DD12 and her hair - please help!

[YouCanLetItGo]

I am hoping someone on here can help me please!

DD12 washes her hair and whether it’s air dried or blow dried, it stays looking lank and there is a patch on the back of her head that is always greasy or tacky. She is adamant she is separating her hair and washing it properly. She is a sensible girl and I do believe her.

Dried her hair tonight and she has got upset because it’s still the same. Lots of girls have lovely shiny, healthy looking hair and hers is dull and lank. (I’d never tell her that though of course).

She is currently using Aveeno clarifying shampoo. Conditions the ends (this happens with or without conditioner).

I’m just at a loss for what to do to help her. At 12, she doesn’t want my help washing her hair in the shower!

Does anyone have any ideas? Techniques, product recs, something she could be doing?

My dds hair is like this when she washes it. As far as I can tell she either doesn't wash it properly or doesn't rinse it properly or both. She's 11 and I am still needing to go in and give it a good scrub 1-2 times a week when she's in the shower.

She tells me washes it fine. She lies!

Has she started her periods? Both my DDs hair went like this for about 6 months. It coincided with the few months running up to and just after their period starting. No different shampoos/conditioners helped. It just resolved itself

Can you get her a Tangle Teezer brush to use as part of rinsing?

I think it might be the shampoo? I have fine straight hair. Occasionally I use a particular random brand of shampoo and my hair almost has an allergic reaction and becomes lank and you can barely put a comb through it. It's very odd. And then I use the same brand a few weeks later and its fine. I would just use a different standard brand and see if that helps. Something like a Garnier Blends one that doesn't do anything special. Just for a few washes.

Take her to the hairdresser. Don't say anything (would embarrass her anyway), but just see what her hair is like after a wash cut and blow dry. I would bet good money that she just isn't washing and rinsing thoroughly. If this is not an option, offer to wash her hair over the sink (so she doesn't have to have you in the bath/shower with her) and assess what her hair is like afterwards.

It's very telling that there's a patch that particularly bad - points towards it being a washing issue IMO.

I doubt she’s rinsing it properly, is leaving shampoo in and the product is making it tacky.

this happens to me when I’m in a rush,’but I just clip up and ignore

I recommend this to get it properly clean

https://www.superdrug.com/hair/shampoo/everyday-shampoo/ogx-purifying-charcoal-detox-shampoo-385ml/p/773514

DD10’s hair was like this for ages. She insisted that she was rinsing the conditioner out properly, but I suspected otherwise. I think she was trying, but hadn’t got the hang of it.
I washed her hair over the bath with a jug. I did two shampoos, conditioner and proper rinse and her hair looked amazing!
Since then she has been much better at washing and rinsing it every time.

She needs to wash it with shampoo twice and then condition. To be honest I would wash her hair over the bath and do it yourself separating the hair.

It is easier for you to blow dry her hair than it would be for her, my hairdresser gets my hair poker straight (naturally soft waves) and does that with a hairdryer, no straighteners. She said she could never do this to herself because it is harder to do your own hair.

The twice shampooing does make a difference, it isn't to get you to use more product, it is for a reason. Hairdressers will always shampoo twice.

Would she let you wash it over the sink/bath or if she wore her bathing suit in the shower you could help? It does sound like it’s not being washed and rinsed properly.
Maybe try a baby shampoo that is milder on her skin to not strip her scalp of oils causing more oil production.

She’s not rinsing it properly. Agree with taking her to the hairdressers for a wash, cut and blow dry to see what it looks like after it’s been done properly. Or you do it over the bath.

Does she wash her hair twice? The first shampoo lifts rhe dirt and second shampoo rinses all the crap from the hair. I feel your pain my DD12 has dark brown almost black hair and we are having the same issue. She conditions the ends. We stick to every second night for washing and she uses the dark dry shampoo every day too. She only uses heat spray on her hair. I’m putting it down to hormones xx

I find that a lot of shampoos don't leave my hair feeling really clean and however much I rinse, it still feels heavy or coated somehow. The only one that works for me is actually quite a cheap one - Pantene Pro V Classic Clean. I use the shampoo and then a bit of the conditioner on the ends. It leaves my hair really squeaky clean! Hope you find something that works!

My son was like this at a similar age. As PP have suggested, he wasn’t rinsing it properly. Even though he insisted he was.

I wash my DDs over the bath when hers gets like this!

DD (9) also gets the greasy patch, and its just that she either doesn't get it wet enough or doesn't rub the shampoo in well enough, and almost definitely doesn't rinse it well enough.

Every few showers I insist on helping her with it (eyes averted as she likes bathing privacy).

Wash it for her, over the sink or bath and test if she’s properly getting it all clean, always double shampoo. Aveeno may be too simple for greasy teenage hair, I’ve always found Pantene volume and body the best clarifying shampoo to get hair squeaky clean. If the result is that she’s not washing it properly, maybe get her one of the skull scrubbers to use in the shower to make sure she’s getting her whole head. If it’s lank and dull maybe look at getting a decent cut to add a bit more weight to it, maybe some layers.

My best friends daughter went through this - she was using far too much conditioner (it did smell amazing😊) then not spending enough time rinsing it.

maybe stop the conditioner for a while?

I live the idea of a cut and blow dry. See what it’s like after a proper scrub and rinse.

If it’s defo not the rinsing then I think it can be hormone related.

She might be eminently sensible but also not quite have mastered the knack of a good shampoo and a thorough rinse, especially as this patch is round the back. She might be 12 and not want your help, but it's either accept help while she gets the hang of it, or have a tackly limp patch of hair round the back of her head. Which would she prefer?

It can be hormones, surges around that age. DD was the same but it carried on and was diagnosed with PCOS at 15. The first of many symptoms to disappear after starting Dianette was the greasy hair.

Try washing yourself with the same products she’s using then either change of products or hairdressers if it’s an option.

One thing which helped was a natural aloe Vera gel slathered on dry scalp (section hair and try to get into all area of the scalp). Leave on for 30 minutes and then wash out. It definitely helped subsequent washes and became a monthly occurrence for a while.

Try a bar shampoo, Lush do them, it sorted my dds hair out when similar was happening

Thanks all! I will suggest me washing it and see how we get on. I do believe she is washing it “correctly” but think the suggestion of not rinsing thoroughly could be right. She does double shampoo.
love the idea of a salon wash too - will book that.
We live in a hard water area so that doesn’t help. When we went on holiday to Wales our hair was soft and shiny just from the shower!

I’ll try a different shampoo and no conditioner for a bit too.

Could be hormone related too.

She’s not washing it properly, and she needs to double wash her hair with shampoo. Also, the Aveeno might not be a great product on her particular hair. It’s worth trying different travel sizes until she finds one that works.
If she wants to add volume & glossiness then unfortunately she’ll need to use product if her hair isn’t naturally like that.

Double shampoo using only a small amount only on the scalp, gently massaging from the edge of the hair into the middle. Rinse, wash and rinse again. Condition from mid to ends.