Help me look more feminine

[Moonlightfrog]

I currently have short hair which I love but people keep assuming I’m a masc/lesbian. Since having my hair short I have struggled to date (when I had long hair it was easy). I kind of have my own style but I guess I would like to look more feminine. I am 43, size 10/12, 5”2, but often look scruffy and tired. I like comfortable clothes which means I usually end up wearing jeans and a t-shirt or shorts and a t-shirt, the only style of jeans that makes me look female seems to be skinny but they are not that comfortable, currently wearing baggy jeans/wide leg but I look like a teenage boy from the 90’s 😬. I love combat style trousers, I do own some dresses but rarely wear them.

It’s hard to explain my style, some times I like to be colourful and stand out, other times I would say I like alternative style.I have ADHD and Autism and definitely have sensory issues with tight clothing and certain fabrics.

I would just like a couple items or accessories that maybe make me more feminine……on a small budget and/or ideally using vinted.

Buy dresses. You can get some really reasonable priced stuff from next. They can be casual but jazz it up a bit with belts and bags and shoes. If you can't wear heels like me, then go for flats in sandal above the ankle. Get longer hair and give it some colour. Pluck your eyebrows, And if you have chunky legs the buy some flesh coloured sheer tights. Get some nail varnish.
Get some highlighter make up to accentuate you facial features, some nice jewellery, Even a pair of nice earrings and a bracelet, a nice necklace.

I used to be like you until I met my DP. Men love a feminine look on women. Also change your colours. Get more pinks and pastel colours.

OP it does seem like the way to go is to not deviate too much from what you like at the moment, but go for small tweaks, additions or adjustments.

I definitely suggest leaning in to the things you are drawn to. Definitely buy the cowboy boots! An absolute no brainer. If you do feel like wearing a dress, with tights in winter, they look fabulous like that. But equally with baggy jeans too.

Also the eyebrows, if you want to get them done, get them done! Just book an appointment, don’t overthink it and go. Absolutely nothing to lose. X

Sorry, I’ve just realised that there may be barriers to booking the eyebrow appointment that I haven’t appreciated. If so I don’t mean to be flippant. Just take the two things that you want to do, the boots and eyebrows, and if possible go for those for a kick off!

Any style of dress that you feel comfortable in really!

Also makeup, grooming, nails, eyebrows.

Carry a handbag.

@KhakiOrca I think OP wants to feel good for herself not to impress a man - at least that's the impression I got. And if she struggles with fabrics I suspect she'll hate sheer tights - who even wears them any more anyway?

OP watch out for big earrings with short hair - I like hoops with my short crop but anything else makes me feel a bit Pat Butcher 😳 Buy the cowboy boots though!

Sorry - edited to add that I just re-read and OP mentions dating and it being easier with long hair. If you love your short hair OP dont feel you have to grow it, but there's some other good advice on here. I stand by my tights comment though!

I love this thread. OP you may have started something here. Like a PP I can see this as a long running discussion.

it’s not my current style, but I’m really thinking about more masculine dressing but with one or two overtly feminine things. Just because we can!

I do struggle with tights, I have a few pair but can only handle the thinker soft woolly tights.

I do love my short hair, i would happily buzz cut it if I was confident my head wasn’t lumpy. I just worry it puts men off. I used to get tons of messages on online dating apps but now I don’t get many at all, I’m not sure if it’s just the hair or the fact I am aging.

I love clothes…I have a lot but most of it is more masculine than feminine, I also love dungarees (so comfy).

I don’t know why @KhakiOrca‘s post feels so ‘off’ to me, when we are all trying to help you achieve your stated aim of looking more feminine.

I suspect it’s because making tiny alterations to how you present yourself really has to tie in with how you feel about yourself. I actively want to look extravagantly pretty and womanly and magnificent - with short hair. I’m not trying to look like a different person. And I imagine you also want to remain yourself - just adjusting your visual message a little to make it easier for dimwits to comprehend?

Btw - masculine clothes worn by women can look even more appealing if mixed with very clearly feminine things. Your dungarees, for instance, would be fantastic with a lace, or broderie anglaise blouse and ‘dainty’ shoes or trainers rather than DMs. That sort of change is not hard to do.

I think short hair styles are really dependent on your face and body (not how thin you are but your build, height and the sort of face you have). One woman’s gamine pixie cut is another woman’s short back and sides - I found this out the hard way 😁 I think in some ways a buzz cut is easier to make feminine/cool. It’s a blank canvas.

I think @KhakiOrca kind of misses the point. OP wants to look a bit more feminine WITHIN HER CURRENT STYLE PARAMETERS. She doesn't want or need tips like Buy dresses from Next and Cover chunky legs with flesh coloured sheer tights (You what???). As for "Get longer hair" it just completely misses the point.
And the "I used to be like you ... until I saw the light and was rewarded with a man's approval" bit is grim.... it's really not what OP is asking....

Aaaand now I need a £1400 ACNE handbag and 4 pairs of jeans. Say what you will, being an androgynous queen is not cheap

ACNE is way out of my budget.

Nails…I can’t handle fake nails and I am a nail biter, I also work outside so having nice nails doesn’t really work.

Handbags….I have many and always carry one, bit not leather/ette.

Currently looking for cowboy/girl boots and maybe some feminine tops to go with jeans and dungarees. I don’t want to buy loads more clothes…l have loads already, so maybe accessories and getting my eyebrows done (which I will struggle with due to sensory issues and general fear) will make me feel a bit more feminine.

@Moonlightfrog I didn’t link Acne Studios with the intention that you should buy from them; the point was to take ideas on how to mix typically masculine and typically feminine elements to make appealing outfits.

(I also didn’t realise that the meaning of ‘inspiration’ would be unfamiliar to posters on a Style & Beauty board!)

Horrible advice

I think cropped but masculine style clothes look very feminine. So 7/8 length or a t shirt that just meets the waist band or both

I had this issue, but I think I’ve nailed it now.

Definitely go for a hard/soft aesthetic - lace trimmed cami with jeans and blazer, or a dress and chunky boots.

I have several permanent earrings in each ear -I think they used to be called ‘curated ears’ 😂 and I always wear at least a couple of rings (silver/white gold/chunky/coloured stones) and one or two necklaces.

I find having such short hair means I make an effort with makeup, as everything is out front and centre with no hair to hide behind! So that makes me feel feminine. I always wear perfume too.

I only really wear trainers or boots, but the trainers are always in lovely colours. I have Adidas Speziales in red, pink and burgundy, and a couple of pairs of brightly-coloured Hoffs.
I have Converse in loads of colours, too.

I have horses and dogs, so there are days when I’m ’in my scruff’, but I always wear leggings with a woman’s cut longline t-shirt or vest, maybe with a denim overshirt or long cardi.

I think it’s a combination of accessories, showing some thought has gone into what you’re wearing, and doing things that make you feel feminine. Good luck!

I don't think you have to go crazy to make a difference, often just adding small things helps.
Like wearing boots with a small heel with wide legged jeans, or a fitted top with baggy jeans and trainers.
Plus adding more colour to your wardrobe (blokes really don't seem to wear alot of colour, do they?). Then as others have mentioned things like make up, jewellery and accessories help.

I def have tomboy days where Im channeling my inner 90s skaterboi but equally i'll have days where im in a vintage style dress as well. I've never had to worry about dating though so only really care about my opinion!😄

Thank you everyone for your great advice and tips. I have started sorting through my clothes and working out what I need. I think I will up some new tops to go with my jeans and combats. I will look into getting my eyebrows done and look at getting a pair of boots. I don’t want to buy a huge amount as I already have a huge wardrobe full of clothes. I think I will look more at make up and accessories.

Seriously???? 😮

With your hairstyle, short can be very feminine and cute with the right style. Though personally I find these kind of styles with my thick, fine, wavy hair much higher maintenance than longer hair.

www.totalbeauty.com/mobile/content/slideshows/cute-short-haircuts-161108

There’s a higher than usual number of short haired models on the & Other Stories site at the moment - and the styling of their clothes is both lovely and easy to adopt. For example:

https://www.stories.com/en-gb/product/rib-knit-cardigan-mole-1282230003/

https://www.stories.com/en-gb/product/cord-collar-denim-jacket-mole-1286367001/

Have a look through the New Arrivals section. You don’t have to intend to buy those exact clothes - just observe how things are put together, and consider new stylings and combinations for your own clothes and new accessories.

Thank you. I plan on keeping my hair short but I am currently growing it a little so it can be styled, over the summer I have taken to cutting it myself and got too short to do anything with. Hoping to get it styled in a few weeks.

I love & other stories and I do look out for bits in vinted, I will have a look through at what the models are wearing for inspiration, I really like ‘free people’ too but it’s out of my price range, luckily there are a few high street shops that occasionally have similar clothes.

To the person telling me to grow my hair and buy dresses…….that’s not what I want, I like my long hair, I like my style, I just want to not be called a lesbian or sir. I just want to look slightly more feminine so people can clearly see I am not a man.