now have beautiful wardrobe and a stuffed jewellery box. I love leaving the doors open on it and just sitting and gloating at my treasures. I even stroke them like pets! I love that no matter the occasion, I can throw my wardrobe open and find a lovely outfit that is appropriate. I remember my mother crying because we couldn't afford to go to weddings or parties because we had nothing to wear, couldn't afford anything new and she didn't want us to stand out. Like PP, I love good quality, things that are beautifully made and designed with a bit of imagination.

I have nice, but not expensive clothes. I have some which are lovely in themselves (pattern, style, feel) and others which work best in an outfit. I have too many clothes. However, I like to be stylish but not fashionable. Having spent my late 20s and early 30s kind of fitting in, I've rediscovered my horror of looking like anyone else in the pub. And it's liberating.

I also wear nice perfume every day, not just on special occasions.

I buy bedding that makes me happy to look at.

I buy myself flowers sometimes.

Yes. Silk blouses, tailored trousers, a well cut coat, a leather bag and good jewellery make me happy. Probably because I equate good clothes with success and having (some) money. Grew up in poverty (as per a previous poster) and having a wardrobe of beautiful clothes gives me a feeling of security.

I think buying and enjoying nice things is not in and of itself a problem, and in fact can be a positive thing and a way to express your personality and important values.

Problems start when the acquisition of things (and the associated pleasure) is used as a way to regulate negative feelings or to curate an image that is driven from the outside rather than the inside.

I love nice things and take a lot of pleasure in the things both large and small that I buy, but I’m a very intentional buyer and don’t buy a lot. When I do buy, the items will be high quality and expensive or well-researched.

My ex also loves nice things but he has a major issue. He is a compulsive spender and will buy numerous almost identical items (eg navy blue t-shirts) in an endless quest to find the “perfect” one (which he has so far failed to do despite being in his 60s). A lot of this is about him wanting to be seen as “on trend” and more youthful (and wealthy) than he really is.

He also goes on collecting jags and will assemble collections of dozens or hundreds of a particular type of item (chairs, vases, books, etc). This lasts a couple of years until he is seized by a new interest and his previous passion starts its own collection of dust.

Because of this he has relatively low retirement savings and doesn’t own a house, though he could easily be in a different position. He is still working so all the spending doesn’t seem to have caught up with him yet in the sense that he lives what appears to be a very affluent lifestyle, but I suspect it will be a different story in ten years’ time.

I’m so sorry. I hope you are receiving some support. My heart goes out to you x

I love new things, but go through stages of not buying anything. I am 64 and began buying frumpy clothing, full knickers, big bras, granny nighties etc. just for comfort, but yesterday I thought I would like to wear clothes that make me feel better. I got some nice lacey small knickers and put them on straightaway, £4 for 3 pairs in a sale, it’s a start but I do feel better. Next to find some nice nightwear, not sexy, but something that looks better, there’s not a lot of choice.

Yes having things makes me happy.
Only being warm and covered wouldn’t be the base level of happiness for me.
I recognise that it does make me happy and I allow a budget to do it. I’m always going to be the person who buys a new pair of jeans because the cut makes me feel incredible even if I have 4 similar pairs at home. I’m fine with that, life is for living and as long as I’m financially sensible and not buying a new fluffy baby pink mohair jumper instead of saving for the future I will continue to do both and feel no guilt!

Having a good selection of clothes and easily being able to dress well every morning without thinking about it significantly improves my life. I used to be more careful about spending on clothes but I prioritise it now. I also love the other “stuff” I have in my house - I have lots of things I find beautiful. I love having them, I treasure them and they make me happy. I have found that some people who are “not materialistic” are actually constantly buying cheap crap and replacing things, so I’m not convinced they’re spending less.

I've started slowly upgrading items around the house for this very reason. Having always been satisfied with budget purchases like my £9 kettle and £7 flat pack side tables, I suddenly looked around and felt like I was living in sad student digs and decided I needed to inject a little sense of quality and luxury into my living environment. I notice I feel happier with each upgrade as its almost symbol of me loving and taking better care of myself.

Define “nice things “?

Having the appropriate items to wear in colours, shapes and sizes that flatter me makes me happy.

I am not sure that is your question though.

Yes, looking good and wearing nice clothes makes me happy. It helps me feel confident in my job, and the way people react to you is more positive which also helps with confidence. I am a complete shopaholic though and only buy quality pieces, so it’s an expensive hobby…

To many people yes they bring happiness, sense of achievement and reward etc. Some people it’s never enough, no matter how hard they try the void they try to fill with nice things just swallows up more and more.

In her OP @TheOGCCLquestions the legitimacy of spending money on the right things even though doing so does make a difference to the way I feel about myself and how easy it is to get dressed

I hope this thread has helped to untangle the question in her head!

I'm another one here who grew up poor. To some extent the presence or absence of nice things has an impact on a sense of self, worth, confidence, feeling good, whatever. I earn a fine wage, put half in savings, my mortgage will soon be paid off, I don't keep a car or go on expensive holidays or restaurants, but I spend money on good clothes and toiletries. As this didn't start until my late 30's, early 40s, I have something to compare it to. The nice things have positively added to my overall wellbeing.

I like to have good quality things that last. Beauty wise - I just efficacy over packaging.
I don’t need lots of things.

Like some PPs I do really love a number of nice things that I have bought because they are really “me” and make me feel good and are great to have to hand. Sometimes they were expensive, more often not as they were bought on eBay or vinted. For me nice things make a difference to my life because they are nice and feel right and make me happy, and it’s better if they are also good quality because they will last as well. As well as clothes, this applies to furniture and crockery. I have a couple of things that I treasure because they are so lovely and so my style, and I will spend more for that.

But wanting/accumulating nice things purely because they are expensive or high-status is less healthy IMO because it’s less likely to bring you happiness. It may be more about trying to make an impression or trying to reassure yourself of your worth. Not judging that as there are many reasons people can feel those needs, but I think that’s where it’s easier for capitalism to prey on people and you can go down a route of accumulating more and more without getting much joy from it.

also agree with a PP about searching for the “perfect” shirt or whatever and I have been guilty of this. I’ve learned that the things I value most are when I wasn’t especially looking for them but just saw something and thought OMG I LOVE that! If that happens and I can afford it, I buy it (or look for it later on eBay etc). If I’m looking for a particular thing, I’m more likely to “settle” for something that’s almost right and then end up not using it much.

Things make me happy because I attach meaning to those things. They will be memories from a holiday or an experience. With clothes what I enjoy is looking for specific pieces. I use Vinted so it’s much lower on cost and hunt out what I am looking for new with tags or very good condition. I’ll have idea of what I’m after and then pursue it. I love getting a package and opening it and adding to my collection. Wearing it makes me happy, especially as I also got a good deal. I’m not a minimalist at all.

Absolutely! There's some great responses, thank you to everyone who has posted.

It's a fine balance for me as I could easily spend money on not so right things and I often find it hard to know what is going to really add value to and that can lead to a lot of really unnecessary rumination, especially when things are expensive.

But I also really love shopping (I even love going to shops and not buying anything, just to see what the trends are and how things have been merchandised). And I really like being able to dress daily without stress, or quickly pack a case for a trip, knowing I have all bases covered.

ChatGPT calls it a clean spending philosophy and it's more complicated than just low buy for me. Low buy hasn't taught me how to navigate choice permanently, it's been too much about restriction and has even led to me feeling I shouldn't spend a lot leading to less good quality purchasing.

@TheOGCCL Lots of overthinking on your part! Low buy is boring. It’s made you try and be someone you aren’t and it doesn’t make you happy. Buying a bit more, clearly brings you happiness. As it does me. I like my handbags! I like my cashmere pullovers and I like my jewellery even more. There’s no need to buy fast fashion that goes to landfill but having a collection of wearable good clothes is a joy: depriving yourself is the opposite!

I do find inspiration but also some disordered thinking on the restricted borders. 'I only bought this, this and this' so that's alright. Or I bought it all on Vinted so it doesn't count. I rarely see ' I just saw it and it was totally my style and I love the colour'.

That's the stuff that totally brings me joy and yes it is hard to find but so nice to have the money in the bank when you do see it.

I also see people chasing a false god so buying and trying on almost an entire collection in all the colours and sizes and keeping 20% but then selling on 60% of that within two years. It's got fomo and again is a negative reason for bringing something into your wardrobe.

So lean towards the positive.