DD12 and her hair - please help!

[YouCanLetItGo]

I am hoping someone on here can help me please!

DD12 washes her hair and whether it’s air dried or blow dried, it stays looking lank and there is a patch on the back of her head that is always greasy or tacky. She is adamant she is separating her hair and washing it properly. She is a sensible girl and I do believe her.

Dried her hair tonight and she has got upset because it’s still the same. Lots of girls have lovely shiny, healthy looking hair and hers is dull and lank. (I’d never tell her that though of course).

She is currently using Aveeno clarifying shampoo. Conditions the ends (this happens with or without conditioner).

I’m just at a loss for what to do to help her. At 12, she doesn’t want my help washing her hair in the shower!

Does anyone have any ideas? Techniques, product recs, something she could be doing?

Has she got long hair? When water hits the hair it forms a waterproof mat, you need to get fingers in and move/ lift the hair to allow the water to get to the scalp.

When my daughter is lazy and just stands under the big overhead shower head, her hair is greasy and lank. If she uses the hand held shower attachment it’s fine, as she will actually use the other hand to move and separate the hair and rinse it properly.

I also have to remind her to use small amounts of shampoo, rub it between her hands first and then into the hair and scalp, repeat and put shampoo on different areas of the scalp, then massage. Using a scalp massager/ tangle tease helps. I tell her to focus on rubbing her scalp, not her hair. Shampoo adverts would have them believe they should squirt the shampoo directly on to our heads.

I do think aveeno shampoo is a bit too moisturising.

I was going to suggest some of detox or clarifying shampoo. Many shampoos leave build up and even just swapping about brands can help - what one leaves, another tends to remove. But you can get build-up removal shampoos to use every few washes.

Also, is the water hot enough op? Or too hot? Cold gives shine but it needs to have a certain heat to degrease.

I thought the poster who suggested a detangle brush for use in the shower was onto something, as it will help her distribute shampoo and then with rinsing. Sometimes teens seem to clean just the top layer! The brush will help get everything right to the scalp.

I haven't ever heard of conditions where hair follicles secrete more grease in a patch, which is what you seem to be suggesting?

Yes, we cross-posted with similar comments!

And I agree: moisturising shampoos get heavy marketing but I find they often make things lank.

My hair does this exact thing. Head and Shoulders helps sometimes and OGX Biotin and Collagen shampoo. Nothing gets rid of it completely when it's flaring up though, and I've tried everything over the years - apple cider vinegar, lemon, clarifying shampoos, even washing up liquid in desperation, and it still didn't work!

As a dyspraxic person with lots of fine hair I feel her pain! One of these shower brushes revolutionised my hair washing! They also seem to be pretty “trendy” on TikTok atm. You can get them pretty cheaply and they are really good for getting in there plus the scalp massage feels great so there’s extra incentive.

Why is she using clarifying shampoo and every wash ? Use something gentle abd it might wash out easier ? Xx

I used to have to triple shampoo sometimes as a teenager. It was only the third one that would foam up and then I knew my hair would look clean. If it’s not really foaming on the second wash, it’s a sign she needs one more go with the shampoo.

It’s probably the shampoo/conditioner , some shampoos/conditioners contain sulphates and it starts off feeling lovely but over time it leaves a coating on the hair, eventually it becomes heavy, and looks greasy no matter how many times you wash your hair. I would suggest finding a sulphate free shampoo for her.

This was us…. Even when I washed my daughter’s head over the sink she still got the greasy link patch. We tried so many shampoos…tried air drying and blow drying, nothing made a difference. We had our hair cut last week and I asked my hairdresser. She suggested before going into the shower to section hair and rub a bit of shampoo into her dry hair at the back. Then wash out in the shower and shampoo again. So far it’s working!!!!

Mine does this when I have a product build up,drives me mad and takes a while to find a shampoo to clear it.

I had something similar once, randomly my normally fine hair went sticky and seemed to be worse the more I washed it. Internet research recommended washing it with baking soda mixed in with a silicone free shampoo. This worked and I had the softest hair after. I now make sure my shampoo and conditioner have no ‘cone’ ingredients and do occasionally do a baking soda wash and it always feels so silky after

Try changing the shampoo and conditioner

When we used to have swimming at school the PE teacher used to say you had to run a strand of hair through your fingers and hear it squeak while in the shower, to check your hair was clean. I think this was purely to make us think about if we had rinsed if I am honest, which kids are prone to forgetting.

If you live in a hard water area, you need to clarifying shampoo to use every so often to take all the minerals out.

My dd was the same at your daughter's age. I don't think she was rinsing out the shampoo enough.
We swapped to Faith in Nature shampoo and that doesn't stick to the hair as much and really did the trick!

The shampoo she is using doesn’t have sulphates in it which is probably part of the problem.

The main cause is she probably isn’t rinsing it out properly. Next is she needs shampoo with some oomph, a lot of the clarifying ones don’t work for oily hair imo. I’ve tried the OGX ones and thought they were pants. Something like Head and Shoulders will do a better job.

Hairdresser here !
clarifying shampoo use once a week it will strip her natural oils and this will make her hair dull !
when washing hair u dont wash the hair you actually should be cleaning the scalp so fingertips on the scalp and scrub ! The conditioner should only be used mid lengths and ends all rinsed throughly hope this helps !
Also my daughter used a shampoo bar and it made her hair lovely in her teenage years x

This is incorrect sulphates actually clean hair very well it’s the silicones in shampoos that do as u describe ! But if you use a clarifying shampoo that contains sulphates once a week this fixes the problem x

This happened to me in the past for using shampoos with sulphides like Pantene, hair is normally quite dry. I was told use a clarifying shampoo instead, tresemme do a reasonably priced one and before doing that a wash with fairy liquid will remove the residual grease build up, my hairdresser told me that. Since I changed my shampoo it’s never happened again

Is she washing her hair twice? You use clarifying shampoo only twice a month and only one of the washes and the other wash use normal shampoo then follow with conditioner. Then leave in conditioner sprayed in followed by moroccanoil oil treatment on mids and ends.

she is clearly NOT washing it or rinsing it out properly!!! Kids often don’t but think they are

Thanks all. Lots of suggestions to try. Will see what works and report back!

I remember being told, probably around that age, that I needed to rinse for twice as long as I thought was needed. And I still tell myself that when I’m tempted to skimp!

Thought I’d pop back with a little update! Another change of shampoo brand has done the trick for now 🤞thank you to you all for joining in.

Will also have another conversation about rinsing!

My sil who’s a hairdresser always recommends a single shampoo and loads of rinsing for teenage hair. Or if they want to do two shampoos to dilute the shampoo 50:50 with water.

My understanding is that a clarifying shampoo should only be used weekly or monthly. It sounds like she is stripping her hair of its natural attributes.