Clothing anxiety is this a thing ?

[NellieShoe]

Hi if anyone can help me I would appreciate it.
I seem to have developed some sort of anxiety around clothes and what items to put with what to create an outfit. I never used to give getting dressed a second thought but now it fills me with dread and I resort to leggings and hoodies. Anything different feels odd and I feel I look silly. This has worsened since Covid.
I am very tall and so just buying an outfit I see that I like can never happen as the trousers won’t fit me and then I can’t ever find a similar alternative.
I have tried creating Pinterest boards with styling and outfit ideas.
I constantly rearrange my wardrobe to try and make it easier. Nothing seems to help .
I spend most of my time dog walking or cleaning or at work (Quite Physical job)
I am 50 and very small budget and literally have no clue anymore.

Sympathies …

I remember the first time I had to go anywhere (and it was an Apple shop!) after lockdowns. It took me more than two hours of increasingly frantic trying on and discarding to arrive at an outfit I could comfortably leave the house in. I must have been late 50s at the time, had been mostly alone for eighteen months at least, had put on weight - and none of my clothes felt like mine any more. Nothing seemed to fit. Nothing seemed to work with anything else. It was awful.

You may simply have to work your way through this crisis in confidence. You know you’ve been able to dress yourself perfectly well for decades - there’s no concrete difficulty.

You don’t seem to engage in any activities that need a complicated outfit - so I’m not sure Pinterest boards are necessarily helping you. What sort of hoodie do you wear? If it’s the sort that’s closed at the front, make the next a zip up - then you can add a new t shirt underneath. Next time you could buy a brightly coloured cardigan to wear with the t shirt, etc.

Not sure what to suggest as a transition from leggings - someone else will know!

I went through a similar thing a couple of years ago. You'll be relieved to know I did not need to buy a lot of clothes to get to a point of being comfortable going out. It did take some time and patience with myself.

It helped me to really look at what other people were wearing, especially at work, and note that it was nothing special!

To get comfortable with wearing something other than clothes that blended in (leggings and hoodies in your case), I picked some days when I wasn't seeing anyone for work and then acted the 'role' of the well dressed person in my head. Confidence comes back.

I am an average height and size so no real help on the trousers front, sorry. It did help for me to find some jeans and trousers (only a couple of pairs needed) that were a shape that suited me and my lifestyle. In my case, straight legs that cover the tops of my shoes. I then realised that my jumpers and tops were mostly fine, and so were my trainers (when you don't wear cropped
your shoes don't have to be the star).

I think it's quite common to have image and identity anxieties around the menopause. I don't know if I have any better advice than Duckies above, but maybe focus less on the things that cause you stress (trousers - I get it!!) and instead on small things you do enjoy. That could be accessories, lipstick, jewellery...

As you described feeling frantic on that occasion is how I feel often.
I am dreading any warm weather because it will only increase my anxiety. I have always worried about what to wear on my feet because of my height( no heels so outfits always look meh)
and this has now extended to everything 🤣

Well, heels haven’t been fashionable for a decade and everyone has been in flat shoes - so we’re all looking meh together. Or, more probably, all, including you, looking fabulous in our flat shoes.

(I did go through a period of feeling my footwear was all wrong, though.)

I live in a wealthy university city and last summer almost everyone was either in trainers or Birkenstock clogs - regardless of their clothes. (A very few chic tourists appeared in knee high boots and bare legs.) Would either of the first two be possible for you?

Yes heels aren’t so favoured at the moment ( bonus for me ) but they do make a formal outfit more put together .
I live in trainers although a recent pair of Adidas have given me foot pain. So it seems I now can’t wear too flat shoes or heels 🤔

Do you want to be someone who just wears leggings and hoodies? There's absolutely nothing wrong with that if that is your comfort zone. You do seem to yearn for something different though. I have some suggestions, reject them or adopt them as you wish:-

1. Your current clothing - take some time to have a critical look at your current wardrobe. Are you totally happy that the clothes in it make you feel good? If you are not, recycle, sell or donate your old clothes. In the process of looking through your wardrobe you will be able to identify gaps. If all of your old jeans are falling apart you might need new ones or you could decide that you prefer wide legged trousers, cords or chinos instead.

1. Arranging your current clothing. You could sort it by colour or occasion. Some posters use the Whering App to create outfits from their existing clothes. I don't buy onto the idea of a capsule wardrobe of tasteful neutrals, I do approve of the idea of a wardrobe that works for you

1. You should be left with clothes that you are happy to wear and that suit your lifestyle.

1. New clothes. You say you have a small budget so it will take time to buy new clothes. Use Vinted and charity shops, always check sales. Spend the most money on the item you will use most often. Know your own measurements and don't be afraid to ask sellers about leg length. If you can get to physical shops have a fantasy trying on session. Even if you're not going to buy the item, you'll be able to find out if the brand or style work for you.

1. Dressing yourself should be something you enjoy doing. Don't be afraid to embrace your height, too many women try to minimise themselves for the benefit of others and to their own detriment.

I constantly rearrange my wardrobe. I have tried organising it by item and colour but neither has worked. I have tried buying items that I think will go together and then they don’t or they don’t look right. I have no confidence so this doesn’t help but also I need to feel comfortable. I don’t want to just wear leggings and hoodies but I’m unsure of the alternative.
I do buy and sell items on Vinted but somehow how I never love what I buy.
I have 2 ottoman storage beds full of clothes that either don’t fit my meno body or I no longer have the confidence to wear.

It doesn't sound as if it's really about your clothes, more about how you see yourself in general. The menopause certainly can upend your life and confidence, I've been there and got the HRT.

When you say that your clothes don't go together to create a cohesive outfit, what do you mean? Obviously if your trying to wear a scarlet sequinned slip dress, with a beige hoody and clompy Doc Marten's, I could see how it would look unbalanced.

If all your previous clothing was bodycon and slim fitting and now you feel lumpy and bumpy with extra flesh I can definitely understand feeling as if you have nothing to wear.

Would it be easier if you think through your daily life and centre your outfits around that e.g.

Friday early morning - workout/dog walk = comfy leggings and a hoody and trainers.
Morning to afternoon - work = smart trousers, blouse and blazer plus loafers in colours that go together.
Evening - date night - dress and interesting shoes plus good coat/jacket.

Do you have clothes that work for you now for those scenarios?

The menopause has affected me yes and on HRT. I love clothes and I love window shopping online for things. When I say I can’t put an outfit together I mean I get a pair of say wide leg trousers or jeans out then have no clue what to pair them with. I will buy things I like but then cannot pair them up. Then i go into a panic , give up and put my leggings and hoodie back on. My body has changed due to weight gain. But I’m still not in bad shape. I don’t have many smart going out clothes as I don’t go out anymore. Work is casual too.

When you say you don’t go out any more …

Are you under house arrest?

If not, is there another reason (caring responsibilities, no private or public transport) why you cannot, even once a week, spend an hour or two in your nearest town visiting an art gallery, or a museum, or going to a free or almost free concert at a music school, or sitting in a cocktail bar with whatever their cheapest drink is? Cinemas always have cheap ticket days. Matinees at local theatres can be affordable - particularly if you get on the mailing list and book preview tickets. There will almost certainly be free lectures / workshops at the nearest university. I’m not sure staying at home staring at piles of unworn clothes is good for you - why not invent some reasons to go out?

Can you wear good quality, thick black leggings, a nice shirt (denim is good) and ballet pumps, for a bit of a French inspired look?

This could transition you towards other outfits.

Following a five stone weight loss, which followed a ten stone weight gain, I have had to re-evaluate how I dress, plus I work from home now, and my partner is autistic so I go out much less than I did before. Life is different and so is my body shape. It's not to everyone's taste but I have started following Trinny and have come up with some quirky outfits that have been getting complements and make me feel confident.

I'm not tall so I don't know if this will work for you but I like Hollister Livvy trousers and Uniqlo drawstring waist ones for work. I get mine on VINTED as my size is changing monthly. As they are loose I wear a fitted t-shirt with shoulder pads to balance my top, mine are boohoo in the sale. But Zara do good ones. I then stick on a hoody or long cardigan if I need to leave the house.

As I said I'm not tall so I have a pair of Stella McCartney lace ups (£30 from Vinted) to wear with my long wide leg jeans and a pair of white flatform trainers to wear with the trousers mentioned. I have two jumper dresses I wear with opaques and flat knee boots , Stuart Weitzsman from Brand Alley and I've just bought two shirt dresses from Vinted which I will wear as a jacket over my jeans until it's warm enough to wear them on their own. For summer I have some pretty ballerina flats, and some white dm sandals. Plus some £1 foam shoes I bought on holiday last year probably Temu or some such crap but really comfortable for plodding round the garden. Coat wise I have two teddy bear coats one black one camel from Oxfam on eBay and a superdry green bomber jacket. Also some green Ganni ankle boots bought in the sale for £60

I'm 55 five foot 4 and have gone from a 22 to a 12/14 over the last two years so have had to make a lot of changes. It sounds like you have loads of stuff to try on and play with. One thing Trinny says that I like is that everything in her wardrobe has to be able to be worn in ten outfits or she returns it, I think that's a great idea.

I am possibly Neurodiverse and waiting for assessment.
I have never gone anywhere alone for entertainment so doing any of that alone is alien to me. Over the years I have lost friends so now have no one to go out with. Also have caring responsibilities for my adult dc.

Thanks for the detailed insight into your wardrobe. You certainly seem to have adjusted your wardrobe easily. Love the Trinny idea.

That sort of outfit sounds doable although what sort of coat would you advise wearing with it ?

I definitely think clothing anxiety is a thing.
I look shit in everything but I feel Ok if I stick 95% to the one colour Which is my comfort zone and keep it casual.
Sorry I've got no advice. I'm ok like this: I don't want to change. I just wanted to answer your question to say clothing anxiety is a thing.
I feel anxious if I wear other colours. I feel anxious in any pattern. I just want to go back home and change.

Would Long Tall Sally be any good for really long trousers?

https://www.longtallsally.com/

I used to go there before the regular shops started making trousers for taller women. I you are very tall then you might be best there.

They do really lovely wool coats which I like very much.

They go up to a 38" inside leg in trousers.

https://www.longtallsally.com/tall-size-chart/trousers-leggings

Slightly older than you OP, and I have noticed that people even a lot younger than us just don't "dress up" much anymore . Well not like we did back in the day say for a night out!

I am NOT a dress person but I have three, one for weddings (rare now all have hitched!), one for funerals, and a summery one for family gatherings. For other more casual gatherings or going to dinner etc. TBH it's a pair of well tailored black or charcoal grey trousers and a nice top. Mix and match em.

For everyday it's (wait for it...) elastic waist or drawstring casual wide leg trousers for Winter in black, navy and grey, and lighter cooler ones in brighter colours for summer.

Footwear is trainers every day, and flats or low heeled ankle boots for venturing past my gate to somewhere other than the shops lol.

Coats are functional such as padded jackets, long cardigans in Summer and a rainjacket with hood. If going out somewhere I have one three quarter length dark grey overjacket and that gets me from door to door.

Comfort, no ragged stuff, good shoes, tidy hair and off you go. Believe me no one is looking at us, they are too busy looking at themselves!

At least I’m not alone then with the anxiety.

I am a 34/36 inside leg
Yes I have a couple of pairs of LTS that I got from Next.

It’s knowing what style of top to add with the trousers eg. Wide leg joggers / trousers with what top?

Can you post a couple photos of outfits you like? If I were you, I'd start by trying to put one together and go from there.

As someone just barely scraping 5'4" I'm very envious of being tall enough to pull things off in flats!

Light loose jumpers,
Long sleeve warm fabric T shirt (men's department good for these!) I have long arms lol.
Casual shirt over a T shirt.

If you feel the cold like me, you could put a camisole/vest underneath.

A sleeveless padded gilet is what I use a lot over the above. Again, the men's department is great for these, long length, big side pockets and an inside pocket. Very country hacking style lol. And so practical.