Help me look more feminine

[Moonlightfrog]

I currently have short hair which I love but people keep assuming I’m a masc/lesbian. Since having my hair short I have struggled to date (when I had long hair it was easy). I kind of have my own style but I guess I would like to look more feminine. I am 43, size 10/12, 5”2, but often look scruffy and tired. I like comfortable clothes which means I usually end up wearing jeans and a t-shirt or shorts and a t-shirt, the only style of jeans that makes me look female seems to be skinny but they are not that comfortable, currently wearing baggy jeans/wide leg but I look like a teenage boy from the 90’s 😬. I love combat style trousers, I do own some dresses but rarely wear them.

It’s hard to explain my style, some times I like to be colourful and stand out, other times I would say I like alternative style.I have ADHD and Autism and definitely have sensory issues with tight clothing and certain fabrics.

I would just like a couple items or accessories that maybe make me more feminine……on a small budget and/or ideally using vinted.

Floaty tops with combat trousers makes them look more feminine. Blazers with wide legs jeans are cute. Loafers with jeans and a small bag is cute. Your style sounds similar to mine. Tomboy from the 90s. Maybe we were besties in the 90s!

That’s totally me. I was the teen that wore baggy combats, doc martens and hung out with the boys.
I would love a blazer, I struggle with tops as the tops as my arms are chunky, bottom of my arms skinny, square ish shoulders and not gifted in the boob department.

I am wear wide leg jeans today, a friend just text me to say I looked good today…., I think I look scruffy 😬.

Hi OP, which fabrics would you prefer to avoid?

You want a v neck collarless blazer with no shoulder pads. Not structured fabric and a lace rimmed vest underneath with jeans. Can still rock doc martens and look like a supermodel 🥰 I got married in CK t-shirt, wide leg levis and black and white doc matins with a matching eyebrow ring. All the rage back then, I got you 😉

Pointy flats work too if you hate heels

Polyester or anything that feels slippery (hope that makes sense), I only like softer denim and tend to size up with jeans and wear a belt. I love elasticated waste but sadly they are not flattering on me.

Shoes are a whole other thing. I live in walking boots and DM’s, can’t handle heels or anything pointy but I have a strange obsession with wanting some cowboy boots (my kids tell me ‘no’).

I’m 44 and have ADHD too. If I’m uncomfortable then my day is ruined. I love clothes and people are nice about what I wear. I definitely prefer a more ‘boyish’ style. I like plain clothes, buy quite a lot of men’s clothes and like you, always with the baggy jeans.

To avoid going full masc I like to knock the edges off it a bit. I am never going to wear anything ‘pretty’ but I have a soft, feminine hairstyle and I wear soft makeup. I am careful with proportions so if I’m wearing a pair of men’s jeans I’ll wear a more fitted top. Maybe a silky tshirt instead of a cotton one, and a sweater that’s a bit more cropped or a bit longer than ‘on the belt’. I always wear jewellery. Arguably the sort of jewellery that teenage boys might ask their mum for on their birthday, but jewellery nonetheless 😆 I choose a ‘proper’ coat over eg a parka and a handbag over a backpack.

I do a lot of pushed up sleeves to show bracelets, rings etc and rolling trousers to the ankle. There’s something feminine about ‘tweaking’ an outfit I think.

It was a whole thing on social media a while back, girls who dress like boys but look like girls or something. I felt very seen!

Cowboy boots are brilliant, I love them. I have some ‘western boots’. Not the full punched leather mid calf jobs (although I totally would). They’re suede but they have the shape and the Cuban heel. I wear them poking out of my only pair of not baggy jeans, which are really long and straight and vaguely flared. With a nice jumper and coat I don’t think they’re too gunfight at the OK Corrall and the pointy toe is definitely more feminine than my usual footwear (trainers)

I’m willing this thread to become the Giant Teenage Boys of Mumsnet thread that runs forever and loads of impossibly chic tomboys come on and post links to amazing boys clothes for girls

Western boots are on trend right now

Assuming you don't want to grow your hair again?
How about scarves or hairbands, or dangly earrings? - both of which look great with short hair.

Buy the western boots OP!

I have several pairs, and they are surprisingly versatile and comfortable.

They go with dresses really well, especially more "feminine" styles

Obviously they pair nicely with jeans too.

Have a look at images on google of ‘sporty chic’. It’s about mixing casual bits with smart bits. Game changer for me.

Whistles do a jersey blazer which is soft and flexible to wear. It feels like wearing a cardigan & smartens up outfits without compromising on comfort. Roll up the sleeves to show off your slim lower arms. Maybe a simple bangle. They've been doing the same style for years, so should be plenty on resale sites. New around £75-100.
I'm short and broad shouldered and anything too stiff looks off on me.

Instead of changing clothes...have you just thought about just adding some make up and jewellery?

A red lipstick might look great with your short hair?

''I currently have short hair which I love but people keep assuming I’m a masc/lesbian.''

I have short hair and I could not care less what people ''assume'' about me.

My hair is not of great quality and I have had some hair loss due to illness so it is better kept short and it suits my sporty and relaxed lifestyle and I like my hair like that.

If people don't like it that is their problem, not mine.

Very short hair is stupendously beautiful, @Moonlightfrog - but I concur that in the current climate it makes life easier to signal ‘femininity’ through some aspect of one’s clothing.

It’s fabric and colour that make the difference. Try wearing your jeans with a silk shirt rather than a plain cotton jersey t shirt. There’s nothing more ‘comfortable’ than a jumper (if you’re not averse to wool) - but rather than wearing with denim, try a tweed or knitted wool skirt. With boots.

What sort of dresses do you have? They’re pointless if you’re not wearing them. Have you tried a cord shirt dress? That would be something you could wear every day.

(I too have short hair - and am also aware that some of the best clothes available are in the men’s department; coats and knitwear in particular. So I do still buy those if I see something perfect, but I’m more conscious than ever of putting those pieces with something ‘flouncy’.)

TBH I despise the fact we’ve come to this. But on the other hand I love clothes so don’t find getting dressed problematic.

If you need inspiration, Acne Studios’ styling is wonderfully instructive - they do all the things pp have suggested here:

https://www.acnestudios.com/uk/en/home

Maybe not to your taste, but I love short hair and big statement earrings.

Personally I dislike the ‘short hair and big earrings’ thing. It seems both loud and apologetic - neither of which relate to how I want to present myself to the world.

I also have very short hair (combination of very fine hair which looks stupidly wispy when long and lifestyle) and I get mistaken for a man! Also ADHD and like 'practical, non fussy' clothes and can't cope with a handbag, so I wear clothes with pockets a lot. I bought a gorgeous pink leather jacket from Joe Browns this summer and it's fabulous! Nips in the waist, looks girly (I'm not usually one for pink at all but this is more a crushed raspberry) but is practical and has wonderful pockets. I wear it over jeans or dresses and, although it was expensive, it's become my Best Buy.

I love this look, esp if you can pull off the 40's style headscarf.
I dont have short hair but I usually hide it away because Im growing it and it looks naff at present. Currently wearing a burgundy headscarf, cute earrings and my usual make up which I think looks 'girly' enough....
the rest of the outfit is denim dungarees, t shirt and Converse so probably a little bit tomboy.

Although I think just picking some brighter colours/accessories and not going full baggy top and bottom works too.
For comfy dresses I love Disturbia skater dresses (esp the t shirt smock style ones). Excellent with thick tights/leggings and chunky boots.

I totally agree with little tweaks like pushing up sleeves, rolling trouser cuffs to the ankle, tucking in tops and the addition of a bit of jewellery. I have very simple but good quality pieces that I wear constantly e.g. stud earrings, a chain necklace and bracelet. I never take them off so it's easy to wake up, get dressed and immediately look more put together.

I can't be faffed with over the shoulder handbags and find them a pain but I really like a small cross body bag so I still have my hands free but am not weighing down pockets.

I've short hair, very short. And I never wear girly clothes so always being mistaken for a lesbian. One time I was driving to deliver groceries to elderly parents and in my favourite check shirt when a police officer at a Covid checkpoint said "and where are you going today sir" and then he nearly died of embarrassment when he realised sir was a woman. I thought it was hilarious!

I suppose I'm a bit nonbinary really. But like you @Moonlightfrog I can end up looking scruffy. I've no eye for style and some days I get dressed, look in the mirror and end up singing "he was a skater boy... " for the rest of the day. So following this thread now with great interest.

That’s very much my style. I do like jewellery and occasionally wear light make up. I would like to brave having my eyebrows done (I have never had them done). I often wear men’s shorts and jeans and then try and be a bit more feminine on top but often end up wearing a neutral t-shirt or a plain vest top. Today I am wearing a dusky pink hoodie which is about as feminine as i get 😬.