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Original poster

Mumsy and Frumpy

386 replies

HelenSkeleton · 18/10/2025 12:08

I hate the terms mumsy and frumpy and am using it for convenient shorthand. I don't know how else to describe it.

What makes people think someone dresses in this style though? It's more than wearing old fashioned clothes as there's stuff in the shops that look dated. Vintage and old fashioned aren't the same.

How do you avoid it?

OP posts:
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5
UpMyself · 19/10/2025 16:33

Mrs Doyle

Gwenhwyfar · 19/10/2025 16:33

Charlize43 · 18/10/2025 22:13

Not everyone will agree with me, but being overweight can be very ageing, especially as you hit middle age and can start to look matronly.

I've always tried to stay trim (I walk everywhere). My style icons are Isabelle Huppert (72) and Kristin Scott Thomas (65). Both of which are older than me (I'm 58) so I'm always interested to see what they are wearing.

I agree with you that it's ageing for young or middle aged women, but some old women can look much younger when overweight because the fat flattens out the wrinkles.
You also see it when people lose weight and look older in the face.

Gwenhwyfar · 19/10/2025 16:34

UpMyself · 19/10/2025 16:33

Mrs Doyle

Well, yes, but she was in overalls all the time...

KatyaKabanova · 19/10/2025 16:34

UpMyself · 19/10/2025 16:33

Mrs Doyle

Not to Pat Mustard!
"I thought you were Marilyn Monroe!"

OnGoldenPond · 19/10/2025 16:36

KatyaKabanova · 19/10/2025 16:30

You said dressing like her signalled a lack of personality! I would disagree with that! I never said it was a style to emulate.

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Read back. I conceded the point on personality but my original point re style I stand by. Hyacinth, God love her, certainly had bags of personality, but was the epitomy of the worst of matchy matchy frump.

KatyaKabanova · 19/10/2025 16:38

OnGoldenPond · 19/10/2025 16:36

Read back. I conceded the point on personality but my original point re style I stand by. Hyacinth, God love her, certainly had bags of personality, but was the epitomy of the worst of matchy matchy frump.

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Got to love Hyacinth.
Her sisters had quite the different approach to style.

Gwenhwyfar · 19/10/2025 16:41

KatyaKabanova · 19/10/2025 16:32

They're not called that, though, in common parlance.
"Ooh, have you seen Trevor Ollerenshaw? Sooo frumpy!"
"Did you notice how dadsy Neville Watkins is looking nowadays? Let himself go"

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No, but they're still made fun of. The combover is the best example I can think of. Men with combovers are rarer these days, but are definitely the butt of jokes.

Maybe now we'd say nerdy or geeky for younger men dressing like this?

Gwenhwyfar · 19/10/2025 16:45

PinkTonic · 19/10/2025 10:17

And no change of accessories so the coat is saying scout camp and the handbag is out for lunch with friends

It’s this for me. I’m remembering someone who if you bumped into her at the weekend would typically be wearing supermarket joggers and fleece, but with her navy court shoes and a handbag. Out for the evening she’d wear very dated black sparkly strappy heels irrespective of what else she was wearing. I think she just didn’t have a clue and didn’t consider spending money on e.g more than one pair of shoes at a time even though she was comfortably off.

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Well I suppose this is a budget thing. I try to look nice, but I have one coat per season and one handbag and I will wear that to everything.
So yes, I might be wearing a practical coat to a restaurant or a coat that's not the right length for the clothes. I can't have tens of different ones.

Jamfirstest · 19/10/2025 16:54

Mumsy and frumpy are teens very to avoid. But I think what you mean is dressing too old for your actual age.

For me it’s clothes from fat face or that other one….white stuff. Might as well be Edinburgh woolen mill. But it’s very nuanced.

KatyaKabanova · 19/10/2025 17:07

Gwenhwyfar · 19/10/2025 16:41

No, but they're still made fun of. The combover is the best example I can think of. Men with combovers are rarer these days, but are definitely the butt of jokes.

Maybe now we'd say nerdy or geeky for younger men dressing like this?

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Made fun of. Not dismissed in the same way.
Come on. You know it's more applicable to women!

CarefulN0w · 19/10/2025 17:38

Another thing that really pisses me off is clothes that aren’t women shaped. Fat face is particularly bad for this. They do some OK jeans and jumpers, but their weird printed tops with the square shoulders and tied frilly necks aren’t going to flatter many women.

Idontdobumsex · 19/10/2025 18:00

Just the name Fat Face (yes! I know it’s about skiing) puts me off buying from there

JaquelineHide · 19/10/2025 18:01

KatyaKabanova · 18/10/2025 14:05

There was a post not long ago from a woman looking for ankle boots. Her stipulation was "not Mumsy", yet she wanted them for taking a toddler to the park and keeping her feet warm and dry. Everything was dismissed as Mumsy.
I felt a bit sad that the term was so negative.
Why the disdain?
She was a Mum!

Ah, the dreaded Mumsnet 'mum boot'!

KatyaKabanova · 19/10/2025 18:02

JaquelineHide · 19/10/2025 18:01

Ah, the dreaded Mumsnet 'mum boot'!

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I know! I think of her with her cold, wet feet and fear of "Mum boots"!

Original poster
HelenSkeleton · 19/10/2025 18:16

evilharpy · 19/10/2025 14:53

I think so much of it is about intention more than any definitive list of what is frumpy/not frumpy.

Someone upthread mentioned a Mountain Warehouse waterproof coat in teal or purple worn with a smart handbag to somewhere like a restaurant. That could never be unfrumpy.

No thought given to proportions. Hip length baggy tunic with a line mid-calf skirt, coat that ends mid - thigh and ballet flats - never going to look stylish.

No thought given to whether something is a good fit. I have a beautiful pair of Max Mara trousers in a brown wool tweedy fabric. I am currently about a stone too light for them and they hang on me and just look too big. If I wore them now I would look frumpy. When I wore them at my normal size they were stylish. I see so many people in jeans that are far too big for them and they always just look a bit sad. Too tight is also not great, but I think too big can look worse.

A few mentions of dull or sludgey colours but I don't agree, I think if these are the colours that suit you they can look great. I suit khaki and olive greens, my niece looks amazing in mustardy shades. My other niece suits neither. If I wore jewel tones I would look shit.

There are exceptions to almost everything. Apart from waterfall cardis!

Practical haircut, chosen purely for how quick it is to wash and let dry naturally.

That's why all the colours for seasons came in. "Having your colours done"!

OP posts:
Gwenhwyfar · 19/10/2025 18:31

CarefulN0w · 19/10/2025 17:38

Another thing that really pisses me off is clothes that aren’t women shaped. Fat face is particularly bad for this. They do some OK jeans and jumpers, but their weird printed tops with the square shoulders and tied frilly necks aren’t going to flatter many women.

I agree with you, but there are plenty of women, some of them on here, who are happy to wear men's clothes or who are happy with unisex clothing.

Gwenhwyfar · 19/10/2025 18:32

Idontdobumsex · 19/10/2025 18:00

Just the name Fat Face (yes! I know it’s about skiing) puts me off buying from there

I didn't know it was about skiing and always wondered why they chose that.
I got a great dress from there a couple of years ago.

Gwenhwyfar · 19/10/2025 18:34

Jamfirstest · 19/10/2025 16:54

Mumsy and frumpy are teens very to avoid. But I think what you mean is dressing too old for your actual age.

For me it’s clothes from fat face or that other one….white stuff. Might as well be Edinburgh woolen mill. But it’s very nuanced.

I like Fat Face, but maybe I'm the right age for them so maybe it's dressing your age and no older.
With Amy in TBBT they dressed her as her mother or even grandmother so that's what made it 'wrong'.

suburburban · 19/10/2025 18:35

OriginalUsername2 · 19/10/2025 14:21

Cardigans = mumsy to me but that’s probably because my DM and MIL lived in them.

Love cardis, they are practical for most occasions and you can wear a top underneath

jumpers are too hot and a pain to remove messing up hair or having to remove glasses

Silverbirchleaf · 19/10/2025 18:35

Why are Fat Face/Seasalt/white stuff always considered as frumpy? Every store will have clothes that suit you, and some that don’t.

The jumper I get must complimented on is a White stuff one, because the colour and shape suits me. One of my favourite sumner dresses is from Sainsbury. Theres alot of snobbery about clothes labels on mn.

Just looked at Toast dresses out of curiosity. If these dresses were in Fat face, many people would say frumpy, , but because they’re Toadt, they’re okay?

https://www.toa.st/collections/womens-dresses

Gwenhwyfar · 19/10/2025 18:35

OnGoldenPond · 19/10/2025 16:36

Read back. I conceded the point on personality but my original point re style I stand by. Hyacinth, God love her, certainly had bags of personality, but was the epitomy of the worst of matchy matchy frump.

Show quote history

Not sure. Remember it was the 90s. I think Elizabeth was probably supposed to be the frumpy one.

Gwenhwyfar · 19/10/2025 18:38

suburburban · 19/10/2025 18:35

Love cardis, they are practical for most occasions and you can wear a top underneath

jumpers are too hot and a pain to remove messing up hair or having to remove glasses

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I actually think cardigans on men are even more 'uncool' and even more 'old fashioned'.

KatyaKabanova · 19/10/2025 18:40

Gwenhwyfar · 19/10/2025 18:38

I actually think cardigans on men are even more 'uncool' and even more 'old fashioned'.

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Not so, I've seen younger men rocking the shawl collared cardigan and the aran knit. They can look really good.
It depends how you style them.

KatyaKabanova · 19/10/2025 18:42

Gwenhwyfar · 19/10/2025 18:35

Not sure. Remember it was the 90s. I think Elizabeth was probably supposed to be the frumpy one.

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She was. Hyacinth had smart clothes in bright, sharp colours, good shoes and handbags. I think she wasn't really frumpy, just safe while trying to be classical.
Daisy and Rose took other sartorial paths.