Dress needed - any ideas?

[Hoppinggreen]

Hi All
would anyone like to help me find a dress (or similar) for an event?
Must cover knees and shoulders - says this on the invite
Black tie
Size 16 hourglass, don't love my legs but good boobs
5 ft 5
I am in my 50's
I like colour
Brown hair and olive skin
Have a dread of looking "matronly" or "frumpy"
Have dodgy feet so will have to wear reasonably comfy shoes
Willing to pay up to £200
I like the below but think it might be for someone thinner
Petite Joanna Gold Open Back Sparkle Dress – Ro&Zo

Thank you in advance

I’d say it is code for not tacky, I.e not short, not strapless (or thin straps) and no cleavage on show. A lot of people associate black tie with red carpet looks or prom looks.

Having been to a few that’s exactly what it is, it means not short not strapless. Sleeveless is fine. Which the ops initial dress is.

Sorry yes and not thin spaghetti type straps either, but sleeveless is totally fine.

Short, strapless, thin straps and cleavage are all 'tacky'?

I'm not disputing the dress code for this event, just that those things are 'tacky'.

@Hoppinggreen I think you should order the first dress and try it. Also, that red velvet jumpsuit was gorgeous, although you'd have to wear something over your shoulders

They can be, yes,

Surely anything can be. But those things aren't automatically so.

I’m not giving my opinion just what they are “trying to code” without coming right out and saying it. This is why the OP is ending up with a lot of frumpy options. They don’t want people to look glam and they don’t trust the taste of some attendees not to choose overtly sexy looks.

All those looks the OP describes as frumpy are spot on.

Yeah I’m not sure I agree with that at all . The fact she’s being advised of frumpy options is quite common on this board, frumpy is recommended regularly. Christ the amount of Joanie dresses I see recommended is mind boggling. Thays not the dress code, it’s the people recommending dresses, possibly due to their own age or sense of style.

it’s also not they don’t want people to look glam, they do. It’s just nothing revealing, in a kind of keep it classy vein. It’s really not that deep. It’s a military black tie event, as said, I’ve been to them, and it is not no one can be glam and no one can be sexy and everyone has to be frumpy. It’s a simple dress code, which really translates as nothing strapless or short.

No one needs to be all defensive, some short and strapless outfits can be tacky, let’s not pretend otherwise. Sure some aren’t, but there is no doubt some can and they aren’t looking for women to turn up looking like love island rejects.

I think there's a difference between "frumpy" and "modest", personally. I don't think you have to flaunt your legs or cleavage to look fashionable.

Has anyone on this thread suggested a Joanie dress?!

This is lovely and won’t be too long https://www.wyselondon.com/products/caley-dress-gold?_gl=119i50dy_upMQ.._gs*MQ..&gclid=CjwKCAiAt8bIBhBpEiwAzH1w6aB7X9HLP2bc_cdS5eGFD_0-OsefETcVpIvUpL6qSb8qxEt7d5ucohoCMN8QAvD_BwE&gbraid=0AAAAACqaK2JXVRJWFkPkULcUQezFoTQlg

This is also gorgeous https://www.wyselondon.com/products/casey-lace-trim-dress-midnight?_gl=1h8p0rp_upMQ.._gs*MQ..&gclid=CjwKCAiAt8bIBhBpEiwAzH1w6aB7X9HLP2bc_cdS5eGFD_0-OsefETcVpIvUpL6qSb8qxEt7d5ucohoCMN8QAvD_BwE&gbraid=0AAAAACqaK2JXVRJWFkPkULcUQezFoTQlg

Stunning green https://www.wolfandbadger.com/uk/draped-emerald-green-midi-dress/

Black and silver
https://www.wolfandbadger.com/uk/dahlia-black-silver-midi-dress/

Black, gorgeous shape
https://www.wolfandbadger.com/uk/midi-wrap-dress-with-three-quarter-sleeves/

Only slightly over budget if you use the voucher code
https://rixolondon.com/products/amari-black

The gold one is lovely! I like it in teal velvet too.

I think the second one looks like a nightie A very elegant one, mind!

The gold seraphina is magnificent! If only I had somewhere to wear it (and the money for it) I would buy it in a heartbeat!

OP, the one you initially posted is lovely, and I think would really suit an hourglass shape. I have no experience of this particular dress code, however, so will leave that to the posters who have. Hope you have a wonderful night!

Why so aggressive, no, and I never suggested they did.

Is wearing a short dress or something strapless or with a v-neck 'flaunting'? I'm sorry, but this is ridiculous and demeaning. I mean, I'm not looking to spill my tits on the table, but why should we be concerned with being 'modest'?

*Not directed at the OP, whose event, I know, has a dress code, which I do, of course, think one should respect.

Good grief. It’s a military event. It has a dress code. And we all know some dresses can indeed be flaunting. She wasn’t talking about you personally or your boobs.

My point was that it's possible to follow the dress code (length below the knee, not showing shoulders) without being "frumpy". Just because a dress is "modest" doesn't make it frumpy. I don't think we have to let it all hang out to be fashionable. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with showing legs or cleavage - far from it - just that it seems unkind (to me) to call someone's outfit choice "frumpy" if they choose not to.

The whole point of this thread is to find a suitable dress that does meet the dress code, anyway, so I think we're derailing a bit tbh. Sorry OP!

The codes and rules just a form of snobbery and exclusion. Most middle class etiquette was invented to keep people out or to make them identifiable when they tried to get in.

It’s incredibly patronising to define what black tie means when the invite is for a work event in a specific sector. If you are going that far you should question why an event has to be black tie in the first place.

These days black tie is an opportunity to dress up if you want. Let people wear off the shoulder if they want. Queen Victoria did ffs. Before it became something the royals didn’t do.

@LemonTT
While I broadly agree you would have to take that up with The British Army
This is an event I have been invited to by someone I care about and it is a very important occasion for their whole family
Therefore I WILL be sticking to the dress code

@Hoppinggreen although I’m not military, I have been to a few of these events. They tend to be quite conservative and if they say below the knee and covering the shoulders, they mean it. The dress you linked to is lovely, but I think you need more coverage on the shoulders.

The ladies that stood out for me tended to wear long dresses with long sleeves. You can always accessorise to the hilt.
Have a fantastic time

Ca

I was going to ask what the event was, if it's something like a Christmas ball then the dress code is a bit more relaxed, especially for guests, but this sounds as if it might be a commissioning ball so you do need to follow the rules. Shoulder covering could be a shawl or jacket though. Don't go for something too low in the cleavage. Later in the evening once the drinks are flowing the dress code rules sort of go out of the window.

How is it middle class, and about exclusion and snobbery, what are you saying, the working classes like short dresses and strapless dresses, that’s crazy. It’s just a dress code for a military event, most formal events have them. No one is excluded based on their class. Everyone can cover their shoulders and knees.