Constantly look tired and awful- any tips for a 30-something mum of three?

[creamandcookies2]

Hi all. Wondering if anybody has any tips they could give me to make me look fresher. I'm only 34 but feel and look so much older. I have three kids under 7, work only part time but I look and feel exhausted all the time. My face is very hollow and lacking volume, I'm not underweight but slim- around 8stone. Iv always had bags under my eyes since childhood and have very big eyes so they look worse. I also went grey early and have dark hair so keeping up with the coverage is a nightmare!

I know it sounds shallow, but its really getting me down. Even my friends say I look tired and comparing me to how my husband looks so young (he's 17 years older than me, so yes it's an insult.) People who know him always so he's ageing backwards and how young he looks, but im always looking tired. The last straw was a couple of weeks ago when I went for coffee on a work meetup, and somebody who is always blunt said she can tell iv got kids Cs I look about two decades older than my age but H is the younger looking one. I felt gutted as I spent ages deciding whether to go because I hated how I looked, but made an effort and did my hair, wore a sundress and put makeup on, and I still looked awful. I hate the way I look. Does anybody have any ways I can improve myself even a bit? I can't afford fillers or surgery.

Unless you grow all your own food - invest in a weekly veg box and consume probably three or four times as much plant based food as you do now.

Unless you’re a strict vegetarian / vegan, try to get plenty of full fat dairy produce into your diet.

How much parenting does your husband do - honestly? Does he regularly take the children out for a full day? Or care for them at home for a whole day? You need at least one day a week of complete rest and leisure.

Three tiny children must be exhausting. You need to consciously look after yourself - better nutrition, more rest.

Oh, is that the issue, @Nuttygarlic? What a pity for the OP.

The colours that you wear can make a massive difference to how you look. Maybe look online to get some ideas about your skin tone and what would work better for you and not make you look washed out. Could pick up some cheap things on Vinted if you need to add some pieces to your wardrobe.

Could be better. I eat a lot of fruita and veg but have a weakness for sweet things. I have a gym contract but go only once or twice a week because I don't have much free time.

I eat a lot of fruit and veg already. TBH I had to cut down because it played havoc with my IBS. I do eat too much sugar and processed food though because it's easy and I am always hungry. I drink full fat milk.

He does what he can but we work opposite days so neither of us get a full days rest. He's busier than me as he works more and is also doing a PhD, and he volunteers. I rarely get a minute to myself, or a lie in. I haven't even had a bath in years because the kids knock in the door. I do think years of exhaustion have taken its toll!

Thank you. I have an idea about colours. I'm definitely cool-toned in my skin. Unfortunately, I developed vitiligo last year which isn't noticeably because I'm so pale but it makes my skin uneven, grey and washed out. Are there any websites you'd recommend to help with finding out about colours?

Why can’t the stupid man keep the kids away while you bath?

@creamandcookies2

There are hundreds online, maybe google something along the lines of ' what colours to wear with pale skin / dark hair / blonde hair ' etc etc...
Could maybe do similar for colour matching for make up.

Veggies and fruit are all very well but nutrient content of the soil is less than it should be so can't rely on them. If you can afford it, do a 'well woman's blood test to see if you are deficient in anything e.g. iron, b vitamins and if your hormones including thyroid are ok.

You had your kids relatively young but pregnancy and postnatal can really take a toll on your body if you don't deliberately feed yourself what you need later.

Don't stress yourself about the sugar and gym going. Agree with PP who recommends full fat dairy, a good alternative to more processed food.

I mean this is slightly a self image problem in that there's no way you look as bad as you think. In 10-20 years time you will look even older.

Are you sure you are not underweight? I look back on photos of myself from about five years ago when I was thinner and you can see it in my face, a gauntness. I think carrying a little extra(half a stone) can make you look a bit younger.

Thanks for the reply. I might well do a check like that if I can afford it. How much dairy should I be eating?

Sympathies with the vitiligo. Are you under any medical treatment for that - topical, light therapy, Vitamin D, etc? It must add to your stress a bit.

I don’t know how much dairy exactly - if you also suffer with IBS you probably need to consult a nutritionist or other relevant professional.

But all these things combined - health issues and childrearing and work - are undoubtedly interconnected, and unfortunately UK health services really don’t take an holistic approach to wellness.

I’m in my mid 30s with a 2 and 5 year old so I get it. I can recommend tanning drops added to moisturiser (don’t have time for full tan), 3 pints of water a day, and trying to get outside as much as possible. I feel like working from home and being tethered to the house for childcare reasons means I barely see the light of day some weeks and I feel so much better after a natural vitamin D hit.

As for dairy, buy the gold top milk and use that in tea/coffee/cereal etc. DD is really slim and I give it to her to make sure she’s getting enough good fat.

Sounds like your husband should knock the volunteering on the head for the time being and pull his weight at home so you get a bit of a break
He must love all the comments about how young he looks...🙄

Vitiligo is autoimmune I believe so I'd start with a GP appointment and ask for a full blood screening which will look at everything.

If you are 8 stone, how tall are you?

I had a health scare a couple of years ago and stopped eating all refined carbs, sugar, wheat, alcohol, bad fats (red meat, butter), processed food, etc, and upped white meat, pulses, fruit and veg.

Within three weeks I felt and looked better. Eczema and dry skin (dandruff) cleared up, aches and pains lifted, my ankles stopped swelling.

All my love I have had dark circles under my eyes. I think they are genetic. I use a light foundation and a concealer, blusher, highlighter, dusting of powder, Mascara and lipstick. Remove every night and use a good moisturiser night and day.

I second doing your colours. I'm a summer and this year's colours in the shops are not my best.

I take vit D, Turmeric and selenium daily.

My hair was naturally wild rodent. I have a light brown colour and different shades of blonde highlights put through. It's my one extravagance.

Iv not even got an official diagnosis because the dermatologist says its pointless as its a purely cosmetic thing they won't treat because I'm fair skinned. But I know its vitiligo and they said it most likely is but never actually saw me.

You're right there about the NHS, think I will get a well women's check privately as even getting a blood test is hard nowadays.

I used to constantly look tired aswell. so I was told. I started using clarins double serum every day before Xmas.put it on after washing in morning but wait at least 15 mins before putting moisturiser on. I dint wear heavy foundation any more. use trinny BFF it has spf in it and find gives me a glow. also use her cream blusher. a bit of mascara weakens me up aswell as a little concealer and tinted lip balm. clarins do a nice one. you can pick up make up on discount every so often plus I get presents of them. agree with people saying about colours you wear. some colors can wash out your skin.

I’m sorry you’re feeling so down about yourself OP, that’s a horrible way to feel.

i don’t know much about vitiligo, but i know that i was feeling pretty meh about how i looked a few years ago and decided to take my skincare in hand, it made a huge difference to me.

What i changed…

• drinking more water
• increasing fibre and protein intake
• double cleansing religiously at night
• single cleanse in the morning
• gentle aha toner for exfoliation
• vitamin c oil in the morning after cleansing, followed by moisturiser and a separate spf cream.
• retinol at night (though I’ve moved onto tret now)
• regularly get my brows done
• use WOW powder to tackle my grey roots between doing colour
• take vitamin d daily

Once I sorted my skincare, I moved onto my wardrobe, and found a few instagram stylists etc. that I liked the look of and started rediscovering what type of clothes I like and building up a wardrobe that feels more like me.

I exercise for health and try and do a mix of strength and cardio.

I’ve now turned my attention to make up. There’s another thread around just now on skin tints which might be worth a look. Erborian CC and BB creams are good for a light touch and come is smaller tubes too.

I’m much happier with how I look - it makes me feel better, and I did it for me, not anyone else. It’s taken a while though, I’d recommend picking one or two things to focus on at a time (but alongside looking into health concerns).

I’d enquire first about which health tests your pharmacy might provide either free or paid - I think they’ve expanded their remit now we’ve turned into a failed State.

But I’m sure vitiligo is something your GP should be made aware of. And you need treatment for the IBS as it’s probably preventing you from absorbing nutrients. (I am not a doctor!)

Essentially it sounds as if you have been neglected in the maelstrom of childrearing. But your children need you to be as healthy and happy as you can be - so make this a priority.

I second the suggestion for tanning drops to add to your moisturiser, boots do a reasonably priced version which makes me look less like I’m on the verge of death

I have visited a GP. He was the one who sent a letter to the dermatologist but they both kind of made out it wasn't a big deal and they recommend spf50 which I wear anyway. They are supposed to do a blood test to check for thyroid issues but you know what the NHS is like.