Help me with my wardrobe please

[thenewaveragebear1983]

Inspired by the current thread what makes you buy something, it’s prompted me to realise that actually what makes me buy things is almost a sort of chasing of a ‘look’ or aesthetic that I think harks back to my quite unhappy teen years, where I felt like I was desperately uncool, desperate to fit in, fairly chubby and with old fashioned parents who had zero concept of fashion. Mum never helped me to look nice or carve out my own ‘style’. I’ve never been excessively groomed and our clothing was always functional hand me downs. I’ve always bought things that I’ve seen on other people that look amazing, then put them on and felt like a sack of potatoes in it.

now as an adult, I quite literally don’t know how to dress myself. My wardrobe is a mishmash of items, some go together, I have a few ‘outfits’ but honestly? I don’t know how to look, I don’t know what to wear, I have so many things that I like in principle but when I actually wear them I feel overdressed or just really awkward. I don’t own any accessories (jewellery, belts, hats, bags eg ). I like dresses and own a few nice ones. I think I’ve been conditioned to believe that my style issues boil down to needing to lose weight, but I am this size now and I need to sort myself out.

I am size 10 top, maybe even an 8 in some styles as I am very flat chested, and a 12 bottoms, however I find trousers especially difficult as I have a narrower waist and huge thighs from running. I have nice calves and slim ankles. I think my figure is out of proportion and I steer clear of anything that “shows” the parts of me I don’t like. As a result I tend to opt for baggy jumpers and shapeless things. I bought new jeans last week but every time I’ve put them on I have ended up changing before leaving the house. I have zero confidence in my appearance now.

I’d like to ‘shop my wardrobe’ and ideally create a capsule wardrobe for spring/summer and another for autumn/winter. Get rid of all the tatty rubbish and the things I will never ever wear. I am
open to buying new items but in all
honesty I don’t think at the moment I need to, I need to clear out and identify what I am keeping.

so here’s my ask- would anyone like to help me? I’d appreciate gentle honesty about my clothes, and maybe some guidance of how I can pull outfits together or tweak them so they suit me better. I don’t really know where to start actually but I guess that would evolve. I don’t think this will be a quick process but if anyone who enjoys this kind of thing would like to hop on board the thread and give me feedback I would be very grateful 🙏

Did you get the steroids quickly ? Sorry to derail this from the S&b chat! I have had fab results from acupuncture for other lasting ailments btw.

Yes I got the steroids on day 1 because they rushed me to hospital as they thought I’d had a stroke! I have now been referred to ENT not neurologist for the lingering ‘drag’ in the affected side. To be honest I don’t think anyone who doesn’t know me would notice now, but I definitely notice my mouth is crooked and my face doesn’t move symmetrically. Such an odd condition isn’t it?

so this afternoon was our football awards at a local pub, just a casual thing with a few drinks. I went in the loft earlier and got a few items of clothing down. I wore some vintage men’s trousers with pleat front (had them for ages but not worn them recently), a sagey green Uniqlo t shirt and a dark grey knitted tank top and my saltwater sandals. The trousers were nice, the tank top worked in principle but it was a bit dark for summer.

OP, you have had some great advice - mine is to try the “curve love” range from Abercrombie for jeans. I’m hippy/big thighs, smaller waist and those are a godsend as they have extra space for the pear shaped. I’m generally a 12 bottom and wear a size 29.

As a fellow pear with large thighs, longer trousers that go to the top of your instep are far more flattering than anything cropped or ankle length. The cropped trousers can make you look dumpy because your widest point is at your upper thigh and the length between your widest point and the end of your trousers looks much shorter.

High or mid waisted trousers are great and belts are your best accessory. If you use a belt - your eyes will be drawn to your tiny waist rather than your thighs.

Wide leg trousers with a tailored, not elasticated waistband, are fantastic. Get ones where the fabric skims your thighs and fall straight to the top of your feet. Pleats can exacerbate the fullness at the top of your thighs. Flat fronted trousers with welted pockets look good, visible patch pockets or pockets in the hip line are not your friends. I've done well with wide leg trousers from Uniqlo and Benetton. Cos for decent t-shirts.

The skirt you're wearing looks fantastic, the proportions really suit your body shape.

Agree - I bought a pair in River Island, I think they are balloon rather than barrel - and they are pretty much full length.

I am a similar size/shape to you OP. I buy a lot of clothes. I like bright colours and slightly alternative clothing but I also have my ‘blend in’ clothes. In the last few months I have bought a couple pairs of wide leg jeans (Next petite) which I have been wearing a lot. I’m usually a skinny jeans person, I wear them with basic tops or racer back vest tops. I also have a pair of cargo/combats from Next that goes with most top. I probably spend more money on accessories and shoes than I do clothes. Barrel jeans look awful on me as do straight cut.

I bought a Boden jersey dress last week at a charity shops, it’s navy blue and fits me perfectly, bargain at £9.50. I don’t really do busy patterns on dresses so I usually go for navy or khaki (my safe colours).

I can second this - it really helps you find out who “you” are in terms of what you wear. Plus there’s no telling you what clothes you should own - it’s really helpful!

Hi, thought I would give a little update.

Last week I cleared a lot of things out of my wardrobe. anything that didn’t do what I needed, even if I objectively ‘like’ it, didn’t make the grade. I’ve also added additional things to the vinted pile as I’ve gone along, if I talked myself out of wearing something.
I’ve been doing a lot of people watching, and really thinking about why I like/don’t like things.
I’ve ordered a few bits - only on vinted, but as I sold £50 worth of stuff I’ve had a bit to play with. So I have so far ordered some wide leg long joggers which arrived today. They fit and look nice. I also ordered some wide leg, pleat front jeans but in a lightweight denim and a size up.
I realised as well, I am much happier in skirts these days for functions/social/work. I don’t feel as self conscious about my big thighs and I can have a narrow waist and skinny ankles on show without having to feel really exposed in tight jeans. So I have ordered a patterned linen midi skirt and a denim midi skirt which I hope will be quite versatile. And finally a grey sleeveless t shirt with a very slight cap sleeve that looks a boxy shape and is slightly cropped, to wear over the skirts.

I am a completely different shape to you, but I wanted to tell you to embrace your tiny waist and bigger thighs. I swim a lot, and it is women with this shape that I notice, I think you are all so beautiful, like cellos. My hairdresser, who is very fit and the same shape as you, wears cycling shorts and crop tops with little cropped hoodies. I would kill to be able to dress like that. So I would say, avoid pleated trousers and shorts because they make your shape something to hide. Definitely buy jeans designed for the hourglass. And fitted shorts. Lots of your mood board has vest tops with shirts. NRBY has some lovely ones in khaki, they are beautiful and would work so well in your life. You are most definitely not ugly.

Here

Thanks @Zebracat. I kind of get what you’re saying but I also do think it’s not just about what ‘works’, I’d have to feel ok in it- there is literally no way i would ever wear cycling shorts and a crop top, although I do like a shorter boxy top or hoodie and actually think they are more flattering. Same as tighter fitted shorts- I just would never ever feel confident in them. I do like a denim or linen shirt over a vest top.

@thenewaveragebear1983 sounds like you're feeling much happier with your shape and style, which is great news! Did you find much in your wardrobe that you can wear differently?

@anon2022anoni think having a really ruthless clear out had definitely helped, I can now at least look in my wardrobe and see things I actually like and can wear, rather than loads of things that for whatever reason aren’t right. I have also been able to identify why something doesn’t work, then look for a replacement - eg shade is wrong, or needs a v neck or length is wrong etc. rather than just ugh it makes me look dreadful. I think it’s part of a longer process for me and I guess the next stage is starting to try new things that fit my brief so to speak rather than always just actively searching for things to cover up x,y,z flaws